


Passage of Hesitance

by A Sirius Crush On Moony (Obsession137)



Series: Forsaken Desires [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, M/M, Sibling Incest, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-03
Updated: 2014-10-03
Packaged: 2018-02-19 18:32:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 40
Words: 89,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2398571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Obsession137/pseuds/A%20Sirius%20Crush%20On%20Moony
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Regulus and Sirius have finally got their happy ending, will Regulus be able to call of the wedding?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Caught

' _Dear Sirius,_

_I miss you so badly! I wish tomorrow could just come sooner, because I swear I've been dreaming about you non-stop every single night of the holidays, and let's just say, they've been exciting dreams... I can't wait to play them out in reality..._

_Mum's doing my head in. She keeps going on about you being a blood-traitor and besmirching the name of the family. To be honest, who really cares about our family anyway?_

_I promise that when I see you tomorrow, I'm going to do lots of things to you that you won't be able to forget about too quickly... oh yes, they'll be_ very _exciting!_

_Well I just wanted to tell you how badly I miss you and how much I can't wait to see you tomorrrow._

_Lots of love,_

_Reg_

_xxx'_

Sirius grinned goofily at the parchment, re-reading it again and again. Every time he recieved a letter from Regulus, he felt his heart lift and a smile always made its way to his face.

It was the last day of the summer holidays, and it had seemed to go by so slowly for Sirius. James' family had been wonderful to him, treating him like they would treat James – shouting at him if he did something bad, looking after him when he was ill, giving him chores. It was as though they were his real family, and it made him happy. However, no amount of happiness could ever mimic the happiness he felt when he was with Regulus, and he desperately wanted to see him again.

It had been exactly a year to this day that they had first kissed, and Sirius couldn't stop thinking about that. They'd been together for a very long time now, yet it had seemed like it was just yesterday that they'd first kissed.

Sirius had spent a lot of the summer thinking about their predicament. Regulus had managed to push his wedding back to December with the excuse that he wanted a 'Christmas Wedding', and it disappointed Sirius that his brother hadn't managed to pluck up the courage to refuse. He wasn't sure how they were going to stop the wedding, but Sirius knew that they would figure it out – after all, wasn't that what they realised a few months ago? They'd seen their future in the pool, showing them together, and Regulus wasn't wearing a wedding ring.

Sirius glanced over at James, who was snoring in his bed, and quietly tip-toed over to his trunk, grabbing his quill. He made his way back to the desk and began writing.

' _Reg,_

 _You're turning me on already and you haven't even gone into details about what you want to do to me... it_ must _be exciting..._

_C'mon, mum does everyone's head in so I never expected any different. She's complaining about me? What a surprise! I hope you're not acting up to it... we don't want her to get suspicious._

_I'm missing you so much too. It's great here – a hundred times better than Grimmauld Place – but I sort of wish I was there so I could be with you._

_Just think though, Reg. This time tomorrow we'll be together again! Then I can find out what fun activities you have in mind for me... wink wink._

_Well, I'd better get to sleep if I ever want to make it to the station in the morning. I'll see you on the Hogwarts Express._

_I love you so much, baby. See you tomorrow,_

_Sirius_

_Xxx'_

He re-read the letter a few times and then quietly made his way to the window, attaching it to the owl perched on the windowsill. The owl gave a low hoot and flew off into the night sky, leaving Sirius staring after it, yawning.

He rubbed his eyes tiredly and made his way to his bed, where he slid under the covers and closed his eyes.

Almost immediately, he could see Regulus, and he knew he was asleep.

* * *

"Sirius, wake up!"

"Mmhmmm."

"Sirius, we overslept!" James' voice was a little panicked, but Sirius couldn't bring himself to open his eyes. " _SIRIUS_!"

He opened his eyes when James shoved him out of the bed and he fell to the floor with a thump. Angrily, he stood up.

"What was that for?"

"We have to be at Nine and Three-Quarters in fifteen minutes!" James said, frantically packing his trunk.

"Oh shit," Sirius said, instantly beginning to pack his own things. He shoved everything into his trunk, whether it be his own belongings or James' – they shared a dorm anyway, so it didn't really matter. In five minutes, the boys were standing with their trunks full.

"I'm going for a quick shower," Sirius said, rushing to the bathroom. It had been the quickest shower in his life. There were other ways to get to Hogwarts if they were late, of course, but Sirius had told Regulus he'd see him on the train.

Regulus... he was finally going to see him again today. Sirius' heart rate picked up at the thought and another grin made its way to his face.

" _SIRIUS, JAMES_!" called Mrs. Potter. "Get downstairs this instant! You'll miss the train!"

Sirius rushed out of the shower and grabbed his trunk, hauling it downstairs and meeting Mrs. Potter in the living room, looking annoyed.

"You boys," she said, shaking her head. "Ok, well you'd better get going. Don't forget to write!"

"We won't," James said, giving his mother a quick hug. They made to grab the floo powder, but Sirius was stopped when Mrs. Potter pulled him in for a hug.

It was something he hadn't expected, and he felt his heart well up with affection for her as she hugged him.

"Thanks for having me," Sirius said, as she let him go. She waved it off and rolled her eyes.

"Please," she said. "You're like a second son. You're always welcome. Ok boys, be good! I don't want any reports that you've pulled any illustrious pranks this year!"

"Yeah yeah," James said, grabbing a handful of floo powder, and handing some to Sirius. "Bye, mum," he said, giving her a smile.

"Bye, boys," she said, waving them goodbye as they stepped in one by one.

"Platform Nine and Three-Quarters!"

* * *

The platform was busier than ever and they had to push through the crowds of people to find the door to the train. The pulled their trunks onto the train with difficulty, and left them with the rest of the luggage.

"Hopefully Remus and Peter have got us a compartment," James muttered as they made their way through the carriage.

They peered inside each one as they went past, until finally they found Peter sitting alone in one, eating a chocolate bar. He grinned at them when he saw them, and gestured them to come in.

"Hey, mate," Sirius said, dropping down onto the seat. "How's your summer been?"

"Oh, it's been alright," he said, turning slightly pink. James and Sirius exchanged glances and then Sirius raised his eyebrows.

"Why are you blushing?" he asked, and laughed when Peter turned an even brighter pink.

"I.. er... well, I saw a lot of Mary during the holidays," he mumbled, now resembling the colour of a tomato. James grinned.

"Oooh, Wormtail's got himself a girlfriend," he said in a sing-song voice. Peter didn't answer him, but continued changing colour, so James decided to change the subject. "So, where's Remus?"

"I think he's doing prefect duties," Peter said, glad of the change of subject. "So how was you guys' holidays?"

"Fun," Sirius said, grinning. "You should have  _seen_  the mess we created in James' house!"

"Oh yeah," James said. "My parents weren't happy at all, but it was hilarious. We also came up with a list..."

"Oh, the list!" Sirius said, rubbing his hands together excitedly. "New ideas to annoy Snivellus."

"Excellent!" Peter said, sitting up suddenly. "Can I see it?"

"It's in my trunk... but the first one will take place tonight," James said, winking.

They sat for a while in silence, while Peter ate his chocolate and the others watched as the scenery flew past them through the window. The silence broke as the compartment door slammed open and Remus appeared, looking flushed.

"Hi," he said, grinning at them as he stood in the doorway. He seemed to be whispering something to someone, and then he reached out, grabbing a boy and pulling him into view.

Sirius recognised him. He was in their year, and a Ravenclaw, but he couldn't put a name to the boy. He had dark straight hair, that was a little like James', but more brown. He was a little taller than Remus, and he had dark blue eyes and was wearing a shy smile.

"This is Will Parker," Remus said happily. "He's my boyfriend."

"Hi," Will said quietly, smiling at them.

* * *

Will stayed in their compartment for a while before he finally stood up and stated that he wanted to spend some time with his friends, and bid them goodbye.

Sirius was glad when he was gone. He didn't know why, but as soon as Remus had told them that Will was his boyfriend, he'd felt a wave of protectiveness wash over him, and he realised that he didn't like the boy. At all.

"So," Remus said, as the compartment door slid shut. "What do you think?"

"He seems like a great guy," James said. "I can tell that he really likes you."

At this, Remus beamed. "Sirius?"

"Oh," Sirius said, looking at him. "Well, yeah. He seems ok."

"He is," Remus said, smiling. "And what about you? Still with Regulus?"

"Yeah, I am," Sirius said, suddenly remembering that Regulus was in the train, maybe just a few compartments away, and he hadn't even spoken to him yet. "In fact," he stated. "I'm just going to see him now. I'll be back soon."

Sirius made his way down the train, keeping his eyes peeled as he walked past each compartment. He passed one, and then turned back and knocked on the door.

"Umm, can I speak to you for a moment?" he asked the boy sitting in the corner, who looked up at him and smiled. Will left his compartment and walked a little further down the train to talk to Sirius.

"Look," Sirius said. "I just want to tell you... Remus is very special..."

Will smiled and nodded. "Yeah, he is."

" _Please_  don't hurt him. He's been through a lot, and I can't stand to see him hurt."

Will's eyes widened and he shook his head instantly. "I would never."

" _Don't_  cheat on him," Sirius said. "I don't think he could handle that again."

"Again?" Will asked, looking alarmed. Sirius sighed.

"I was his boyfriend. I... well, I cheated on him and it was horrible. I broke his heart and he doesn't deserve to go through that again."

"I promise I would never cheat on him," Will said seriously. "I really like him."

Sirius nodded. "Well," he said, looking down. "You're a very lucky person. And it seems that you're good for him. If he's happy, I'm happy."

Will looked as though he wasn't sure what to say, so Sirius spoke. "Ok, well I'll be going now. Speak to you later, Will."

"Ok, bye," Will said, smiling and heading back into his compartment.

 _Idiot_ , Sirius thought nastily as he walked off. He wasn't even sure why. He had no reason not to like Will, but for some reason, he didn't like him.

He sighed and headed further down the train, until finally he spotted who he was looking for and wow, Regulus looked a hundred times more perfect than he could remember.

He stared into the compartment at his brother, unable to function. They hadn't seen each other for months, and it was amazing that he was sitting right  _there_. In touching distance.

Regulus looked up and spotted him, flushing and grinning.

Sirius knocked on the door and scowled at Regulus. "I have to talk to you," he said coldly, and Regulus rose to his feet. Narcissa threw her hand in the way and glared at Sirius.

"He doesn't  _have_ to talk to you," she drawled, but Regulus shook his head.

"No, don't worry. It's fine," he said, pushing her hand away and meeting Sirius in the corridor. They walked silently to the end of the train where the bathroom was, and Sirius shut the door behind them.

Immediately, he was being pushed up against the wall, Regulus shoving his tongue into his mouth and it was like never before. The urge to rip Regulus' clothes off was rising up inside him as he kissed back with force, running his hands through his brother's hair and hearing him moan quietly.

"God," Regulus said as they broke apart for air. "I missed you."

"Mmm... missed you too... so much," Sirius replied, caressing Regulus' face. "Did you get my letter?"

"Yeah," Regulus said, leaning up and kissing Sirius on the lips. "But I was in a rush this morning so I didn't bother replying. I knew I'd see you today anyway."

"I love you," Sirius said, shoving his tongue back into Regulus' mouth and pulling him close.

"WHAT IS  _THIS_?" screamed a horrified female voice, breaking them apart.

 _Fuck_ , Sirius thought as he looked into the shocked eyes of his older cousin, Narcissa. He glanced at Regulus, who had tears in his eyes.

"Please... I... it's n-not what it l-l-looks like!" Regulus said frantically, and Narcissa took a step back.

"Oh, no! What else could it be? You were SNOGGING YOUR FUCKING BLOOD-TRAITOR  _BROTHER_! WHAT WAS IT THEN?"

"I-" Regulus shook his head, unable to come up with anything. Sirius saw the desperate look in his eyes as he silently asked Sirius to make something up, but nothing came to mind. There simply _was_  no other explanation for it.

"YOU'RE WRONG! YOU'RE SO SICK AND TWISTED AND WRONG!" Narcissa shouted. "JUST YOU WAIT TILL I TELL YOUR PARENTS ABOUT THIS!"

"NO!" Regulus yelled, clinging to her shirt. "Please don't!"

She shoved him back, looking disgusted and walked out of the room, slamming the door shut behind her.

Sirius and Regulus stood in complete silence for a second until Regulus turned around to face Sirius, tears falling freely from his eyes.

"What are we going to do, Sirius? I can't... how can I... what if she... oh Merlin,  _fuck_!"

"It'll be ok," Sirius said, pulling him in for a hug, and he felt Regulus shake his head.

"No," he sobbed. "It won't be. She's going to tell everyone! How can I go back? Everyone will know!"

"Reg," Sirius said calmly. "It'll be fine."

"HOW CAN YOU BE SO RELAXED ABOUT THIS?" Regulus shouted, pulling away from him. "I'M FUCKING TERRIFIED!"

"Because there's nothing we can do about it," Sirius said, grabbing Regulus and pulling him back into a hug. "She's seen it. There's nothing we can do. We'll just have to see what happens."

Regulus sagged against him and spoke quietly. "I can't go back into my compartment now."

"Come into mine, then," said Sirius, looking him in the eyes. "My friends won't mind."

"A-a-are you sure?" Regulus asked, wiping the tears from his eyes. Sirius smiled and kissed him lightly on the forehead.

"Of course."

* * *

"Guys," Sirius said anxiously as he opened his compartment door. "Is it alright if Reg sits with us for the rest of the journey? Something happened..."

James peered out at Regulus who was hiding behind Sirius, and raised his eyebrows. "What happened?"

"Well, our cousin, Narcissa, spotted us kissing," Sirius said. "And it's not fair for Reg to have to sit with them. She's probably told everyone about it..."

"Of course you can sit with us," Remus said quickly, moving up so that there was enough room for them to sit there. Sirius looked at him in confusion – he was sure that Remus wouldn't particularly like Regulus after what had happened last year – but nevertheless grabbed Regulus' hand and pulled him into the compartment, sitting down on the seat.

"I'm sorry about what happened," James said to them. He then turned to Regulus. "I'm James, by the way. You probably already know that, but I wanted to introduce myself. It's nice to meet you, Regulus."

Regulus gave a small whimper from beside Sirius and nodded. "Nice to meet you, too."

"I'm Remus... but you probably know that too," Remus said, smiling at him. Regulus gave a small smile back.

"And that's Peter," said Sirius, pointing to the sleeping boy in the corner. "Yeah, he sleeps a lot."

They sat in silence for a while as Regulus rested his head on Sirius' shoulder. A couple of times, Sirius tried to start a conversation, but nobody really felt comfortable. Finally, Remus stood up.

"Well, I'm just going to find Will," he said, smiling and heading out of the compartment.

The awkward silence returned, and James obviously sensed it, so started talking. "So," he said. "Narcissa? The blonde one, right?"

"Yeah," Sirius said.

"I thought she was ok?"

"No," Sirius snorted. "Not at all. Yeah, maybe she's ok in comparison to Bellatrix, but she still hates me."

"Oh."

The silence returned and James stood up. "I'm going to find Evans," he said, leaving.

Sirius shook his head and raised his eyebrows at Regulus. "You're shy," he said, laughing a little.

"No I'm not," Regulus said, sighing and sitting up. "I just don't know what to say to them, and they don't know what to say to me. We have nothing in common."

"That's true," Sirius said, leaning down to kiss Regulus on the cheek. "Ah look, I can see Hogwarts."

"Great," said Regulus, and Sirius could tell by the sarcasm in his voice that he was dreading having to face Narcissa and the other Slytherins.

"Keep your head up," Sirius whispered. "It'll all be ok, I promise."

* * *

Sirius was feeling a little less sure about his promise when he didn't see Regulus at the Slytherin table at dinner. He seriously hoped that Regulus had got too scared to turn up – after all, no Slytherins were sending him dirty looks, so maybe Narcissa hadn't told anyone.

"Three, two, one," James mumbled beside him, and he instantly cast his eyes over Severus Snape, who took a sip from his goblet and then threw it away.

Sirius nearly spat his food out immediately as he watched Snape's nose get bigger, bigger, bigger...

Laughter started filling the room as people started to notice Snape's nose, but the loudest laughter was from James and Sirius.

Snape was panicking, and stood up quickly, whacking the person next to him with his nose and knocking her off the bench.

Sirius fell of his chair. He hadn't laughed that much in a long time. He glanced at Remus who was sitting next to him, and shrugged.

"I can't believe you two," Remus said, rolling his eyes.

"What?" Sirius said innocently. "We just couldn't help ourselves."

* * *

As they entered the common room that night, Sirius felt like heading straight to bed. It had been such a long day, and he just wanted to fall asleep and forget everything that had happened... well, except for the prank.

Just as he was about to head up the stairs, he heard someone's voice, but it was what she was saying that made him stop in his tracks.

"James?"

Lily Evans  _never_  called James by his first name, so instantly, the entire common room bar the first years turned to look in interest.

"Are you talking to me?" James asked incredulously. Lily rolled her eyes.

"Yes. Are there any other James' in this room?" she asked.

"Oh," James said. "So... er, what did you want?"

She closed her eyes and stepped forward. "Well, I've been doing a lot of thinking over the summer," she said slowly. "And, well... I was just wondering if maybe you'd like to... you know, be my boyfriend?"

James' mouth fell open in shock, as did everyone else's in the room.

"Well?" she asked. "I was looking for a better reaction..."

"Oh," James said, breaking out of his shock. "YES! YES YES YES YES YES YES YES! OH MY GOD! FUCK, I'M DATING LILY EVANS! WOOOOOOHOOOO!"

Lily laughed, and ruffled James hair, while the entire common room erupted in cheers. Everybody had watched his relentless attempts to get with Lily for years, so they were naturally rooting for them to get together.

"Congrats, mate," Sirius muttered to James. "I'm going to bed though, yeah? Night."

"Night!" James said, obviously not planning on heading upstairs any time soon.

Sirius made his way up the stairs, feeling truly happy for James. He'd honestly never thought James stood a chance with Lily, and he was so glad that she'd given him a chance.

As he made his way into bed, he realised something. None of them were single anymore. James had Lily, Remus had Will, Peter had Mary, and he had Regulus. As much as he was glad, he felt something strange rise up inside him, and he hoped that it wouldn't affect their relationships with each other – what if they never got the chance to spend time with each other anymore?

He decided not to think too much on it, so closed his eyes and allowed himself to be engulfed by sleep, dreading tomorrow.


	2. Broadcast

Sirius woke up the next day to find the dormitory empty. He yawned and sat up, peering around the room. It seemed that although they had only been back one night, they had succeeded in making the floor invisible under all of their mess. The only clean area of the room was around Remus' bed. Sirius rolled his eyes and headed to the bathroom.

He stepped into the shower and closed his eyes as the hot water ran down his body, soaking into his skin soothingly. The water was so relaxing, it almost made him forget what was coming later. As he turned off the shower, the dread seemed to rush straight into him and knock him over. Narcissa had  _seen_  them kissing. She'd  _seen_  it, and Sirius knew her well - she wouldn't be afraid to blurt out to anyone who would listen, what she saw.

Trying not to dwell on those thoughts, he got dressed and headed downstairs to the Great Hall, which was alive with cheerful chatter. He sat down next to James and opposite Peter, taking a swig of pumpkin juice. It wasn't until he'd eaten his first peice of toast that he noticed neither James nor Peter were listening to him. He looked at James who was whispering something into Lily's ear. He then turned to Peter who was having an animated conversation with Mary. He sighed. Remus was nowhere to be seen, so he hurried to finish his toast and make his way to his first lesson, which was...

 _Ah, crap_ , he thought miserably.  _I have to wait to get my timetable_. Sitting in between two happy normal couples was plain annoying for Sirius. Why couldn't his relationship be as easy as that? Mind you, it  _did_  take James years to get with Lily, and this  _was_  Peter's first girlfriend, but still... everything had to always be so complicated for Sirius.

Finally, after what seemed like ages, Professor McGonagall came with the timetables in her hands. Remus suddenly appeared and slid in next to Peter, slightly out of breath.

"Where have  _you_  been?" Sirius questioned suspiciously, but mainly just because finally someone was sitting with him, who wasn't engrossed in a conversation with their significant other. Remus took a quick drink and shrugged.

"Just been in the library," he said, taking the timetable that Professor McGonagall handed to him.

"The library? At this time in the morning?" Sirius asked. Remus nodded, his cheeks turning pink. That was when Sirius realised.

"You were with your boyfriend," he stated. Remus' cheeks turned even pinker and he nodded again. "So he's a library boy, huh?"

"Yeah. Is that a problem?" Remus asked, suddenly looking worried.

"No, course not. It's what I expected anyway. Why else would you be with a Ravenclaw you've never really spoken to? You probably stare at each other all the time in the library."

Remus flushed and chose not to speak, focusing on his timetable. "Arithmancy first," he said, standing up again. "I'll see you later, Sirius."

"Bye," Sirius said. For some reason, he felt like hitting someone and he didn't know who. He was getting angrier and angrier by the second, and one of the most frustrating things about it was that he didn't know  _why_  he felt this way. He decided to take his mind off his anger by reading his timetable. Muggle Studies, then Charms, then lunch. After lunch he had Potions and Defence Against the Dark Arts.

He stood up and made his way towards his classroom for Muggle Studies. He was glad to get there early - it gave him time to think. He leaned back against the wall, letting his bag fall to the floor. What was he going to do about Narcissa?

As if on cue, he caught sight of her blonde hair at the end of the corridor. He pressed back against the wall trying to hide, but she'd already seen him. He groaned and braced himself as she came face-to-face with him.

"Can I help you?" He asked in an irritated voice. She raised her eyebrows.

"No darling. You're the one who needs help," she drawled. "Mental help. You're mad."

"Why don't you keep your nose out of other people's business?" Sirius spat.

"I'd have been glad to if I hadn't walked in on that disgusting show in the bathroom. Ok, I can understand if you have those disturbing fantasies because you're abnormal anyway, but forcing it on Reg, too? How could you do that?"

" _Force_  it on him?" Sirius said angrily. "Who said I was forcing it on him?"

"He told me last night. It's sick! Think about someone else other than yourself for once. Maybe think about the idea that he is  _normal_. You know what that is, blood-traitor? Someone who stays true to their family, someone who falls for someone of the  _opposite_  gender. Definitely not anyone who thinks of their own  _brother_  in that way!"

"I'm not forcing him into anything! He kissed me in the first place! It was  _him_  who started it!" Sirius shouted, anger bubbling inside him, and not just at Narcissa, but at Regulus. How  _dare_  he lie about it? How  _dare_  he make out that Sirius was forcing him into being in a relationship?

"You're a liar!" Narcissa spat, shoving him back against the wall. He was so angry, the only thing he could do was laugh.

"Stop pretending to be Bellatrix!" Sirius yelled at her, and she stepped back, her nostrils flaring. He had obviously hit a nerve there. He decided to carry on. "Jealous, are you? That people are scared of her? That people look up to her? That she gets more attention than you? Jealous?"

She lunged at him, knocking him to the floor. His head collided hard with the ground and he felt the back of his head split open. He kicked her hard in the shins and took his wand out, pointing it directly at her. She looked angrier than he had ever seen her. She obviously  _was_  jealous of her older sister.

His head was in so much pain, and he nearly fainted when he noticed the pool of blood on the floor where he'd been lying. He ran towards her, pushing her against the wall and holding her there by her neck. She was struggling to breathe, and Sirius really couldn't care less. He was so angry at everything and fortunately, Narcissa was there to take it all out on. He didn't even care if he killed her...

He was vaguely aware of her strained pleas to stop, but he wasn't listening. He was pulled back suddenly, and he fell to the floor, the room seeming to come in and out of focus. He could see Narcissa fall to the ground opposite him, clasping her neck in pain and he could hear her breathing heavily.

Lily was crouched in front of her speaking hurriedly. "Are you ok? Speak to me? Can you understand?"

"Of course... I can... understand... you... you filthy... mudblood... leave... me alone!" She struggled to say, and breaking into a coughing fit seconds afterwards. Sirius could see she was coughing up blood and smiled to himself in satisfaction. He then saw Lily come towards him, and she looked worried.

"You need to go to the hospital wing, Black," she said, placing her hand on his forehead. She stood up. "I'm getting help. I promise I'll be back in a minute."

* * *

When Sirius opened his eyes, he was staring at the familiar ceiling of the hospital wing. He groaned inwardly. Why was it that he always ended up in here one way or the other?

"Hey Sirius?" said someone. Sirius couldn't tell who it was, everything sounded muffled and strange. He tried to sit up and he was shoved back down. He saw Madame Pomfrey above him looking worried.

"Don't try and sit up for a while, Mr. Black. That head injury will just get worse if you do."

"Fine," he said.

"Sirius, are you alright?" said the voice again, and Sirius could now tell that it was James.

"I'm fine," he lied. "How long have I been here?"

"Only a couple of hours," James said. "Lucky Lily found you."

"Yeah."

James didn't say anything, but Sirius could hear another, female voice coming from the bed opposite him.

"Yes, I'm fine, I suppose," she said. "No, it was just my blood-traitor cousin that did it to me."

 _Great_ , Sirius thought.  _Narcissa's in here too_.

"Why did he do it to you, honey?" Lucius asked her in concern. Sirius rolled his eyes.

"I went to have a go at him, because he's sick and twisted and I caught him snogging his own brother on the train yesterday and..."

Sirius tuned out of the rest. She was telling people! His heart seemed to have stopped and he closed his eyes. He knew it now - he absolutely, without a doubt,  _hated_  her.

He snapped his eyes open and sat up abruptly in his bed. "You  _bitch_!" he shouted at her, sticking his middle finger up. Lucius Malfoy stood up and stormed up to Sirius' bed angrily.

"Don't talk to my girlfriend like that, you dirty incestuous fag!" he shouted, reaching for his wand, but not before Madame Pomfrey stepped in front of him.

"Get out of here,  _now_!" she yelled at him furiously. "How  _dare_  you say such foul things in my hospital wing, how  _dare_  you express such disgusting behaviour!"

Lucius marched out of the hospital wing angrily, glaring back over his shoulder at Sirius, who glared right back.

"And  _you_ , Mr. Black! I  _told_  you not to sit up! Lie back down this instant!"

"Why did you do that?" James hissed, after Sirius was lying down again.

"She just  _told_ that slimebag about me and Reg, that's why!"

"She's already told about six people, Sirius!" James said. "There's nothing you can do about it now. I'm sorry."

Sirius gritted his teeth. "Can you leave, please? I don't really want company right now."

James sighed and stood up. "Fine. I'll see you later then. Goodbye."

"Yeah yeah."

Sirius found himself counting off the days until the Christmas holidays. This term was surely going to be his worst, and it had barely even started yet.

* * *

After Sirius had finally been let out of the hospital wing, he headed straight down to the Slytherin common room immediately, ignoring the stares from various students. He was pretty sure they all knew about him and Regulus now, but he didn't want to stick around to confirm it.

When he reached there, he knocked on the door hard, almost breaking his knuckles as they collided with the stone. "LET ME IN GODDAMNIT!"

"Sirius?"

He swerved round quicker than he ever thought possible, to see Regulus standing in the corner where they had shared their second kiss. He had tear-stained eyes a peice of parchment in his hands.

Sirius marched straight up to Regulus until he was standing, towering over him. "YOU! How  _could_  you!"

"H-how could I what... huh?" Regulus spluttered, his eyes filling with tears again.

"You told Narcissa I was forcing you to be with me!" Sirius shouted angrily.

"I'm s-so sorry, Sirius. She s-s-said she w-was going to t-t-tell everyone. I had to say someth-thing."

"Well everyone knows now, anyway," Sirius muttered.

"I know," Regulus said. "Even mum and dad."

" _What_?"

"They wrote me a letter. Here," he said, holding out the letter in his shaking hands. Sirius grabbed it and read through it.

_'Regulus,_

_We have, of course, heard about your digusting relationship with that blood-traitor. I cannot express how angry and disappointed I am at you, not forgetting how repulsed I am. This relationship is an abomination on everything our family has tried to build up over the centuries. How could you, of all people, do this?_

_We are not forgetting that Sirius is an abomination on his own, which is why we were slightly relieved when your dear cousin Narcissa informed us that you were not with him by choice, but the blood-traitor was forcing you into it. That is something we can deal with._

_Your wedding with Lisa Parkinson has therefore been moved forward to 10th September, and your teachers will allow you both time out of school for the occasion. While we don't have to power to stop him from forcing you into a revolting relationship with him, we are making sure it has to stop._

_You shall be married by next week, and all shall be forgotten. I have informed your fiance of the change of date, and the details of the wedding are enclosed in this letter as well._

_I hope you understand why we are so very disappointed, but we are glad we can put a stop to it._

_From your Mother and Father.'_


	3. Losing The One You Love

Sirius was sure this had been the worst day in his life as he trudged slowly back up to the Gryffindor common room, kicking anything and everything that got in his way. He hated his family - he hated his parents for forcing Regulus to get married, he hated Regulus for lying about their relationship, he hated Bellatrix because... well, she was Bellatrix, he hated Narcissa because she had told everyone about his relationship, and he  _hated_  Andromeda for leaving him with these people.

As he stepped through the portrait hole, he felt as if he was the only person in the world. Nobody could understand what he was going through - no one. There was James, sitting there happily in front of the fire with Lily. There was Peter and Mary playing exploding snap in the corner. There was everyone having the times of their lives, and there was Sirius. Dying inside.

He managed to walk straight through the common room unnoticed by everyone else, and up into the dormitory, where he shut the door and collapsed onto the floor, letting everything out. He felt like he'd needed to cry for a long time, and strangely it felt a bit better now that he was crying.

"Sirius?"

Sirius hastily wiped his tears away and sat up straight. "Remus?"

Remus peered out from behind his bed. He had a book in one hand and a quill in the other. "Are you alright there?"

"No."

"What's wrong?" Remus asked, stepping carefully over the mess in the bedroom to get to where Sirius was sitting. He bit his lip and dropped down next to Sirius.

"Everything," choked Sirius quietly. "My life is so messed up."

Remus sighed and put his arm around Sirius comfortingly, and Sirius leaned into the hug. He carried on crying into Remus' shoulder without embarrassment - Remus was someone you could trust not to laugh at something like this. He knew what it was like to feel pain.  _Pain that you caused_ , Sirius reminded himself miserably.

"So come on. It sounds to me like you've been waiting for that for a long time. What's happened, Padfoot?" Remus asked. Sirius wiped his eyes again and nodded.

"The train," he sniffed. "When Narcissa saw me and Reg kissing. I knew that wasn't going to end well, and Reg's wedding coming up in December! Well, you know what happened today. Me and Narcissa got into a huge fight and now she's told everyone about us, including my parents and they're making Reg marry his fiance  _NEXT WEEK_!" Sirius said. "And Reg lied about our relationship - telling people I  _forced_  him into going out with me!"

Remus' face changed from shocked, to sympathetic through Sirius' short speech. "Just to let you know, I didn't know she'd told anyone, so I bet there aren't that many people who know. What Regulus said was terrible, you have the right to be angry with him, and the wedding... well I really don't know what to say, Sirius. I don't know if there's much you can do about that."

"There's got to be  _something_!" Sirius said desperately. "I can't let my boyfriend get married to someone else! How... what... what would you do if your boyfriend was getting married?"

"I don't know, Sirius. Really, I'd have to be in that situation to think clearly about how I would act in it. Look, I think... and please don't get mad or anything... maybe you should just move on. Sirius, please don't look at me like that... it's just my opinion."

"But-"

"- You're his brother! You should have never got together in the first place. I know that, and I  _know_  you know that somewhere deep inside. That's why you were so scared for people to find out."

"What, so you just expect me to be able to  _move on_? I can't do that!" Sirius said, now shouting, with new tears in his eyes. Remus smiled sadly.

"It's up to you, but I know how much it'll hurt you if you watch him marrying someone else. You'd be better to move on," he said, standing up.

Sirius stayed on the floor. He couldn't break up with Regulus. Never.

* * *

The first week of school seemed to drag on forever and it also seemed as though someone had stood on top of the world and yelled that Sirius and Regulus were together, because  _everybody_ knew. The worst part was, they didn't even try to pretend the didn't know. Some of the things people would shout out in the corridors made Sirius so angry, he ended up losing nearly every house point Gryffindor had earned, and he was almost constantly in the hospital wing.

Regulus was fine. He had his strong Slytherin guard around him at all times, so nobody could say anything without being hexed. Sirius loathed that. How was it fair that Sirius got all the nasty comments, when Regulus was the one who kissed him to begin with.

It was late, and Sirius was sitting alone in the astronomy tower, lost in his thoughts. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard footsteps behind him and turned to see Regulus standing there staring at him.

"Oh, it's you," Sirius said, turning back to look out at the view from the astronomy tower. He heard Regulus sigh, and then felt two arms wrap around him. Sirius pushed Regulus away and walked to the other side of the room, anger rising up in him with every second.

"Sirius, I-"

"HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU HAVE TO ASK ME TO FORGIVE YOU?" Sirius bellowed. "You always seem to mess things up and do you know why? I'll tell you. Because you're a fucking coward, that's why!"

"Please!" Regulus said. "Listen to me!"

"No! Why should I? So I can hear another lame excuse? So I can say 'It's fine! Let's stay together, even though you  _keep_  betraying me!'?"

"I d-didn't mean to," Regulus sobbed, grabbing Sirius and pulling him in for a desperate kiss. Sirius shoved him back.

"I don't  _want_  to kiss you! I don't  _want_  you up here! I was up here to be  _alone_! Don't you know? I'm used to having to deal with things alone now, since you abandoned me to have your loyal wall of Slytherins guiding you through the castle so you don't have to listen to the  _crap_  people are saying!"

"I'm sorry!"

"No, you're not! You're not sorry one bit! I bet you haven't even tried... not even attempted to call off that damned wedding, have you?"

Regulus' eyes were filled with tears and he remained silent, until eventually he gave a small whimper and shook his head.

"Great!" Sirius shouted, his voice getting carryed off by the wind. "Well why are you up here then? Don't you have a big day tomorrow?"

"I came to tell you I'm sorry!" Regulus said. "I'm so sorry I haven't been here for you and I'm sorry I'm not as brave as you. I'm  _sorry_! What else do you expect me to do about it?"

"Call off your stupid wedding!" Sirius shouted back. " _I_  don't want to hear about you getting married to some bimbo girl! You're  _my_  boyfriend!"

"But  _they're_  my family, and I can't betray them, Sirius. Not like you did."

"It's either betray them, or betray me. You decide."

With that, Sirius stormed out of the astronomy tower and down to the Gryffindor common room, where he marched straight up to his dormitory and into bed, fully clothed. Needless to say, he didn't sleep at all.

* * *

"Come on Sirius," Remus said exhaustedely, pulling Sirius up from the table at breakfast. "We have a lesson!"

Sirius didn't even attempt to move - he let Remus pull him all the way to their Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom, and right into his seat. Their teacher, Professor Dorney entered the classroom and informed them they'd be learning more about how to do non-verbal spells today, which put Sirius in an even fouler mood.

He was sat next to James, who sensed Sirius' bad mood and decided not to talk to him straight away. Sirius had been staring at the boy in front of him for the last ten minutes with such a death-glare, people were watching in worry. Eventually, James spoke up.

"Would you stop that? If he turns around, Remus'll go mental!" James said. Sure enough, when Sirius looked, he noticed that the boy he'd been glaring at was Will Parker, Remus' boyfriend. He was chatting away to Remus, obviously oblivious to Sirius' glare.

"What? I'm just pissed off, Ok? I didn't even notice I was glaring."

"Ok then," James said. "Right, let's start, shall we?"

"Whatever."

By the end of the lesson, they had both mastered the non-verbal spells and weren't set any homework. They waited up for Remus and Peter outside the classroom.

"All your moodiness has stopped us from carrying out 'Operation Snivellus Sabotage'," James said quietly. Sirius' lips quirked for a second, but then his face went back to how it was when Remus and Will walked out of the classroom hand-in-hand.

"Is it alright if Will comes with us to the common room? It's just, I want to spend time with you guys, but I never get to spend any time with him," Remus asked hopefully. Will looked a little nervous, so James smiled at him.

"Sure," he said. "We'll all be with our girlfriends anyway."

Sirius shot James a furious look, and James sighed. "Sorry. I forgot."

"The fucking wedding is today!" Sirius shouted, and a few people's heads turned. " _He's_  not here.  _She's_ not here. He didn't even try to stop it from happening."

"Who are you talking about?" Will asked. Sirius gritted his teeth.

"None of your fucking business!"

"Hey, shut up Sirius," James said, shooting an apologetic glance at Will, who shrugged as if he didn't mind. Peter appeared behind them and Sirius let out a sigh of relief.

"Finally. You take your time mate, come on, let's go back to the common room."

Nobody spoke the whole way up to the common room in fear of getting snapped at by Sirius. When they finally got in there, they all headed for the sofas by the fire and sat down.

"I love your common room. Seems much warmer than ours," Will said as he looked around the room. Sirius couldn't help feeling irritated by everything Will said, and he didn't know why.

"What's yours like?" Remus asked, leaning against Will's chest.

"It's quite similar, except there are more books and tables. The colours are different too, of course."

"Sounds great," Remus laughed. "You know me and books."

"Oh yes I do..."

Sirius had to hold back the urge to punch Will in the face. He occupied himself with talking to James instead.

"So about 'Operation Snivellus Sabotage'?" he said, forcing a smile on his face. James' face lit up instantly and leaned closer to Sirius.

"Right, I was thinking about the one where his hair turns pink and he can only get rid of it by saying 'I love you' to Professor Slughorn."

"Great thinking, but you know-"

"- Who's Snivellus?" asked Will. Sirius took a deep breath, but before he could answer, Remus did.

"Oh, do you know that boy in Slytherin? Severus Snape. Yeah, they call him 'Snivellus'. I keep asking them to stop, but they won't."

"So you say you want to turn his hair pink?" Will asked James and Sirius. James nodded, and Will smiled. "How about making it so whenever anyone mentions his pink hair, he sneezes out glitter? I know this nifty little charm that you could add to make that work."

James and Sirius thought for a moment, and Sirius hated to admit that Will's idea was excellent. After a minute, he nodded stifly. "Yeah. That sounds great."

"Ooh, look! Lily's coming. I'd better go see her. Bye, guys," James said, heading off to see her. Sirius was left alone with Will and Remus, as Peter was long-gone - sitting in the corner snogging Mary.

Will kept whispering in Remus' ear, making him giggle and blush, which really irked Sirius off. He abruptly stood up and headed for the portrait hole.

"Where are you going?" Remus asked. Sirius shrugged.

"I just need some fresh air," he said, slamming the portrait back against the frame.

* * *

The rest of the day went by in the same way - Sirius spending a little bit of time with the rest of the Marauders and then escaping when he got too frustrated.

The next morning was the worst morning Sirius had ever experienced. He was so anxious about Regulus. Had he got married? Had he called it off? There would only be one way to find out.

He got ready almost robotically that morning, scared about what he would find down in the Great Hall. When he finally got there, he scanned the Slytherin table, and sure enough, Regulus was there again, sitting with Lisa.

Sirius' eyes automatically moved down to their hands, and his worst fears were confirmed. Rings on their fingers. Regulus was no longer his.


	4. Kiss

The next month passed in a whirlwind of emotion for Sirius. He was so confused about everything he was feeling, and he took it out on anyone who he could. He knew he was beginning to get on people's nerves, but he had the right to... right?

His boyfriend had got married to someone else, and not even tried to stop it from happening. Of course he had a right to feel angry, betrayed, upset. But most of all, he felt lonely. Everyone around him seemed happy and content, chatting away to their boyfriends and girlfriends, while he was sitting there in pain. It wasn't fair.

Sirius hadn't talked to Regulus since their argument on the astronomy tower, but he'd seen him chatting with Lisa Parkinson plenty of times, and he couldn't stand it. It almost felt like Regulus preferred Lisa to him.

Regulus had attempted to speak to Sirius a couple of times, but that only resulted in Sirius marching off in the opposite direction and punching the wall harder than necessary. He'd been in the hospital wing a lot.

The common room was full of people excited about the first Hogsmeade trip of the year, and Sirius trudged down the stairs to join James, Remus, Lily, Mary and Peter who were waiting for him. He really didn't want to go, but James promised they wouldn't leave him out. Sirius couldn't be bothered to argue.

"So, you ready to go?" James asked as Sirius joined them. Sirius shrugged in answer and they all left the common room, Peter and Mary holding hands while James and Lily had their arms around each other. Sirius was walking behind the couples, scowling.

"You could at least try to  _look_  a bit happier," Remus said as he walked beside Sirius. This made him scowl even more.

"Shut up," he said. Remus sighed.

"Look, I know it must be hard, but it's also hard for us, you know? You're never open to any of our opinions or advice, and you snap at us all the time. We just want the old Sirius back," he said sadly.

"I hate him," Sirius growled, kicking the wall.

"You don't," said Remus. "You're just angry, that's all. Don't say you hate him."

" _WHY NOT_?" Sirius shouted. "You told me you hated me last year and you didn't! Why should  _you_  be allowed to say things, and I'm not?"

"Sirius, please calm down," Remus pleaded. The others had turned around and were watching them in silence.

"No, I won't fucking calm down, Ok? I'm  _sorry_  I'm taking it out on you, but YOU'RE THE ONLY PEOPLE I  _CAN_  TAKE IT OUT ON!"

"Sirius..."

"No! Just leave me alone!" Sirius shouted, turning to go back, when James stepped in.

"You promised you'd come out with us today," James reminded him.

"Oh, so I can sit there while you kiss Lily and Peter kisses Mary and feel like killing myself because I can't do that with my boyfriend? That sounds like loads of fun!" Sirius said in mock cheerfulness.

"No," James said calmly. "So you can socialise again. You've been depressed for a month, mate. You need to talk to people."

"Whatever," Sirius said, following them out of the castle. When they reached the gates, Remus told them to wait a minute. He returned with Will, and they were holding hands. Sirius felt like throwing up. Couples. Everywhere.

Everytime he saw Will, he could feel the blood bubbling up inside him, and he felt like he was going to explode with anger. Almost like how he felt when he saw Lisa. At least he had a  _reason_  to hate her, though. He wasn't sure what it was with Will.

They finally reached the village of Hogsmeade, where the streets were already packed with Hogwarts students. They went into Honeydukes first, where - no surprise - Peter and Remus bought loads of chocolate. Sirius didn't feel like buying anything, so just remained outside in the cold.

Everybody was so happy. So oblivious to him, and how he felt at that moment, and the pain deepened in that moment when he saw Regulus walking round the corner holding Lisa's hand. He hadn't spotted Sirius, and as they walked, he whispered something in her ear and she laughed, turning her head and kissing him on the cheek.

His anger was suddenly over-powered by complete and utter heart-break watching them. He felt as though someone had come and ripped his entire world away from him in one swipe, leaving him broken and lost.

His eyes followed the two of them as they walked past him, and Regulus caught sight of Sirius and stopped. He whispered something to Lisa, who smiled and ran into Honeydukes, leaving Regulus staring at Sirius with an odd expression on his face.

"Why are you alone?" Regulus asked him quietly. Sirius laughed and shrugged.

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe because my boyfriend is off on a date with his new wife?"

Regulus looked down at the ground and bit his lip. "I haven't kissed her properly," he said. "And I don't want to. Everytime she kisses my cheek or holds my hand or hugs me, all I can think about is you."

"Aww isn't that sweet?" Sirius said with a huge false smile on his face. "Your bimbo wife reminds you of me. What a lovely compliment!"

"Sirius, please," Regulus said quickly. "I didn't mean it like that. I just mean that I don't want to be with her. I want to be with you. I  _never_  want to be with anyone else."

"Ha, sure!" Sirius said. "If you really,  _really_  couldn't be with anyone else, you wouldn't have married her."

"You know me! You know our family! I can't stand up to them and I'm sorry, but you'll just have to accept that!" Regulus said, grabbing for Sirius' hand.  
"Please tell me you still love me. I love you more than anything and I wish we could be together more, but it's hard. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I'm weak and stupid, but please  _please_  don't stop loving me."

"I..." Sirius broke off as the others made their way out of the shop. He turned back to Regulus, whose eyes were glistening with tears now. "I have to go," he said softly, leaving Regulus standing alone by the door of the shop.

"Who's up for some butterbeer?" James asked cheerfully, as if nothing had happened. Everyone agreed, so they headed towards the Three Broomsticks. When they got inside, most of the bigger tables had already been taken, so they decided to pull the smaller tables together so they could all sit with each other.

"I'll just go and order. Everyone having a butterbeer?" Will asked, and they all nodded. He made his way to the bar to get the drinks.

Sirius turned his attention back to the table he was lifting, and Remus came to join him.

"Are you Ok?" he asked in concern. "I saw you talking to Regulus outside..."

"I'm fine," Sirius hissed. "Would you stop pestering me?"

"I'm sorry that I care about how you feel," Remus said backing away a little bit. "Just... stop snapping at me like that. I'm trying to make you feel better!"

"Well,  _that's_  not working, is it?" Sirius whispered loudly. Remus didn't answer, but when Sirius looked up, he could see how upset he was. Sirius sighed. The look he wore when he was upset made Sirius' heart clench and he felt the urge to hurt someone. To hurt himself, for making Remus feel like that. How could he live with himself after making someone feel that bad? Remus turned to walk away, and Sirius glanced over at Will, who was having a conversation with the woman behind the bar.

Sirius grabbed Remus by the arm and looked into his eyes meaningfully. "Look," he said softly. "I'm really sorry about how I've been acting. I'm sorry I snapped at you but it's pretty clear why you and me...  _we_  keep arguing like this."

Remus blinked a tear out of his eyes. "Why's that?"

"Because I want you!" Sirius almost shouted. "And you want me!"

"You don't w-want me," Remus whispered. Sirius laughed.

"Wanna bet?"

Before Remus could answer, Sirius grabbed him around the waist and pulled him in for the most mind-blowing kiss he'd ever experienced. Everything about it was so wonderful and breathtaking and beautiful. He placed his hand up to gently brush Remus' face as he felt the butterflies stirring in his stomach. Every touch was so electrifying and sensual and perfect.

Remus sighed into the kiss and wrapped his arms tightly around Sirius as if trying to hold him there forever. Even though they had kissed many times before, none had ever been like this. It felt so new and exciting, every touch was like roaming a new forbidden place and the prospect was so alluring it just made them want it even more.

Lost in a whirlwind of passionate emotions, they had to be pulled apart by James, who looked at them both furiously. He seemed unable to decide who he wanted to yell at first, his head was moving backwards and forwards between them as they gazed into each other's eyes. He finally settled on yelling at them both.

"What do you think you were doing?" He whispered as loudly as he could. "You can't kiss!"

Neither of them paid any attention to James' rant, but continued looking at each other as though they were seeing each other for the first time. James sighed impatiently.

"Remus!" he said urgently. "Your boyfriend is standing  _right_  over there! How could you even... he loves you... you cheated on him!"

This snapped Remus out of it, and he turned to look at Will in horror. He swallowed and shook his head. "It wasn't cheating."

"Since when did 'kissing your  _ex-boyfriend_  when you have a new boyfriend' stop counting as cheating, Remus?" James asked angrily. "You  _know_. You, of all people,  _know_  what it feels like to have someone cheat on you, and someone you love!"

"I don't... please d-don't tell him," Remus said desperately. "Please, James."

James looked torn. "Why shouldn't I?" he asked.

"Because I..." Remus looked away to hide his tears. "I just... I don't know."

James turned his attention to Sirius. "And you? What do you have to say about this? You're not exactly innocent either. You have a boyfriend, too, you know?"

"Yeah and he's off kissing someone else so I don't see why I shouldn't be allowed to do the same," Sirius muttered. James looked exasperated.

"He doesn't have a  _choice_!" he said. "You only kissed Remus because you're angry."

"I only kissed Remus because I... I think I still love him. It isn't any of your business!" Sirius said, and Remus blushed a bit at his words.

"Look," James said finally, putting his hands up in defeat. "I'm just trying to prevent what happened last time. Don't say I didn't warn you. And Remus, I won't tell Will, but you should be ashamed."

He walked off as Will turned around, bringing the drinks over to the table. Sirius glanced over at Remus, who smiled slightly and said in the softest voice, "I still love you, too."

Sirius grinned and they moved the table to join the rest. The rest of the afternoon was spent in the Three Broomsticks, with Sirius feeling a lot happier after the kiss. He was especially happy because although Remus was resting his head against Will and every so often, kissing him, his hand was intertwined with Sirius' throughout the afternoon, which sent tingles through Sirius' body.

He wasn't sure how these feelings could come so fast, but he knew they were real. The look in Remus' eyes when he'd snapped at him earlier made Sirius realise why he hated Will so much. Because he had Remus. The one person who he would always feel protective of and the one person he would always watch out for. The one person he would  _always_  love.


	5. Back To The Old Days

Sirius was finding it even harder now than before to cope with everything, now that he knew how much he still loved Remus. Watching the two people he loved being with other people was terrible, but Sirius felt sort of satisfied that he had kissed Remus - it was not only amazing, but it was a way to get back at Regulus.

Now that Regulus had kissed Lisa, and Sirius had kissed Remus, it was like the air had cleared and he wasn't so angry with him anymore.

Sirius had sent an owl to Regulus with a note asking to meet him in the Room of Requirement to talk. He had to tell him about the kiss. He had to let him know that now they were even and all would be forgiven.

The door opened and Regulus walked in to the Room of Requirement, which Sirius had fashioned in a very suggestive way, with a huge four-poster bed sitting in the middle of the room. Regulus smirked at the sight and walked towards Sirius, sitting down next to him.

"So," he started. "You... you wanted to talk?"

"Yeah," Sirius said, starting to smile.

"And it looks like you wanna do more than talk," Regulus said, licking his lips. Sirius shrugged.

"Only if you want," he said. Regulus rolled his eyes.

"So what did you want to talk about?"

Sirius let out his breath slowly. "Right. You know how annoyed I am...  _was_... that you got married."

"Yeah."

"But I think I can forgive you now," Sirius said. Regulus' eyes lit up instantly.

"Oh, really?" he said excitedly. "Thank you! But, why the sudden change of mind?"

"Well I decided to even it out," Sirius said. "You got married to someone else, and I kissed someone else."

Regulus' smile faltered. "What?"

"I kissed Remus. Only once, but now that we're equal, we can move on, right?"

"Wait a second," Regulus said slowly, now not smiling at all. "Did you just say you kissed your ex-boyfriend?"

"Yeah-"

"-  _Thinking_  it would make everything better?" Regulus asked incredulously. Sirius nodded. Regulus stepped back, looking as if he was going to be sick. "You cheated on me!"

"No! I mean, yes, but you cheated on me!" Sirius said quickly, suddenly realising that Regulus was taking it the wrong way.

"I had no  _choice_! I was  _forced_  into that marriage and I don't even  _like_  Lisa! I'm stuck with her all the time and the only thing that kept me from falling apart was the thought that you were mine. Now I know you've been kissing someone else, and I just... I don't know how to deal with that!"

"Well I don't know how to deal with the fact that you have a wife!" Sirius shouted defensively. "You're supposed to be  _mine_! Not hers!"

"That gives you no reason to cheat on me. I can't believe you did that! After everything we've been through!" He now had tears streaming down his face, and Sirius stood up to hold him and tell him it would be alright, but Regulus shoved him back.

"Now come on, Reg! What would you do if  _I_  was the one married and  _you_  were the one left by yourself? How would you feel?"

"I don't know! I just know that I would  _never ever_  cheat on you!"

"Please don't cry-" Sirius said, reaching out to comfort Regulus.

"STOP IT!" Regulus yelled, slapping his hand away. "You always talk about how I betray you, but this is so much worse."

"I didn't do it to hurt you," Sirius said, frantically trying to fix things. "I swear I didn't."

"Well, you  _did_  hurt me," Regulus said, backing away further and wrapping his arms around himself. "And now I'm going to fall apart, because I don't even have you in my life anymore to make me smile."

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked, dreading the answer that he knew was coming.

"We're done! I thought you loved me but I was obviously wrong. You couldn't even say it to me at Hogsmeade the other day, and that hurt. You cheated on me and I can't trust you anymore. I'm sorry, but I can't do this anymore."

He turned around, heading for the door and Sirius could barely find the strength to open his mouth. Finally, he managed a croak of "Reg," but Regulus had already slammed the door shut behind him.

 _Great_ , he thought painfully.  _I've really fucked up now_.

* * *

Sirius sat in the common room that night staring into the fire miserably. He felt so lost. Regulus had broken up with him. That hadn't really sunk in yet, and he never wanted it to. He'd been so used to having Regulus there, but now he was gone.

He nearly jumped out of his skin when James sat down next to him, staring into the fire as well. "What happened?" James asked.

"I told Reg about... you know... me and Remus," Sirius said, feeling a lump in his throat. James turned to face him, looking shocked.

"You actually told him?" he asked. "What did he say?"

Sirius sighed. "Well let's just say that I don't have a boyfriend anymore," he choked, trying to hold back the tears. James bit his lip and looked down at his hands.

"I'm so sorry," he said quietly. "Why did you tell him in the first place?"

"I thought he wouldn't mind. You know, since he's been with  _her_  for the last month. I thought I was making it fair."

"But he didn't  _want_  to be with her," James said.

"I know! That's what he told me, but there's nothing I can do about it now, is there? I'll just have to try and deal with it. Why is it that my life is so crappy?"

"It's not  _crappy_ ," James said. "You just keep doing stupid things."

"Well I'm stupid. That's not my fault," Sirius mumbled, slouching back against the sofa.

"You're not stupid," James assured. "I just think you're confused about everything."

Sirius laughed. "Yeah, you got that right."

The portrait hole opened and Remus came stumbling in, carrying a pile of books. He dumped them down on the table, making a loud  _thump_ , and collapsed on the sofa tiredly.

"Hey," he said, smiling at them and blushing when he looked at Sirius.

"Hi," James said, looking between them. "Um, I'm just gonna go to bed, I think," he said quickly, leaving Sirius and Remus alone on the sofa.

They remained silent for a minute and then Remus spoke. "That kiss was amazing."

Sirius smiled half-heartedly and nodded. "I know. It was the best kiss I've ever had."

"Really?"

"Yeah," Sirius said, winking. "I'd forgotten how nice it felt to kiss you."

"I hadn't," Remus admitted quietly. "I think about it too much."

"You say that like it's a bad thing," Sirius said, rolling his eyes. Remus nodded sadly.

"But it is. I have a boyfriend. I can't be thinking about kissing you while I'm kissing him. It's not right and it's not fair."

"But it feels right," Sirius pointed out, leaning over so that he was lying on top of Remus. He ducked his head down and planted a kiss on Remus' lips, and automatically, the electric raced through his body in excitement.

Remus put his arms up round Sirius' neck as if he was going to pull him into another kiss, but he didn't. He just rested his hands there, staring up into Sirius' eyes as if he was searching for something in them, and it seemed like he found what he was searching for. Love. He smiled a smile that melted Sirius' heart, and Sirius pulled him up slowly, kissing him again.

"I love you," Remus said softly, running his fingers through Sirius' hair. Sirius smiled and pulled Remus so that he was holding him against his chest, his heart beating so fast underneath Remus' face.

"I love you, too," he said. Remus sighed.

"What am I doing?" he asked. "I feel terrible. If Will ever found out..."

"Who do you love more? Me or Will?" Sirius asked.

"I don't love Will. I like him... a lot... but it's not enough. He's not you."

"But I'm me," Sirius said, grinning. "So break up with him. Be with me instead."

"I don't know, Sirius," Remus said uncertainly. "I want to, I really want to, but I'm scared."

"Of what?" Sirius asked.

"Well, how would I break up with Will? I'd feel horrible, telling him I'm only breaking up with him because you want me back. Then, I'm scared you'll do what you did last time."

"I'd never do that to you again," Sirius said matter-of-factly, and Remus smiled.

"I believe you," he whispered. "But how do I break up with him? And what about Regulus?"

"Oh," Sirius said, taking a deep breath. "He... er... I told him about us, and he wasn't too happy about it. He broke up with me."

"I would have said 'I'm sorry to hear that' but you know that I'm not," Remus said, tracing circles on the back of Sirius' hand. He sighed and looked into Sirius' face. "I promise I'll break up with Will tomorrow. But we can't do anything else until then... it's not fair on him."

"That's fine by me," Sirius said. Remus stood up and yawned.

"Well, I'm going to bed now," he stated, smiling at Sirius.

"Goodnight then, my future boyfriend," Sirius said, smirking. "I love you."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Love you, too."


	6. Quidditch

"C'mon," James said, physically feeding Sirius his food. "We have to be down at the Quidditch pitch in fifteen minutes."

"Oh," Sirius said, distracted. He was watching the door of the Great Hall intensely, hoping that Remus would walk in soon and tell him that he'd broken up with Will.

"Sirius!" James said. "Eat! We need to  _win_  this!"

"We will," Sirius said, taking the spoon off of James and eating. "I just need to speak to Remus first."

James just stared at him with his mouth slightly open. "You're not thinking of getting back together with him, are you?"

"Why would you say that?" Sirius asked. James laughed.

"Well, I know you. Every time you lose someone you move straight on to someone else. I saw you and Remus kissing, remember?"

"Well Remus wants me, and I want him. He's breaking up with Will right now," Sirius said, smiling slightly.

"I can't believe him," James said, sighing. "I can't believe either of you."

"Whatever James," said Sirius. "Look, Remus is coming now."

Remus had walked through the door, his back hunched and he was wearing a sad expression. He came and sat at the table, but Sirius stood up and gestured for him to follow him from the hall.

"Don't be late to Quidditch!" James called after him, and Sirius waved him off.

When Remus and Sirius were out of hearing range, Sirius spoke.

"So?" he asked. "Did you do it?"

Remus nodded, with a tear falling down his cheek.

"And how did he take it?" Sirius asked. Remus blinked a tear out of his eyes and sighed.

"He was so upset," he choked. "I felt terrible. It was the worst thing I've ever done."

"What did you actually tell him?" asked Sirius tentatively, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"I said... I just told him that he was great and perfect and wonderful but... but I still love you... I always will and I told him that if I stayed with him any longer I'd... I'd just... probably, you know, end up cheating on him and hurting him more."

"And then what did he say?"

"W-we sat for a bit and he started crying. Just crying. He said h-he wished he was g-good enough and that he was sorry, and then he left."

Sirius sighed and pulled Remus in for a hug. "Rem, I'm sorry. It must have been hard, but at least we can be together now, right?"

Remus sniffed and nodded. "Yeah," he said, trying to smile. "Yeah, we can be together."

"And I love you so much," Sirius said, kissing his forehead and smiling.

"I love you too," Remus answered. "But Sirius, you should really get down to the Quidditch pitch. James will kill you otherwise."

"Oh crap," Sirius said, ruffling Remus' hair and running out of the doors towards the Quidditch pitch. He was completely out of breath when he reached the rest of the Gryffindor team. James glared at him and handed him his broomstick.

"You better not let us lose!" James said. Sirius rolled his eyes.

"As if."

"We're against Slytherin. You do know that, right?" James said. "You'd better put your feelings about Regulus behind you since he'll be playing too."

"Oh," Sirius said, only just remembering he'd be playing against his brother. "Great," he said, feeling a lump in his throat.

He hadn't even seen Regulus since they'd broken up, and he wasn't even sure he wanted to. He was sure he'd probably just break down and cry. But he couldn't. Not on the pitch. Not when the whole team was counting on him to win. He needed to put in all into his performance and he needed to catch the snitch and win.

"C'mon guys," James shouted. "It's time!"

As they stepped out onto the pitch, they were overwhelmed by the cheers of the crowd. Sirius tried not to look at the Slytherin team at all.

Almost robotically, he mounted his broom and lifted off. He hovered in the air and then started circling the pitch searching absent-mindedly for the snitch.

It wasn't until he was almost hit in the face by a bludger that he realised he was in the middle of a Quidditch match, and he started paying attention.

He never caught sight of the snitch until thirty-five minutes into the game, where he spotted the golden fleck in the distance and to his horror, someone was speeding towards it.

He almost fell off his broom when he noticed that the person chasing it  _wasn't_  Regulus. The Slytherin seeker had long, light brown hair, flying behind them as they flew.

It was a girl.

And Sirius could recognise that hair anywhere. He'd glared at the back of Lisa Parkinson's head long enough over the past half a year.

He raced across the pitch towards the snitch, bashing her out of the way hard. She came back at him, almost shoving him off of his broom.

"Where's Reg?" Sirius shouted to her as they flew side-by-side. Her face turned red and Sirius could tell that she was going to ignore him.

He pulled out his wand and pointed it at her threateningly. "WHERE IS HE?"

She glanced at him, smirked and shrugged, leaning forwards and reaching fowards to grab the golden snitch.

Sirius stared open-mouthed at her, holding the snitch in her hand. How could he have let that happen?

Madame Hooch blew the whistle, and the Slytherin team engulfed Lisa in cheers. Sirius closed his eyes, waiting for the lectures from James.

 _3, 2, 1_ , he thought miserably, and as if on cue, James pulled him off his broom, staring at him furiously.

"Why didn't you catch it? It was right in front of your face!"

"I'm sorry," Sirius said, shrugging.

"Sort yourself out before our next match," James warned.

* * *

"Oh, he's just in Quidditch mode," Peter said that night after Sirius had explained about James' moodiness. "Don't worry about him."

"I'm his best mate," Sirius said. "And he knows I'm going through stuff! Can't he cut me some slack?"

"Well, it's over now," said Remus, leaning his head on Sirius' shoulder. "Just make sure you make him proud when you go against Hufflepuff."

"Did I make you proud?" Sirius asked, pouting. Remus smiled.

"You always make me proud."

"Ew," Peter said. "I  _am_  still here you know?"

They ignored him.

"I had a dream about you last night," Sirius whispered.

"Oh yeah? What happened in your dream?" asked Remus.

"Nothing really. It was just really nice. We were holding hands and walking down the beach. You looked gorgeous, as always," Sirius said, smiling at the way Remus blushed at his words. "We did a lot of kissing and talking... everything about it was so perfect. I promise you I'll take you to the beach one day."

"You wouldn't catch me dead on a beach," Remus said.

"Why?"

"It's always hot, and I don't like taking my shirt off. You know that. Maybe we could go somewhere else... somewhere just as romantic."

"Remus," Sirius said softly. "You don't have to worry about your scars. I love them. Besides, you can barely notice them anymore unless you're actually looking for them, and baby, nobody else will be looking at you. I'll make sure of that."

"You  _love_  them? Merlin Sirius, what's wrong with you?" Remus asked.

"I love everything about you," Sirius said, kissing him.

"Yeah," Peter said. "That's my cue to leave."

"Bye, Pete," Remus said in between kisses.

* * *

Both boys were almost asleep. Sirius had his arm around Remus, who was resting his head on Sirius' chest.

There was a tapping on the window, waking them both up. They sat up and stared tiredly at the window, to see an owl. Sirius recognised it, but he wasn't sure where from.

He got up and headed to the window, seeing the letter on the owl's foot addressed to him.

He took it over to Remus and opened it.

' _Dear Sirius,_

_How are you?_

_I'm sorry I haven't written in a long time. I've been so busy!_

_I really miss talking to you. Ted and I are inviting you around for dinner whenever you're free. You still haven't met Nymphadora and she's dying to meet you._

_I heard you ran away! Where are you staying! Sirius, we have to talk._

_Send me back a time when you'll be able to visit, and feel free to bring a friend with you._

_Love,_

_Andromeda'_


	7. Engaged

The next few months flew by, and soon enough it was the Christmas holidays. Sirius had arranged with Andromeda to stay with her for the first week of the holidays, and then he was staying at Remus' house for the second week. Sirius had asked Andromeda if Remus could accompany him to her house, and she'd been more than happy to meet him – especially when Sirius mentioned that Remus was his boyfriend.

Although he was excited for the holidays, he still had a horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach about Regulus. He had only seen him a couple of times since they had broken up – it was as if Regulus disappeared for weeks at a time, and then returned to school for a few days and then disappeared again. Sirius had no idea what was going on. He'd tried writing to Regulus, but naturally, he never got a reply after what he did.

The Hogwarts Express pulled into the station at Platform Nine and Three-Quarters, and they all slowly made their way off the train and collected their luggage.

"See you in January," Sirius said to James and Peter, as they bid goodbye. James' mum gave Sirius a wave before they left the station, and then it was only him and Remus.

"I get to spend the whole of the holidays with you," Sirius whispered. "I couldn't have asked for anything better."

Remus grinned and grabbed his trunk. "So, where's your cousin?"

"Oh, she should be somewhere around here," Sirius said, peering around the station. Someone cleared their throat behind him and he swerved round to see a young man with very light brown hair and a charming smile, holding his hand out to take Sirius' trunk.

"Hi," he said. "Don't know if you remember me at all."

"I do," Sirius said quickly, smiling. "You're Ted. Andromeda's husband."

"Ah, you  _do_  remember me," Ted said. "And this must be... Remus? Right?"

"Nice to meet you," Remus said, shaking his hand.

"Dromeda couldn't make it to pick you up," Ted said apologetically. "She's looking after Dora, so we'll just apparate back there."

"Oh, ok," Sirius said.

Ted held his hands out for Remus and Sirius to take as he apparated back to his house. The sensation was horrible, but at least it was quick. In no time, they were standing in the small living room that Andromeda and Ted lived in.

It was very picturesque – there was no sign of any magical person living there. They'd kept everything as a muggle would, and Sirius liked that. No more of his family's pureblood prejudice.

Before Sirius even had chance to breathe, he was engulfed in a hug. When they broke apart, he smiled up at his older cousin who looked happier than he'd ever seen her. She smiled at Remus and hugged him aswell, before asking if they wanted anything to drink.

"Four butterbeers then?" she asked the room, and they all nodded. She walked off into the kitchen, leaving them alone with Ted.

"I'll just go and put your stuff upstairs," he said. "I suppose you're sharing a room?"

"Yeah. Thanks, Ted."

He waved it off and carried their trunks away into the hallway and up the stairs. Sirius turned to Remus and planted a kiss on his forehead.

"I love you," he said, grabbing hold of his hand and pulling them both down onto the sofa. Remus leaned in to Sirius' chest and started tracing circles on the back of his hand.

"Love you, too."

"Mummy said I no come down," said a quiet childish voice from the doorway. Remus and Sirius turned to look at a small girl with shockingly pink curly hair and a cute white dress on. She was holding a teddy bear and looked very tired. When she noticed they were watching her, she turned pink and stepped back behind the door and peered out at them cautiously.

Sirius smiled. "Hey, don't be shy!" he said. She stuck her thumb into her mouth. "I'm your... umm... I guess you could call me 'Uncle Sirius' or something."

She stepped back into the room, hugging her teddy bear close to her. "Uckle Siris?"

"Yeah! And you must be Nymphadora?" Sirius said, kneeling down next to her. She shook her head quickly.

"Nymphie," she said quietly. Sirius laughed.

"Nymphie then. Can you believe what they named her, Remus?"

"It's cute," he said, and Nymphadora turned to him.

"Who you?" she asked, shuffling towards him and staring up at him with huge tired eyes.

"Oh," he said. "Umm... I'm Uncle Sirius'... er... friend. I'm his friend."

"Uckle Siris has friend!" she said happily, handing Remus her teddy bear. "What your name?"

"Remus," he said, squeezing the teddy bear. "Don't you want your bear?"

"No bear. He make me happy when I sad," she explained, jumping up on the sofa next to Remus. "I happy now so no need bear!"

"Hey baby!" Andromeda said as she came back into the room with four butterbeers in her hands. She handed one to Sirius and one to Remus and placed the other on the table, while taking a sip from her own. "What are you doing down here, Nymphie?"

"No tired," she said.

"Well," Andromeda said. "I guess you can stay here for an hour or two. Did you meet Sirius and Remus?"

" _UCKLE_  Siris!" Nymphadora corrected, grabbing Remus' arm and hugging it. He looked as though he wasn't sure what to do.

"Oh,  _Uncle_  Sirius!" Andromeda said, laughing. "Hey, Dora, baby? Why's Remus got your bear?"

"She said she didn't need it anymore since she's happy," Remus explained, looking down at her as she beamed up at him.

"Remus keep," she said. "Me like him lots n' lots! He have present."

"Oh... that's alright," Remus said, handing her the teddy bear. "Really! You can have it, but thank you."

"You no want?" she asked, looking up at him sadly. He pursed his lips and smiled at her.

"Of course I do," he said. "Thank you very much."

She grinned and jumped off of the sofa, running from the room. Remus placed the teddy bear on the table next to him and took a sip from his cup.

"She's adorable," Sirius said, getting up and sitting back on the sofa with Remus.

"She's seems to like you a lot, Remus," Andromeda said. "I think she has a little crush."

Remus started blushing and Sirius rolled his eyes. "Who  _wouldn't_  have a crush on Remus?" he said, making Remus blush even more.

"So how long have you two been together?" Andromeda asked.

"Only about three months," Sirius said, stroking Remus' hand. "But I mean, we were together before for seven or eight months."

"Oh," Andromeda said, taking a drink. "Why did you break up then?"

Remus looked at Sirius, who bit his lip and looked down. "I just did something... quite bad."

"You don't want to talk about it?" Andromeda asked. Sirius sighed.

"I don't know if you'd understand. It's kind of really bad..."

"He cheated on me with someone he shouldn't be with," Remus said quietly, finishing what Sirius was trying to say.

"Sirius!" Andromeda said, looking shocked. "That's terrible!"

"I know, I know," Sirius said.

"It's alright though," Remus said, smiling at him. "We're fine now. The past is in the past and I know he won't do it again – he loves me."

"Yeah, I do," Sirius said, squeezing Remus' hand. Andromeda smiled and shook her head.

"You're a right idiot, you know, Sirius? You're lucky you have someone as nice as Remus."

"I know," he sighed, leaning against Remus.

Suddenly, the door flew open and Nymphadora came running in with a big grin on her face. "Mummy, Mummy!" she shouted, running towards her mother and whispering something into her ear. Andromeda looked amused and nodded, taking her daughter's hand and leading her into the kitchen.

"What did I miss?" asked Ted as he came back into the room.

"Not much," Sirius said. "Except your daughter has a thing for my boyfriend."

Ted laughed when Remus blushed. "I didn't even say anything to make her like me," Remus said, shrugging innocently. "Really."

"Well, you'd better watch out, Sirius," Ted said. "You have some competition there."

Sirius grabbed Remus' hand quickly. "Mine," he whispered.

Andromeda came back into the room, looking as if she was trying not to laugh. She sat down next to Ted and rolled her eyes as Nymphadora walked back in. She had a small pink plastic ring – probably from a princess costume, and she ran towards Remus with it.

"You marry me?" she asked shyly, holding out the ring for him to take. Sirius sniggered and Remus shot him an annoyed look.

"Aren't I a little old for you?" Remus asked. She stuck her thumb in her mouth and shook her head with a small smile. Remus looked to Sirius for some help, but he only just sniggered some more.

"I think you nice," she said to Remus, grinning and running away again. Ted sighed and stood up.

"I'll put her to bed," he said, chasing after her.

"Ah, look at you. Almost a married man," Andromeda said to Remus, and Sirius couldn't help it anymore. He burst out laughing, and received a whack on the back of his head by Remus.

"Not funny," Remus muttered.

"Sorry," Sirius said, grinning. Andromeda laughed.

"Do you want me to try and talk to her about it?" she asked.

"No, it's alright. It's kind of cute," Remus said, picking up the teddy bear. "I'll take this up to her."

Remus walked off, leaving Sirius and Andromeda alone in the living room.

"He seems like a nice guy," Andromeda said and Sirius nodded.

"He really is. He's been my best friend for god knows how long, and I just feel so lucky to be with him," he said.

"Don't cheat on him again," said Andromeda. "So how about you leaving home? What happened?"

"Oh... well they just got too much for me. Everything got too much, and I just had to get out," Sirius said. "I live with my best mate now, James. I'm really glad to be away from them... wish I'd left earlier."

 _Then I'd have never kissed Regulus and cheated on Remus and had the worst year of my life_ , Sirius thought bitterly.

"Well at least you're out now," said Andromeda. Sirius nodded and smiled.

"And you seem much happier than I've ever seen you," he said, finishing off his butterbeer.

"Of course I am," she replied. "Away from  _them_. I have a beautiful daughter and a perfect husband. It's wonderful. I feel so free now, like everything I lived before was a horrible nightmare I've managed to get away from."

"That's how I feel too," Sirius said. "I mean, I guess I still see them at school but when I finish school I'll be away from them forever."

"It's a great feeling," Andromeda said.

The sound of footsteps emerged from the hallway and then Remus appeared next to Ted, and he was wearing a grim expression.

"What's up?" Sirius asked. Remus sighed and lifted up his hand to indicate the pink ring on his middle finger.

"I guess I'm getting married," he laughed. "Even though it's on my right hand and the wrong finger."

"Aw man," Sirius said. "I got ousted by my baby cousin."

* * *

The rest of the day went by in the same manner. They all talked over dinner, and Remus got to know Ted and Andromeda.

Sirius and Andromeda spent almost an hour ranting about the Black family, before they noticed that the other two had stopped listening and were in the middle of playing an intense game of Gobstones.

Finally, Sirius stood up and yawned. "You know, I think I'm gonna go to bed soon," he said. "Rem, you coming?"

"Yeah, sure," Remus said, smiling up at Sirius. Andromeda narrowed her eyes at them.

"No sex in my house please," she warned them, as Remus took Sirius' hand. Remus turned a deep shade of red and avoided eye contact with Sirius.

The fact was, neither of them had ever even talked to each other about sex yet. They'd been together for a while, and they had both silently agreed they would take it slow. Sirius wasn't even sure Remus  _wanted_  sex, but he was too nervous to ask him, so the blushing that followed Andromeda's words didn't come as a surprise to Sirius.

"Nah, don't worry about it. We don't do sex," Sirius said. He moved his lips closer to Remus' ear and whispered "yet."

To his delight, he saw Remus' lips quirk a bit and he blushed a little more. "Ok then," Andromeda said, smiling at them. "Goodnight."

"Night," Remus said to them both as they made their way up to their room.

It wasn't the largest room, but it was perfect, in Sirius' mind. There was a small double bed, which was a step up from their usual single bed back in the dorm. At least they'd both have room to breathe this time.

They got changed into their pyjamas and slipped into bed, Sirius wrapping his arms around Remus and holding him close.

"I like this part of your family," Remus said, looking up into Sirius' eyes and stroking his cheek.

"I think they like you a lot, too," Sirius said. "Especially that little three-year old minx."

"She's sweet," Remus said. "So was this the first time you met her?"

"Yeah. I've seen pictures, but it was nice meeting her at last. It seems like she prefers you though. What can I say? You're gorgeous. I can see why."

"Shut up... I'm not," Remus said.

"You really are," Sirius said, running his fingers through Remus' hair and kissing him lightly on the lips. "Oh, and don't think I didn't notice that epic blush you had when Andie mentioned us having sex."

Sirius could tell that Remus was blushing again, even though it was too dark to see. "So what, Sirius? People can blush you know?"

"Can I ask you something?" Sirius asked.

"Go on."

"Would you... I mean... have you ever, like, thought about... uh... you know... having sex with me?" Sirius asked, feeling himself blush.

Remus pulled himself closer to Sirius, kissing him softly. "Mmm... yeah of course I have."

Sirius didn't know why that came as a shock to him. Maybe because Remus always seemed like such an innocent person... someone who wouldn't even  _think_  of sex. But then again, if Remus loved him as much as he said he did, there had to be some sexual desire there...

"Good," Sirius said, grinning madly.

"Have you ever?" Remus asked.

"Obviously," Sirius said, rolling his eyes. "I'm Sirius Black. You know me. Of course I've thought of having sex with  _you_."

"That makes me happy," Remus said quietly, and Sirius could see his smile faintly through the darkness. "But you know... I'm not sure if I'm ready yet."

"That's fine," Sirius said. "I'll wait for you as long as you want to wait, babe."

"Sirius?" Remus whispered.

"Yep?"

"Can  _I_  ask  _you_  something?"

"Ask away," Sirius said. Remus was silent for a while, and then he spoke in a very quiet voice.

"Have you ever done it before?"

Sirius closed his eyes and sighed. He had to tell the truth, of course he did. That was the key to a successful relationship – honesty. Even if Remus wasn't happy with not being his first, he'd have to just tell him.

"Yeah," Sirius said softly. "I'm so sorry, Remus. I mean... I was with him and-"

"- It's fine," Remus said tentatively. "You don't have to explain anything. You were together. It's understandable."

Sirius let out a sigh of relief – he understood. Closing his eyes again, he leaned in and pushed his mouth against Remus', trying to put every little feeling of love he felt for Remus in that moment into the kiss, so that Remus could really see how much he loved him.

"I don't know what I ever did to deserve you," Sirius said after they broke apart. "You're so perfect."

"And you're blind," Remus said. "Goodnight, Sirius."

"Night, baby."


	8. Lost

The next week flew by, and Sirius was just glad to be away from everything. He was so glad it was taking his mind off of Regulus, because every time he thought of him, he felt like he was going to break down and cry.

He had Remus now, and that was wonderful. He felt happier than he'd ever been in his life, even though there was that lingering feeling of heart-break underneath that sometimes seeped it's way into his consciousness.

It was their last day staying at Andromeda's house, and Ted was already at work. Sirius was in the kitchen with Remus 'making breakfast', although Sirius' version of making breakfast was watching Remus make breakfast.

"This is easier than I'd have imagined," Sirius said. Remus turned around to face him, looking annoyed.

"You know, Sirius. You  _could_  help..."

"Nah. You look sexy when you cook. I'd rather just watch," Sirius said, smirking and dodging out of the way of the egg Remus flung at him. "Hey!" he said, as the egg cracked against the wall.

"Sirius, why don't you clean that up for me? Ah, there's a good pup," Remus said, grinning as Sirius rolled his eyes and nodded.

"So when did you get so good at cooking?" Sirius asked. Remus laughed.

"You haven't even tasted it yet. Believe me, you'll take back what you just said when you realise how terrible my food tastes."

"I'm sure it's as sexy as you," Sirius said with a wink.

"Food isn't sexy, Sirius," Remus said. "You sound like Peter."

"True," Sirius said, taking his breakfast off of Remus and sitting down at the table to eat it. "I'll wash the dishes for you if you want, babe. You don't have to do all of the work."

"Don't worry about it," Remus said, smiling and sitting down. "And don't blame me if the food tastes horrible."

"Who else will I blame?" Sirius asked, taking a bite and then grinning. "Lovely," he lied. Remus rolled his eyes, and started eating his breakfast.

"Me have beckfast?" asked Nymphadora, who was standing in the doorway in her pyjamas. Before they could answer, Andromeda walked in after her looking annoyed.

"Yeah sweetie. Uncle Sirius will get you some toast, won't you  _Sirius_?" she asked, looking pleadingly at Sirius. "I'm really sorry, I have to run out to work for a bit. They usually don't ask me to work on weekdays because of Dora, but it's urgent. Would you guys mind looking after her for a bit?"

"Yeah, that's fine," Remus said, smiling at Nymphadora, who jumped up onto a chair at the table and sat down patiently waiting for her breakfast.

"Thank you!" Andromeda said. "You're life savers! I'll be back in a few hours, ok?"

"Yeah," Sirius said, smiling at her as she waved them goodbye and headed out of the house to work. Sirius turned to face Remus, with a grin.

"So," he said, rubbing his hands together. "Can you teach me how to make toast?"

* * *

Sirius was lying under a bed with the duvet hanging over the sides so that he couldn't be seen.

"UCKLE SIRIS! WEMUS! I COME FIND YOU!" called Nymphadora as she began her search for their fifth round of hide-and-seek. There was a sound of footsteps and Sirius put a hand over his mouth to cover the sound of his breathing.

Suddenly, the duvet was lifted and someone rolled under the bed with him. He was greeted with a large pair of amber eyes and he relaxed.

"I found you," Remus whispered, moving closer to him.

"Oh yes you did," Sirius replied, wrapping his arms around Remus and pulling closer.

"You smell nice," Remus said, and Sirius could see him smiling in the darkness. " _Really_  nice."

"Thanks," Sirius laughed. "You always smell nice."

"FINDY FINDY FINDY!" Nymphadora said in a sing-song voice as she came into the room. Remus sniggered at her song and Sirius quickly put his hand over Remus' mouth.

"AND 1, 3, 2! I FINDY YOU!" she shouted, as she threw the duvet up and dropped down on the floor to peer at them.

"Damn," Sirius said, rolling out. "You're a very good finder."

"Yeah, she should be a Hufflepuff," Remus said, poking her and lifting her up onto the bed.

"A Huffpuff?" she asked, looking up at them curiously. Sirius nodded.

"Oh yeah, a Hufflepuff," he said. "Just like your daddy."

She grinned and started giggling. "DADDY A HUFFPUFF!"

"Yeah that's right," Remus said. "And what's mummy?"

"BIG FATTY!" she said, giggling again and hiding her face with a pillow. Sirius burst out laughing.

"That's not nice! What is Uncle Sirius?" he asked. She peered up from the pillow.

"Uckle Sirius Giffy-dor," she said, patting him on the arm. Sirius winked.

"Yeah, Gryffindor. 'Cos I'm awesome. And what about Remus? What's he?"

She looked at Remus and giggled again. "Wemus handsome."

"Thanks Nymphie," Remus said, patting her on the head. "And what are you?"

"Me?" she asked. "Me a Huffpuff princess."

"Aw," Sirius said. "Yes you are."

"Uckle Sirius?" she said. Sirius looked at her questioningly.

"Yep?"

"Why you leave today?" she asked sadly.

"Because Uncle Sirius can't stay here forever," Sirius said softly. She frowned and looked down at the floor like she was going to cry.

"Why you no stay for ever n' ever?"

"Well," Sirius said, looking right into her eyes and smiling at her. "Uncle Sirius has to go back to school and learn."

"But Wemus clever," she said. "He teach you."

Remus laughed and shook his head. "No, unfortunately we can't Nymphie. We have to go back to school."

She looked between them and sighed. "I miss you."

"We'll miss you, too," Remus said, putting his arms out to give her a hug. She hugged him back, and then Sirius gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"Don't worry though Nymphie," he said. "We promise to come and visit you whenever we can."

"Yay!" She said, grinning and jumping on the bed with her teddy bear in her hand. "Next time we get married Wemus."

Remus laughed and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, sure."

* * *

"Well it's been lovely having you," Andromeda said as they were waiting by the fireplace to leave and go to Remus' house. "Really. It was great to see you again, Sirius, and really nice to meet you, Remus."

"Thanks for having me," Remus said, giving her a hug.

"Yeah. Thanks for putting up with  _me_ ," Sirius said. She rolled her eyes and hugged him, too.

"I had to put Dora to bed," Andromeda said. "She was getting a bit upset you were leaving, so I thought it would be better you just go. You said goodbye to her, right?"

"Yeah," Sirius said, smiling. "She's a great kid. You should be proud."

Andromeda nodded, and handed them the floo powder. "Well, have a nice time. See you next time you come to visit."

"Bye," they said, as they were engulfed in green flames.

The next thing they saw was a small living room – slightly larger than the one at Andromeda's house, and a woman sitting in the corner reading a book. She looked up at them and smiled, placing her book on the table and running over to greet them.

"Hi!" she said, pulling Remus in for a hug and kissing him on the head. He came out of the hug with an extremely red face. Remus' mother then turned to Sirius and smiled at him.

"And you must be... Sirius?" she said. He nodded and she pulled him in for a hug too. "Well," she said. "It's late, so you should be going to bed boys. I've set up a spare bed in your room, Remus. Be nice and let Sirius have the bed. See you in the morning."

Remus lead Sirius upstairs, and neither of them spoke until they reached Remus' room where Sirius burst out laughing.

"Ickle Remus gets a kiss from his mummy," he said, receiving a punch in the arm by Remus.

"Shut up," he said, falling down on his bed. "And you can sleep with me, by the way."

" _Sleep with you_?" Sirius asked, raising his eyebrows. Remus rolled his eyes.

"You're so dirty minded," he said, grabbing Sirius' hand and pulling him down on the bed next to him.

"Aw Rem, I thought you really meant it," Sirius said with a pout.

"Keep dreaming, Siri," Remus said, leaning up and kissing him quickly, and then standing up and sighing. "My parents don't know. You know, about us."

"You haven't told them?" Sirius asked. He'd always thought Remus had told his parents. "Why not?"

"They uh... they've expressed their views on... gay people before," Remus said nervously. "I don't think they'll like it."

"Oh come on, Rem," Sirius said, standing up and grabbing hold of his hands. "They're your parents."

"Yeah, but-"

"-Remus. Please tell them.  _Please_. For me," Sirius said, looking into his eyes and putting on his best 'puppy-dog' face.

"I don't even know  _how_  to tell them... oh Sirius, stop with that face. You know it's irresistible," Remus complained. Sirius grinned and winked.

"Come on babe. I'll help you through it. I promise. Please," Sirius said, pouting. Remus sighed and nodded.

"Ok, Sirius," he said finally. "I hate you and your stupid puppy-dog face."

"You love it really," Sirius said.

"Unfortunately," Remus said, hugging Sirius and sighing into his chest. "Will you really help me through it?"

"Of course I will," Sirius said, running his fingers through Remus' hair and ruffling it. "Come on, let's get to bed. We can tell them in the morning."

Remus nodded and pulled away, smiling at him. "God, I love you."

"Who doesn't?" Sirius said with a huge grin. Needless to say, Remus gave him another punch in the arm.

* * *

Sirius literally dragged Remus downstairs in the morning, early, so that they could catch both of his parents before they went to work.

When they reached the kitchen, they were greeted by Remus' mum and dad, who were sitting at the kitchen table eating their breakfast.

"Morning boys," Remus' dad said, peering up over his newspaper. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yeah," Remus said, and Sirius could hear in his voice how nervous he was. He nudged him and gave him a meaningful look. Remus sighed. "Uh... mum, dad? Can I tell you something?"

"What is it, sweetie?" asked Remus' mum.

"Well... I... sorta... uh..." Remus looked up at Sirius pleadingly, and he nodded.

"Remus and I," Sirius said, trying to sound confident. "We... we're in love."

There was a deadly silence after his words and Sirius glanced sideways at Remus, who was staring at his parents with a look of worry on his face. Sirius looked at them, and pursed his lips. They didn't look happy. At all.

Finally, Remus broke the silence.

"Mum?" he said quietly. She closed her eyes and shook her head.

"What does this mean?" she asked, looking from Remus to Sirius. "You're gay, I presume?"

"Y-yes," Remus said. "Do you... a-are you ok with that?"

"Get out," Remus' father said coldly. Remus turned to face him with tears in his eyes.

"W-what?"

"You heard me!" He said, standing up so he was towering over them. "Get  _out_!"

"But d-dad, please-"

"GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HOUSE!"

"No, please," Sirius said, standing in front of Remus. "Please don't do this to him. He's done nothing to deserve this."

"Don't you  _dare_! YOU FUCKING FAGS! HOW  _DARE_  YOU DO THIS TO HIM? HOW DARE YOU INFECT HIM WITH YOUR DIRTY DISGUSTING DISEASE!" he shouted at Sirius. " _YOU_  DID THIS TO HIM!"

"Really d-dad," Remus said. "It's not his fault!"

"John!" Remus' mother said suddenly. "Leave them. They aren't worth it. Boys, leave. Now."

"B-but mum... where am I supposed to go?" Remus asked, tears rolling down his cheeks. "You can't do this to me! I'm your son!"

"You," she said slowly and emotionlessly. "Are disgusting. Leave."

"D-d-don't you love me anymore?" Remus asked, and the way he said it almost broke Sirius' heart.

"How could we? After this," she replied. "Please just go. I don't want people like you in my house."

Remus stared at both of his parents for one last chance of redemption, but then sighed and turned around and walked out of the kitchen. Sirius chased after him.

"What are you doing?" he asked, grabbing him by the arm. "Aren't you going to try and reason with them?"

"I can't," Remus said. "They h-hate me."

"Remus-"

"- Just stop," Remus said, wiping a tear from his eyes. "Please? We both know it's true. Can we just go? I need to get away from them."

Sirius stared at him for a moment before nodding. "Let's go and grab our trunks, and we'll figure out what to do when we're out. Ok?"

Remus sniffed and nodded, following Sirius upstairs and packing up his things. Without another word to Remus' parents, they left the house and walked to the end of the street, where Remus dropped his trunk and fell into Sirius' arms, letting everything out.

Sirius felt like crying with him, but he had to be strong. He had to help him through this. He had honestly believed that Remus' parents would be accepting – after all, they accepted him being a werewolf and that was  _much_  worse.

He couldn't think of anything to say except "I'm so sorry. We'll figure this out, I promise we will."

Remus only replied by crying into his shoulder, and it broke Sirius' heart more and more with every tear.


	9. Memories of the Future

Sirius felt absolutely terrible. If he hadn't basically forced Remus into telling his parents, then Remus would be happy. He would have a home.  _But oh no_ , Sirius thought to himself miserably.  _No, I have to always screw everything up_.

After being kicked out, Sirius had managed to contact Andromeda and she'd agreed to let them stay there for the rest of the holidays. Sirius had no idea what Remus was going to do for the summer. It wasn't like he could go home, and it wasn't like he could stay with Sirius – James' family already had one extra person living with them and he doubted they'd take in Remus as well.

Sirius was sitting downstairs on the sofa staring at his hands, feeling the guilt bubble up inside him.

"Why don't you go and talk to him?" Andromeda suggested as she watched him sitting there. "He probably needs someone to talk to him right now."

"He'll hate me," Sirius said. "I don't think I can stand the thought of him telling me he hates me."

"Oh Sirius," Andromeda said, rolling her eyes. "He won't hate you! Go on, upstairs. Now."

"But-"

"- No, Sirius. Now," she said, grabbing his hands and pulling him up. She shoved him towards the door and he made his way upstairs to the room they had been sleeping in the week previously.

He cautiously opened the door, and peered in to see Remus curled up under the covers. He closed the door behind him and sat down on the edge of the bed, taking Remus' hand and tracing circles on it.

"I'm sorry," Sirius choked, not looking at Remus. "I'm so sorry."

"Sirius, don't," Remus said, sitting up and looking at Sirius. His eyes were bloodshot and stained from tears, and his hair was sticking up almost like James'.

"Don't what?" Sirius said, hoping more than anything that Remus wasn't going to start yelling at him.

Remus blinked a tear out of his eyes and then stared right into Sirius' eyes. "Don't blame yourself," he said quietly, squeezing his hand. "Please don't. It's not your fault at all."

"Yes it is," Sirius said, looking down. "I was the one who forced you to tell them."

"Hey, you didn't force me," Remus said. "I did it because you gave me the courage to, and it's  _their_  fault for being so narrow-minded and nasty and cruel. Please Siri... I can see that you're beating yourself up over it, but don't. I don't blame you because you're not to blame."

"I just feel so responsible," Sirius said. Remus moved his hands up to Sirius' face and forced him to look into his eyes.

"Sirius," he said. "I love you. I love you so much, and believe me when I say that it's  _not_  your fault. Please trust me."

Sirius closed his eyes. "Fine," he said, hating himself. He could pretend that he didn't blame himself, but he still felt absolutely awful about what had happened.

Remus smiled at him and wrapped his arms around him. "Thanks," he whispered quietly.

* * *

"Why Wemus look sad?" Nymphadora asked as she stepped into the room, the day before they were going back to Hogwarts. Sirius run his fingers through his hair and sighed.

"He's got a lot on his mind at the moment, Nymphie," he said, patting the sofa so she would join him. She sat with him and he could see how sad she looked.

"What he sad bout?"

"Well... his parents weren't very nice to him," he said. "They don't want him to live with them anymore."

Her eyes widened and she gasped. "No!" she said. "That not nice."

"No," Sirius agreed. "It's not."

"I kill Wemus parents," she said, standing up quickly and pulling out a pencil. Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Is that supposed to be a wand?"

"YES!" she yelled, looking absolutely determined that she'd help Remus. "Where they? I kill them!"

Sirius stared at her as her hair changed from pink to a very bright red. He knew that her hair changed colours according to her emotions, and he assumed that she was feeling angry. He smiled at her.

"You leave Remus' parents to me, yeah, Nymphie?" he asked. She thought it over for a minute and then nodded.

"Yes," she said. "I talk to Wemus now."

With that, she headed upstairs. Sirius couldn't help loving her a little bit more for this. He knew that Remus would cheer up a bit if she talked to him... after all, she cheered everyone up.

He stood up and sighed, knowing what it was that he wanted to do. He headed to the desk in the corner and pulled out a piece of parchment and a quill.

_Mr and Mrs Lupin,_

_It's Sirius Black. I came over to visit, remember?_

_I just wanted you to know that Remus didn't want to tell you about us, and I made him do it and I feel terrible now. You need to believe that Remus loves you both more than anything and he's in so much pain now, knowing that you hate him._

_But I know you don't hate him. How could you? He's your only son, and you managed to look past him being a Werewolf! How can you not see that there is nothing wrong with being gay?_

_Remus was still the same person he'd been minutes before you found out he was gay, yet you suddenly hated him. That makes no sense._

_I want you to know that I love your son so much, and he is absolutely amazing. I would never do anything to hurt him... seeing him in pain is horrible. When you love someone, you can't bear to see them in pain. You want to do something to stop that pain, which is why I am writing to you now._

_You've put him through so much pain. He's been crying for days now. He will hardly speak to anybody, and when he does, we can all see through his fake happiness._

_You've destroyed him. Please, just consider what he's feeling. Consider the idea that sometimes people fall in love, and they can't help who they fall in love with. Put yourself in his shoes and ask yourself how you would feel if you were the one being thrown out of your own house._

_Where is he going to live now? Are you just going to let him sleep on the streets, where anybody could get hold of him and hurt him?_

_Please, THINK about what you've done and stop being so selfish. He's your son. You're supposed to love him no matter what._

_Sorry for the long letter, I just needed to get it out so you understand exactly what you've done._

_Sirius Black_

He re-read the letter and decided it was good enough. He strapped it to Andromeda's owl's foot, and the bird flew off into the sky.

* * *

"Right," Andromeda said. "You boys have a good time at Hogwarts. Study hard!"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Please," he said. "You're talking to Remus Lupin who studies for a  _religion_ , and me who won't even listen to you anyway."

"Hey," Remus said. "I don't study  _that_  much!"

Sirius raised his eyebrows and smiled. "Of course not, babe."

"Wemus?" Nymphadora said, staring up at him and taking his hand. "I... love you."

"Aw that's very sweet Nymphie," Remus said, kneeling down next to her. "I love you too."

"I get sad when you sad," she said. "I use bear to make me happy."

"Yes, you told me," Remus said, smiling.

"If you happy, Nymphie happy also," she said, handing him her bear. "You keep bear. Then I know you happy and I be happy too."

Sirius felt like crying at her gesture. He felt like such a big girl for it, but he couldn't help it – she was being so lovely to him.

Remus looked up at Andromeda for help and she just nodded, meaning that he was allowed to take the bear.

"Are you sure?" he asked Nymphadora. She nodded.

"Yes. I want you be happy."

"Thanks so much, Nymphie," Remus said, pulling her in for a hug. "I'm going to miss you so much."

"I miss you Wemus," she said.

"Right!" Andromeda said. "You boys have to get to the station, ok?"

Remus pulled away from Nymphadora with the teddy bear in his hand. She gave a sleepy wave at the two boys as they disappeared in the flames.

* * *

The station was alive with chatter, and the train was already full, from what Sirius could see. Sirius picked up Remus' bags and pulled them towards the luggage compartment of the train.

"You don't have to," Remus said, but Sirius shook his head.

"I want to," he said. Remus smiled at him and nodded. As Sirius placed his bag with the others, he recognised the bag that was being put down next to his... it bore the Black family crest.

Quicker than ever, he cast his eyes up and he was staring into his brother's eyes. Regulus looked different. He couldn't put his finger on what it was, but something was definitely different.

"Hi," Sirius said, feeling the urge to say anything to get Regulus to forgive him. He had Remus now, but that didn't mean that he didn't at least want Regulus back as a friend – as a brother.

Regulus just glared at him and turned on his heel, walking up to where the Slytherins usually sat on the train. Sirius sighed and headed back to Remus. He hadn't exactly expected Regulus to talk to him.

Sirius grabbed Remus' hand and pulled him into the train. Almost immediately, they were greeted by James' excited yell.

"Moony! Padfoot!" he said, clapping them both on the back and grinning. "Come on, Peter and I have a compartment over here."

He lead them to a compartment that was empty except for Peter and a whole load of chocolate wrappers.

"Hi, Pete," Sirius said as he sat down. Peter smiled at him.

"Hey," he said.

"Remus?" James said, leaning fowards and taking Remus' hand. "I'm sorry for what happened. I really wish I could say you could stay with us, but I really don't think my parents will be happy letting somebody else live with us."

"It's... completely fine," Remus said, smiling. Sirius could almost see the tears he was holding back, and he just felt like pulling him in for a hug and telling him that it would be ok, but how would it? Remus' parents hadn't even replied to his letters, and he had nowhere to live.

"Remus," Peter said. Remus turned his attention to Peter.

"Yes?"

"I... kind of spoke to my mum and dad about your situation," he said. "They would be more than happy to let you live with us until you can get your own place after Hogwarts."

"W-what? I can live with  _you_?" Remus asked, looking a little more hopeful.

"Yeah," Peter said, smiling. "Actually, my mum's already looking forward to you coming. She's already bought another bed for my room."

"R-really? I m-mean I don't mean... I don't have to... if it would be easier-"

"-Remus, you're staying with me. Ok? Good, now have a chocolate," Peter said, throwing him a chocolate. Remus grinned.

"Thank you so much, Pete," he said, unwrapping the chocolate.

Sirius felt his heart well up in affection for Peter in that moment. Thank god for him. Without Peter, Remus wouldn't have a home to go back to, and Sirius was so happy that his boyfriend was smiling properly for the first time in days.

"Sirius?" Remus asked.

"Yep?"

"Can I hold your hand?" he asked. Sirius laughed, reaching out and taking his hand.

"Since when did you have to ask to hold my hand?"

"I don't want to make any more mistakes," Remus said, looking down. Sirius brushed his hand against Remus' cheek.

"It wasn't a mistake," Sirius said. "You would have had to tell them sooner or later, and plus, you could never make a mistake with me. You know me, I generally forgive people easily."

"I just don't want to give you a reason to have to forgive me," Remus sighed, leaning against him.

"You're perfect, you know that?" Sirius said. "I know I'll never have to forgive you, because you wouldn't ever do anything wrong."

"Mmm... love you so much," Remus said, clasping Sirius' robes and holding onto them tightly.

"I love you," Sirius replied.

* * *

_Sirius was sitting in a grassy area, staring out at a beautiful lake with impossibly clear glistening water. A leaf broke off a tree and drifted down elegantly into the lake, creating a ripple in the water._

_That was when he saw it. A perfect image of himself, and Regulus, kissing._

_They were kissing roughly, Regulus had Sirius up against the wall and was practically forcing his tongue into Sirius' mouth._

_Sirius looked as if he was trying to resist, but instead, he sighed into the kiss and kissed back with equal passion._

_Regulus ran his fingers through Sirius' hair, and Sirius could see there was no ring around his finger. They looked older than usual, as well..._

_This all seemed rather familiar. Like he was watching a memory..._

_No! It was last year in the Room of Requirement, when they'd seen their... future?_

Sirius sat up quickly, waking up and staring out at the darkness of the dormitory. He had almost completely forgotten about that pool until this moment.

If that pool really  _did_  tell the future, then did that mean that he and Regulus would get back together?

Sirius wasn't sure how he felt about that. He loved Remus, and he planned on staying with him for the rest of his life.

 _No_ , he told himself briskly, lying back down.  _If that was going to happen, Reg would have a ring on his finger_.

He turned so that he was facing Remus, and kissed him on the cheek. Remus was sleeping, so made a slight sound when Sirius kissed him, and then Sirius closed his eyes.

He fell asleep thinking thoughts of Remus and only Remus.


	10. Nothing

The next couple of weeks went by quickly. Remus had cheered up a little bit, as he had so much work to do which took his mind off of his parents. Sirius hadn't given up though. Every two days, he sent a letter to Remus' parents in hope that they would reply, but so far, he had no such luck.

The dream of the pool was also playing repeatedly in Sirius' mind, and he really wanted to speak to Regulus. Every night, he would check the Marauders Map to see if he could get Regulus when he was alone somewhere, and it was tonight that he saw his brother sitting alone in an empty classroom on the fourth floor.

He quietly got out of bed, trying not to wake Remus, and tip-toed across the room. When he was out of the dormitory, he started walking faster. He didn't want to take too long in case Regulus left the classroom.

When he finally reached the classroom, he cautiously opened the door. Regulus was sitting by himself at a desk, writing something down on a piece of parchment. He looked up quickly when Sirius walked in, and stuffed the parchment into his bag.

"Hi, Reg," Sirius said quietly, stepping closer to him.

"What do you want?" asked Regulus, standing up. Sirius sighed.

"I just wanted to talk to you."

"Nothing to talk about, Sirius," Regulus said, starting to move towards the door. Sirius blocked his path.

"You're not going anywhere," he said, shoving him back down on a chair and then pulling up another chair to sit next to him. "Look, I just don't get why you're so angry with me."

"Oh," Regulus said. "Hm... ok then, let's think. Uh, oh yeah! You cheated on me!"

"Oh come on!" Sirius said. "Like you weren't already cheating on me!"

"We've been through this," Regulus said impatiently. "I was  _forced_  to marry her."

Sirius looked down at Regulus' hands and that was when he noticed it. There was no ring on his finger.

"Where's your wedding ring?" he asked, unable to help himself. Regulus looked slightly scared for a moment and then shrugged.

"I managed to talk mum and dad into letting me get a divorce," he said. Sirius couldn't believe his ears. Regulus actually did something... brave?

"What? So, you aren't married to her anymore?" Sirius asked.

"No, I'm not."

"But... they actually  _let_  you?"

"Yes, Sirius," Regulus said, going a little pale. Sirius stared at him in confusion.

"You don't look too happy about it," he said.

"I wonder why?" Regulus said bitterly, casting his eyes away from Sirius.

"Sorry, I'm not following," Sirius said.

"I didn't want to be with her because I want to be with  _you_!" Regulus yelled. "But  _oh no_ , you went and got serious with  _him_."

"I actually don't understand where you're coming from here," Sirius said. "You didn't like her. You should have broken up with her when we were still together. You can't just break up with her when I'm with someone else, not even  _tell_  me you've broken up with her, and then expect me to dump my own boyfriend to get back with you."

"I screwed up," Regulus said, looking down at his hands. "I screwed up everything, and now I'm just..."

"Just what?"

"Nothing."

"Tell me," Sirius said tentatively.

"I'm in a lot of trouble. Look... I'm sorry but I don't want to have anything to do with you anymore Sirius. Let's just pretend we don't know each other."

"What the hell?" Sirius yelled. "Ok, maybe we won't get back together, but we're still brothers! You can't just pretend that we don't know each other!"

"I just don't... if you knew... uh, goodbye, Sirius," Regulus said, standing up and running out of the door before Sirius could say anything.

 _Well_ , Sirius thought.  _That was weird._

* * *

"Apparition lessons today!" James shouted, waking everyone up. Peter sat up in his bed and groaned.

"Yay," he muttered. His parents hadn't paid for him to get lessons as she didn't see the need for it – neither his mother nor his father had taken lessons and they preferred travelling by portkey or floo.

"Aw don't complain, Pete," Sirius said, bounding over to his bed and thrusting a bag of gold into his hands. "Be a good rat and head out to Hogsmeade for us when we're at our lesson. Most of the school will be preoccupied anyway and you can go and buy some stuff for our party tomorrow night."

"What party?"

"Our victory party, after we beat Ravenclaw in Quidditch," Sirius said. Peter rolled his eyes.

"Well seeing as I have nothing better to do..."

"Thanks, mate," Sirius said, grinning and going back to his own bed. Remus was still sleeping and Sirius prodded him lightly. He made a small noise and then pulled the covers over himself more.

"Oh come on, baby," he whispered into Remus' ear. "Wake up."

"I am awake," Remus mumbled. "I just can't be bothered to move."

"If you get up now I promise I'll do that thing you love," Sirius said seductively. Remus didn't move.

"Last time you did it, you were too busy laughing about that prank you played on Snape," he said, in an annoyed tone.

"Sorry about that," Sirius said, with a grin at the memory. "But I promise this time it'll be better..."

"How?" Remus asked, turning his head so that he was looking at Sirius, who just smirked at him.

"Shower time!" he said brightly, grabbing Remus by the arms and pulling him out of the bed. He dragged him into the bathroom and shut the door.

"What are you doing?" Remus asked tiredly. Sirius couldn't help the smile that came to his face when he looked at Remus. His hair was fluffy and sticking out in all directions, and he had a blank expression on his face.

"I'm accompanying you for a shower," Sirius said, leaning forwards and kissing Remus.

"I can shower by myself, thanks," Remus said, blushing slightly. Sirius sighed.

"Oh come on,  _please_ ," he said batting his eyelashes at Remus, who rolled his eyes.

"I don't know, Sirius," he said. "I don't think I'm ready for that yet."

"All we'll be doing is having a shower," Sirius said. "Nothing else..."

"But-"

"- Ok, Rem," Sirius said, kissing him on the forehead. "It's fine. I understand, and I don't want to pressure you into anything you aren't ready for. Oh, stop looking guilty babe. I love you."

"I'm sorry," Remus said sadly. "I just don't know... I'll let you know when I'm ready for that."

"Sure," Sirius said, heading for the door. "And be quick," he winked. "We have our first apparition lesson today, remember."

He closed the door behind him and noticed James and Peter were smirking at him. He went red in the face.

"It was nothing!" he said quickly. "I mean it."

"Yeah," James laughed. "You and Remus go into the bathroom and lock the door... and then you come out with a face as red as a tomato... that's definitely nothing."

"Oh shut up, guys," Sirius muttered. "I swear it was nothing. Pete, shouldn't you be sneaking to Hogsmeade right now?"

"Oh," Peter said, staring at the money in his hand as if he'd only just noticed it. "Yeah, Ok, I'll go now."

Sirius sighed and dropped down in his bed with his head in his hands.

"What's up?" James asked, coming to sit next to him.

"I don't know," Sirius said, blushing a little bit. James just stared at him, and he decided to just tell him. "Ok, I'm... frustrated."

"Frustrated?" James raised an eyebrow.

"I know this is kind of personal, but have you and Lily... you know... done it?" Sirius asked. James laughed.

"No," he said, looking rather put out. "Every time we get close, she says she isn't ready yet. It's annoying... like how can she be that cruel? She goes around acting all sexy and getting me so worked up and then teases me, and then says  _I'm not ready_. Why do you ask?"

Sirius tried not to laugh at James' outburst. "Oh... it's just... it's the same thing with Remus. I mean, why do they do that?"

"I guess it's just in their nature," James sighed. "Never try to understand girls."

"Hey!" Sirius shouted. "Remus isn't a girl!"

"Well he acts like one," James said, wincing when Sirius hit him. "Ok joke, joke. God!"

"I don't get it though," Sirius said. "He's almost seventeen. When will he be 'ready'?"

"Maybe he's one of these 'no sex before marriage' people," James said. "I'm pretty sure that's what Lily told me she believed... I don't know... I was too busy staring at her-"

"- I don't want to  _know_  what you were staring at!" Sirius said quickly, before James could finish. "So what, you're saying I should marry him?"

"I don't know," James said. "I mean you're a bit young now, but that might be the only way to... you know..."

"Ugh," Sirius said. "Relationships."

"I know how you feel, mate," James said.

* * *

An hour later, they were all in the Great Hall attempting to learn how to apparate. Remus and Lily had already managed to apparate, but they'd both left behind strands of hair.

Snape was the same, and James and Sirius had secretly hoped that he would leave behind his nose, but they were out of luck.

When they tried it, they didn't get anywhere. Sirius began to feel like he'd never be able to apparate, but James reminded him that Lily, Remus and Snape were nerds and they still had eleven more lessons. This cheered Sirius up a bit.

After the lesson, Remus and Lily were asked to do their prefect duties, so Sirius and James were left to walk back to the common room.

"So," James said. "What have you got Remus for Valentine's Day?"

Sirius stopped and stared at James. "Valentine's Day?"

"Yes," James said. "Don't tell me you forgot."

"I... wait... no Valentine's Day is in May..."

"It's tomorrow, you fool!" James said, rolling his eyes and hitting Sirius over the head.

"Oh crap," Sirius said. "I haven't got him anything. I don't even know what to get for him!"

"Get him a box of chocolates or something... you know how much he loves chocolate."

"That's not enough!" Sirius said, feeling more and more worried. How could he have forgotten about Valentine's Day?

"You wanna see what I got for Lily?" James asked as they reached the door to their dormitory. Sirius nodded, hoping he could maybe get some ideas.

James headed over to his bed and opened his trunk, pulling out a mass of tangled up lingerie. Sirius pursed his lips.

"You're actually going to give those to her?" he asked.

"Yeah... then maybe she'll rethink the whole sex thing," James said, looking proud. Sirius decided not to say anything at all.

"James... do you think Remus has got me anything?" Sirius asked.

"I don't know," James replied. "But if I were you, I'd get him something anyway."

That was when it struck Sirius. He suddenly knew exactly what he was going to buy for Remus, but he had to hurry... they didn't sell them in Hogsmeade. He'd have to find another nearby town or village.

"Gotta go," he said quickly to James as he transformed into a dog and ran from the room.

He ran all the way through the school, ignoring all of the odd looks he was getting from students, and straight out of the castle.

He was going to get Remus the greatest Valentine's Day gift ever.


	11. Valentine's Day

Before Sirius even had time to open his eyes and even think about what he was doing, he could already feel the horrible nervous twist in his stomach. It made him feel as though he was going to be sick and he finally opened his eyes to see Remus lying next to him fast asleep. He felt his heart-rate pick up as he stared at the boy next to him and he leaned forward to kiss him.

Remus started stirring and then his eyes fluttered open and he kissed Sirius back, running his fingers through his hair. As Sirius pulled back, Remus smiled at him.

"I've never been kissed awake before," Remus said, touching his lips. "I loved it."

"Good," Sirius said as he pulled Remus up to his chest. "You look sexy."

"Ha!" Remus said, rolling his eyes. "You must be blind."

"No way. You're the sexiest person I've ever met... well apart from myself, but that doesn't count," Sirius said with a wink.

Remus decided it would be better not to reply to that, and he sat up, taking Sirius' hand. "So it's Valentine's Day today..."

"Yes, it is," Sirius said, feeling the nerves rush back. Remus leaned over to take something from the drawer in his bedside table and pulled out two tickets.

"What are they?" Sirius asked.

"Tickets to go to the Dragon Fang hotel in London. There was a deal on where we could get free tickets to Knight's Valley Wizarding Theme Park as well. I mean, I know we can't do it today but I've booked it for next week when it's half term," Remus said, locking their fingers together. "We haven't even been on a date yet, and I thought it would be fun."

Sirius couldn't believe it. He had been dying to visit Knight's Valley his whole life, but his parents believed that theme parks were for muggles, and so never even considered taking him. As for the Dragon Fang hotel, he had heard many stories about it and its magical rooms and restaurants, and he couldn't wait to go there.

"Wow, Rem!" he said, grinning. "This is amazing! How did you manage to afford it?"

"I've been saving up for a while," Remus said, blushing slightly. "We're booked in for a week, so it should be great."

"Yes it will," Sirius said, leaning over to kiss him on the lips. He pulled away and let out a deep breath. "I have something for you, too, babe."

"Oh yeah?" Remus said, smiling. "What have you got?"

Sirius pulled something out of the drawer on his side of the bed. Now he really felt like he would throw up. The black box was just smaller than his hand as he held it out in front of him.

"I love you," Sirius said. "You mean the absolute world to me. I will  _never_  hurt you again, and I know you won't ever hurt me because you're such a beautiful, sweet person. So... I thought since we're going to be together for the rest of our lives, why wait?"

Remus stared at Sirius with a mixture of expressions crossing his face. Happiness, shock, excitement.

"Remus... will you marry me?"

Sirius could hear clearly his heart beating thunderously in his chest. He opened the box to reveal a beautiful glimmering diamond ring. Remus looked completely lost for words. He just stared from the ring to Sirius, his mouth opening and closing but nothing coming out.

Finally, when Sirius couldn't take it anymore, he decided to speak. "So?"

Remus put his hand over his mouth and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, he looked less confused. "Sirius," he said slowly. "I would  _love_  to marry you."

"But?" Sirius said, his heart sinking.

"We're so young," Remus said, closing the box. "And it'll just be so complicated at the moment."

"How?"

"Because it's illegal in more than one way," Remus said. "Firstly, we're gay, and you  _know_  that gay marriage isn't legal."

"We can somehow get past that, baby," Sirius said, grabbing for Remus' hand. " _Please_?"

"I'm a werewolf," Remus said quietly. "Werewolves aren't allowed to get married."

"What! I've never heard that before! Why not?" Sirius shouted, outraged.

"You wouldn't have. They don't tell you that in the books – it's something we're told when we're taken to the ministry after being bitten. We were told all these rules, and marriage is forbidden."

"Well why didn't  _you_  tell me before?" Sirius asked.

"Because I... I thought you might not want to be with me... if you knew you couldn't marry me."

Sirius swallowed a lump in his throat and pulled Remus in to hug him. "I love you so much, and don't think something as stupid as that will stop us from getting married. We  _will_  get married, ok?"

Remus nodded and smiled. "Yes," he said, taking Sirius' hand and staring him in the eyes. "Yes, I will marry you. I mean, yeah, we're young, but we can be engaged without getting married straight away, right?"

"Right," Sirius said, feeling himself grinning again. Remus held out his left hand and Sirius placed the ring on his finger.

"We're getting married," Remus breathed slowly, with a smile playing on his lips. Then he lunged forwards and wrapped his arms around Sirius tightly. "I love you," he whispered.

"Yeah," Sirius said happily. "I love you, too, sweetheart."

* * *

The match against Ravenclaw went as Sirius had hoped. He had managed to catch the snitch fairly quickly, and by that time, Gryffindor had already been thirty points in the lead.

As he arrived back at the common room after winning the match, was greeted by an eruption of cheers from the rest of Gryffindor. The common room had been decorated for the party, and there were bottles of firewhiskey scattered around.

"WE DID IT!" Sirius yelled, throwing his hands in the air. Everybody in the room cheered the team again, and Sirius grabbed a bottle of firewhiskey and started chugging it down.

"Well done, babe," Remus said as he grabbed Sirius and pulled him into the corner. "You were amazing today."

"Thanks Rem," Sirius said, wobbling on the spot as the alcohol got to his head. "You... uh... are a'ways amazing."

"Oh no," Remus said. "Drunk Sirius."

"'M not drunk!" Sirius said, followed by a hiccup. "Jus' happy is all."

"Uh huh. You keep telling yourself that, Sirius," Remus said, kissing him on the cheek and leading him back to the party.

Sirius spotted Peter sitting in the corner alone and stumbled towards him. "Th'nks mate... for gettin' the alc... alc... alc'hol for everyone."

Peter looked up quickly and nodded. "No problem," he mumbled, looking back at the ground. Sirius didn't fail to notice the redness in his eyes, and sat down.

"Wha's up?"

"What? Oh... nothing."

"C'mon Pete!" Sirius said. "You look like hell."

"Thanks," Peter muttered, standing up and heading upstairs. Sirius stared after him, trying to decide whether or not to follow him. Whether Sirius wanted to admit it or not, he knew how drunk he was, so he decided he'd speak to Peter in the morning.

"REMMIE!" Sirius yelled across the room, and Remus looked up and rolled his eyes. Sirius gestured for him to come and join him, so Remus quickly headed over to him and sat down next to him.

"What?" Remus asked.

"I love you," Sirius slurred, leaning towards him. He was sure he saw Remus wince from his alcohol breath, but he didn't care. "Let-"  _hiccup_  "Uh... let's go upstairs, baby."

"Sirius-"

"C'mon Remmie!" Sirius said, putting on his best puppy-dog eyes. Without waiting for an answer, he grabbed Remus by the hand and pulled him upstairs, slamming the door behind him and throwing him down on the bed. He thrust the curtains shut and muttered a silencing charm.

"What are you doing?" Remus asked as Sirius straddled him.

"You're sexy," Sirius said, leaning down to kiss him. Remus kissed back for a moment before pushing him away and sitting up.

"We can't do this, Siri," he said, leaning against the headboard.

"Remmie please...  _please_... c'mon!" Sirius said as he tried to kiss Remus again.

"You're drunk, Sirius," Remus said. "And we talked about this the other day."

"If you... have sex wi' me baby I'll buy you all the choc'late in the world..."

Remus laughed and shook his head. "Sorry, but no. I think I should sleep in my own bed tonight... just so you aren't tempted."

"But no!" Sirius yelled.

"Yes," Remus said, leaning forward to kiss him on the forehead. "Goodnight, Sirius."

Sirius sighed as Remus left him alone on the bed. Hadn't James said that maybe Remus would want it now that they're getting married? Then again, he reminded himself, that he was pretty drunk...

Without another thought, he pulled the covers over himself and drifted off into a peaceful sleep of alcohol and Remus.


	12. The Dark Mark

Sirius woke up with the most terrible pounding headache in the morning. It felt like somebody was sitting inside his head with a drum.  _Bang bang bang_. He sat up very slowly, but no matter how slow he moved, his headache got worse. When he opened his eyes, he shut them again immediately, for the light was too bright for his hungover eyes to function properly.

He stumbled across the bedroom to Remus' bed and flopped down on it. He lay there for about a minute before realising that the only reason he was there was to see Remus, and Remus wasn't even there. Confused, he sat up and peered around the messy room. James was still fast asleep, but Peter's bed was also empty.

Sirius groaned and stood up, making his way to James' trunk. He bent down and rummaged through his stuff, until his hand touched a piece of parchment. He grabbed it and pulled it out, heading towards the door.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," he whispered, so as to not wake James. The ink started appearing all over the parchment; lines formed into a very detailed map of Hogwarts.

Sirius scanned the map a couple of times, searching for the small dot labelled 'Remus Lupin'. Before he could find him, however, he spotted another dot rested near the section of the map labelled 'The Black Lake'. Sirius couldn't understand why Regulus was sitting there all alone, but he knew he couldn't really go and talk to him after their last conversation. Deciding quickly what he was going to do, he muttered "mischief managed," and stuffed the map into his bag.

He got dressed quickly and headed downstairs through the castle and out of the doors. It was a beautiful day outside. The weather was warm, but not too sticky. There was a nice cool breeze that ran over him as he walked down the path to the stretch of grass that separated the castle from the Black Lake.

Sirius turned around and made sure nobody was watching before transforming into his animagus form – a black dog – and padding down the hill towards his brother.

Regulus was sitting at the edge of the lake, with his legs in the water. He was scribbling something down on a piece of parchment with a look of intense concentration on his face. Sirius tried to see what he was writing, but his eyesight was blurrier as a dog.

He decided he wanted his presence known, so he sat down next to Regulus and tilted his head to the side. Regulus must have been concentrating very hard on what he was writing, since he still didn't see the huge black dog sitting next to him, so Sirius let out a small bark.

Regulus jumped and turned to see him, looking a bit confused. He peered around at the castle, and couldn't see anyone else. Sirius guessed he was looking for the owner of the dog.

"How did you get in here?" he asked Sirius, stroking him on the head. "You shouldn't be here."

Sirius simply wagged his tail and moved closer, letting his tongue fall out of his mouth and staring up at Regulus with huge eyes.

"Soppy mutt," Regulus said, rolling his eyes. "Go on... off you go."

Sirius didn't move. If this was the best sort of conversation he would get with Regulus, then he wasn't going to just walk away. Regulus sighed and folded up his parchment, tucking it away in his robes pocket.

"What do you want, then? Huh?" Regulus said, crossing his legs and staring at the dog expectantly. Sirius didn't do anything, so Regulus picked up a nearby stick and threw it towards a tree a couple of metres away.

"Fetch!"

Sirius jumped to his feet and ran after it, managing to catch it in his mouth before it even touched the ground. Obviously Regulus had thought that this would get rid of him, because he was already getting his quill out again, so Sirius raced back over to him and dropped the stick by his feet, staring up at him.

"Don't you have someone else to annoy?" Regulus sighed, picking up the stick and throwing it further away this time.

Sirius raced after it again, catching it and bringing it back. This continued for a couple of minutes before Regulus gave up and threw the stick into the Black Lake. Sirius, of course, didn't chase it this time. Instead, he lifted his paw and placed it on his brother's leg, resting his head on his lap.

"You're a lovely dog, I'll give you that," Regulus said quietly, while scratching behind Sirius' ears. "I wish I could be like you. So happy, so carefree."

Sirius stared up at him and licked his hand. Regulus rolled his eyes and wiped off the drool. "I take that back. You're gross."

They stayed sitting there for a while, and Sirius was about to get up when Regulus spoke up again. "I'm so lost," he whispered. It was as though he thought that telling the dog all of his problems would somehow relieve him a little from them. "My life feels pretty messed up right now. You know what happened?"

Sirius barked in reply and closed his eyes. He felt excited about the idea that he might be able to hear what was actually going on in Regulus' head – no lies, just the absolute truth.

"I'm going to die," Regulus said quietly, and Sirius saw a tear fall from his eyes. "I'm such a coward, you know? My brother always told me that. He always liked to remind me. It's not like I can even help it! I was born like this!"

He grabbed a handful of grass and pulled it out of the soil, throwing it into the lake and wiping his eyes. "Why the hell do pureblood families  _have_  to arrange marriages for their kids, huh? What if I didn't  _want_  to marry Lisa? Do I even get the choice? Oh  _no_ , of course not! I HAVE NO CHOICE IN THIS STUPID, WORTHLESS FAMILY!"

He sighed and lay down on the grass. Sirius sat next to him and rubbed his head against Regulus' side, urging for him to carry on. "I'm sorry, Snuffles. Can I call you that? You look like a 'Snuffles' to me," Regulus said, smiling at him. "I love Sirius. It's terrible, isn't it? I love him so damned much and now I've lost my chance completely, and do you know why? Because of this family. Because if it wasn't for their stupid rules about me having to marry Lisa, then we'd still be together, and he wouldn't have ch-cheated on me."

"So what do I do?" Regulus carried on. "I finally do what he wants. I  _finally_  stand up to them and tell them I don't want to marry her, and now I'm STUCK! I'm stuck. What the hell have I done? I'll die if I d-don't... if I fail to... oh Merlin."

Regulus was now crying and Sirius knew he had to change back. He had to speak to him properly. He had no idea what was going on, but it seemed pretty serious. With a quick glance to make sure nobody was watching, Sirius transformed back into a human, right in front of Regulus' eyes.

Regulus sat up in shock and wiped the tears from his eyes. "What the... that was  _you_? But... what... I don't get it."

Sirius shrugged. "I'm an animagus," he said. "And if you tell anybody, I'll obliviate you, so don't bother."

"But... how? Isn't it supposed to be really difficult?"

"It took a long time, but I managed," Sirius said.

"Why?" Regulus asked, looking a bit shocked still.

"Because of... nothing. It doesn't matter. What matters is what you just told me, Reg."

Regulus swallowed and looked away. "Sirius, you had no right turning up like that and... and-"

"- And what? Listening to you? You talked aloud, and I heard," Sirius said.

"Well I shouldn't have said anything," Regulus said, standing up and turning to walk off. Sirius grabbed him by the arm and pulled him back down so that they were sitting next to each other.

"Tell me. You're obviously upset about something, and I want to know."

"You would hate me," Regulus said, looking down at his hands. "Like seriously,  _hate_."

"I wouldn't," Sirius said softly. "Please just tell me, Reg. Maybe I could help."

"Why do you think I would want help from  _you_?" Regulus said. "You don't even like me."

"Yes I do!" Sirius yelled. "Of course I do!"

"Then why are you still with him?" Regulus asked, his voice breaking slightly.

"I love him," Sirius whispered. "And you're right. You blew your chance with me, but it doesn't mean we still can't be friends."

"I don't want to be your friend," Regulus said. Sirius sighed.

"Then what do you want?" he asked.

"I want you to love me again."

"Well that's just... I don't...  _look_ , Reg. We had our chance and it didn't work out," Sirius said, feeling awful.

"How can you just forget everything that happened last year?" Regulus asked, slightly accusatory. "The Room of Requirement. The  _pool_! You saw it and so did I. We  _are_  going to be together."

"Maybe I was wrong," Sirius said. "Maybe it doesn't show the future. Remember, that  _was_  only a guess."

"Whatever, Sirius. I just can't believe that you can forget about everything so easily. You loved me, and nobody gets over people as quickly as that. I  _know_  you still love me somewhere inside. I just know it."

"You're wrong," Sirius said. "And you changed the subject. Why are you so anxious all the time?"

"It doesn't matter," Regulus muttered.

"Well it obviously matters to you!" Sirius said, starting to feel a bit frustrated. "You know my secret – I'm an animagus. Now tell me yours."

"It's not the same."

"Tell me!" Sirius shouted.

" _Fine_!" Regulus replied. Sirius could see that he was sweating slightly, and he looked ill with nerves. "When I asked Mum and Dad if I could get a divorce, they gave me a condition."

"What condition?"

Regulus sighed. "They said I could only do it if I... if... I j-joined him."

"Joined him? Joined who? What are you talking abou-"

But before Sirius could even finish his sentence, Regulus had pulled up his sleeve to reveal a long, black tattoo on his arm. The Dark Mark.

Sirius wasn't sure how long he stared, but he knew it must have been a while. He was broken out of his thoughts by Regulus' distressed whispers. "Please don't tell, Sirius.  _Please_."

"Don't  _tell_?"

"Yes, please don't. I didn't want to join... I swear."

"How many people," Sirius said through gritted teeth. "Have you killed?"

Regulus' eyes widened. "None! I promise! I would  _never_!"

"So that's why you're going to die then, is it? You join Voldemort without the intention of killing anyone. Of course he'll kill you. You're such a fucking idiot, you know that?!"

"Sirius, please try to understand," Regulus said desperately. "Try to put yourself in my shoes and think about it."

"Right," Sirius said. "Firstly, I wouldn't have kissed my brother to begin with, because it screws things up badly. Secondly, I wouldn't have been such a  _coward_ , thirdly, I would have stood up to Mum and Dad and run away before they could force me into anything! See, that's the differences between us! And now you're stuck. Well, good luck getting out of this one. I know one thing though. I've been telling you for  _years_  to stand up for yourself and you  _never_  listened, so here's what you get! You've had it coming for you, and if you die, I really  _really_  wouldn't care less."

"I'm sorry-"

"- No, Regulus. Don't bother. I never thought you'd stoop this low, but once again, you've proved to me what an idiot you are."

Sirius stormed off up the hill towards the castle without even a glance back.

* * *

"Where have you been?" Remus asked as Sirius slammed the door shut.

"Out."

"Where?"

"NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!"

Remus didn't answer, and Sirius glanced over to see him looking down at the floor with that look on his face – the look that Sirius knew meant that he was upset.

"I'm sorry," he said feebly, putting an arm around him that Remus shrugged off.

"Whatever."

"Really, Rem. I'm sorry. I was just annoyed. I shouldn't have taken it out on you."

"I said 'whatever', Sirius," Remus said, stalking out of the room.

Sirius closed his eyes and let out a grunt of frustration, closing his eyes and leaning back against the headboard of his bed.

* * *

When Sirius finally emerged downstairs for dinner, he made his way straight to Remus and took his hand.

"I'm sorry, babe."

"It's fine," Remus said, pulling him down next to him. "Really, I'm sorry too. I over-reacted a bit. It's just that the full moon's tonight and you know how I am."

"Well," Sirius said quietly. "We're getting married, so smile."

Remus couldn't help smiling and rested his head on Sirius' shoulder.

James and Peter dropped down opposite them at the table. "Hey," James said. He had his arm around Peter, who looked terrible.

"What's wrong?" Remus asked him worriedly.

"Mary dumped him," James whispered.

"I'm so sorry," Sirius said, feeling horrible for him. "You'll be ok though. We can get you some firewhiskey and have an anti-girl party or something."

"Ahem," Lily said from beside them. "Anti- _girl_  party?"

"I wouldn't go to it," James said quickly. "Just these two poufs and Pete."

"Hey!" Remus said, kicking James under the table.

"What?" James asked. "You are."

"Shut up, James," Sirius said. "C'mon Pete! It'll be great. It'll take your mind off that bitch who dumped you."

Peter smiled. "Yeah," he said. "Yeah, I'll sneak out tomorrow night if you want."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, why not?"

"Nobody's getting drunk though," Remus warned, and Sirius could tell it was directed at him.

"You know what?" Sirius said menacingly. "I think you'll be getting drunk for once in your life, Rem."

"No way. I won't let that happen," Remus said. Sirius smirked.

"Well, I will," he said. "Easy. I bet you ten galleons I can get you drunk tomorrow night. Deal?"

"Deal," Remus said, shaking his hand and then kissing him quickly on the lips.

 _Now it's time to plan_ , Sirius thought to himself excitedly as he finished his dinner.


	13. Confrontation

Thoughts of Regulus and Voldemort and the Dark Mark were eating Sirius up inside for the whole day. They'd been scattered in his dreams and he'd woken up a couple of times after dreaming of seeing Regulus' dead body lying at the feet of Voldemort. He was still furious with Regulus for becoming a Death Eater, but he knew from the moment he said it, that it had been a lie – he would care if his brother died, and if that did happen, he'd be completely devastated.

Sirius was sitting on his bed with the Marauders Map on his lap, searching for Peter to return. He'd left over an hour ago to go and collect some alcohol for the 'anti-girl party' they were throwing tonight.

"He's still not back?" Remus asked from his bed. Sirius peered up and made his way over to Remus.

"No, not yet. How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine," Remus said, with a small smile. "How are  _you_  feeling?"

"Me? I'm fine. Why do you ask?" Sirius said quickly.

"You just look a bit distressed, that's all," Remus said. "Have I done something?"

Sirius ran his fingers through Remus' hair and planted a kiss on his forehead. "No way. Don't worry about it, Rem."

"Why can't you tell me?"

"Because... it's just not my secret to tell," Sirius said simply. "Are you sure you want to join in tonight? I mean, you're still recovering from the Full Moon last night."

"I'm sure."

"Okay then," Sirius said. "Well, you should sleep. I'll wake you up when Wormy gets back."

"Night, Sirius."

"Love you," Sirius replied. Remus smiled and closed his eyes as Sirius pulled the covers over him. Sirius stood up and headed towards James' bed, which had the curtains drawn. He opened the curtains and peered in, immediately closing the curtains again and gagging.

"SIRIUS BLACK!" came James' furious shout, breaking the silencing charm he had obviously placed on the bed beforehand. The curtains opened and James' head poked out, his hair more ruffled than usual and his face very flushed. "Ever heard of  _knocking_?"

"I... just... sorry... I never saw anything... and how can I  _knock_  on curtains anyway? Especially since you had a silencing charm up!"

" _Maybe_  the fact the curtains were closed meant 'do not disturb'."

"Merlin Prongs," Sirius said. "I'm really sorry, I wasn't thinking."

"Well think next time," James said angrily. "Now can you disappear while Lily gets dressed?"

"Oh... uh sure, yeah. I'll just... go downstairs for a bit," Sirius said awkwardly, stumbling towards the door and rushing out.

Why the hell were they having sex anyway, in a room where anybody could walk in? The initial awkwardness and embarrassment had washed away from Sirius' mind, and now it was just hurt. How was it that Lily was ready to have sex with James, but Remus wasn't ready to have sex with  _him_? Was there something wrong with him?

A very flushed looking Lily came running down the stairs, avoiding eye contact with Sirius as she made her way across the common room.

"Hey Lily!" Sirius shouted, and she scowled at him before leaving the room. Only seconds later, James appeared and sat down next to him.

"I can't believe you!" James said.

"Well you shouldn't have been doing it in the room... where any of us could just walk in on you!" Sirius pointed out in defence. "Do it some place private next time."

"Oh yeah, like where?" James challenged.

"The Room of Requirement," Sirius said in a tone that indicated it was the most obvious thing ever. "That's where me and Reg used to go."

James closed his eyes and nodded. "Right. I really didn't need to hear about you having sex with your brother, Sirius. Gross."

"You know you love it really," Sirius said, ducking out of the way when James swung for him.

"No, I really don't," James replied, rolling his eyes. "What's happened to your anti-girl party then?"

"I have no idea," Sirius said. "Wormy hasn't returned yet."

"Probably got side-tracked at Honeydukes," James joked.

"Will you help me get Remus drunk?" Sirius asked hopefully. James raised his eyebrows.

"You want to get  _Remus_  drunk? That's impossible..."

"No it's not!" Sirius protested.

"Remus Lupin – the werewolf... in other words, the one with the excellent sense of smell... he'll be able to smell the alcohol straight away if you try to spike his drink," James said.

"Crap," Sirius said. "I never thought of that. C'mon James, help me think of something."

"Why don't you get him to take part in a game, and the loser has to have a shot of Firewhiskey? That way he  _has_  to drink, and you can sway the game so he loses."

"YES!" Sirius said excitedly. "Great idea... the ideas are already popping into my head."

"Glad to be of help," James said proudly. "And I think I'd like to see Moony get drunk, so I'm coming to your anti-girl party."

"No swooning over Lily though," Sirius warned, and James nodded. "By the way, can I ask you something?"

"Is this about what you saw?" James asked.

"Kinda," Sirius said. "I just wanted to know how you got her to... you know... give in."

"She told me she was ready," James said. "It was music to my ears, believe me. But seriously Padfoot, don't try to rush Remus. He'll let you know when he's ready."

"He's taking too long," Sirius muttered. James gave him a sympathetic smile and sighed.

"Where  _is_  Peter?"

On cue, Peter burst into the room and ran straight up to the dormitory. James and Sirius exchanged confused glances and followed him upstairs.

"What happened?" Sirius asked when they reached the dormitory.

"Oh... nothing," Peter said, looking very pale.

"Yeah right, mate," James said. "Doesn't look like nothing. You look like you saw a ghost."

"Yeah, Nearly Headless Nick. Saw him on my way up," Peter said.

"Ha ha," Sirius said, rolling his eyes. "If nothing's up, why are you so late back, and why don't you have any alcohol?"

"Oh," Peter said quickly. "I must have forgot!"

"Pete, what's up?" James asked seriously. "You can tell us."

"No," Peter said shakily. "No I can't. I'm sorry, I need to sleep."

With that, he pulled his curtains closed and didn't say another word.

"No party?" asked Remus, who had obviously just woken. He rubbed his eyes and yawned. Sirius shrugged.

"I guess not," he said. "Wonder what's up with Wormtail?"

"I don't know," James said. "Remus, find out for us will you?

"Why me?" Remus asked.

"Because people like talking to you about problems," James said. " _Please_?"

"Fine," said Remus. "I'll speak to him tomorrow."

"Well if there's no party, I'm going to bed," Sirius groaned.

* * *

The next couple of days went by slowly as Remus recovered from the Full Moon. James and Lily avoided being together around Sirius, which was a relief because the image of them going at it was scarring Sirius' brain. Peter was still acting strange, and nobody had managed to get a word out of him about it – not even Remus, who he usually told everything to – which was worrying to them all. Sirius was still worried about Regulus on top of all of that. It seemed that everything was piling up again and he just needed a break.

It was the last day before half term, when he and Remus would be taking the week away to the Dragon Fang hotel, and he couldn't wait. It would just be them, all alone, for a whole week...

Oh, the possibilities.

Sirius headed down through the secret passage to Honeydukes cellar. He'd received a letter from Remus' father after his seventh attempt of talking to him about Remus being gay. They were supposed to meet at Hogsmeade in front of the Hog's Head at 12pm today, so he was heading over there. He hadn't told Remus about this – he wanted it to be a surprise when he told him his parents were going to let him move back in.

"Shouldn't you be in school?" asked the elderly woman behind the counter at Honeydukes as she eyed Sirius suspiciously. Sirius winked.

"Shh."

She shot him a disapproving look as he left the shop and headed down the road towards the Hog's Head. Finally, he reached the pub and Remus' father was nowhere in sight.

He waited for a while until, at last, he spotted the man. Fifteen minutes late, Sirius noted sourly.

"Hi, Mr. Lupin. Thank you for coming," Sirius said quickly, going to shake his hand, but the man ignored his gesture.

"Don't thank me," he said angrily. "I had to come all the way up here to tell you this since I can't seem to get through to you in my letters."

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked.

"I AM FUCKING FED UP WITH YOU SENDING ME LETTERS! TRYING TO GET ME TO CHANGE MY MIND ABOUT KICKING OUT MY FAGGOT CHILD! IT WON'T HAPPEN!"

Remus' father pushed Sirius up against the wall of the pub and held him there by his neck. Sirius tried to pry away his fingers, but the man was too strong.

"IS IT  _MY_  FAULT THAT MY SON IS SO DISGUSTING AND FOUL? NO! IT'S FUCKING WELL NOT MY FAULT. IT'S YOURS! YOU'VE CAUSED ME AND MY WIFE SO MUCH PAIN AND CRAP AND YOU START SENDING ME LETTERS TELLING ME THAT  _I_  NEED TO CHANGE  _MY_  ATTIDTUDE? FUCK YOU!"

He tightened his grip on Sirius' neck. Sirius was now gasping for breath as Mr. Lupin dropped him to the floor and bent down to pick him up again. Without any warning, his fist made contact with Sirius' face hard and he fell to the floor again.

"DON'T YOU  _DARE_  TRY TO SPEAK TO ME AGAIN! DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE, YOU PATHETIC LITTLE BASTARD, OR I SWEAR NEXT TIME I'LL KILL YOU."

His eyes bore into Sirius', and Sirius felt so much hatred bubble up inside him. He couldn't believe someone as amazing as Remus could have a father as nasty as this. The man raised his fist and before Sirius could react, he received a painful blow to the jaw.

Remus' father walked off before Sirius could do or say anything else.

The pain was horrible. He was pretty sure his nose was broken, and he was also pretty sure he had a black eye. His neck was burning from the strain it had been under and his was struggling to breath. He couldn't even find the strength to move, so he sat there and closed his eyes.

Thank god half term was starting tomorrow, he thought in relief.


	14. Lying

Sirius stumbled back through the castle, feeling weaker and weaker by the second. He just needed to get into bed and relax. His face felt as though it was throbbing and it was a horrible feeling. He passed a mirror in a corridor and doubled back when he caught a glimpse of his reflection. If he hadn't known it was himself in the mirror, he would not have recognised himself. He looked like a complete mess – a hideous mess. He grimaced at his reflection, and decided it was probably best to head for the hospital wing first to make sure his nose wasn't broken.

When Madame Pomfrey spotted him in the doorway her face fell and she rushed over to him in concern.

"What happened?" she asked in horror as she drew closer to his bruised and battered face.

"I... got into a fight," Sirius lied. He couldn't stand the thought of people finding out that Remus' father was as violent as that.

"With who?"

"Just some guy," Sirius said. "It's fine. We made up now."

"Merlin, sit down. What's your name?" Madame Pomfrey asked.

"It's me, Sirius... Sirius Black," Sirius said, half amused that she didn't recognise him.

"Black? Whoever did this to you has done a lot of damage. You boys, you think it's 'cool' to beat each other up. It's childish if you ask me. And who gained anything out of it? Certainly not you," she said disapprovingly as she started to wipe the blood off of his face. "It seems as though you have a broken nose. You'll need to take this potion three times a day for the next three days," she said, handing him a clear potion. "Your nose should heal, but  _only_  if you relax and don't get into any more fights."

"Ok, can I go now?" Sirius asked.

"Certainly not!" Madame Pomfrey said. "You can't go around school looking like this!"

"I don't mind," Sirius said, desperate to get away. "I'll borrow some makeup off a girl or something."

"That'll be a sight for sore eyes," she said, rolling her eyes and letting him stand up. "Off you go then."

* * *

"What the  _hell_  happened to  _you_ ?" James asked as Sirius came through the portrait hole.

"I'll tell you about it later, ok?" Sirius said quietly as people stared at his face in a mixture of horror and disgust. "Is Remus upstairs?"

"Yeah," James said, staring after Sirius in confusion as he headed up to the dormitory.

When he walked in, he raised his eyebrows at Peter. "Why in hell's name are you wearing a long-sleeved  _woolly_  jumper when it's boiling outside?"

Peter went very pale and shrugged. "I didn't know it was warm."

"Fair enough," Sirius said.

"What happened to your face?" Peter asked, and Sirius grimaced.

"You don't want to know."

He opened the curtains to Remus' bed to see him scribbling down some notes from a rather big Ancient Runes text book. He looked up at the sound of the curtains being pulled back and his face fell as he took in the state of his boyfriend.

"What happened?"

"It's nothing," Sirius muttered. He could  _never_  tell him that it was his father that had done that to Sirius. Remus slammed his book shut and stood up.

"Sirius. Tell me who did it."

"It was... just... I got into an argument with somebody. No big deal," Sirius said.

"No big deal? Your face is completely messed up! Who did this to you, babe?" Remus asked, running a hand softly over one of Sirius' bruises.

_Think, think, think._

"It was Regulus," he said quickly. "I was walking along and he had a go at me because he still loves me and I don't want him back."

"Seriously?" Remus asked, his expression changing.

"Yeah," Sirius lied. Remus nodded and grabbed the Marauder's Map off the table next to him and started scanning it. He folded it up again and quicker than Sirius would have thought possible, Remus was out the door and storming down through the common room. Sirius ran after him. "Hey, Rem! Wait!"

Remus didn't. He kept walking straight down the stairs and into the dungeons.

"Remus, what are you doing?!" Sirius shouted, struggling to keep up with him.

He heard a shout and a flash of light in the corridor where Remus had entered. Sirius rushed forwards and jumped back behind the wall as a flash of light almost hit him in the shoulder.

"HOW  _DARE_  YOU HURT HIM!" he heard Remus yell.

"WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!? I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING!"

 _Oh crap_ , Sirius thought as he finally realised what was going on. He knew he shouldn't have lied about it.

"Shut up, you liar!" Remus shouted. Sirius crept round the corner to find Remus standing nose to nose with Regulus, their wands pointing straight at each other's chests.

"I have no idea what the hell you're talking about, but I have work to do," Regulus said, shoving Remus into the wall and stalking off.

Remus raised his wand and shot a spell at Regulus who collapsed. "Don't you dare! You  _know_  what you did to him!"

"Did to  _who_?" Regulus asked through gritted teeth as he stood up. "I haven't done anything, I already told you that!"

"Yeah right," Remus said sarcastically. Regulus raised his wand and Sirius jumped between them.

"STOP IT!" he shouted.

"What happened to your face?" Regulus asked in horror.

"Like you don't know," Remus said angrily. "You're the one who did that to him!"

"WHAT?!" Regulus yelled incredulously. "Are you  _out_  of your mind?"

"You know what?" Remus said, looking angrier than Sirius had ever seen him. "You're just jealous because he chose me over you! Deal with it. He chose  _me_."

"Like I'd be jealous of  _you_ ," Regulus scoffed. "Look at you. You're not even good-looking, you're a  _Gryffindor_  and you look like a stick."

"Better than looking like a ghost," Remus replied. "I mean why are you so pale anyway?"

"Guys, please stop," Sirius said, although he was slightly amused by the petty insults they were coming up with.

"Sirius doesn't even love you!" Regulus yelled. "He only went back to you because I screwed up. If I hadn't, he'd still be with me."

"Will you  _did_  screw up, didn't you?" Remus said. "So he's mine now. You can't take him from me. Especially if you think that you'll get him back by beating him up! You're crazy!"

"For the last  _fucking_  time!" Regulus shouted in frustration. "I didn't beat him up!"

"See, what Sirius and I have is trust – something  _you_  wouldn't know anything about," Remus said. "He wouldn't lie to me, and he told me you did it to him!"

Sirius felt his heart drop. Remus was going to hate him if he found out the truth. Regulus let out a harsh laugh.

"I didn't do anything to Sirius. I wouldn't ever  _dream_  of hurting him. Looks to me like you two don't have much trust at all."

"Stop trying to turn me against him," Remus said, tightening his grip on his wand. "I  _know_  Sirius would never lie to me."

"Oh my fucking god!" Regulus said. "SIRIUS, WOULD YOU JUST TELL HIM I DIDN'T DO IT?!"

Sirius swallowed and looked from Remus to Regulus as they stared at him expectantly.

"Look," he said quietly. "I lied BUT I had a reason-"

"-THANK YOU!" Regulus said loudly. "Apology,  _please_."

Remus stared at him furiously and lowered his wand. "You really didn't hurt him?"

"No, he didn't," Sirius said. "I'm so sorry I lied to you, I'll explain it all, I promise."

"I'm sorry," Remus muttered to Regulus, who glared back and stalked off in the opposite direction. Remus sighed.

"Thanks," he said bitterly. "Thanks for making me look like a complete fool."

"Babe, I'm so sorry," Sirius said desperately. "I mean it."

"I don't want to talk about it," Remus said. "I just... never thought you'd lie to me."

"I had a reason-"

"- We're supposed to be getting married!" Remus said. "How do you expect me to marry you if I can't even trust you to be honest with me about things?"

"This is the only time, I swear," Sirius said.

"You swear?" Remus asked. "And how do I know  _that_  isn't a lie?"

"Please, Remus. I beg you, please let it slide," Sirius said. "I'll do anything. I'll tell you why I lied."

"Okay then," Remus said. "Why did you lie to me?"

"I didn't want to hurt you," Sirius said. "And I know I did now. By lying to you, but I swear I did it for your own benefit."

"Just get to it," Remus said.

"Since Christmas, I've been sending letters to your parents. I've been begging them to see reason, and your Dad wanted to meet me in Hogsmeade to 'discuss things'."

Remus looked slightly shocked at the news – he hadn't had any idea that Sirius had been speaking to them.

"Anyway, I went to meet your Dad this morning and I really thought he was reconsidering the idea of us being together, and letting you move back in," Sirius said. "He wasn't. He did this to me. I'm so sorry, Remus."

"My  _Dad_  hurt you?" Remus asked in shock. "He beat you up?"

"Yeah, and I didn't want to tell you because it's your Dad... I didn't want you to be upset," Sirius said.

"At the end of the day, Sirius, I'd rather know the truth," Remus said softly. "I'm not mad. Well, I'm mad at  _him_  for doing that to you, but I'm not mad at you. I know you did it to protect my feelings, but please tell me the truth in the future."

"I promise I will," Sirius said, pulling Remus towards him. "Now will you kiss me even though my face makes me look like some mixture between an inferius and a vampire?"

Remus laughed and leaned up to kiss him. "You're still perfect to me," he said.

"I love you so much," Sirius said. "I want you to know that. What Reg said... that I didn't love you... that's not true at all, I swear. I love you more than you could imagine, I hope you know that."

Remus smiled. "I know," he said, leaning against Sirius' chest. "And I hope you know I love you too."

"Get a room," came a bored voice. They both turned to see James standing there with the Marauder's Map. "Ah, not nice to be caught in the act, is it Sirius?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "We weren't doing anything."

"Not yet, anyway," Remus whispered, grabbing Sirius' hand and kissing it softly. "Come on, let's get packing. We're going on holiday tomorrow."

Sirius grinned and his stomach fluttered at the thought of spending a week with Remus – especially after what he had just said.


	15. The Hotel

"Come on, Sirius," Remus said as Sirius lugged his full Hogwarts trunk down the path that led to Hogsmeade. "We won't need all of that stuff."

"You never know what we'll need till we get there," Sirius said defensively. "I can't believe I'm going to a hotel - a  _romantic_  hotel may I add – with a messed up face. What a way to kill the vibe."

"Sirius, don't worry about it," Remus said, squeezing his hand. Sirius looked down and smiled at him. What did he ever do to deserve someone like Remus?  _You don't deserve him_ , he told himself at the thought.  _You're just very very lucky_.

They finally reached the bottom of the path and were standing at the corner of the cobbled street that was the village of Hogsmeade. "So how does it work?" Remus asked.

Sirius racked his brain for something on how to call the Knight Bus. He was pretty sure he'd been taught it at some point. Most of the things his parents had taught him had just went through one ear and out the other, as most of it was useless rubbish about blood purity.

"I can't remember," he said faintly, while desperately trying to remember. One thing he could remember though was when he was little. His mother had been in a lot of pain and he wasn't sure why. He remembered his father mentioning the hospital, and they both disappeared with a  _crack_. He had sat there wondering what was going on – back then he didn't hate his parents. He couldn't believe they'd left him there all by himself.

He'd grabbed his coat and his mother's wand, and he'd run straight out of the house. He'd called out to them but there was no reply. It was when he tripped over his shoelace that he threw his hands out in front of him and moments later, a huge, triple-deckered bus had appeared in front of him. He remembered being truly frightened but at the same time excited as he'd asked the conductor to take him to the hospital all by himself. It was later when he found his father sitting alone in the corridor that he was yelled at for coming to the hospital by himself, but he wasn't in much trouble, for everybody's anger seemed to disappear when the nurse called them in to meet baby Regulus.

Sirius smiled at the memory. "I think you need to hold your wand out into the road."

Remus looked at him sceptically and decided not to question him. He took his wand out of his robes and held it out in front of him. Just as Sirius had remembered, the bus appeared before them, looking much smaller than Sirius remembered it.

"It's shrunk," Sirius said quietly.

"Or you've grown," Remus said, rolling his eyes. "Come on."

"Where can I take you boys today?" asked an old witch with wispy white hair. She was wearing a blindingly bright orange robe with snitches on it. Sirius grimaced.

"Um, the Dragon Fang Hotel, in London," he said quickly, trying to avert his eyes from the hideous robes.

They handed over their galleons and headed up the stairs to the second floor of the bus. There was nobody else there, as most of the other passengers were on the bottom floor. Sirius could remember from his last experience that the bus wasn't exactly comfortable. He could distinctly remember being thrown around and almost flying through a window before another passenger managed to grab him by his foot and pull him back inside.

"Uh, Rem?" he said. "I think we'd better hold on pretty tightly."

"Why?" Remus asked. Before Sirius could answer, the bus started moving and Remus was flung forwards right into him and they fell over, with Remus lying on top of Sirius.

"Could've just asked if you wanted to be on top, babe," Sirius said, smirking. Remus flushed and attempted to get up, but Sirius held him in place.

"Come on, Sirius, not now," Remus mumbled, his face still bright red.

"You look really hot when you blush like that," Sirius said, pulling Remus closer to him and kissing him.

As Sirius had expected, Remus blushed even more. "No," he said. "Sirius, look, the bus has stopped. Anybody could come on right now, and we're in a pretty dodgy position."

"Spoil-sport," Sirius muttered as he let go of Remus, and they both stood up. "We should probably sit down."

"Yeah," Remus agreed.

* * *

Half an hour later, they were standing in front of an old muggle train station that had signs all over it saying 'stay out' and 'closed' and 'enter at your own risk'. This time it was Sirius' turn to look at Remus sceptically. "Are you sure this is the right place?"

"Yep," Remus said, though his voice sounded fairly uncertain. "When I booked it, they sent a picture of this place and instructions on how to get in."

"Right..." Sirius said, staring at the dirty station in confusing. "Go on then, Moony. How do we get in?"

"We fly over the top of it on Thestrals and drop through the ceiling," Remus said. "Really Sirius, we go through the front door, obviously."

Sirius laughed and nodded as the stepped towards the door and Sirius shoved it open cautiously. The creaky door swung open to reveal a long staircase leading downwards. Sirius felt his heart beating.  _Such a coward_ , he told himself.

"Stop being such a scaredy-cat," Remus said, smirking and grabbing his hand. "Come on."

They walked down the stairs lugging their trunks behind them. The echoes filled the huge empty train station, making Sirius feel more and more nervous. Finally, they reached the bottom and Sirius could see an abandoned train sitting at the platform.

"We're not getting on that are we?" he asked, desperately hoping Remus would say no.

"Of course we are," Remus said, pulling out their tickets and slotting them into a small slit in the train door.

The scratchy speakers around the room came to life as a voice emitted from them. "Welcome to the Dragon Fang Hotel. Please state your names and how long you are staying for."

"Er... Remus Lupin and Sirius Black. We're staying for a week," Remus said quietly from beside him, and Sirius wondered whether they had actually been able to hear him. They obviously had, as the door to the train suddenly opened and Remus squeezed Sirius' hand.

"Let's go," he said, pulling Sirius onto the train. "Should we sit down? You know, in case it's anything like the Knight Bus?"

"Yeah, we probably should," Sirius said quickly. They took their seats and the train began to move. At first it was slow, but it gradually sped up until they were going so fast that Sirius felt like he was going to throw up. He was thankful when the train started slowing down again, and then finally came to a halt.

They sat in pure darkness for a moment, and Sirius had a horrible suspicion that the train had broken down. Then, suddenly the train was flooded with light as a door opened up on the other side of the train.

They hurried over to the light and stepped out of the train. They both stared around in complete awe.

The hotel was in absolute contrast to the grimy train station that they had just been in. It was utter luxury. They seemed to be standing in the lobby. The walls rose so high that Sirius couldn't even see the roof. The floor was made of some sort of marble, but he knew it wasn't marble. It sort of glimmered in a way that it looked as though they were standing on top of rippling water. He felt Remus tug at his sleeve and he was forced to look away from the magnificent floor and look up at the fountain standing in the middle of the room.

They stepped closer to it and peered in to see images floating around. It reminded Sirius guiltily of the pool in the Room of Requirement. He didn't dare look to see what the images were, just in case...

"This place is amazing," Remus said from beside him.

"I know," Sirius replied, pulling Remus away from the fountain for fear that he would see something he didn't want him to see.

"Shall we sign in?" Remus asked, nodding towards the front desk, where a young wizard sat scribbling away on his parchment.

"Sure."

They pulled their trunks along behind them and stopped when they reached the front desk. The wizard who was sat in front of them was wearing navy blue robes with the hotel's logo on the front; a Hebridean Black dragon with the large silver italic ' _DFH'_ intertwined through the dragon's open mouth.

The man behind the desk looked up as they approached and gave them a warm smile. "Welcome," he said, setting his quill down. "How may I help you today?"

"We've just arrived," Sirius said, leaning against the desk lazily and receiving an 'oh my god, Sirius, don't do that' look from Remus. Sirius rolled his eyes at his boyfriend.

"Right, so first you'll need your stamps," the man said, obviously not minding Sirius' lounging against the desk.

"Stamps?" Remus asked.

"Sure," the man said cheerfully. "We stamp your hands with our logo, and it just indicates that you're supposed to be here. That way you can get in and out with the scanner on the train. Just give me a moment," he said, scanning the paperwork in front of him and pulling out a long piece of parchment. He ran his finger down and then let out an 'oh' of apprehension and pulled out a huge black folder. "Names, please."

"It should be under 'Black'," Remus said quietly, smiling up at Sirius. The man behind the desk flipped to another page and nodded.

"Sirius Black and... Remus Lupin? You're here for a week, am I correct?" he asked. Sirius nodded. "Right," the man said. "May I borrow your right hands for a moment?"

Sirius reached over the desk as the man picked up a stamp and stamped his hand with the same logo that was on his own robes. Remus did the same, and then the man frowned.

"Oh," he said. "It says here that you're down for a double room. We can change that for you if you'd like... I mean it's much cheaper as well."

Sirius and Remus exchanged glances and Sirius shook his head.

"Er no," he said quickly. "We want the double room."

The man behind him looked slightly surprised and then a rush of understanding washed over him and he cleared his throat awkwardly. "Oh right," he said. "Yeah, sure. You'll be staying in room 733, and our concierge here, Lucy, will show you the way and answer any questions you might have."

A woman appeared from behind them, looking overly cheerful. "Good evening. I hope you enjoy your stay here at the Dragon Fang Hotel. May I assist you to your room?"

"Yeah, thank you," Remus said, as Lucy pulled her wand out.

" _Wingardium Leviosa_ ," she said clearly, pointing her wand at their trunks and leading the way with their floating trunks in front of her. "So, is this your first ever stay?"

"Yeah," Sirius said, staring around the place as she led them out of the lobby and to a long passageway.

"Well, you'll love it here," Lucy said. "It's the world's greatest hotel for the wizarding community, did you know that? I bet you didn't. But it is. I mean, even  _I_ love it here and I'm just a concierge, that's how lovely it is."

Sirius glanced at Remus who was also trying not to laugh at her over-enthusiasm.

"Here's the elevator," she said brightly, pointing to the lift. "Come, I'll show you how it works!"

They followed her inside and the door slid shut behind them. "All you need to do is enter your room number into this key pad here," she gestured towards the key pad and lifted the keys that were in her hands. "Room 733," she murmured, while entering the numbers.

The elevator was filled with awkward silence as it made its way to their room. Finally, it came to a halt and the doors opened to reveal a short corridor. "Follow me," she said, stepping out. "Your room!" she said, pointing towards a mahogany door with '733' written in golden print.

Lucy reached out with the key to unlock the door and Sirius tried not to look  _too_  surprised at how big the room was – after all, wasn't Lucy enthusiastic enough?

"I'll leave you here," she said, letting their trunks fall to the ground and reaching into her pocket. "This is a map of the hotel. To get anywhere, you'll have to return to the lobby first and then you can see on the map where you'll need to go. Our hotel has hundreds and hundreds of exciting rooms to explore, from an underwater scuba diving room to our inside Quidditch Pitch. You'll find the full list on the back of the map here. We have three restaurants, and if you want details, please check the back of the map too. Do you have any further enquiries?"

Sirius shook his head, staring around at the bedroom. It must have had an undetectable extension charm cast on it, as it was bigger than the dormitory back at Hogwarts. There was a king size four-poster bed sitting in the middle of the room, with a huge Jacuzzi in the corner emitting steam. Sirius stared at it longingly.

"I hope you enjoy your stay!" Lucy smiled.

"Thanks," Remus replied, looking as in awe of the place as Sirius was. Lucy handed Remus the key to the room and headed back out of the door again and closing it behind her.

"I love you so much for this," Sirius said quickly, grabbing Remus' hand and leading him over to the bed and sitting down.

Remus grinned at him and opened up the map of the hotel. "Let's see. You don't want to go to any of the rooms tonight, do you?"

"Nah," Sirius said. "I just want to get into that Jacuzzi."

Remus laughed and rested his head on Sirius' shoulder. "There's so much here. Look, a room to hear another person's thoughts, a room to see the future, a room to see the  _past_ , a room to – oh wow – a room to relive memories... this is amazing."

"We should definitely go to some of those in the morning," Sirius said excitedly. "And what about the theme park?"

"How about the day after tomorrow?" Remus asked.

"Definitely," Sirius said, standing up. "But for now, Jacuzzi time! You'd better come in."

"Do I have a choice?" Remus asked, and Sirius smirked and shook his head.

"Of course not."


	16. Clouds

Sirius woke up the next morning to find Remus snuggled against him, his arms wrapped tightly around Sirius' waist and his face pressed against Sirius' chest. He could feel the smaller boy's chest falling and rising peacefully, and he moved his hand up to stroke his hair.

 _A whole week of this_ , Sirius though happily as he stared down at Remus. He knew he couldn't have found a more perfect boyfriend if he'd tried. Remus was everything that Sirius wanted and needed, and more. He pulled Remus closer and inhaled his scent.  _Amazing_.

Remus stirred and Sirius watched as his eyes fluttered open. "Hey there," Sirius said. Remus looked up at him tiredly and a smile came to his face.

"Hi," he said, reaching up to touch Sirius' face. "I had a dream about you."

"Did you now?" Sirius said, feeling a tingle in his stomach. "And what happened in your dream?"

"We did... stuff," Remus said, blushing. "Good stuff... fun stuff."

"Sexy stuff?" Sirius asked, winking. Remus laughed.

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Wish I could've been there," Sirius said longingly.

"You were there... you know... in my dream," Remus teased. "You can be there next time though."

"I can?"

"Yeah," Remus said leaning up and bringing them closer together in a soft kiss. "Does tonight sound good?"

Sirius couldn't believe his ears. Tonight? He felt his heart beating faster and faster and he smiled down at Remus and nodded.

"Definitely," he said. "Tonight sounds amazing."

"Good," Remus said, smiling and sitting up. "Shall we go down for breakfast?"

* * *

"Wow, look at this place!"

The restaurant they were sitting in was beautiful. Everything was polished and spotless, their reflections shining off of every surface they came near. There were vases and vases of the most exotic and exciting flowers they had ever seen. They were seated in the corner by a young girl who looked no older than twenty. She smiled at them.

"What can I get you today?"

"Can we have a menu please?" Remus asked politely.

"We don't do menus here," she replied. "We do everything. Literally everything. Just ask, and we'll bring you it."

Sirius felt himself grin. "Right," he said, rubbing his hands together. "I'll have sausages, eggs, bacon, French toast, tomato, hash browns, mushrooms... um... pancakes, peaches, watermelon, ham and cheese sandwiches and... some doughnuts."

The waitress gave him an odd look and then muttered something to her Quick-Quotes Quill, which started scribbling things down. "And what would you like, Sir?" she asked Remus.

"I'll just have some scrambled eggs and toast, please," he said. The waitress smiled.

"Your food will be here in ten minutes," she said. "May I get you anything to drink?"

"I'll have some coffee please," Remus said. She turned to Sirius.

"Butterbeer," he said with a grin. She gave him another odd look before smiling and heading back towards the kitchen with her Quick-Quotes Quill right behind her.

"You're going to be so full," Remus said after she left.

"Why not make the most of it?" Sirius said. "Everything's already been paid for, and you can eat  _whatever_  you want! Why not eat as much as I can?"

"Fair enough," Remus said, obviously not wanting to argue.

"Rem?" Sirius said quietly.

"What?"

"Will you play Quidditch with me later?" he asked. "I know you don't like it, but there's going to be a Quidditch match later and I really want you to play with me."

Remus sighed and reached out to take Sirius' hand. "I'll do it, just for you."

"Siriusly?!" Sirius asked excitedly. "You really will?"

"Yes," Remus said, rolling his eyes at Sirius' use of his name pun. "But I'll be terrible."

"No you won't!" Sirius said. "You'll look so sexy on that broom that nobody else will be able to concentrate on the game and we'll win."

"Right..." Remus said, staring at Sirius with worry. "I really think you need your eyes tested. I am  _not_  sexy."

"I'm sure we've been through this before," Sirius said. "You're sexy. Really sexy. Too sexy for your own good, in fact. Just accept it, babe."

Remus smiled. "If you say so."

Their food arrived and Sirius immediately regretted ordering his three plates of food.

* * *

"Come on Sirius, choose a room to go to!" Remus said impatiently as Sirius stared at the map of the hotel.

"There are just so many!"

"I know that, but we'll never be able to go to them if you don't choose one," Remus said.

"Fine!" Sirius said. "How about... ah, how about the one where you get to relive a memory."

"Why not?" Remus said, smiling and taking Sirius' hand. "Lead the way."

They got lost a couple of times before Remus took the map and found the way immediately. When they reached the door, they stepped inside and were met with another door, with a board on it. Sirius hastened to read what it said:

' _When you step through this door, you will be taken back to the happiest moment of your life. If you are entering the room with another person, they will not be with you when you get there, as the happiest moment of their life may be different to yours. To leave, you must raise your wand and say the incantation 'relinquo' and you will return back to this room.'_

"Shall we do it?" Sirius asked.

"Yeah," Remus said, grinning. "Let's go."

They stepped forwards and opened the door. Inside, all Sirius could see was a thick grey mist. It looked daunting, and he hated to admit he was slightly scared to step in. Before he could say anything, Remus jumped through the door leaving him alone.  _If Rem can do it, so can you_ , he told himself. Gulping, he closed his eyes and stepped into the mist.

"I don't think it's sunlight," a voice said.  _No,_ Sirius thought.  _No way._

He quickly opened his eyes and he felt like crying. He was where he'd suspected he'd be – The Room of Requirement. With Regulus.

He couldn't do this... but he wanted to... so badly. Sirius stared down at Regulus' pale arm, completely free of any hideous Dark Mark. He looked up at Regulus' face and felt himself melt under that gaze.

Maybe he  _could_  do this. It wasn't like it was cheating on Remus, right? It was something that had already happened...

 _No, you horny git_ , a voice yelled in his head.  _Remus wants to be with you tonight, just wait._

With that, he raised his wand and said "relinquo". Instantly he was standing back in the room with the door, and he felt extremely proud of himself for not giving in to temptation. He decided he'd better think of a lie to cover up for the happiest moment of his life being in the Room of Requirement with Regulus.

After a while, Remus appeared with a huge smile on his face. He threw his arms around Sirius and sighed. "That was amazing."

"What was your memory?" Sirius asked in interest.

"Us... when we kissed, you know when we got back together," Remus said. "When you blurted out that you still loved me."

"Oh, that," Sirius said, grinning at the memory. "Yeah, that was a great day."

Remus nodded. "What was yours?"

"When you said you'd marry me," Sirius lied. Remus looked up at him and smiled.

"I love you," he said quietly.

"I love you, too," Sirius replied, pulling Remus towards the door and stepping out. "Where do you want to go next?"

"How about this one?" Remus asked, pointing to the very room Sirius had taken an interest in.

"Yeah, this one sounds great," Sirius said.

* * *

' _Enter with the knowledge that things may not be as you may wish them to be. This shows the future. It cannot be changed, cannot be altered. Only enter if you are able to accept what you see. To leave, you must raise your wand and say the incantation 'relinquo' and you will return back to this room.'_

Sirius glanced nervously at Remus, who nodded. In all honesty, Sirius felt like he needed to visit this room. Whenever he thought of the future, he thought of spending the rest of his life with Remus. However, that was usually short-lived, as he would always remember the pool in the Room of Requirement and desperately wish someone could just tell him what the hell was going to happen in the future.

They stepped through the doors and were greeted by another room filled with doors. Each door had writing on it; '5 years', '6 years', '7 years'.

"How about twenty years?" Remus asked. Sirius nodded in excitement. He was about to see what he'd be doing twenty years from now. They stepped through into the familiar grey mist and Sirius was all alone. He assumed that it worked the way the other one did – he wouldn't see Remus until they came out again.

But nothing happened. He stood waiting and waiting but everything was black.  _This is odd_ , he thought. He wondered if maybe twenty years was too far to travel to the future. Deciding finally that he couldn't be bothered to wait anymore, he raised his wand and mumbled "relinquo". He was suddenly back in the room, but Remus hadn't returned yet.

Sirius decided to try another door. His hand hovered over the door with the '17 years' written on it.  _That's double the age I am now_ , he thought, and nodded to himself as he opened the door and stepped inside.

This time, it was very different. The scene swirled around him until it stopped suddenly and he was watching himself sitting in a very dark cave. He noticed that he looked terrible. He was skinnier than anybody he'd ever seen and he looked like death warmed up. He seemed to be wearing... prison clothes?

Sirius felt sick. He couldn't watch anymore. He didn't even want to know. He raised his wand once more and said "relinquo" and he was standing in the room full of doors. He was glad to see Remus there.

"Rem?"

Remus turned to face him, looking almost as ill as Sirius felt. Sirius wondered what Remus had seen.

"What did you see?" Sirius asked.

"I don't want to talk about it," Remus said quietly, looking down.

"But-"

"-Really, Sirius. Please don't ask me about it, and I won't ask about what you saw."

Sirius sighed. He didn't particularly want to tell Remus that he'd been in Azkaban prison and was wasting away to nothing. "Fine," he said. "But let's go to play Quidditch now, to lighten the mood a bit."

* * *

Quidditch with Remus had to be one of the most hilarious things Sirius had ever experienced in his life. Sirius had fought with the other people who had been put on his team to be the Seeker, since that's what he was used to. Remus was a Beater.

It had taken Remus ages to even get off the ground as he hated broomsticks, and then he was wobbling throughout the match. He had obviously decided to keep his bat between his legs because he didn't want to let go of the broom at all, and when a bludger headed his way, Sirius had to grab Remus' broom from behind and pull him away to safety.

"You have to hit it!" Sirius had yelled at him over the noise.

"But I can't let go of the broomstick!" Remus complained.

The rest of the match went the same. It was nothing like the Quidditch at Hogwarts, where the house teams were full of good Quidditch players. These teams were mainly filled with Quidditch fans, who might or might not have actually been very good.

Right before the end of the match, Sirius had nearly fallen off his broom when he saw Remus lift the bat with one hand and then hit the bludger hard towards someone on the other team and then start cheering like a maniac because he'd actually hit it.

Sirius caught the snitch soon afterwards, resulting in a victory for their team. It had been a fun game, at least.

"Why'd you have to catch it right after I got the hang of it?" Remus asked when they finished. Sirius noticed the disappointment on his face and laughed.

"Aw, I'm sorry, baby," he said, reaching down to run his fingers through Remus' hair. "You were amazing out there. Even when you weren't hitting the bludger. You made me laugh."

"Yay," Remus said dryly. "Remind me never to play Quidditch again."

"If you say so," Sirius said, planting a kiss on Remus' nose and then taking his hand and pulling him out to the hotel lobby. "Hey, why don't we just pick a random door?"

"Ok then," Remus said, smiling. "How about that one?"

Sirius headed towards the door and opened it for Remus. "After you, sexy."

Remus rolled his eyes and walked into the room, followed by Sirius. The room was different to the others – there wasn't another door inside with instructions on how the room worked. Instead, there was some sort of water slide.

Sirius raised his eyebrows at Remus. "Shall we?"

"Sure," Remus said, climbing up the ladder.

 _Damn, he looks hot_ , Sirius thought as he watched Remus climb. Remus looked back over his shoulder in confusion.

"Who looks hot?" he asked.

 _How the hell did he know what I was thinking?_  "Er, you do!" Sirius yelled up to him.

"I think we're in the room where we can hear each other's thoughts... oh wait, Sirius can you hear me right now? I'm not talking, I'm just thinking," Remus said – or thought, Sirius wasn't sure.

"I can hear you, babe," Sirius called up to him. "I'm climbing up after you." He started climbing the ladder, laughing to himself as he heard Remus' thoughts.

"Don't look down, don't look down, crap, I bet Sirius can hear me, ugh, don't look down... oh my goodness,  _why_ , I said  _don't_  look down... I think I'm going to be sick..."

 _He's so hot_.

"Am not!"

They finally reached the top, where there was a huge water slide leading down towards a great pool of water at the bottom.

"I am not going down there," Sirius heard Remus say, and then realised he hadn't seen his mouth moving at all.

 _I'm so pushing him down there_ , Sirius thought, and regretted it immediately, as Remus shoved him straight down, obviously after hearing his thoughts.

_I hate you, Remus!_

"I love you too!" Remus called after him, with a hint of amusement in his voice. Sirius screamed as he slid downwards and then took a deep breath as he got closer and closer to the water, until _SPLASH_!

He was totally submerged and it took a few seconds before he was above water again, swimming towards the side of the pool and staring up at Remus.

"Come on down, Rem!" he yelled up.

"Can't do it, can't do it, god he's going to think I'm such a coward," Remus thought.

"You  _can_  do it," Sirius said. He saw Remus nod from high up above him and then he finally let himself fall down the slide.

"OHHHHHHHHMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYGODDDDDDDDDDDDD!"

 _SPLASH_! Sirius swam quickly over to where Remus was and pulled him towards him, making sure he was alright. When Remus emerged from the water, his wet hair was sticking to his face and a huge grin was plastered on his face. Sirius bit his lips as he tried not to think about how turned on he was. Unfortunately, he was in this damned room.

"Sirius!" Remus said, his grin growing even bigger. "Keep your dirty mind to yourself!"

_But you look so damned sexy right now with your wet hair and your gorgeous face and I just want to devour you right here, right now..._

" _SIRIUS_!" Remus flushed. "I think we need to get out of here before I give in to him. Oh crap, he can hear me, oh crap, crap, crap. Need to get out of here now."

"Oooh," Sirius said, his face lighting up. "Is someone else feeling slightly horny?"

"Yes," Remus said without moving his lips and looking horrified with himself. "I mean no!" he said quickly, jumping out of the pool and running towards the door. Sirius stared after him with a smirk and then decided he'd better follow. He watched Remus' eyes wash over him as he walked towards him.

"Oh Merlin, look at him. He's got to be the single-most gorgeous person in the world... those abs... he's so wet... Merlin... so hot."

Sirius was pleased at the way Remus was thinking about him right now, and when he reached him, pulled him in for a quick kiss on the lips.

"I'm afraid you're the single-most gorgeous person in the world, Rem," Sirius said as they finally left the room. Remus blushed.

"We're never going back into that room again," he said.

"I liked hearing your thoughts... I like to know I'm not the only one of us who gets turned on," Sirius said, and as he expected, Remus started blushing again.

"Yeah, well, what do you expect?" Remus mumbled. "Just look at you."

"I  _know_  I'm hot," Sirius teased. "I'm just glad you think so too."

Remus slapped him in the arm and led him towards the elevator. "Come on, baby."

"Where are we going?"

"To the room," Remus said. "To dry off."

" _Just_  to dry off?" asked Sirius.

"No, not just to dry off," Remus said quietly, with a small smile.

"Oh," Sirius smirked. "Let's go, then."

* * *

Sirius' nerves were building up as they stepped into their room and he wasn't sure what to do. Sure, he'd been dreaming about this for long enough now and he did have experience with sex, but there was something different about Remus. Something innocent, something shy, something fragile. He didn't want to do anything wrong.

He looked up to meet Remus' eyes and he felt like his heart was going to melt at the sight in front of him. Remus' eyes were so gorgeous, he noticed. The way Sirius could just stare into them and it felt like he was looking straight into the other boy's soul.

He was vaguely aware of Remus taking hold of his hand and leading him towards the bed. Sirius pushed Remus down against the pillow and ran a hand down his arm, making a smile appear on his face.

Remus lifted his arms up to wrap them around Sirius' neck and he pulled him down to kiss him. It felt so much different than their usual kisses; much more sensual and exciting and special.

 _God, he's perfect_.

Sirius ducked his head to get access to Remus' neck, where he started planting soft kisses trailing down towards his chest. He was glad when he heard Remus let out a soft groan of pleasure and he glanced up quickly to see Remus' head thrown back and eyes shut, with a small smile on his lips.

Sirius reached up to trace his fingers down Remus' face, and Remus took hold of his hand as he did so. The tingling in Sirius' hand was unexpected and unbelievable.

He couldn't stand it anymore. He quickly moved upwards so that he was level with Remus' mouth again and leaned down to crash their lips together. Remus' fingers moved to tangle in Sirius' hair as he pulled him closer so that their bodies were pressed against each other.

It was like a sense overload; the taste of Remus' lips, the electric pulsing through his body, the sound of his quickening breathing and low moans, that gorgeous smell... the one he could never quite describe.

They broke apart grudgingly and Sirius felt his insides melt as Remus smiled up at him. "Can I ask you something first?"

"Of course you can," Sirius said, running a hand up and down Remus' chest softly and kissing him on the forehead.

"How special is this for you?" Remus whispered. Sirius closed his eyes and laughed.

"Remus, I've been waiting for this my whole life," he said gently. "I know you're not my first but that was different. It wasn't like this. It felt like love at the time, but now when I think back to it, it wasn't love, it was just pure lust. Baby, I love you more than you could ever possibly imagine and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. This is the most special thing in the world to me."

He felt Remus let out a deep breath underneath him and then he was pulled down into a warm embrace. "Thank you," Remus whispered into his ear. "I love you."

And then everything seemed to happen so tenderly and perfectly in the moments following, and Sirius wasn't even sure how his clothes had ended up scattered around on the floor. All he knew was that every touch was so tantalizing, and they sent sparks all over his body. His heart and his brain weren't working together – he couldn't quite formulate what was happening in his head, but his heart was telling him everything was so  _right_.

A new sort of happiness overcame Sirius, as he was showered with delicate touches and sweet kisses. He let go of everything as he felt himself falling, falling, falling... deeper down into blissful oblivion.

* * *

The next morning went by in a blur as Remus and Sirius hurried to get ready and eat breakfast before leaving the hotel for the first time since they had arrived two days ago. It wasn't until they had taken their seats on the Knight Bus and held onto the bars tightly that they really got to talk after the night before.

Sirius felt like a new person, like something had been awakened inside him and he wasn't complaining – it was an amazing feeling. Every time he looked at Remus, he couldn't help feeling like the luckiest person in the world. To know that he was the reason for Remus' blush, and he was the reason for his adorable smiles – it was the greatest feeling ever.

"What?" Remus asked, breaking Sirius out of his daydreams. He hadn't noticed that he'd been staring rather dopily at Remus, with that big grin on his face. Remus let out a small laugh.

"I... sorry, just... I was just admiring your gorgeousness," Sirius said, feeling like an idiot at his wording.

Remus looked down and smiled. "Do I need to ask you to get your eyes tested again?"

"Please stop saying that," Sirius said. "Maybe you need  _your_  eyes tested. You can't see how perfect you are."

"Sirius, there's a reason people say 'love is blind'," Remus said quietly. "Anyway, who cares? I wanted to tell you that last night... it was the best night of my life. You were... just so wonderful, and god, it was..."

"I know it was," Sirius said, smiling. "I've experienced nothing like that in my life.  _You_  were so hot."

"Oh shut up," Remus said, blushing. "Oh, look, we're here."

Sirius peered out of the window and it felt as if his jaw had dropped to the floor at the sight in front of him.

It had to be the most colourful, most vibrant place he had ever seen in his whole life. There was a huge metal sign saying 'Knight's Valley Theme Park' which was arching over the entrance, where hundreds of people were gathered.

Sirius stepped off the bus with Remus closely behind him, and they stared up at the sign. "Please tell me you brought a camera."

Remus smiled and pulled one out of his bag, gesturing for Sirius to stand in front of the entrance. Sirius pointed up at the huge sign above him with a huge grin and waited for the flash.

* * *

"This place is awesome," Sirius said an hour later when they'd managed to get in after waiting in the entrance queue. " _Please_  tell me you're not afraid of rides."

"I... kinda," Remus said timidly. "But don't worry, I'll just hold your hand if I get scared."

Sirius grinned, and put his arm around Remus. "Hey, what do you say we take a magic carpet ride first?"

Remus paled and then nodded. "Yeah, let's do it." Sirius grabbed his hand for comfort and they joined the queue.

After fifteen minutes of waiting, they were sitting on a magic carpet. Remus was sitting in front, with Sirius right behind, cuddling him around the waist with his head on his shoulder.

"I won't let you fall," he murmured into Remus' ear.

The carpet started to rise slowly and Sirius felt Remus tense. He instinctively held onto him tighter as the carpet got higher and higher up in the air. Then it started moving slowly and smoothly over the top of the park. They could see for miles from up there, and it was so much better than a broomstick. For one, he felt safer, and it was also kind of relaxing.

The carpet dipped down and he heard Remus let out a squeal. "You didn't hear that," Remus said quickly, flushing with embarrassment. Sirius smiled.

"Sure I did," he said, kissing Remus' cheek.

The magic carpet started going faster and faster, and the ride was now more like a muggle rollercoaster without tracks or a cart. Remus had lost all of his Gryffindor bravery and was now screaming loudly and freely – not seeming to care anymore if Sirius heard him.

Sirius, in all honestly, felt like screaming too, but managed to keep from letting it out. He could feel the adrenaline pumping through his veins as the carpet went up and down, swerving from side to side and then even flipping over. He laughed as Remus' screams stopped when they flipped over, and then started again when they were moving forwards.

Finally, the carpet started slowing down and fell slowly back to the ground. Sirius helped Remus up, and was surprised when Remus yelled, "Let's do that again!"

* * *

"Sirius, you're hurting me. Padfoot? Hey, ouch!  _SIRIUS_ !"

"I'm sorry," Sirius mumbled, easing his grip on Remus' arm slightly. "But this place is creepy."

"No, it's not creepy is it?" Remus said sarcastically. "Why would a haunted house be creepy?"

"Shut up, you idiot," Sirius said, removing his hands from Remus' arm completely and deciding to face up to his fears. "I'm not scared anyway," he said.

"Ok," Remus said, and Sirius could hear the smile in his voice.

The house was pitch black, and it was a walk-in haunted house. They were walking side-by-side and they seemed to be the only people in there at that moment. Suddenly, an ear-splitting scream echoed through the long dark hallways, making Sirius physically jump and grab on to Remus in fear.

"Ouch," Remus complained, as Sirius tried to control his breathing.

"Look, Rem. I'm not scared, but can we leave?"

"Of course you're not scared," Remus said. "And no, we can't leave. We're half-way through. Where do you propose we go?"

"Why did you drag us in here?" Sirius moaned. A sudden feeling that somebody was watching them spread over him and he tensed. "Quick, quick," he whispered. "Through that door."

They opened the door to find a dark room with flickering lights. There was a disgusting rotting stench in the room, and Sirius felt like he was going to throw up.

"Smells like death," Sirius said, covering his nose and mouth in disgust. As he walked forwards through the room, he realised that Remus wasn't with him. He turned around to see Remus frozen by the door.

"Hey, Rem, what's wrong?" he asked, hurrying over and taking Remus' hand.

"I don't like this," Remus said. "I want to leave."

"Why? Two minutes ago, you said you didn't want to leave," Sirius said in confusion.

"There's something  _off_  about this room," Remus whispered.

"Tell me about it."

"No, really," Remus said. "Please, can we turn back?"

"What's wrong with it, Rem? It's just a dark room with a god-awful smell."

It seemed that Remus hadn't heard him as he stared off over Sirius' shoulder with an alarmed look on his face and he shuddered as the lights flickered. His eyes widened and he grabbed Sirius' hand.

"Please can we go? There's something in here, I just saw it," Remus said quickly, pulling Sirius towards the door. The haunted look on Remus' face was frightening Sirius more than anything in the room.

"What is it?" he asked. "Can you tell what it is?"

"I think there are inferi in here," Remus said quietly, his voice shaking. "Behind cages. That's why it smells like rotting and death in here... but why would they put inferi in here?"

" _Inferi_?" Sirius asked, feeling his heart rate pick up in fear. He'd heard too many stories about them not to panic. "But... who created them? They would have had to be created first to be put in here?"

"I don't know... I don't really want to know... I just want to leave," Remus said. "C'mon."

Sirius let Remus lead him out of the room and back through all of the rooms they'd already been in. When they finally reached the entrance, Remus shoved the door open and pulled Sirius out quickly. The witch who had let them in frowned at them.

"You can't come out this way," she said.

"Well too bad, we did," Sirius said angrily. "How the hell can you put inferi into a  _theme park_? Merlin, have you never thought about-"

"- Sirius, let's go," Remus said, pulling him away and rubbing his arm. "Just forget it. Let's do something else."

"Do you want me to win you something at one of those stalls?" Sirius asked, trying to think of something else other than what had just happened.

"Always so certain you'll win," Remus laughed. "Go on then, win me something."

Sirius rubbed his hands together excitedly and headed towards the nearest stall.

"Good afternoon! Would you like to play today to win one of these giant teddy bears? It's two galleons for five turns!"

Sirius quickly fished two galleons out of his pocket and handed it to the woman behind the stall. "What do I do to win?" he asked.

"You need to levitate this ball through this tunnel here. If the ball touches the side, you'll hear an alarm go off and you have to start again. If you get it to the end without it touching the sides, you'll win. Just one thing before you start," the woman pulled out a strange device and held it next to Sirius' mouth. "Tongue please. I just need to make sure you're not under the influence of any luck potions."

Sirius stuck his tongue out obediently to touch the device, which lit up green. "You're free to play," the woman said, smiling warmly at him.

"C'mon Sirius," Remus said encouragingly. "You can do it."

Sirius took his wand out and cleared his throat. " _Wingardium leviosa_ ," he said, pointing his wand at the ball and steadily moving it upwards.

The first shot was going well until Sirius needed to sneeze and could no longer hold it in. He sneezed and the alarm sounded as the ball hit the side of the tunnel and fell back to the bottom. Feeling frustrated with himself, he went a little quicker this time, and touched the side almost straight away. Again, he failed, and the fourth time, he failed.

"You need to relax," Remus said. "Take your time, and don't sneeze."

"Like I can help sneezing," Sirius said, casting the spell again and lifting the ball very slowly up the tunnel. His arm ached immensely as he neared the end of the tunnel and he almost gave in to the strain, but he managed to push through. The ball reached the end of the tunnel and he jumped up quickly with a huge grin. "I did it!"

"Oh, well done, well done! You're our first winner today," the woman said happily. "Take your pick of a prize."

Sirius looked at Remus. "Go on then, it's for you."

Remus smiled and picked out one of the giant teddy bears. "I'm going to shrink it, though," he said. "Thanks for winning it for me."

"Told you I'd win," Sirius said.

"Yeah," Remus said. "I'm proud of you."

* * *

The day went on in the same manner. They went on a few more rides, and then the magic carpet one a couple more times. When they'd been on almost everything, Sirius suddenly had a thought.

"We haven't been to the zoo yet," he said. "We  _need_  to go, it'll be exciting."

Remus sighed. "Do we have to go to the zoo?"

"Why wouldn't you want to go to the zoo?" Sirius asked in surprise. "They'll have some awesome creatures in there. Ones you'll never see anywhere else."

Remus looked torn, and then finally nodded. "Ok, fine."

"Yes!" Sirius said triumphantly, pulling out the park map and finding where the zoo was.

They headed over there quickly, as it was already getting dark and the park was due to close in an hour.

The zoo was Sirius' favourite part of the day. There were all sorts of creatures in there. Remus complained plenty a time that the creatures shouldn't be kept in cages and enclosures like that, and to some degree, Sirius agreed, but it was amazing to see them real-life and up close.

The creatures ranged from small, harmless things like Diricrawls, Horklumps and Augureys to the more dangerous, exciting creatures like Acromantula, Quintapeds, Lethifolds and Dragons. Those were the ones that Sirius was the most interested in. He'd stayed at the dragon enclosure for twenty-five minutes before getting ushered along by one of the park rangers.

"Did you see the way that Peruvian Vipertooth ate that goat?" Sirius said excitedly afterwards. "That's a once in lifetime experience right there."

"Yeah, I've always wanted to see a poor goat getting eaten by a vicious dragon," Remus said, rolling his eyes as they made their way to the next enclosure.

"Oh come on, Remmiekins!" Sirius said. "It was classic!"

"Please don't call me that," Remus said, flushing red. "What a name to come up with,  _Remmiekins_. How would you like it if I started calling you Sirikins?"

Sirius scowled. "Fine then, Remus. Better?"

"Loads," Remus said, with a grin.

They got closer and closer to the next enclosure, and Sirius peered inside. "I wonder what's in there?"

Like earlier in the day, Remus froze and then hastily took a step back. "I'm not going in there."

"Why not? Is it inferi again?" Sirius asked.

"No," Remus said, looking anxious. "Can we just walk straight through and not stop?"

"Okay, if you want..." Sirius said uncertainly, taking Remus' hand and opening the door.

Remus walked fast through the enclosure, not stopping at all to look at what creature was in there. Sirius, being the curious one, walked a bit slower and glanced through the glass window. "Wait," he said to Remus, who sighed.

"What?" Remus asked, looking nervous.

Sirius was confused. Behind the glass were a group of... humans. Males and females. What shocked Sirius the most was that they weren't acting like humans at all – they were more like animals. They weren't wearing any clothes, and they all turned their heads to look at Sirius and Remus. Suddenly, they all came diving towards the glass in a very animalistic manner, some of them pressing up against the glass.

"Sirius," Remus whispered. "Come on. Let's go."

"I don't understand," Sirius said. "They're people. Why are they in there?"

"Sirius, I-"

"-Oh Merlin," Sirius said, feeling his heart drop as he saw the sign at the side of the glass. No way, it couldn't be...

"They're werewolves," Sirius said quietly, feeling bile rise in his throat. "How... what the... they're  _people_! That's why you didn't want to come in... oh Rem, I'm so sorry!"

Sirius lunged himself at Remus and pulled him into a hug. "I'm so so sorry."

"Sirius," Remus said quietly. "Can we talk about this once we get out of here? I'll explain in a minute."

Sirius nodded and they left the room without a glance back. When they got outside, Sirius stared at Remus expectantly. "Well?"

"I... kinda... I knew they'd be in there," Remus said. "I should be in there."

" _What?_ " Sirius asked in shock.

"I know it sounds bad, so please don't judge," Remus said quickly. "But when I first got bitten, my parents weren't sure what to do. They didn't know if they wanted to keep me or... you know... send me to somewhere like this. It was a hassle looking after me, I know that. They had to find somewhere for me to transform and then pay for healers to look after me afterwards. They said they'd keep me until I was eleven, and then wait to see if I got accepted at Hogwarts. Thank Merlin I got accepted, though. Otherwise, I'd be in there now."

Sirius felt sick. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "I can't believe them!"

"Look, you  _know_  my parents aren't exactly... uh, accepting of things," Remus said. "I think it's just because they're afraid."

"I hate them," Sirius said. "No offence or anything, but I hate them."

" _Sirius."_

"Well, I do! Think about what your dad did to my face!  _And_  they kicked you out for being gay, and now  _this_?!"

"Can we please not talk about it? They kicked me out, ok? That's that. I don't have to think about them anymore," Remus said desperately.

"I still can't believe that they're keeping werewolves in here, though," Sirius said angrily. "They're just people."

"That's what you might think, but most people don't. They're fascinated to see what we're like when we're not transformed."

"Did the other werewolves know you were one?" Sirius asked suddenly, the idea just having popped into his head. Remus nodded.

"They could sense it," he said. "That's why I couldn't stand it. It made me feel really guilty. Like, they had to be stuck in there while I was out here doing things like a normal person. I could sense the jealousy and the anger in them."

"I'm sorry, babe," Sirius murmured, drawing Remus close to him and kissing his hair. "I swear, if I'd have known, I would have listened to you."

"It's not your fault," Remus said. "Don't worry."

"Please don't be feeling all upset over it," Sirius said. "I want you to be happy."

"I am," Remus said, leaning back and smiling at Sirius. "I am. I love you."

"I love you too," Sirius said.

* * *

That night was one of the most hilarious nights of Sirius' life. During dinner, he'd noticed the mood getting slightly serious, so had slipped quite a lot of Firewhiskey into Remus' drink for a laugh. He hadn't actually expected Remus to drink it, he'd expected him to smell the alcohol and instantly tell him off, but it seemed that Remus hadn't even noticed.

Sirius tried not to grin as he watched Remus sway in his seat as the night went on and his face seemed to get happier and happier.

It wasn't until they decided to head back to the room that Sirius realised exactly how drunk Remus was. He stood up and fell straight back down again, giggling like crazy.

Sirius laughed and lifted him up. Remus drooped against him for support, as he could barely walk. The whole way back to the room he laughed and laughed, and Sirius had absolutely no idea what was so funny.

Finally, they reached the room and Remus flopped down on the bed with a loud sigh.

"S'been a good day," Remus said. "I want a magic carpet and and and some chocolate and some little tiny cute little pygmypuffs and-"

"-Come on Remmie," Sirius said, throwing an arm around him. "I think you need to get some sleep, you're completely drunk."

"I'm not!" Remus said, looking offended. "I haven't uh... haven't had any alc'ol."

"That's what you think," Sirius mumbled, with a smirk. "Come on, pyjamas."

Remus giggled. "My name's Remus, silly..."

Sirius rolled his eyes, and stood up in front of Remus. "Hands up," he said.

Remus threw his hands in the air and Sirius pulled his t-shirt off. "Oooh you just had to say you wanted me to take my clothes off!"

"No, baby. I'm just helping you into your pyjamas."

"Oh," Remus groaned, looking very confused. When Sirius had finally got him into his pyjamas, he slid under the covers with him and held him close.

"Mmm," Remus said quietly, pulling himself closer to Sirius. "You smell like a... like... you smell like a cloud."

Sirius looked at him oddly and ran his hand through Remus' hair. "A cloud?"

"Yeah," Remus mumbled.

"What does a cloud smell like, Rem?" Sirius asked, trying not to laugh.

"It smells like you," Remus said tiredly.

"Ah, ok," Sirius said, shaking his head at the remark. "Well, uh, thanks."

Remus stared up at him and grinned. "Mmm, you're such a big fluffy cute cloud, I could cuddle you forever n' ever."

With that, he squeezed Sirius tightly and rested his head on his chest. Sirius decided not to say anything as he felt Remus' grip loosening until finally he looked down at his boyfriend to see that he was fast asleep.

 _You're the best_ , Sirius thought as he watched Remus.  _You're the best thing that's ever happened to me_.

* * *

The rest of the week went by in a similar way. They explored more of the hotel, and every night, Remus checked his drink to make sure there was no alcohol in it. Sirius  _did_  attempt to spike it again one night, but he was caught out by Remus and told off.

It was a depressing feeling at the end of the week, when they had to pack their bags and head over to the lobby to get their stamps removed with a special potion.

The thought of going back to school was the worst of all thoughts. Back to lessons and homework and revision...

Sirius groaned when they stepped off of the Knight Bus on the Sunday night. Remus gave his hand a squeeze and smiled at him.

The look in his eyes reminded Sirius that school would be completely fine if Remus was with him. After all, he was never happier than when he was with Remus.

"Better go and do all my homework," Sirius sighed.

"You haven't done any of your homework?" Remus asked, sounding slightly amused. "You idiot!"

" _Sorry_ ," Sirius said. "I was caught up having the best time in my life with the best person in my life."

"Aw, do you really mean that?" Remus asked.

"Of course I do," Sirius said. He couldn't help thinking back to the room where you relive your happiest moment, and he wondered and hoped that this holiday had taken the other memory's place. If not, he wasn't sure what he was going to do. If something like this couldn't make him the happiest person in the world, then...

He didn't want to think about it.


	17. Studying

The next couple of months were slow and tiring. The teachers were setting so much homework, and Sirius couldn't keep up. Between Quidditch and lessons and studying, he hardly had time for anything else. The only time he ever really got to see Remus was at night, when they'd both be too tired to do anything. He knew his grades were slipping, but he couldn't bring himself to care. He needed more time with Remus, and if that meant abandoning his study time for a few hours, then so be it.

Unfortunately, Remus (being Remus), wouldn't abandon study time for anything.

" _Please_?" Sirius whined as he slouched back in his chair in the library. "I'm bored of studying and I can't watch you study for any longer otherwise I'll go crazy with lust."

"What are you talking about?" Remus said, not lifting his eyes from the page in front of him.

"You're too sexy when you study, Merlin!" Sirius said grumpily. "I want to spend time with you, Rem."

"NEWTs are coming up soon," Remus protested.

"IN A YEAR!"

"Sirius, you know how important it is for me to do well," Remus said, looking up from his book for the first time. "Dumbledore has allowed me to study here, and I'm not letting him down."

"But it's  _boring_ ," Sirius whined. "I want to kiss you or something... when was the last time we actually kissed?"

"Last night," Remus said.

" _Exactly_!" Sirius said. "We haven't kissed  _all day_! How am I supposed to deal with that?"

"I don't know," Remus said, rolling his eyes. "Go and find something to take your mind off it. Why don't you study, or practice Quidditch, or-"

"Whatever, Remus. I know you want good grades, but it's not fair to shut me out like this," Sirius said, standing up. "Don't look at me like that, you know it's true."

" _Sirius_ ," Remus said, grabbing his hand. "I'm sorry. You know that if I could, I'd spend all of my time with you."

"I understand," Sirius said. "Schoolwork before your boyfriend. Whatever."

"Sirius, wait," Remus said as Sirius headed out of the library. He didn't turn back. He knew he was being a little insensitive, but it had been far too long now, and Remus never spent any time with him.

He headed straight back up to the Gryffindor common room and stormed in, feeling annoyed with himself and at Remus. He looked up to see James sitting on the sofa with an equally annoyed expression on his face.

"Let me guess," Sirius said as he sat down next to James. "Lily is too busy studying to spend any time with you?"

James looked at him in confusion. "Am I that easy to read?"

"No," Sirius said grumpily. "Remus is the same. I haven't kissed him since  _last night_!"

James laughed. "I haven't kissed Lily since yesterday afternoon! Why do they need to study anyway? NEWTs are ages away."

"That's what happens when you date prefects," Sirius said, leaning back on the sofa and sighing. "Summer holidays, James. We're inviting Lily and Remus over to your house. Deal?"

"Deal," James said. "But we'd have to invite Wormtail too. I feel like we leave him out too much these days."

"He always excludes himself," Sirius pointed out. "That's not  _our_  fault."

"It is," James said. "If I wasn't too busy with Lily, and you weren't too busy with Remus, then Peter wouldn't have to exclude himself. I think he's lonely. We need to hook him up with someone."

"Ha!" Sirius said. "Fat chance. Every girl in this school seems to be studying non-stop at the moment."

"Idiots," James groaned as the portrait hole opened and Peter walked in. "Speak of the devil."

"Hey, Pete!" Sirius shouted across the common room. Peter turned and started walking towards them.

"Hey guys," he said quietly as he sat down. "Where're Remus and Lily?"

"Studying," James and Sirius said in unison.

"Where have you been all day then?" Sirius asked him. Peter shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"Hogsmeade," he said.

"Why'd you go without us?" James complained. "We've been holed up in here bored out of our skulls."

"I uh... it was a date," Peter said, flushing. "Couldn't really invite you guys, you know."

"You had a  _date_?" James asked, looking sceptical. "Who with?"

"I can't tell you," Peter said. "We're keeping our relationship secret. Anyway, I'm just going now... to... uh, see her. Bye, guys."

He hurried back out of the common room, leaving Sirius and James looking at each other with equally confused expressions.

"Do we even  _want_  to know what he's up to?" James asked.

"Probably not."

* * *

"I'm so sorry about earlier, Sirius," Remus said as they were lying in bed that night. "I should have stopped studying."

"But you didn't," Sirius said. "If you're so sorry, you would have come after me when I walked out."

Remus sighed and leaned against Sirius. "I'm sorry," he said, looking up at him. Sirius sat up.

"Okay," he said. "It's Saturday tomorrow. How long are you going to study for?"

"Well, I need three hours of study for each of my subjects," Remus said.

"That's  _twelve hours_!" Sirius said angrily. "So you'll probably wake up at about eight. Have breakfast and get ready and then start working at nine. You won't be finished till nine o'clock at night!"

"I'm sorry," Remus said again. "But it's important to me. Like Quidditch is for you."

"I don't do Quidditch for twelve hours a day, when my boyfriend desperately wants to spend time with me," Sirius said. "It's like you don't even care about us anymore."

"Us?"

"US! Me and you! Our relationship," Sirius whispered loudly .

"You're being really unfair, Sirius," Remus said quietly. "I need to study. I'm  _trying_  my hardest to fit you into my schedule, I really am."

"I should be priority," Sirius said.

"No you shouldn't!" Remus replied. "You're my  _boyfriend_! You can always be replaced, and most people don't end up marrying their highschool sweetheart anyway. Not saying that I  _would_  replace you, because I never would, and I  _will_  marry you, but regardless. School comes first. Those grades will help me in the future, more than you will."

Sirius stared open-mouthed at him. How could he have just said that? After everything they'd been through.

"You think that  _grades_  will help you more than I will?"

"Yes."

"Do  _grades_  make you happy? Do  _grades_  help you when you're tearing yourself to pieces at the full moon? Do grades love you? I don't think so, Remus. And besides, you're a werewolf. Grades won't help you. You could get four Os for your NEWTs and you still wouldn't get a good job, because people will fire you as soon as they find out what you are!"

As soon as he'd said it, he'd regretted it as he saw the flash of hurt cross Remus' face.

"I can't believe you just said that," Remus mumbled. Sirius felt like saying sorry. He felt like pulling Remus into a hug and saying he didn't mean it, but it  _was_ the truth.

"Well I said it," Sirius sighed. "Deal with it."

Remus slid out of bed and ran from the room, slamming the door shut behind him.

"Idiot, idiot, idiot," Sirius told himself as he lay there alone in the bed.

It took him a long time to get to sleep that night, with snippets of the argument coming back to him every five minutes. It was all he could think about. He knew what he'd said was harsh, but he kept telling himself that he had only said the truth, and Remus needed to accept that it was the truth. No amount of studying was going to help him get a job in the future.

When Sirius finally got to sleep, the sun was already rising.

* * *

"Come on, Padfoot. Get up," James said. Sirius groaned as the night before all came back to him.

"It's Saturday," Sirius moaned.

"Yeah, and we have Quidditch practice, remember?" James said in frustration. "Come on, mate."

Sirius forcefully got out of bed and headed to the bathroom to get ready. He really wasn't in the mood for Quidditch today. What he really needed was to talk to Remus and sort things out. He wondered where Remus was – he hadn't heard him come back into the room last night.

Sirius took his time in the shower, and then headed downstairs to eat breakfast alone. He wasn't a morning person, so nobody really bothered trying to talk to him in the morning.

When he finally made it down to the Quidditch pitch, practice had already started without him. He saw James shoot a furious look at him as he arrived half an hour late.

"The Slytherin Quidditch team have booked the pitch right after us, and you turn up  _half an hour late_? Well done. You have ten minutes to change my mind about not talking to you for the rest of the week. Go on."

Sirius hated James when he was in 'Quidditch captain' mode. He was always so strict and never had any sympathy for anybody.

He rolled his eyes and grabbed his broomstick, lifting off from the ground with little enthusiasm. He circled the pitch a couple of times before catching a glimpse of the snitch and plunging down to catch it. He swerved around the Hufflepuff stands and lost sight of the tiny golden ball. It had been right in front of him – in touching distance. Where could it have gone?

He slowed down and searched frantically.

"Looking for this?" he heard someone say. He turned around quickly and held his hand out.

"Give it back," Sirius said to Regulus, who was leaning against the stand holding the snitch.

"Come and get it."

"Reg, please. Not now. James will kill me if I don't catch it," Sirius said. Regulus smirked.

"Come and get it off me," he said again, holding the snitch out in front of him.

"This isn't funny, Reg."

Regulus shrugged and headed back towards the castle with the snitch still in his hand. Sirius wasn't sure whether to follow or not. He looked towards James, who was currently yelling at another team member for flying too slowly, and decided quickly that he didn't want to face James' wrath this early in the morning. He jumped off of his broom and ran after Regulus quickly, trying to avoid James seeing him.

"Oi, you! Wait up," he yelled after Regulus.

"I have a name," he replied.

" _Reg_ ," Sirius said, panting slightly as he ran to catch up. "Come on, give it to me."

Regulus looked at him, and then let go of the snitch. It flew up above them and the zoomed off and disappeared in the distance.

"Now, you can either go after that, or come with me," Regulus said, staring after the snitch and then back at Sirius.

"What are you trying to achieve here?" Sirius asked.

"You," Regulus said, walking ahead of him. Sirius couldn't help but follow. After all, the snitch would be long gone now. He followed Regulus up around the castle and to a small courtyard area that Sirius had rarely been to. Most people never ventured there as the trees were thick and difficult to get through.

"Where are we going?" Sirius asked.

" _I'm_  going to the courtyard. You're welcome to come with me," Regulus said, taking his wand out and muttering a spell at the thick shrubbery. It shrunk and let them through, and then it grew back again when they were in the courtyard.

"How'd you do that?" Sirius asked in astonishment. "The only way I've ever got in here is by flying over the top of it."

"Secret," Regulus said, sitting on the bench. Sirius sat down next to him and sighed.

"How are you, Reg?"

"I'm good," Regulus replied, looking anything but good. "I've been better. How are you?"

Sirius smirked. "I'm good, too. I've been much better."

Regulus laughed. "That bad, huh?"

"Yeah," Sirius said. "Probably not as bad as you though. I mean, at least I'm not a Death Eater."

" _Shh_ ," Regulus said, looking around in alarm.

"Oh come on," Sirius said, rolling his eyes. "There's nobody here anyway."

"Still," Regulus whispered. "Someone could have heard."

"Well nobody did, so you're fine," Sirius said. Before he knew what was happening, Regulus was resting his head on Sirius' shoulder and holding his hand.

"Uh... Reg?"

"Mmhm?" Regulus mumbled.

"I have a boyfriend," Sirius said leaning away from Regulus. "You  _know_  that."

"Don't you miss me?" Regulus asked, staring up at Sirius. "I miss you."

"I miss you too," Sirius whispered. "Why don't we just be friends?"

"Sirius, we are never going to be friends."

"We used to be," Sirius said. "When we were younger."

"Well, that's different," Regulus said. "We didn't know anybody else back then, so we had to be friends."

"Please, Reg. I want to be your friend," Sirius said.

"I want to be more than friends," Regulus said, leaning forwards so that his mouth was right next to Sirius' ear. "Much more," he whispered.

"Stop it," Sirius said, coughing and leaning further away from him.

"Stop  _what_?" Regulus asked, smirking. "Turning you on?"

"You're not turning me on," Sirius protested. Regulus smiled and raised his eyebrows.

"I'm not?" he asked. "Well that bulge in your trousers tells me otherwise."

Sirius stood up quickly and pulled his robes over himself. "How do I get out of here?"

"Come on, don't deny it. I know you want me."

"Shut up," Sirius said, trying his hardest to get through the shrubbery, but failing miserably. "Let me out of here."

"Not yet."

"Seriously, Regulus. I'll tell everyone you're a Death Eater," Sirius warned.

"How are you going to do that if you're stuck in here?" Regulus asked, coming to stand next to him, and taking his hand. "Besides, if you tell anyone, I'll tell everybody that you're an unregistered animagus. That'll get you in just as much trouble."

Sirius sighed and pulled his hand away. "Please stop it. I have a boyfriend, and I love him so much. I won't cheat on him. Not again."

"Fine," Regulus said, leaning back against the shrubbery. "I'll let you out."

"Thank you."

" _If_  you kiss me," Regulus said.

Sirius' mouth fell open.

 


	18. Boyfriend-Stealing Gits

Sirius stared at Regulus in disbelief. "You're not letting me go unless I kiss you?" he asked. Regulus smiled and shook his head.

"I'm afraid not."

"I'm not going to kiss you," Sirius said stubbornly, although his stomach seemed to do flips at the thought of it. He stared at Regulus who looked annoyed.

"Please?" he asked softly. "I'd do anything for you to kiss me again."

"This isn't the way," Sirius said angrily. "Keeping me prisoner and practically  _forcing_ me to kiss you."

"I'm sorry, but you weren't going to do it any other way," Regulus said.

"So you want me to cheat on my boyfriend? I didn't think you'd do that, Reg. Not after I cheated on you and you know how it feels to be cheated on," Sirius said.

"He deserves it," muttered Regulus.

"Why's that?" Sirius asked.

"Well for coming up to me and attacking me for no reason," Regulus said bitterly. Sirius rolled his eyes.

"You know that wasn't his fault," Sirius said.

"Kiss me," Regulus said, obviously not caring. "I dare you."

"No."

Regulus stepped forward and pushed Sirius up against the stone wall of the castle. "Kiss me," he whispered into Sirius' ear.

"Oh Merlin," Sirius whispered. "Stop it."

"Make me," Regulus said, staring up at Sirius through his dark eyelashes.

Sirius had to fight every impulse in his body to stop himself from kissing Regulus. Everything about the whole situation was turning him on, and he was both excited and disgusted by himself. He couldn't do it. Not again.

He closed his eyes and used all of his willpower to push Regulus away from him. "No."

"You know you want to," Regulus said, smirking at him.

"Why are you being so... flirty all of a sudden?" Sirius asked.

"Because I want you so badly," Regulus replied.

Sirius sighed. "I want you, too," he said. "But I can't. I'm sorry."

Regulus grinned. "I knew you wanted me too."

Sirius felt something burning in his chest as he felt Regulus run a hand up his arm and push him back up against the wall. It was like he was paralysed with lust. He just stared into Regulus' eyes and swallowed as he remembered everything. Their first kiss, the Room of Requirement, the pool.

Regulus' hand was now on Sirius' chest, and Sirius was sure that Regulus could feel his heart beating fast.

And then he thought of Remus, and all of the pain he had put Remus through the last time. He thought of how perfect it had been on holiday with him, and how amazing it felt to kiss him. He thought of the fact that they were engaged...

"I love you," Sirius choked. "But please let me go. I need to find my boyfriend."

Regulus sighed and stepped back. "Will you ever break up with him?"

"Never," Sirius said, relaxing slightly. "I'm sorry."

He watched as Regulus blinked a tear out of his eyes and felt his heart clench painfully in his chest. Without thinking, he pulled Regulus towards him and held him close, running a hand through his windswept hair.

"Can't you give me one more chance?" Regulus mumbled. "I love you so much and I screwed everything up. If you gave me once more chance I'd show you I've changed. I'm braver now. I can be a good boyfriend. I'd do anything for you, Sirius.  _Please_."

Sirius hated himself so much. He felt so tempted by Regulus' words. The truth was that he was definitely not over him. Was it possible to be madly in love with two people at the same time?

"I would give you another chance if I was single, Reg. I really would," Sirius said. "I love you more than you could imagine, but I love Remus too. I can't hurt him."

"Do you love him more than me?" Regulus asked, leaning back and looking into Sirius' eyes.

"No," Sirius said. "I love you both the same."

"Sirius, you're all I ever think about," Regulus said quietly, not taking his eyes off him. "Being your boyfriend was the happiest time of my life."

"I went to a hotel," Sirius said. "There was this room where it lets you relive your happiest memory, and it took me back to the Room of Requirement with you."

Regulus smiled. "Really?"

"Yeah," Sirius said, smiling back. "I'd love to be with you again. I wish I could, but I know I'd be tempted to go back to Remus if I was with you."

"Maybe... you could, you know, be with... both of us."

"At the same time?" Sirius asked in alarm. Regulus laughed.

"No! God, no!" he said quickly. "I mean you don't tell him you're with me."

"That's cheating," Sirius said. "I'm sorry Reg. I've made myself clear. I'm not cheating on him. Now can you please let me go?"

Sirius knew from the look that Regulus was giving him meant that he'd finally given up trying to get Sirius to kiss him. He stepped back and pointed his wand at the shrubbery, muttering a spell under his breath.

"Sorry for... you know... not letting you leave," Regulus said.

Sirius grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "It's okay. I'm sorry too. For everything."

Regulus gave him a sad smile and dropped his gaze. "You'd better get back to your boyfriend."

"See you around," Sirius said, letting go of his hand and heading back down to the main school.

* * *

The whole way back to the common room, he replayed the previous conversation in his mind. The fact that he almost cheated on Remus  _again_  scared him. Didn't he make a promise to himself  _and_  Remus that he'd never do it again? Yet, he'd come so close. He was happy, at least, that he had managed to have some self control, although it had been one of the hardest things ever to say no to.

He was dreading getting back to the dormitory. James would be mad at him for his performance at Quidditch practice, and Remus was already mad at him.

Sighing heavily, Sirius opened the door to the dormitory and was faced with a very angry-looking James.

"Where have you been?" he demanded furiously.

"Geez," Sirius said, backing away a little. "I felt sick. Went to the hospital wing."

"You didn't look sick this morning when you turned up to practice  _half an hour late_."

"Well I'm sorry, James, but you know... you  _are_  my best mate. Stop giving me such a hard time. I'm going through stuff."

"What stuff?" James asked suspiciously.

" _Stuff_!"

"Like?"

Sirius ignored his questions. "Where's Remus? I need to speak to him."

"Library, I think. Did you do something to upset him? He's been in a crappy mood today."

"He's not the only one," Sirius said, grimacing at James. "What's your problem anyway?"

"My problem is that you turned up late to practice without a decent excuse. You give me 'I'm going through stuff' but you won't tell me what that 'stuff' is. Like you said, I'm your best mate. Why can't you tell me?"

Sirius sighed. "Fine. It's not important anyway. I'm going to sort it out now, but I just said something to Remus yesterday that I really didn't mean."

"What did you say?"

"That... he'd never get a job because he's a werewolf, and that grades would make no difference."

"You  _said_  that?" James asked, eyes wide.

"I didn't mean for it to come out," Sirius said. "But he said some pretty mean things to me too, so it slipped out. It's not like it's not true."

"Still," James said. "That's harsh."

"I know," Sirius mumbled. "Look, I'm going to speak to him now. I'll let you know how it goes."

"Okay," James said. "Good luck."

* * *

Sirius wasn't sure what he was going to say to Remus. He really hoped that Remus would be kind enough to forgive him. The more he thought about it, the more he regretted saying it – even if Remus had said some awful things as well.

He reached the library and was given a suspicious look by Madame Pince, as if to say 'it's the weekend. What are  _you_  doing in here?'.

He gave her a half-hearted wink and strolled into the room. He scanned the library and his heart felt as if it had dropped down to his feet when he saw Remus sitting with his ex-boyfriend, Will Parker.

Angrily, Sirius marched up to the table. "Remus," he said, nostrils flaring. "What are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?" Remus asked.

"It looks like you're with your ex," Sirius replied, glaring at Will.

"Sirius, it's not-"

"-Shut up," Sirius said. "Stay away from my boyfriend," he warned Will, who looked slightly scared of Sirius.

"We were only studying," he said quietly.

"Yeah right," Sirius said. "Of course you were."

"Would you shut up, Sirius?" Remus said angrily. "You can't dictate who I hang around with. Don't you trust me enough to know that I wouldn't cheat on you?"

Sirius huffed and shrugged. "I can always be replaced," he quoted accusatory. "That's what you said yesterday."

"Yeah right before you said that I would never get a job because I'm-" Remus cast a glance at Will, who was looking uncomfortable. "- Well, you don't need reminding. You know what you said."

"I came here to apologise," Sirius said. "But I find you here in the library with your ex-boyfriend."

" _Studying_!" Remus hissed.

"Well, why can't you study with  _me_?" Sirius asked in annoyance. "Why  _him_?"

"I think I'm just going to leave you guys to talk this out," Will said, grabbing his books and making a quick escape. Sirius stared after him in disgust and then turned his attention back to Remus.

"He's my friend," Remus said.

" _I'm_  your friend," Sirius replied.

"Seriously? You want to know why I was studying with him and not you?"

Sirius nodded.

"Well, let's think. Every time I ask you to study with me, you complain. I know from yesterday, you don't like me studying, and I'm also pretty pissed off with you, actually."

"But why  _him_?" Sirius asked in frustration. "Why couldn't you study with anyone but him?"

"He was already in here, so I asked if I could join him. We always study together. If you weren't so busy being a prat all the time, maybe you might have noticed that."

"Oh,  _I'm_  the prat?" Sirius asked.

"Well yes, you are. I don't know why you're so suspicious of  _me_  cheating on you. It should be me who's suspicious after what you've done to me in the past."

"The past is the past, Remus," Sirius said. "You've already forgiven me. Let's not talk about that, we're talking about you and your idiot ex-boyfriend here."

"The past is the past, Sirius," Remus repeated. "He's my  _ex_. What do you have against him anyway? He's been nothing but nice to you. Maybe if you got to know him, you'd actually like him."

"Yeah right. Posh twerp."

" _Sirius_!" Remus said, looking at him angrily. "Leave it. I don't want to talk to you right now. You're really getting on my nerves."

He grabbed his books and pushed past Sirius with more force than necessary, making him fall back against a bookcase, knocking a couple of books off the shelf.

"Pick those up immediately and get out of here," Madame Pince said sternly from the front desk. Sirius sighed and picked up the books.

"Sorry," he muttered to her as he left the library.

* * *

"Bloody posh idiot twat," Sirius muttered as he trudged through the corridors. "Boyfriend-stealing git. He's not even that good looking. Tosser."

"Who are you talking to?"

Sirius swerved round to face Regulus, who had appeared behind him. "I'm talking to myself."

"So you're calling yourself a boyfriend-stealing git who isn't even that good looking?" Regulus questioned.

"I'm very good looking," Sirius said matter-of-factly. "And fine. I was talking about that bloody Will Parker arsehole in Ravenclaw."

"Oh... I know the one you mean," Regulus said. "Yeah, he is quite good looking actually."

Sirius glared at him. "Are you  _trying_  to piss me off?"

"No," Regulus said. "I was just telling the truth. He's hot. Why's he a boyfriend-stealing git?"

"Forget it."

"No."

Sirius let out a frustrated sigh and started walking off in the other direction. Regulus hastily ran to catch up with him. "Sirius, wait."

"What do you want?" Sirius asked, stopping and facing Regulus.

"Talk to me. Are you okay?"

"No, not really," Sirius said, feeling his voice breaking. "But what does it matter?"

"Come with me," Regulus said. Sirius nodded and followed his brother up a flight of stairs and through a tapestry to the familiar wall where the Room of Requirement appeared.

"What are we doing here?" he asked.

"Somewhere to talk, in private," Regulus said.

"I don't think that's a good idea," Sirius said, but the door had already appeared and Regulus was leading him inside.

It was a simple room. There was a fireplace and a rug and a huge sofa in the middle of the room. Nothing suggestive, like Sirius had first anticipated. It was just a nice cosy room that reminded Sirius very much of the Gryffindor common room, except the furniture wasn't red and gold.

They sat down on the sofa, and Regulus looked at him expectantly. "So?"

"So, what?" Sirius asked.

"Tell me what's going on. Why are you upset?"

"Remus and his fucking perfect ex-boyfriend have been hanging out. I said something awful and Remus hates me. I miss you. James is a prat about Quidditch practice. I don't know, things seem to be piling up and I feel like I'm going to explode!"

"What did you say to make him hate you?"

"I can't tell you," Sirius said.

"Why not?"

"Because it's to do with a... secret of his. I can't tell you. Sorry."

"Is there any way for you to take it back?" Regulus asked. "I mean, he loves you, right? I'm sure he'll forgive you."

"Are you actually  _trying_  to get me and Remus to make up with each other?" Sirius asked, feeling confused.

"Well, you know what I want," Regulus said, looking down at his hands. "But if he makes you happy, then... I don't know. I guess I want you to be happy."

"I miss you, Reg," Sirius said.

"I miss you, too."

They stared at each other for a moment. It felt like the old times, when they were still together and so in love. It made Sirius' chest hurt at the thought of what he had lost. It was _this_. Stolen moments in the Room of Requirement with the person he loved.

"Will you kiss me?" he whispered, not taking his eyes off of Regulus. His heart was hammering in his chest as he watched Regulus' expression change from sad to a mixture of shocked and happy.

"Did you just ask me that, or am I dreaming?" Regulus asked, looking nervous.

Sirius laughed. "You're not dreaming, Reg. I mean it."

Regulus took a deep breath and leaned over, closing the gap between them. Sirius threw his arms around Regulus' neck and pulled him down on top of him. It felt so good to be kissing him again. He'd forgotten what it was like. The taste of his lips, the feel of his fingers running through Sirius' hair. It was like heaven.

"I... love... you," Sirius whispered in between kisses, and Regulus pulled back and smiled at him.

"I love you, too."

They kissed again, and Sirius didn't want it to stop. He wished that he could just stay in this room forever and forget about all of his problems. Unfortunately, it was Regulus who pulled away.

"I've made your problems much worse now, haven't I?" he said quietly. Sirius sat up quickly and took his hand.

"No," he said softly. "I asked you to kiss me. It's not your fault."

"I asked you to kiss me earlier," Regulus pointed out.

"Who cares? I forgot how good a kisser you are," Sirius said, grinning. "We should make this a regular thing."

"Make what a regular thing?" asked Regulus, a smile playing on his lips.

"This," Sirius said, catching Regulus' lips in a tender kiss that lasted only a few seconds.

"You have a boyfriend," Regulus said.

"That hasn't stopped us before," Sirius whispered. He knew what he was saying was bad, but he couldn't help it. He felt like he was drunk. All he could think about was Regulus, and he wasn't complaining. It was a good feeling. A very good feeling.

"Every Tuesday night then? In here. 7 pm. Tell your friends you've been given detention or something," Regulus said.

"Sounds like you've been planning this for quite some time," Sirius teased.

"Oh, I have," Regulus said with a grin. "Now, where were we?"

Sirius felt himself being pressed back against the arm of the sofa and then he was enveloped in another kiss that made his heart seem to jump out of his chest.

He didn't want this to end. He didn't want to go back and face reality.

This was a perfect escape from his troubles, but he knew he was going to hate himself in the morning.


	19. Prejudice

Sirius ran straight down to the Great Hall the next morning without even bothering to have a shower or brush his teeth. He knew his friends would be wondering where he'd spent the night, and he also knew that he could  _never_ tell them the truth. When he reached the Great Hall, he spotted James, Peter and Remus sitting towards the end of the Gryffindor table chatting away. Sirius sighed and made his way over to them.

They all glanced up at him, James looking questioning, Remus looking annoyed and Peter looking plain terrified. Sirius couldn't fathom why.

"Hi," he said meekly, dropping down into the seat beside Peter.

"Where have you been all night?" James asked, as Sirius began eating. He glanced at Remus, who also looked interested to know.

"I... sort of had an argument with Remus last night and, well... I didn't want to go back to the room. I slept in the Shrieking Shack. I didn't mean to... I just wanted to stay there for a while to think, but I ended up falling asleep."

"You slept in the Shrieking Shack?" Remus replied, looking disgusted. "Why would you do that? It smells of blood and it's gross. Please don't sleep in there again... I don't want you sleeping in that place."

Sirius nodded as James stood up. "Come on, we have to get to lessons."

They all slowly followed suit, shuffling out of the Great Hall towards their first lesson of the day. Sirius grabbed Remus' arm.

"Remus, can we talk? Baby, look at me. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Look, I didn't mean what I said the other day," Sirius said.

"Yes you did," Remus said, looking at the floor. "You did mean it, and it's true. I've been trying not to think about it. Grades won't get me a job in the wizarding world, and I can't get a job in the muggle world either because I don't have any muggle qualifications. What was the point in even letting me have an education in the first place?"

"You'll get a job," Sirius said, touching his cheek. "I'll make sure you get a job."

"That's really sweet, Sirius, but there's no way."

"What do you want to be when you're older?" Sirius asked.

"I think I'd like to be a teacher," Remus said quietly. "Don't laugh."

"I'm not laughing... okay, maybe a little bit. You'd make one hot teacher. But seriously, Moony. You could be a teacher if Dumbledore was still headmaster when you applied."

"Do you think so?"

"I  _know_  so," Sirius said, pulling him close. "It's okay, babe. I promise you, you'll get a job. I'm so sorry about what I said. I really don't know what I was thinking."

"I didn't mean what I said either," Remus said softly. "I love you more than anything. You're my boyfriend. You are my priority."

"So does that mean you want to spend more time with me today?" Sirius asked hopefully. Remus smiled and nodded.

"I'm all yours. What do you want to do?"

"I want to kiss you," Sirius said.

"Kiss me, then."

He didn't need asking twice. He pressed their lips together softly, not caring that anybody could walk past right now and see them.

* * *

Sirius felt like he hadn't been happier in a long time. He had both of the people he loved, and everything was perfect. His grades were good, and his Quidditch performances were improving now that he wasn't so stressed anymore.

As much as he hated to admit it, he spent most of his week counting off the days till Tuesday nights where he would sneak off to the Room of Requirement to be with Regulus. His friends had bought the story that he had been given a detention on Tuesdays, which meant that he could spend hours and hours in the room without any questions from his friends.

"It's nearly the summer holidays," Regulus mumbled into Sirius' chest one night as they lay on the bed.

"Mmhmm," Sirius replied, stroking Regulus' hair.

"I won't see you."

"I know," Sirius sighed. "You mustn't write to me over the summer either. If someone finds out about us, I'm dead."

Regulus sighed. "So I'll have to spend the whole summer without seeing you or speaking to you..."

"It's not impossible. You used to do it every summer before we got together."

"That's because I was an idiot back then," Regulus said. "I didn't realised I loved you."

Sirius sat up. "Reg, do you think this is wrong? What we do..."

"Well obviously it's wrong," Regulus said, tracing circles onto the back of Sirius' hand softly. "But it still feels right."

"Sometimes I think to myself 'this is disgusting. He's my brother'," Sirius said. "But it's like I know that it  _should_  be disgusting, but I don't feel that way. I just... I love you. Why can people not just accept that you can't help who you fall for? Regardless of blood."

"I wish it was that way," Regulus said quietly. "But somehow I don't think that will ever happen."

Sirius moved his hand to touch Regulus' cheek. "I'll send letters to you over the holidays, as long as you don't reply."

Regulus smiled. "You will?"

"Yeah," Sirius said, enjoying the way Regulus' face had instantly lit up. "I'll warn you though, they'll probably be soppy. You know how I get when I miss you. I'm like a puddle of goo."

"I love it," Regulus said, holding onto him tightly. "You're my puddle of goo and I love it so much."

"I really will miss you."

"I'll miss you too."

Sirius pressed a kiss to the top of his head and smiled. "But we'll have the whole of next year to do this."

"Hmm... can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Are we going to just carry on like this until your boyfriend finds out?" Regulus asked.

"He won't find out," Sirius said quickly, thinking of the consequences of Remus finding out and getting his heart broken all over again.

"He'll find out eventually," Regulus whispered. "You know it, and so do I. Look what happened last time."

"That's different. We have a perfectly good cover story this time round, and it's not like he's going to walk in on us again because we don't even show up on the map here."

"Map?"

"Nothing," Sirius said quickly. "Oh, and Reg?"

"Yes?"

"I won't be able to be with you next week," Sirius said. Regulus' face fell.

"Why not?" he asked, looking crestfallen.

"Full Moon," Sirius said, without thinking.

Regulus looked confused and raised his eyebrows. "So what?"

"Don't worry," Sirius replied, wishing he'd never let it slip out. He hadn't meant to say it at all.

"You have to tell me," Regulus said. "Full Moon..."

"Forget it," Sirius said, watching as Regulus thought about it.

"Oh Merlin," he said, backing away. "You're... y-you're a... a werewolf."

"NO!" Sirius said, grabbing Regulus' wrists. "Not  _me_. Do I look like a werewolf to you?"

"Then why... not  _you_... wait... do you  _know_  a werewolf?" Regulus asked, looking horrified.

 _Fuck_ , Sirius thought.  _Shouldn't have said anything_. He quickly grabbed for his wand and pointed it at Regulus' face. "I'm so sorry, Reg.  _Obliviate_."

Regulus blinked. "Yeah, Sirius. You have to really mean it to get that spell to work. Which means... if you tried to obliviate me, then I must be right! You know a werewolf! Who is it?"

"It's not my secret to tell," Sirius said, feeling his heart rate pick up in fear. He knew his brother was clever. He knew he'd figure it out.

"It's one of your friends," Regulus said matter-of-factly. "Why else would you need the night away from me while it was the Full Moon, if you aren't a werewolf? You obviously care about them."

_Why the hell is he so clever?_

"So what if I have a friend who's a werewolf. There's nothing wrong with werewolves."

"I didn't say there was," Regulus said.

"Well the look on your face gives the impression that you think that way," Sirius said, feeling annoyed. "You mustn't tell  _anyone_  about my... friend. If you do, he'll be in big trouble, and so will Dumbledore. You know werewolves aren't allowed an education, and if the Ministry finds out, there will be horrible repercussions.  _Please_  don't tell anybody."

"Well," Regulus seemed to be fighting with himself. "It's not right."

"What?"

"He doesn't deserve an education. He's a killer. He should be locked up... or executed or something."

"How can you say that?" Sirius asked. "He wouldn't hurt a fly! You don't even know him. How can you say that a person deserves to be locked up when you don't know  _anything_  about them? He's the most gentle person I know!"

"He's not a person. He's an animal. God, Sirius! You really are corrupted! Mum and Dad taught us about werewolves when we were younger. Don't you remember  _any_  of it? They will try to befriend you – which I can see he has achieved – and then they will turn you into one when you trust them enough. Don't be so stupid!"

"Why the hell would I listen to Mum and Dad when all they ever tried to teach me was utter crap about blood purity and prejudiced lies? Remus would  _never_  hurt me!"

Regulus looked shocked. "Are you actually serious?" he asked, laughing. "Please tell me this is a joke. You're in love with a  _werewolf_?"

"I'm in love with an amazing person who just so happens to be a werewolf. Like I said, he wouldn't hurt a fly. He's the nicest person in the world, and you're just being a typical pureblood prat. I can't believe how prejudiced you are."

"Wouldn't hurt a fly," Regulus repeated. "May I remind you of that day he stormed down to the dungeons aiming spells at me left, right and centre?"

"Because he thought you had hurt me," Sirius said. "He wouldn't hurt anybody when he's transformed. He's kept somewhere safe, so he's not dangerous at all."

"He's still a werewolf."

"Who cares?" Sirius said, feeling exhausted.

" _I_  care! What if he attacks you?"

"Have you not been listening to me?" Sirius said. "He won't hurt anybody. Jeez, get it into your head. He's harmless."

Regulus looked discomforted by Sirius' words, but nodded. "Fine," he muttered. "I won't tell anybody, but I still can't believe you're that disgusting. I mean, dating a werewolf..."

"I'm also cheating on him with my brother. As if that isn't wrong."

"Point taken," Regulus said. "But why do you need to be there? I mean, wouldn't that be the perfect time for us to hook up?"

"You know I'm an animagus, right?"

Regulus nodded, looking confused.

"Werewolves are calmer when they're around other animals. Remus was... he was in a bad state. He ended up ripping himself to shreds every Full Moon, and we – James, Peter and I – couldn't stand it. So we... that's why we became animagi."

"You're one messed up group of friends," Regulus said. "Putting yourself in danger like that."

"It's what friends do," Sirius said in frustration. "I wouldn't expect you to know."

"What are you trying to say?"

"I don't exactly see you hanging out with 'friends' during the day. Just merely following your Death Eater colleagues – or whatever you'd like to call them – around. Must be a fun life."

"Why are you being like this?" Regulus asked, looking hurt.

"Like what? Telling the truth? You  _don't_ have any friends. I'm just stating the obvious."

"Being mean," Regulus said, looking down with the expression of somebody who was trying desperately not to cry. Sirius felt a wave a pity wash over him, and then he instantly felt guilty about what he had said.

"I'm sorry," he said, taking Regulus' hand. "I'm really sorry. I love you. Look at me."

Regulus looked up at him with wet eyes.

"I love you so much," Sirius continued. "Come here."

Sirius pulled him closer and kissed his temple. "What do you say we spend the night here and make up some excuse in the morning?"

Regulus hastily nodded and wiped his eyes. "Yeah. I'd like that."

"Hmm," Sirius said, pulling back and smirking at Regulus. "How about we have some fun tonight?"

"Fun?" Regulus said, raising his eyebrows.

"I think you know what I mean," Sirius replied, leaning across towards Regulus.

"Do I?"

"Oh yeah," Sirius whispered in his ear seductively. His hand moved down to pull up Regulus' shirt slowly. "I want you so badly right now."

Regulus emitted a low moan and pressed his lips to Sirius'. "Go on, then," he said hungrily. "You can have me."

Sirius smirked as he thought of what lay ahead tonight.


	20. Summer Holidays

"Peter, are you sure you don't mind me staying with you?" Remus asked nervously for the tenth time as they sat in a compartment on the Hogwarts Express.

Peter raised his eyebrows. "If you ask me again, I might just say no to shut you up."

Remus nodded quickly and then smiled. "Thank you," he said.

"You're both coming over to James' house though, over the summer, aren't you?" Sirius asked them excitedly.

"My mum said they can stay for a week," James said. "I'm inviting Lily over the same week though."

"So you'll be with your girlfriend, and Sirius and Remus will have each other," Peter said, looking annoyed. "Great."

"Hey," Sirius said. "We'll include you, too."

"Yeah, you'd better," Peter warned.

"Why don't you just get yourself a girlfriend, Wormtail?" James asked. "It would make you feel much better. You've been all weird and depressed since you broke up with Mary back in February."

Peter went pale and coughed. "I just... need some time."

"You've had months!" Sirius said.

"Leave him alone," Remus said quickly. "If he needs time, let him have time. Who says that a few months is enough to get over someone?"

Sirius shared a look with Remus that told him he was remembering how long it took when they were together before. The thought of it made Sirius feel a hundred times worse because of what he was doing behind Remus' back.

As the train neared London, Remus stood up and gestured for Sirius to follow him.

"Where are we going?" Sirius asked when they left their compartment. Remus pulled him towards the bathroom, and Sirius couldn't help the feeling of déjà vu that was coming over him. It was the very same bathroom he'd been in with Regulus when Narcissa had caught them, and that thought was enough to make him feel nervous.

Remus pulled him in and locked the door. "I just wanted to be with you."

"You were already with me," Sirius said with a smile.

"I wanted to be with you alone, then," Remus replied, leaning up and kissing Sirius on the lips. "I'm going to miss you, Sirius."

"I'll miss you too," Sirius sighed. "But we'll write to each other, and James said you and Pete are coming over anyway."

"I'm nervous," Remus said quietly. "About staying with Pete..."

"Why?"

"I haven't ever spoken to his parents! What if they don't like me and they're stuck with me for the whole holidays?"

"They will love you, Remus!" Sirius said, grabbing his hand. "Look at me. You're amazing. They'll love you, I promise."

Remus didn't look convinced. "What about the Full Moon, then?"

"I thought Peter spoke to you about that," Sirius said.

"Well, yeah. They have somewhere for me to go but-"

"-Then there's no problem, is there? I know you're nervous but once you get there, you'll be fine," Sirius said. "How do you think I felt when I went to live with James?"

Remus glanced at him and then sighed. "You're right, I'm sorry. I completely forgot you've been in the same situation."

Sirius decided not to add that his situation was slightly worse.

"Right," Sirius said, kissing Remus' hand lightly. "Just make sure you write to me."

"I promise I will," Remus said. "Come on, I think the train's stopped."

Sirius opened the door and they filed out amongst all of the other students. It was difficult to move with people all around him, but he managed. When he finally got off the train, he scanned the station for Regulus, and saw him almost immediately standing a few metres away from where he was standing.

Regulus noticed him looking and gave him a small smile. Sirius smiled back before he was clapped on the back by James and shoved in the other direction.

"You ready to go?" James asked him.

"Sure," Sirius said, looking for Remus. When he spotted him, he ran towards him and almost threw himself at him.

"Ouch," Remus mumbled with a smile.

"Bye, Rem," Sirius said. "I love you."

"I love you too," Remus said. "See you in a few weeks."

They pulled apart and Sirius quickly planted a kiss on Remus' forehead before walking back towards James.

"Said goodbye to Lily?" Sirius asked him.

"Of course," James said, staring off towards a certain red-headed girl who was standing with her parents.

Sirius punched him in the arm. "Come on then," he said. "Your mum's waiting."

James tore his eyes away from Lily and followed Sirius towards his mum, who was smiling at them.

"Hello, boys!"

"Hi, Mrs Potter," Sirius said, as she pulled James in for a hug. He tried not to snigger as James' face went very red. It was James' turn to snigger, when she let go of James and pulled Sirius in for an equally soppy hug.

"Come on, then. We have dinner ready at home."

James stepped towards one of the fireplaces and took a handful of flu powder. " _Potter Residence, London_."

He was engulfed in the flames and then it was Sirius' turn. He picked up a handful of the green powder and grimaced at Mrs Potter.

" _Potter Residence, London_."

* * *

' _Regulus,_

_Remember you're not allowed to reply to this letter – it's just to let you know that I'm thinking about you and that I miss you so so much._

_I can't stop thinking about you. It's even worse than last summer. It's like every Tuesday night I keep thinking I'm going to see you but then I realise that I can't see you and I get in this weird mood. James has noticed, and that's not a good thing._

_I saw my boyfriend this week and it was amazing. Sometimes I just don't know what to do, Reg. I love you both so much. I tell him he's the best thing that's ever happened to me, but then I tell you the same thing, but the truth is that I just can't decide. You're both so perfect, and amazing, and it's so frustrating._

_Anyways, there's only a week left now until we get back to school. I think the safest time for us to meet will be on the day we come back. James has been made Head Boy ha! So he'll have some Head Boy meeting, and Remus has prefect duties on the first day back, so we can get away with it. I'll meet you at 6pm in The Room?_

_I wish I could ask you how your holidays are going but I know you can't reply. They're probably the usual though, right? Mum and Dad being all proud of you because you became a... you-know-what. I still can't believe you're one..._

_Anyway, I hope you've been thinking of me. Every night now I go to sleep thinking about kissing you. I miss your kisses so much... I just want you so much right now. Ugh._

_Okay, so James is coming upstairs now so I'll have to wrap this letter up. You probably won't hear from me until we go back to school so just know that I'm thinking of you, and I'm missing you, and I love you so much._

_Lots of love from Sirius._

_Xxxx'_

Sirius quickly handed the letter to his owl and shooed it out of the window just as James entered the room.

"Sending love letters, are we?" James asked, raising his eyebrows and smirking.

"What? No!" Sirius said quickly, feeling his heart rate pick up considerably.

"Then who was the letter to?"

"Oh," Sirius said, feeling stupid. Of course James thought the letter was to Remus. Why had he instantly assumed that James was suspicious?

 _Because that's what guilty people do,_  Sirius reminded himself bitterly.

"It was to Pete," he said.

"Sending love letters to Pete? That's low, Sirius. What would Remus think?" James said, dodging out of the way when Sirius threw a pair of socks at him.

"Remus would think you're an evil bastard for even suggesting I was sending love letters to...  _Wormtail_  of all people! That's disgusting."

"Just admit it," James said. "I know you find that chubbiness sexy –  _SIRIUS_!"

"You have a sick mind," Sirius said, glaring at his friend.

James sniggered. "Mum says dinner's ready, by the way. We should probably go downstairs."

* * *

"I want to see Remus," Sirius groaned.

"Yup."

"I want to see him right now, James."

"Yeah, I've gathered that."

"I  _need_  to see him now."

"You don't need to see him," James said, and Sirius could tell he was rolling his eyes, even though they were both lying in the dark of James' bedroom.

"Trust me, I do," Sirius replied.

"Why do you need to see him?"

"I'm horny. I need him to... er, sort it out."

"OH SIRIUS!" James spluttered from his bed. "That's disgusting. Why'd you tell me that? I'm going to have nightmares now..."

Sirius grinned. "Good."

"It's not good, actually."

"But I'm a seventeen year old boy," Sirius whined. "I can't last a month without sex..."

"Guess what? I'm a seventeen year old boy too, and I'm doing just fine without it."

"That's because you and Lily had sex when she came over the other week," Sirius said. "It was gross. We could hear everything."

"You shouldn't have been listening," James said quickly. "And besides, if you wanted to have sex so badly, why didn't you just do it when Remus was here?"

"Remus was all like ' _I don't want to do it in someone elses house. It's not right'_ ," Sirius said bitterly. "So unfair."

"That's what happens when you date somebody like Remus," James said. "If you wanted sex everywhere and anywhere, you should have chosen someone else."

Sirius sighed. "Yeah, well... I love Remus, so-"

"-While this conversation has been extremely interesting, I'm going to go to sleep now," James said. "G'night."

"Night."

Sirius closed his eyes and thought of the fact that he was going to see them both tomorrow... Remus and Regulus. As much as he was excited, he had a horrible feeling in his stomach.

Trying to ignore it, he let himself drift off into restless sleep.


	21. Over

"Seventh year!" James said excitedly when they entered their dormitory on the first day back.

"NEWTs," Remus said dully. "Ugh, I wish we were still in third year or something. You know, when we didn't have to worry about exams?"

"You worried about exams in third year," Peter pointed out.

"Well," Remus huffed. "Not as much as I do now. Come on, James. We have to go."

"Okay," James said, looking slightly nervous. Tonight was his first night as head boy, and he had a meeting with Professor Dumbledore. Remus quickly kissed Sirius on the cheek before leaving for his prefect duties, with James right behind him.

"So," Peter said as the door closed. "I'm turning in. Goodnight."

"Night," Sirius said. As soon as Peter was in bed, he grabbed James' invisibility cloak and headed out of the dormitory. It was just past six, so he was running a bit late. He sprinted up towards the Room of Requirement, and nearly ran straight into Regulus, who was standing waiting for him.

"Jeez Sirius," Regulus said, as Sirius pulled the cloak off. "Trying to give me a heart attack or something?"

Sirius shrugged sheepishly, and the door appeared. They headed inside and almost immediately Sirius was pinning Regulus to the wall and ripping his clothes off.

* * *

Over the next couple of days, the horrible feeling that Sirius had felt on the night before returning to Hogwarts had come back. It was like dread – dread that Remus would find out he was cheating, dread that Remus would hate him, dread that he would break Remus' heart again.

He thought back to Valentine's Day when he had asked Remus to marry him. He thought of how perfect everything had been, and how messed up things were now. He thought of their holiday, and he felt sick at the thought that he was cheating on Remus.

He hated himself. Weren't relationships supposed to be about trust? Remus was good enough to trust him after everything, and now he was betraying him again.  _What an awful way to begin a marriage_ , Sirius thought.

It was like the realisation of what he was doing had finally struck him, and he wished more than anything that he could turn back time and stop himself from cheating. He wanted more than anything to be honest and truthful with Remus, but he couldn't do that while he was betraying him.

After thinking it through over and over again, he knew what he had to do.

* * *

"Hey Sirius," Regulus said softly when Sirius entered the room. "You wanted to talk?"

"Yeah I did," Sirius said quietly, sitting down next to him. "I, er, we can't do this anymore."

Regulus just stared at him as if he hadn't said anything. "What do you mean?" he asked.

"I mean we can't do this," Sirius said, trying hard not to let his voice crack. "It's a mistake. I shouldn't have done it."

"It's not a mistake!" Regulus said quickly, grabbing his hand. "Please, Sirius. Please listen. I love you so much,  _please_  don't leave me. You can't do this to me!"

Sirius blinked a tear out of his eyes and pulled his hand away. "I have to do this, Reg. I'm so sorry."

"Why?" Regulus said desperately. "Is it... is it because I'm a Death Eater?"

"No," Sirius said. "It's because it's wrong. I'm cheating on my boyfriend  _again_ , and I feel terrible about it."

"You wouldn't have to cheat on him if you just dumped him and chose me instead!" Regulus said.

"I don't want to dump him!" Sirius replied angrily. "I love him!"

"You love me, too."

"I know," Sirius whispered. "That's why this is so hard for me, and I want more than anything for there to be some way I can be with you both but there's no way. I can't be with both of you without hating myself."

"Why are you choosing  _him_  then?" Regulus asked.

"He's the one," Sirius replied. "I'm sorry, but it's him. I close my eyes and think about the future, and I picture myself with him."

"You can't do this to me, Sirius!"

Sirius tore his eyes away from Regulus and stared at the wall. "I am doing this. It's the right thing to do. I've spent the majority of the past two years hating myself, and I want to do what's right."

"So it's right to break my heart, is it? Really?" Regulus asked, his voice breaking.

"Listen, we had our chance, and  _you_  screwed up. If you hadn't screwed up, we'd still be together, but as it is, you married somebody else and tossed me aside. The only reason I started doing this with you again is because I wasn't completely over you, but this time, I  _will_  get over you."

Sirius stood to get up, but Regulus grabbed his hand.

"Please don't!" he sobbed. " _Please_  Sirius. I'll do anything!"

"No, Reg."

"What do you want me to do? I promise I'll do it, just as long as I can be with you. Please!"

"Regulus, it's over, okay?" Sirius said quietly, trying to stay calm. "Just try to move on. Get yourself a girlfriend, or a boyfriend, or whatever. Get over me. It's for the best."

"I won't do that, I  _can't_  do that," Regulus said.

"That's your own problem then," Sirius said. "I'm just trying to do what I believe is right, and I'm sorry."

Regulus let out a sigh and nodded. "Fine," he said, storming towards the door. "If you want to choose a fucking  _werewolf_  over me, then that's completely fine!"

"What the-"

"-NO, I'm not finished!" Regulus shouted. "I've had enough of this! I'm leaving this place and I'm not coming back! But one thing, Sirius. You'll pay for this, I swear. You'll be sorry you ever let me go, because I'll make your life hell!"

He opened the door and ran out, slamming it shut behind him. Sirius stood, wide-eyed at where he had just been standing. The horrible feeling from earlier had returned, and now it was one hundred times worse.

* * *

Sirius could feel a lump in his throat as he thought about what he was about to do. He knew that Remus was going to hate him forever. He knew that he wouldn't even get to keep Remus as even a friend. It was as he had first feared when he and Remus had started going out two years ago – he was going to lose an amazing friendship.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before stepping into the dormitory, where he knew that Remus was alone with help from the Marauder's Map.

He found Remus lying in bed sleeping, and climbed in beside him, inhaling and thinking to himself that it would be the last time he'd be able to do this. He wrapped his arms around his boyfriend and kissed him on the forehead.

Remus stirred and Sirius held him closer, not wanting Remus to wake up. Unfortunately, he looked down to see Remus' eyes opening, and felt Remus' arms close tightly around him.

"Sirius," he mumbled into Sirius' chest. Sirius lifted his hand and ran it through Remus' hair, kissing the top of his head.

"Hey," he said. Remus stared up at him and smiled.

"You smell nice," he said quietly. Sirius laughed.

"Like a cloud?"

Remus stared at him in confusion. "A cloud? What does a cloud smell like?"

"Nothing," Sirius said. "It's just something you said when you were drunk on holiday."

Remus blushed and bit his lip. "Well if a cloud smells nice, then yes, you smell like a cloud."

"Thank you," Sirius said, laughing and taking hold of Remus' hand. He felt sick at the thought of what he was going to do, but there was no backing out. It had to be done.

"Remus," he said softly. "I need to tell you something."

"Yeah?"

"I... did something... bad," Sirius said, feeling more and more nauseous every second. Remus looked at him with a mixture of worry and confusion.

"What did you do?"

Sirius sighed and gritted his teeth. This was much harder than he'd expected. Looking into Remus' eyes – filled with so much love and worry and care for him. He just couldn't.

"Sirius, what did you do?"

"I did something really really bad," Sirius said, his voice cracking mid-sentence. "You're going to hate me."

He saw Remus let out a breath and bite his lip. "Is this... have you done something that's going to hurt me?" he asked in a quiet voice.

Sirius couldn't find anything to say, so he nodded instead. Remus nodded quickly and looked up at him with sadness in his eyes.

"Do I want to know?"

"Probably not," Sirius said. "But you need to know."

"Are you about to break my heart?" Remus asked, now with tears in his eyes. "Because if you are, I don't... I  _can't_  deal with that. Not after last time."

Sirius swallowed. "I cheated on you."

He saw the pain in Remus' eyes and the hurt of betrayal. He felt like reaching out to him and hugging him and telling him he was so sorry and that he didn't mean it, but he knew that there was nothing he could say or do to stop Remus feeling so heartbroken. He hated himself.

"I t-trusted you," Remus whispered. "I can't believe you'd d-do that to me. I just... I d-don't... why? Am I not a good enough boyfriend for you?"

"Oh god no," Sirius said quickly. "No way! You're amazing. I'm the jerk. You're perfect, Rem."

"Then w-why?"

"Because I'm an idiot, and I'm so so sorry," Sirius said. "Please believe me, I'm so sorry."

Remus wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and sighed. "Who?"

"I think you know who," Sirius said.

"For god's sake, Sirius! What was the point in getting back with me and putting me through all of this when you were just going to go back to him anyway? Was this some sick  _joke_  of yours?"

"No, Remus. I love you! I swear, baby. I didn't mean to hurt you!"

"You obviously  _don't_  love me. You would never do that to s-someone you love. I would  _never_  cheat on you."

"I  _do_  love you," Sirius said, reaching to hold his hand but Remus slapped his hand away angrily.

"Do you love  _him_?"

"I do," Sirius said. "I'm sorry, but I do. I think that's why I did it. I love you both  _so much_. That's why I cheated in the first place. I wanted to be with him, and then when I was with him, I wanted to be with you, so I cheated and now I've done it again. I know it sounds terrible, and I hate myself for it, but it's how I feel. I ended it with him, though. I told him to get over me and I'm never going back to him again, I swear."

"You know what?" Remus said. "Fair enough, you cheated on me once. I've forgiven you for that, but to do it again? With the same person? And we've... we've b-been through so much. I've fallen so in love with you, and you ch-ch-cheated on me."

The tears were falling down his cheek and onto the sheets of the bed, and Sirius felt his heart break slowly as he watched his damage to the boy he loved so much.

"Do you hate me?"

"I wish I did," Remus said. "I really wish I did, but I can't. I love you, and that's what makes it so much worse."

"Remus, you have to know I'm so sorry about what I've done to you."

"I don't c-care," Remus said. "I really don't care. I wish somebody would cheat on you and show you how much it hurts. I f-f-feel like you've just ripped my heart in two."

"Baby-"

"- _DON'T_  call me that!" Remus shouted, reaching a shaky hand out to remove his engagement ring from his finger and slamming it down on the bedside table. "I don't want  _anything_  to do with you anymore. Stay away from me."

"Remus!" Sirius cried, looking from Remus to the ring. " _Please_. I'm so sorry! I don't want to lose you," Sirius said, grabbing for his hand but missing as Remus pulled his hands out of the way.

"Sh-should have thought of that before cheating on me," Remus said.

"I know you don't want to talk to me... or be near me. I understand that. I know I deserve it, but  _please_  know that I am so sorry for what I did."

"I can't trust you."

"At least I  _told_  you what happened!"

"Oh, and that makes it all okay then?" Remus asked. "I don't know how I'm supposed to deal with this! You're  _EVERYTHING_  to me! Do you not remember how long it took me to get over you the last time? And now you're expecting me to go through that pain and heartbreak again, but a hundred times worse? You're evil," he spat.

"Rem-"

"-You're evil and you should have been in Slytherin. You're as bad as the rest of your family! All this time I thought you were different, but you're not! You're as bad as them."

It hurt more than Sirius would have thought. He'd spent his whole life trying to show everybody that he was nothing like the rest of his family, and to have someone that he cared about tell him that he was the same as the rest of them – it hurt. It felt like Remus had slapped him hard in the face.

"I deserved that," he whispered, nodding. "And I'm truly sorry, Remus," he said, blinking away the tears and running out of the room.

He ran and ran, not really taking anything in apart from the fact that he had lost Remus, and this time it was forever. He was suddenly outside, and still running as fast as his legs could carry him. He toppled over as he ran down the hill leading to the lake, and he couldn't even find it in himself to get back up.

The one thing he was glad about was that it was all out. Remus knew, and there were no more lies. He knew he would  _never_  get back with Regulus, and that felt good at least.

But he had lost everything. He hadn't expected Remus to act any different to how he acted, but he had still had that lingering feeling of hope that just maybe Remus would forgive him for telling him straight what had happened.

He had no intention of returning to the dormitory tonight. It would only make things worse. He decided that he would do as Remus wished – stay away from him. That way it would give Remus time to heal and maybe, just maybe, forgive him. He knew that was hoping too much. James would hate him, and so would Peter.

He lay there on the grass staring up at the night sky trying not to break down and cry. It was going to be a long night, and even though he was tired and desperate to get some sleep, he wanted to lie there forever and forget about everything that had happened.

 


	22. Revenge

It had been a week since Sirius had told Remus what had happened, and things didn't look like they were going to change. James had decided not to take a side this time around. He didn't want to get involved, but Sirius could tell that he was definitely more sympathetic towards Remus, which he didn't blame him for. Sirius felt like a monster.

He could see how devastated Remus was, and it made his heart ache, that he was the reason. Peter had taken himself away from the group even more than usual, and Sirius felt guilty about it. He knew it was his own fault. He knew he was the reason their friendship was falling apart.

Regulus was a completely different story; he didn't look sad or upset. He just looked furious. Every single time he passed Sirius in the corridors, he would barge into him with such a force that Sirius nearly fell over several times. He didn't bother shouting at him or telling him to stop, because he knew he deserved it. He deserved everything he was getting.

It didn't stop him from feeling so lonely, though. It was weird going to sleep in his own bed at night. He had gotten so used to sleeping in Remus' bed, that his own bed felt strange and unfamiliar. The smell wasn't the same. It didn't smell nice. It didn't smell amazing. It didn't smell like Remus.

Sirius hadn't even dared try to speak to Remus, because he knew it was just asking for trouble. Remus, in turn, tried his best to ignore Sirius altogether. Whenever they were in the same room, Remus would leave. Whenever they  _had_  to be in the same room, Remus would simply pretend Sirius wasn't there.

Sirius knew it was tearing Remus up inside, but he knew there was nothing he could do now. The damage was done, and he had to just hope that Remus could heal after the heartbreak.

"Sirius, we need to go."

Sirius looked away from the view out of the window and at James, who was waiting for him.

"I don't want to go to class today. I think I'll just stay here."

"No, you won't. This is our last year and you can't afford to miss another lesson. You've skived  _all week_. You promised you'd come to class today. Come on."

Sirius sighed and stood up, walking absent-mindedly towards the door and following James.

"James, can I ask you something?"

"What?"

"Does... does he hate me?" Sirius asked, swallowing and trying to stay calm.

"I don't know," James replied. "He doesn't want to talk about it. Hurts him too much."

"Oh," Sirius said, looking down, guilt bubbling up inside him. "I would hate me. If I was him."

"So would I," James said, as they made their way down the stairs. "But let's not talk about it. It'll only stress you out, and you need to focus to catch up with what you've missed."

Sirius felt like screaming that he really didn't care about catching up with the work he'd missed, and that he only wanted Remus back in his arms and loving him again. He wanted Remus to talk to him, or smile at him, or even acknowledge him. He knew that was asking far too much.

They reached Transfiguration and took their seats at the back of the class.

"You're late," Professor McGonagall said when they entered. "And Mister Black, you have missed the past four lessons. May I have an explanation for that, please?"

"I wasn't feeling well," Sirius mumbled.

"Well then you should have seen Madame Pomfrey," Professor McGonagall said sternly. "Fifty points from Gryffindor."

Sirius didn't really care. He just wanted to get back to his bed and lie down.

"As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, we are looking at human transfiguration. In particular, the ability to change the colour and styles of one's hair and body. The incantation in 'Multicorfors'. I am going to pair you up, and you shall practice the spell on your partner. The secret is to focus and picture exactly what you want your partner to look like. Right, I shall pair you up then. Snape and Potter, Evans and Pettigrew, McKinnon and Parker, Meadowes and Longbottom, Applebee and Bowler, Prewitt and Rosier, Lupin and Black."

Sirius felt himself tense as he realised that he was working with Remus, of all people.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Get to work!" Professor McGonagall said.

Everybody moved to sit next to their partners except for Sirius. He stayed rooted on the spot, and glanced up at Remus, who had made no attempt to move. Finally, after receiving "The Look" from Professor McGonagall, Sirius headed over to where Remus was sitting and took the seat beside him.

The awkward silence was almost unbearable, and Sirius hated it.

"So, er, should we start?" Sirius asked lamely. Remus looked at him coldly and nodded.

"Fine," he said, pointing his wand at Sirius. "Multicorfors."

Nothing happened.

"Multicorfors."

Still, nothing happened. Sirius could see in Remus' expression that he wasn't really focusing on the spell at all, so he knew nothing was going to happen.

" _Multicorfors_!"

"Mister Lupin, you need to focus," Professor McGonagall said from behind him.

Remus closed his eyes and sighed, opening them again with a lot more focus in his expression. He pointed his wand at Sirius and said "Multicorfors", and Sirius felt the tingle of the spell working.

"Very good, Lupin. Ten points to Gryffindor, although, I'd have thought you'd use a bit more imagination with the hair colour."

Sirius glanced at his reflection in the window and noticed that his hair was no longer black, but brunette. He also noticed that he did not suit brown hair.

"Muticorfors," Professor McGonagall said, as she changed Sirius' hair back to normal. "Mister Black, let me see your attempt."

Sirius cleared his throat and pointed his wand at Remus. "Multicorfors."

" _FOCUS,_  Black."

"I'm  _trying_! Multicorfors!"

Remus' hair colour changed at the tips to a very light green and then changed back again.

"Try again," Professor McGonagall said. "Wipe everything from your mind, and just focus on Mister Lupin. See exactly what you want to happen."

Sirius nodded and tried again. "Multicorfors."

Finally, Remus' hair changed colour completely to a very bright green.

"Very good! Ten points to Gryffindor. Multicofors. I suggest you both keep practicing."

They took it in turns, not saying anything but the spell. It wasn't until they'd successfully managed to cast the spell about ten times, that Professor McGonagall told them that they needed to write an essay about the use of the spell together.

"Do you want to write, or should I?" Sirius asked.

"I'll write," Remus replied, taking his quill out and writing.

"We're supposed to work  _together_ ," Sirius said.

"Do  _you_  want to write it? That's perfectly fine by me, Sirius," Remus said, shoving the piece of parchment towards Sirius and folding his arms.

Sirius picked up the quill and wrote down the title, and then looked towards Remus.

"Um, what do I write?"

Remus glared at him and grabbed the quill back, and started scribbling on the parchment. It wasn't until he'd written a paragraph that he realised Sirius was staring at him.

" _What_?"

"Nothing," Sirius said quickly, looking away. Remus carried on writing.

"Are you sure you don't want me to help you?" Sirius asked. Remus didn't reply. It took around half an hour to finish, and he handed it in to Professor McGonagall with both of their names on it.

"Well done, you two. You're free to chat away for the rest of the lesson," Professor McGonagall said, looking pleased.

They sat for a minute in silence, Remus staring off at the wall in front of him, and Sirius trying to think of something to say. He desperately wanted to say  _something_ , but he knew Remus would probably ignore him or snap at him.

"Remus?"

No answer.

"Remus, I just wanted to tell you I'm so sorry. I know you won't forgive me, but I'm sorry."

Remus looked down, and Sirius could tell that he was trying not to cry. Before Sirius could say anything else, Remus threw his hand in the air.

"Yes, Lupin?"

"Is it okay if I go and lie down for a bit? I'm not feeling too well," he said shakily. Professor McGonagall looked concerned, but did not argue.

"Of course. Get well soon."

Remus grabbed his bag and headed out of the classroom quickly, and Sirius sighed. He knew Remus wasn't talking to him anytime soon.

* * *

"Are you feeling alright?"

"I'm fine. Why do you ask?"

"You've been very distant," Sirius said. "Is it my fault?"

Peter rolled his eyes. "It's not your fault. It's just... it's hard to explain."

"Tell me."

"I can't."

"Please tell me, Pete," Sirius said. "I have nobody to talk to. Please talk to me."

"I can't, Sirius. I'm sorry."

* * *

"So how was Transfiguration with Remus?" James asked later that night while Remus had disappeared to the library.

"Great," Sirius said sarcastically. "Just great."

"Did he talk to you?"

"Barely."

"He'll come around, eventually," James said. "You have to understand how he'll be feeling."

"I understand that he'll never forgive me," Sirius said. "I mean, what reason has he got to forgive me after what I did?"

"You've been through so much together," James replied. "He can't not forgive you."

"I wish I could believe you."

"What about Regulus? Has he done anything yet?"

Sirius had told James about the way Regulus had threatened him, and James had promised to help him out with anything Regulus tried to do to him.

"So far, only shoving into me," Sirius said. "So no, he's not done anything yet."

"You'll be fine," James said. "He was angry when he said that. He's probably calmed down now. Don't worry about it."

Sirius smiled and nodded. "Thanks, James."

"It's alright."

* * *

" _Look. I'm really sorry about how I've been acting. I'm sorry I snapped at you but it's pretty clear why you and me..._ we _keep arguing like this."_

_"Why's that?"_

_"Because I want you! And you want me!"_

_"You don't w-want me."_

_"Wanna bet?"_

_...  
_

_"I don't know what I ever did to deserve you. You're so perfect."_

_"And you're blind. Goodnight, Sirius."_

_"Night, baby."_

_...  
_

_"What are you doing?"_

_"I'm accompanying you for a shower."_

_"I can shower by myself, thanks."_

_"Oh come on,_ please _."_

_"I don't know, Sirius. I don't think I'm ready for that yet."_

_"All we'll be doing is having a shower. Nothing else..."_

_"But-"_

_"- Ok, Rem. It's fine. I understand, and I don't want to pressure you into anything you aren't ready for. Oh, stop looking guilty babe. I love you."_

_...  
_

" _I love you so much, and don't think something as stupid as that will stop us from getting married. We_ will _get married, okay?"_

_"Yes. Yes, I will marry you. I mean, yeah, we're young, but we can be engaged without getting married straight away, right?"_

_"Right."_

_"We're getting married. I love you."_

_"Yeah. I love you, too, sweetheart."_

_...  
_

Sirius woke up, tears rolling down his cheeks. He hadn't even been aware that he was crying, but he couldn't stop thinking about his dream. All of the moments he'd shared with Remus, had all come flooding back to him and he hated the fact that he had been idiotic enough to sabotage what he had with Remus.

He hated himself so much.

* * *

"Hey, Sirius!"

Sirius turned around and stared at Regulus in shock.

"Why are you talking to me?"

"I just wanted to say that I've forgiven you," Regulus replied, with a very false-looking smile.

"Uh, why? You hated me just yesterday."

"But I've thought about it, and it's silly to stay mad at you," Regulus said. "Especially now I've found someone new."

"What? Who?"

Regulus smiled and gestured for someone to come into view. Sirius' mouth dropped when he saw who it was.

"Wait! You guys are  _together_?"

"Yes," Remus said, wearing the same false smile that Regulus was wearing. "And I'm forgiving you too, Sirius."

Sirius stared between the two of them with his mouth open in shock. Regulus took Remus' hand and they smiled at each other.

"So?" Remus said. "What do you think? Are you happy for us?"

Sirius knew it was fake. He  _knew_ it was. No way in hell would they get together for any other reason than some sort of twisted revenge against him. They weren't even properly smiling. Still, he couldn't help feeling slightly jealous as he watched them whispering in each other's ears in front of him.

"Sirius?"

"I'm really happy for you," Sirius said, smiling at them. He wasn't going to give them what they wanted. Surely they just wanted him to suffer, and he wasn't going to let it show.

"I told you he'd be happy for us," Remus said to Regulus.

"Mm, I love you," Regulus said, and Sirius turned away as they started kissing.

He decided it was time to leave. He couldn't stand it any longer. Sure, they could be mad at him, but this was just crossing the line. He ran straight back up towards the dormitory and slammed the door shut in anger.

"What's up?" James asked in alarm.

"Nothing. I don't really want to talk about it," Sirius replied, putting his head in his hands and sighing loudly.

"Remus? Or Regulus?" James guessed.

Sirius laughed. "Both."

"Oh," James said, looking slightly confused. "Come on, tell me!"

"I think they're trying to get back at me for what I did," Sirius said. "They're PRETENDING to be together, acting all happy and kissing in front of me. You know, I tried not to give them the satisfaction, but it fucking hurts!"

"Oh Sirius, I'm sorry," James said, looking sympathetic. "But as you said, it's pretend. They won't be able to keep it up for long. I'm pretty sure they hate each other anyway. They'll give up soon. Just do what you're doing – pretend it's not upsetting you."

"Regulus said to Remus that he loves him," Sirius said in disgust. "I mean, what  _is_  that?"

"Calm down, you just told me yourself that it's not real," James said. "They're just trying to make you jealous."

"Well it's working," Sirius muttered.

"Don't let them get to you. Seriously, they'll give up with it if you don't show them that you're jealous. Okay?"

"Fine," Sirius said. "Right. I'll just ignore them."

"Good," James said, clapping him on the back. "You'll be fine. I promise."

Sirius smiled and nodded, though inside he couldn't stop thinking about what they were doing to him and he couldn't blame them for it. It didn't make it hurt any less though. He felt like curling up in a ball and hiding from the world forever. If only that was possible...


	23. The Truth

Sirius tried his best to ignore Remus and Regulus the next few weeks, but it was becoming harder and harder to do so. Regulus had taken to hanging around with Remus, even when Sirius was there, so Sirius had ended up spending a lot of time alone.

He had thought their 'revenge' would wear out after a few days, but he hated to say he was wrong. They were almost inseparable, and that hurt Sirius a lot.

"What are they like when I'm not around?" Sirius demanded, when he was walking up to the dormitory with James one night.

"They actually seem... um... happy," James said, biting his lip. "But it won't last."

"Damned right it won't," Sirius said angrily, slamming the door open and storming in. He made his way over to his bed and pulled the curtains over only to pull them shut again.

"What happened?" James asked curiously.

"GET OFF MY BED!" Sirius shouted. "That's  _my_  bed, and he's a SLYTHERIN. He shouldn't be in here."

Remus poked his head out through the curtains looking guilty. "I'm so sorry, Sirius. We must have got the wrong bed."

The curtains opened and Regulus sat up, re-doing the buttons on his shirt and tossing Remus' shirt at Remus.

Sirius tried to stay calm. "Slytherins aren't allowed in here."

"He's my boyfriend. I trust him," Remus said, taking Regulus' hand and taking him over to his own bed.

"He's  _my_  brother, and it's up to  _me_  whether he's allowed in here!" Sirius shouted.

"Just leave them, Sirius. If they want to kiss, just let them. We should do our homework anyway," James said, obviously trying to take Sirius' mind off it.

"It's okay," Regulus said. "I'll go. I'll see you later, baby," he added to Remus, kissing him on the lips. Sirius coughed and glared at them.

"I love you," Remus said as Regulus left the room.

"So," James said quietly. "I'll be downstairs if you need me."

With that, he made a quick exit out of the dormitory, before Sirius blew up.

"WHAT THE  _FUCK_  DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, ANYWAY?"

"Kissing my boyfriend, actually. Didn't know it was a crime," Remus said, picking up his book and attempting to read it.

" _I mean_ ," Sirius said through gritted teeth, "what are you doing with him? You have absolutely  _nothing_  in common!"

Remus raised his eyebrows. "Nothing in common? I think you'll find we do."

"Like what?" Sirius scoffed. "The only thing you have in common is the fact that you both dated me."

"We both  _hate_  you!" Remus yelled. "That's what we have in common!"

"But you hate each other too!" Sirius said. "What's the point in being with someone you hate, just to try to make me jealous?"

"Believe it or not, Sirius, I do not  _hate_  him," Remus said coldly. "Yes, it may have started as some way to make you jealous, but it's not that anymore."

"Oh yeah, and what is it?"

"It's called love," Remus said. "You know, that  _thing_  that you don't know anything about! I  _love_  him. Not that you would know what that feels like, since you obviously never loved me."

"That's not true," Sirius said quietly. "I loved you so much. I still do."

"Of course," Remus said. "Well, you'll have to get over me. I'm with Regulus now, and that's that."

Sirius sighed. "Do you really love him?"

"Yes," Remus said. "And he loves me."

"But-"

"-Goodnight, Sirius," Remus cut him off, pulling his bed curtains shut.

* * *

It was a Hogsmeade weekend, and Sirius was walking down the street with James, Lily, Peter, Remus and Regulus, scowling at the ground.

"Are you okay, Sirius?" Peter asked, always the oblivious one. Sirius raised an eyebrow at him and looked pointedly towards Remus and Regulus who were walking in front of them, hand-in-hand.

"Oh," Peter said, nodding.

"Why don't we give James and Lily some alone time?" Remus said. "You guys can go to Madame Puddifoot's for a romantic lunch."

"Are you sure?" Lily asked uncertainly. "We don't have to."

"Please," Remus said. "You should. You never get to spend any time alone."

"Where are  _we_  going, then?" Peter asked.

"Three Broomsticks?" Regulus said.

"Let's go," Remus said, leading Regulus towards the small pub at the end of the street. Sirius held back; he didn't want to spend his day in the Three Broomsticks like  _that_.

"Come on, Sirius!" Regulus said, gesturing for him to join them.

Peter grabbed him by the sleeve and pulled him through the door. They took their seats, and Remus looked at Peter expectantly.

"Go and order us drinks, will you?" he asked.

Peter groaned. "Why me?"

"I'll get them," Sirius volunteered, standing up quickly, desperate to get away.

"No, Sirius. Let Peter do it," Regulus said, looking at Peter in a way that was unreadable. "You'll do it, won't you Peter?"

Sirius glanced at his friend, who looked a mixture of annoyed and frightened. He stood up and sighed. "What do you want, then?"

"Firewhiskey," Sirius said dully, staring absent-mindedly at the wall.

"We'll just have butterbeers," Remus said. Peter disappeared from the table and the awkwardness began. It was silent for almost two minutes before Remus let out a high-pitched squeal, catching Sirius' attention.

"What was that for?" Remus asked Regulus, smiling.

"I wanted to get your attention," Regulus replied. "You're so sexy when you blush like that."

Sirius tried to tune out of the conversation, but he just couldn't.

" _You're_ sexy," Remus whispered.

"Do you know what's sexy?" Regulus asked. Remus looked at him expectantly, and Regulus smirked. "Well, you'll have to wait till tonight to find out."

"Don't you hurt him!" Sirius almost yelled at Regulus in anger. Their attention turned to him and Remus raised his eyebrows.

"I can take care of myself, Sirius," Remus said.

"If he wants to have sex with me, then he can," Regulus said.

"He doesn't want to have sex with  _you_ ," Sirius snorted. "He's not like that."

"You don't know anything about me!" Remus said. "And yes, I  _will_  have sex with him tonight. Like you can stop us. You have no claim over what I do."

Sirius couldn't believe what he was hearing. Was this the same Remus who had been so shy about sex when they were dating? The very same Remus who thought of it as something special, and not just for fun?

"I forbid you," Sirius said angrily. "You can't have sex with my little brother without my consent."

Regulus laughed. "You're my brother, not my mum. You can't dictate my life. Just because you're jealous."

"I'm not jealous of you two," Sirius lied. "You and your little  _fake_  relationship that is so ridiculous and makes absolutely NO sense. Why would I be jealous of that?"

"Well," Regulus said. "It's perfectly clear that you're jealous. Every time you  _look_  at us, you scowl."

"Well, you're both taking things too far!" Sirius said. "You don't  _love_  each other!"

"Yes, we do."

"No you don't!" Sirius said. "Reg, you even told me that you would get your revenge. Isn't that enough proof that this is just some stupid joke?"

"Oh," Regulus said. "I haven't even  _began_  my revenge yet, if that's what you think."

"Remus, can't you see how  _sick_  he is?" Sirius asked Remus, who just shrugged.

"Sirius, you were kind of an asshole actually," Remus said. "You deserve it."

"He's going to hurt you," Sirius told Remus. "He's evil like that. Complete Slytherin."

"Oh cut the crap, Sirius," Regulus said angrily. "You're the evil one here!"

"You're a  _FUCKING DEATH EATER_!" Sirius hissed.

"Wait, what?" Remus said in alarm, looking at Regulus in shock. Regulus looked furious.

"I did that for  _you_!" Regulus hissed back at Sirius. "It's not like I actually  _want_  to be one!"

"You're still a Death Eater," Sirius said. "Wait till he asks you to kill someone, what are you going to do then?"

"Regulus, are you really one?" Remus asked.

"Yes," Regulus replied. "But it doesn't matter because I could never kill someone. Except maybe  _him_ ," he said, glaring at Sirius.

"Well, you know what? I could kill you too, actually!"

Sirius stood up drawing his wand, and Regulus pulled his wand out immediately. "Oh no!" Remus said, standing between them. "Not here. No."

"Why not?"

"Come on, guys. Just leave it," Remus pleaded. "Regulus, please?"

"No," Regulus, said sending a hex towards Sirius who ducked out of the way. "Maybe you are right, Sirius! Maybe I  _don't_  love him!"

Remus looked as though someone had slapped him in the face.

" _Told you_ ," Sirius spat, looking at Remus. "Told you he doesn't love you!"

"I hate you so much, Sirius! So much!" Regulus yelled. "I hate you so much that I'll even  _pretend_  to be with  _him_  to hurt you! He doesn't mean anything to me, and that was the whole point. You know, hurt him and that'll hurt you, because you  _obviously_  love him  _so much_!"

Sirius was well aware that everyone in the pub was watching them, and he could feel the heat rising to his cheeks.

"He's  _vile_  and disgusting and doesn't even deserve to go to Hogwarts!"

 _Oh no_ , Sirius thought in panic as he realised what Regulus was doing. He glanced up at Remus, who looked pale.

"He's a  _werewolf_!" Regulus shouted to everyone in the pub, pointing accusatory at Remus, who seemed to shrink back against the wall. "It's absolutely disgusting! He deserves to be locked away in some cell where he belongs!"

"Don't you  _dare_  say that about him!" Sirius shouted back. "He's a  _much_  better person that you'll ever-"

"-OUT! GET OUT OF HERE, ALL OF YOU!" Madame Rosmerta yelled furiously, pointing towards the door. Most of the Hogwarts students who had been watching were still staring at Remus in shock. Most faces looked wary, others looked repulsed. Remus ran from the pub, slamming the door shut behind him.

Sirius stormed out afterwards, followed by Regulus, who pushed him up against the wall outside and pointed his wand at his neck.

"I hope you're looking forward to going to Azkaban, Sirius," Regulus said. "I'll tell  _everyone_  about the fact that you're an animagus."

"I'll tell everyone you're a Death Eater!"

"I don't care!" Regulus said. "Tell everyone! I told you before and I'll say it now. I'm leaving this place. Who needs education anyway?"

"Well, good riddance!" Sirius said, shoving him back. "I don't want to see you ever again!"

"Oh, you will," Regulus said quietly. "I'll haunt you till the day you die. I'll make your life  _hell_  so you can never be happy again."

"I'd like to see you try."

Regulus smirked and sent a spell at Sirius before he could react, creating a large gash down his side, dripping with blood. Sirius gritted his teeth to stop from crying out; the pain was unbearable. Before he could do anything else, he looked up and Regulus was gone.

 _If I see him again, I swear I'll kill him_ , Sirius thought as he limped up the street back towards Hogwarts.


	24. Blamed

In the weeks following, Sirius couldn't help but hate himself more and more every day. How could he have been so stupid to let Regulus know about Remus being a werewolf in the first place? He should have seen it coming.

The people in The Three Broomsticks the day that Regulus had yelled Remus's secret out had told others, and soon enough the entire school knew about Remus's condition.

Sirius saw the way Remus walked through the corridors at school and he knew that he was to blame. His shoulders were hunched, his head hung low. He seemed to be trying to blend in with the walls all of the time.

Sirius had tried to apologise several times, but Remus didn't even acknowledge him anymore. It hurt, but he knew he deserved it after everything he had put him through.

Nobody in the school wanted to talk to Remus. Most avoided him, some insulted him, but hardly anybody wanted to be near him. The teachers were supporting him, but nothing seemed to help.

Out of everyone, Lily was the one who spent the most time with him. They usually sat in the back of the library together, away from everyone else. If Lily was unavailable, Sirius would sometimes see him sitting with his ex-boyfriend, Will, in the library. He was glad that some people were there for Remus.

Sirius spent most of his free time in the common room with James nowadays, attempting to study for the upcoming NEWTs, but most of the time he was too preoccupied thinking over the mess he'd made of his and Remus's lives.

"What's that hair colour changing spell thingy?" James asked, while flicking through a Transfiguration book. "My mind's gone blank."

"Multicorfors," Sirius said off-handedly, staring out of the window. "James, can we stop studying now? I'm so bored."

James sighed and shut his book. "Me too," he said. "Wanna go smuggle in some Firewhiskey?"

"I don't know, James..."

"Come on!" James said, nudging him. "It'll take your mind off of everything."

Sirius smiled and nodded. "You know what? Fine, let's go. You got the cloak on you?"

"What do you take me for – an idiot?" James said, pulling out the cloak.

"Well-"

" _Don't_ answer that," James said with a glare. He threw the cloak over the two of them, although it barely covered them now.

"You  _do_  realise how creepy we probably look," Sirius said. "People can only see our legs."

"So what?" James asked. "Maybe we should go and freak out some first years..."

"No, I need Firewhiskey right now!" Sirius said. "Come on."

* * *

"Sooooo," Sirius said, as they sat on James's bed in the dormitory later that evening. "If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?"

James took a swig of Firewhiskey and shrugged. "In Lily's heart."

Sirius sniggered and fell back against his pillow. "You soppy git."

"What? It's true! Hey – don't look at me like that!" James said, shoving Sirius off of the bed. "You asked the question."

Sirius jumped back onto the bed and opened his second bottle of Firewhiskey. "Your turn to ask a question."

"Okay," James said, staring intently at Sirius. "My question to you is... er... if you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?"

"Does it have to be food? Can't I say Firewhiskey?"

"Has to be food."

"Fine then, chocolate," Sirius said. James stared at him for a moment and then nodded.

"Yeah, that wouldn't happen to be because of a certain chocoholic werewolf, would it?" he asked.

"Of course not!" Sirius said, taking a swig from his bottle. "I'm so over this whole Remus thing."

"Right."

"I mean it!"

"I believe you, okay?" James said, holding his hands up in defeat. "Your question, anyway."

"Do you think I stand a chance of getting Remus to love me again?"

James smiled sadly at him and then let out a hiccup. "I don't know," he said. "Sorry. I just don't know. I thought you said you were 'over this whole Remus thing'."

"I am," Sirius said quickly. "I was just wondering. Your question."

"How many kids are you going to have?"

Sirius snorted. "Do I look like a guy who's going to have kids?"

"You never know," James said. "I could see it... perhaps."

"I'm gay," Sirius said.

"You don't say!" James replied, his voice laced with sarcasm. "But gay people  _can_  have kids. There are ways."

"It's not the same," Sirius said, rolling his eyes. "There's only adoption – which is stupid because the kid wouldn't even be yours. I mean, it wouldn't even have my perfect eyes and my sexiness gene."

"There's no such thing as a sexiness-"

"- and then there's that thing where you have sex with a chick and she has the baby for you," Sirius said, ignoring James. "I don't like that either. I mean,  _yes_  it would have my sexiness gene but what about Remus's sexiness gene? It wouldn't have that. I mean, it would be insanely good looking, and have my beautiful black hair and gorgeous eyes, but what about Remus's cleverness and perfectness?"

James looked like he was about to burst out laughing, but managed not to. "There are other ways."

"Oh, like what?" Sirius challenged.

"I heard in the Prophet that these two gay men wanted a kid, and one of them used this potion to turn himself into a woman," James said. Sirius snorted.

"That's the worst idea yet!"

"Well," James said. "Obviously this guy who made himself a woman had all of his genes and whatnot from when he was a man, so he was basically the same person except he could get pregnant. So he stayed as a woman for nine months and then had the baby and returned to being a man again."

"That's actually not so bad," Sirius said. "Except the biggest problem; who wants to be the one turning into a woman?"

"That would be you, you ponce," James said, sniggering at Sirius's facial expression.

"Hey!"

"Well Remus couldn't do it," James carried on. "He's a werewolf. What would happen when he transforms and there's a baby? I'm pretty sure it couldn't survive through  _that_."

Sirius huffed. "Well, Remus hates me anyway so it's not like it would happen anyway."

James rolled his eyes and patted Sirius on the shoulder. "Your question."

"How many kids are  _you_  going to have?"

James's eyes lit up and he started counting on his fingers for a few minutes and then grinned. "Six," he said.

" _Six? Really?_ "

"Yes. We're going to have James Junior, Lily Junior, Ha Ha Snivellus You Suck, Sirius Is Stupid, Actual Proof I Had Sex With Lily Evans and Harry."

Sirius spat his drink all over the bed and James. "Oh Merlin. Have you spoken to Lily about this?"

"Not yet, no," James said, looking disgusting at Sirius. "That's for when we're married. You're gross, and I'm sleeping in your bed tonight since you've just ruined mine."

"I don't think you want to sleep in my bed," Sirius said.

"Oh yeah, why?"

"I had sex with Remus on that bed," Sirius said proudly, finishing off his bottle of Firwhiskey.

"Ew," James said, looking horrified. "That's put the most disgusting images into my head."

"ME AND REMUS. REMUS AND ME. OR IS IT  _I_? Remus would know... anyway, REMUS AND ME HAVING SEX, ME AND REMUS-"

"-Shut up!" James said. "Or I'll make you babysit all six of my kids when we're older."

"Ha! That should be fun!" Sirius said. "'Oi! Actual Proof I Had Sex With Lily Evans, stop hitting Ha Ha Snivellus You Suck over the head!'"

"Leave my kids alone, you bully!" James said angrily.

Sirius sniggered.

* * *

Sirius woke up in the morning to the sound of raised voices. He opened his eyes and poked his head out between his bed curtains to see what was going on. He saw Remus and Lily standing near the door of the dormitory, James standing opposite them, and Peter poking his head out of his own bed curtains.

"You're being ridiculous here, James," Lily said softly. "Don't you dare turn into that person."

"Well, maybe I can't help it!" James shouted at her. "When was the last time you spent time with me?"

"James," she said quietly. "You know Remus is going through a lot right now."

"Look, don't worry about it," Remus said, looking between them anxiously. "I'm fine, Lily. You can spend today with James."

"No, Remus. You don't have to do that," Lily said, putting a hand on his arm comfortingly.

"WHAT THE FUCK WAS  _THAT_?!" James said furiously, glaring at Remus.

"That was nothing, mate," Sirius interrupted. "You're seeing things that aren't there."

"James, honestly!" Lily said. "Don't you trust me?"

James made an undecipherable noise and continued glaring at Remus.

"Can you stop looking at me like that?" Remus pleaded. "I didn't do anything. I'm sorry. I'll just go."

"Don't go, Remus!" Lily said angrily. "Don't give him the satisfaction. He has to learn that I can hang out with other people too," she said, looking at James pointedly.

"Well, when one of those people is one of my best mates, and painfully single, and needing comfort, and has more in common with you than I do, then it's difficult to understand."

"I'm not going to steal your girlfriend!" Remus said, looking annoyed. "Can't you trust  _me_?"

"You are being a bit over the top," Peter said quietly. "They're only studying and talking."

"What would  _you_  know?" James said, rounding on Peter. "You're never around any of us anymore. Where the hell do you spend all of your time, anyway?"

Peter looked up at James and a flicker of fear crossed his face. "I-I'm sorry."

"And  _YOU_ ," James said, turning around and moving towards Sirius. "This is  _all your fault_!"

"What are you-"

"It's not his fault," Lily said in exasperation. "It's nobody's fault because nothing has happened! Merlin James, calm down. You can come with us if you really want."

"If you had kept your big mouth shut, then nobody would know he was a werewolf, and if you hadn't cheated on him, then you'd still be together and none of this would have happened!"

"James, please stop," Remus said.

"Okay,  _yes_  it's my fault Remus is like that, but Lily is only comforting him! What's the big deal?" Sirius asked.

"There's something going on between them, I can feel it!" James yelled angrily, looking towards Lily and Remus.

"You're crazy!" Lily shouted, walking towards him and grabbing him by the shoulders. "I am not cheating on you with Remus. Why can't you believe me? Why can't you trust me?"

"I just have this feeling," James said.

"Well, you're wrong," Remus said. "I'm sorry I haven't been a good enough friend for you to trust me, but whatever. I'll go and study by myself."

"Come on Lily," James said, grabbing her hand and trying to kiss her, but she pushed him away.

"Yeah, right. I'm not going to kiss you after that!" Lily said, looking irritated. "I'll see you later."

With that, she stormed out of the room, slamming the door shut behind her, leaving James, Sirius and Peter alone.

"I hope you're happy with yourself," James said to Sirius.

"I haven't done anything!"

"Whatever."

"Wormtail, mate," Sirius said. "Have I done something? Or is he just going crazy?"

"Well, I... er," Peter said, looking between James and Sirius uncertainly. "Uh..."

" _Fix_  things with Remus," James said.

"How am I supposed to do  _that_?"

"I don't know, and I really don't care! Fix things, and then I can have Lily back," James said. "Until then, I'm not interested in anything you have to say."

" _What_?"

"And don't even think about staying at mine for Christmas. You can stay here by yourself."

Sirius stood up and walked towards the door, making sure to slam it behind him.

"What's wrong? Is he still mad?" Lily asked Sirius as he entered the common room.

"Apparently he doesn't want to talk to me until Remus is talking to me again," Sirius muttered. "Which won't happen any time soon."

"I'm sorry," Lily said.

"It's not your fault," Sirius replied. "He just needs to learn to trust you and Remus."

"I wouldn't really recommend speaking to Remus right now," Lily said. "He's pretty unstable. You'll just make him worse if you try to speak to him."

"Well, I'm going to try," Sirius said, and walked off before she could protest.

He found Remus in the library sitting alone writing something down. Taking a deep breath, he walked towards Remus and pulled out a chair to sit opposite him. Remus looked up briefly at the sound of the chair moving, and then looked straight back down at his book.

"Hey," he tried. "Remus, I know I messed up and I'm the worst person in the world, but I honestly would give anything for you to forgive me. I'm really sorry. I wish you could know how sorry I am. I hate myself for it."

Remus continued writing as if Sirius wasn't speaking at all.

"What are you writing? Is it for a lesson?"

Sirius knew it wasn't. He could see that Remus had written the same thing over and over.

"I love you," Sirius whispered. Remus looked up for a moment and their eyes met. Sirius felt his heart rate pick up instantly as he stared into those eyes, but then they were gone and Remus was standing up with tears in his eyes. Sirius hadn't even noticed Remus starting to cry.

"I'm sorry," Sirius said.

Remus gathered his things and began walking away. Just when Sirius was about to say something else, Remus turned to face him looking completely broken and lost.

"I love you," Remus said quietly, his voice breaking. He turned and walked away, leaving Sirius feeling a complete mix of emotions.

* * *

' _Andromda,_

_I was wondering if I could stay over at yours for Christmas this year. I have nowhere else to go. It would be nice to see you guys again. Please reply soon. We break up for the holidays soon._

_Sirius.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N - "Actual Proof I Had Sex With Lily Evans" is the work of Julvett, not mine :)


	25. Comfort

"Firewhiskey, Sirius?" Andromeda asked politely, holding out a glass. Sirius smiled and took the glass from her, taking a swig.

"Thanks for letting me stay," he said, as he sat down on the sofa.

"Well you know you're always welcome here. But I am concerned, Sirius."

"Concerned?" he questioned.

"Yes," Andromeda replied, leaning forwards slightly in her chair. "Why don't you have anywhere to go? I thought your friend was letting you stay with him?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "It's stupid. He's just being a prat."

"I'd like to know, Sirius," she said. "If I'm being honest, you look awful. Please tell me what's going on. Maybe I could help you."

Sirius sighed and thought about telling his older cousin. There was no way she would understand. He couldn't tell her about James being mad at him because of Remus, without telling her the reason he and Remus broke up. The very thought of telling her about Regulus made him feel sick. She would hate him, and then he would  _really_  have nowhere to go.

"It's just... complicated," he sighed. "I wish I could tell you, but I don't think you'd understand. I can't bear to lose someone else."

"Someone else?" she questioned, looking worried. "Who have you lost?"

"It doesn't matter," Sirius muttered, finishing off his drink. "More Firewhiskey?"

She nodded, and handed him the bottle. "It does matter, Sirius. You look terrible. I know you're hurting, and I think you need someone to talk to. You say you don't think I'll understand, but believe me – I can be very understanding."

"Me lost my toy, Mummy!" came a small voice from the hallway. Sirius turned eagerly to see Nymphadora standing in the doorway looking very upset. When she spotted him, her face lit up immediately and she came running up to him. "UCKLE SIRIS!"

"Hey, Nymphie," Sirius said, grabbing her and putting her on his lap. "Wow, you've gotten big, haven't you?"

She grinned and nodded. "I grewed seven inches!"

Sirius laughed and patted her on the head. "You're going to be taller than Uncle Sirius soon, aren't you?"

"Uckle Siris be little baby when Nymphie is big," she said. "Where Wemus?"

Sirius's face fell. He felt Andromeda's eyes on him as he answered. "Remus is... busy. He's real busy. I know he wanted to see you, though. He misses you."

"Wemus miss Nymphie?" she asked.

"Of course!" Sirius replied. "Who wouldn't miss you? You're awesome. And you have bright pink hair – you're impossible to miss!"

She giggled and jumped off Sirius's lap. "Uckle Siris tell Wemus that I want marry him."

"I will," Sirius said, as she ran away back upstairs.

"Remus is busy?" Andromeda asked as soon as Nymphadora was out of hearing range.

"Yeah... on holiday with his family."

"He got kicked out, remember?" Andromeda said. "You can't fool me, Sirius. What happened between the two of you? Last time I saw you, you were both so in love. Did you break up? What happened? You can trust me."

Sirius looked at her for a moment, and then sighed. "Okay," he said. "But I've done some bad things. I don't want you to hate me."

"I could never hate you," she said with a warm smile.

"I don't even know where to start!" Sirius said.

"Start from the beginning."

"The beginning," he said, thinking back. "It all started when in the summer holidays after my fourth year at Hogwarts."

"That's quite a while back, then," Andromeda said, raising her eyebrows.

"I was at home and... Regulus... he came into my room. He was upset. He thought that I was going to get kicked out. He was crying, and I felt bad for him. It shouldn't have happened."

"What shouldn't have happened?"

"It was unexpected and... I don't know how it happened, but Regulus started kissing me."

Andromeda's eyes widened and she almost dropped her cup. Her mouth opened but nothing came out. Finally, she cleared her throat. "Well, I wasn't expecting that. He kissed you? In what way?"

"I think you know what way," Sirius said, feeling his cheeks grow hotter.

She nodded, looking slightly overwhelmed. "Carry on..."

"I was with Remus at that point. We'd been together for a few months, and that kiss... it just... it messed me up. I know it sounds horrible, but I really liked it. Anyway, when we went back to school it was awful... I kept thinking about the kiss and then Regulus and I started hooking up in secret."

"Let me get this straight," Andromeda said slowly. "You were with Remus, yet you were hooking up with your younger brother?"

"Yes."

"Wow, this family really is deranged," she said with a nervous laugh. "Tell me what happened next, then."

"There was one time when we were both in the hospital wing... we were kissing... I told him that I, um, that I loved him. Remus was standing in the doorway, and he'd heard everything and it was awful. He hated me after that. None of my friends would talk to me, especially Remus."

"Well, I can't say I'm surprised," Andromeda said. "He did catch you cheating on him."

"I know, and I kept apologising over and over. After what happened, Reg and I started hooking up more often, you know. The Room of Requirement was our-"

"-What's the Room of Requirement?"

"Oh. It's a secret room at Hogwarts. It appears when a person is in need of it most. For instance, if you want a place to, erm... have sex, a room will appear with a huge bed."

Her face reddened and she coughed. "You're not saying that you and Regulus..."

"Um, yeah," Sirius said awkwardly. "A couple of times, actually."

"SIRIUS!" Andromeda said loudly. "That's just... insane. He's your little brother! Not to mention you were in fifth year, which made him only – what – thirteen?!"

"Well he didn't disagree!" Sirius said defensively. "Actually, he was usually the one who instigated it!"

"Ew," she said, shuddering. "He's still only a baby to me. Carry on..."

"Remus forgave me at Christmas, which I hadn't expected. That was the Christmas that I got kicked out. I got in a huge fight with Regulus, and we broke up. Did I mention that we were a couple?"

"No."

"Well, we were. I managed to get ahold of James, who decided to forgive me when he heard what had happened, and that's when I moved in with him. When we got back to school, Remus and I kept arguing over stupid little things, and after a few months, me and Reg got back together.

"I had a talk with Remus towards the end of that year, and we finally made up properly. In sixth year, Narcissa caught me and Reg making out and sent a letter to our parents telling them. They forced Regulus to marry some bint, and he didn't even try to refuse."

"Wow, I've really been burnt off the family tree – I had absolutely no idea this was happening. A what? Reggie was only fourteen at this time? They must not have liked the idea of you two."

"Well, the git told them that I was  _forcing_  him to be with me. I mean, what the hell?! Anyway, I was really pissed at him for getting married and basically cheating on me, so I kissed Remus one day. Reg was really upset when I told him and he broke up with me, so I was basically left to be with Remus again."

"Sirius," Andromeda said quietly. "Your life is so full of drama."

"Ha!" Sirius said. "That's an understatement."

Andromeda laughed and rolled her eyes. "So that's when you and Remus came to visit me? Around that time?"

"Yes," Sirius said. "And I was really happy. Everything was great after Christmas. We had the best Valentine's Day ever, and I even... I proposed to him. He said yes."

Sirius felt as though he'd cry just thinking back to it. It wasn't a memory he wanted to think about at this moment in time.

"Around March, Regulus started flirting with me again. Tried to make me kiss him, and I finally gave in and started hooking up with him again, and I hated myself for it. It lasted quite a while, too. I broke it off with him when I couldn't stand it anymore. Remus didn't deserve that."

"So what happened?"

"I told Remus everything, and well... yeah, I guess you know how he reacted. He's not here now, is he? They tried to make me jealous, actually. Remus and Reg. They got together, and Reg was a bastard about it. He told the whole school about one of Remus's biggest secrets – a secret that I let slip once by accident when I was with Regulus.

Nobody in school wants to talk to Remus anymore. My best mate – James – won't talk to me either because his girlfriend is spending all of her time looking after Remus. That's why I can't stay at James's this time."

"Wow," Andromeda said, patting his shoulder sympathetically. "You've made a real mess of things, haven't you?"

"I know," he mumbled. "And it gets worse. Regulus left Hogwarts, but before he left he told me that he's going to make my life hell. I have no idea how, but I'm so fucking scared!"

Andromeda grimaced and set down her now-empty cup. "Well," she said, looking Sirius in the eye meaningfully. "I promise you I won't let him hurt you, okay?"

"How?"

"I'm your big cousin," she said, taking his hand. "That's my job."

"You're his cousin too," Sirius pointed out.

"Sirius, didn't we get disowned?" she replied with a wry smile. " _You're_  my only cousin, which means  _you're_  the one I'll protect."

Sirius nodded and smiled. "Thank you," he said. "For that. And for listening, for understanding, and for not hating me."

"That's what I'm here for," she said, punching him lightly on the shoulder and standing up. "More Firewhiskey?"

* * *

"UCKLE SIRIS, UCKLE  _SIRIS_ !"

Sirius unwillingly opened his eyes as Nymphadora started jumping on the bed that he was sleeping on.

"Whad'ya want?" he mumbled, still half asleep.

"Mummy say you take me park," she said excitedly, pulling the covers off of him. Sirius groaned and pulled the covers back up.

"Maybe later, Nymphie."

"NO NOW!" she cried, pulling the covers back off of him. "I want park. Play swings n' slide n' sawsee."

Sirius laughed and sat up. "It's  _seesaw_ , you idiot."

Nymphadora gasped. "I tell mummy you say bad word."

"That's not a bad word," he replied, rolling his eyes. "Want to hear some  _real_  bad words?"

"I hope you're not teaching my daughter any bad words, Sirius," came Andromeda's voice from the hallway.

"No, not at all!" Sirius called back, grinning at Nympahdora who was wearing a cheeky smile.

"Tell me bad word."

"You want to hear the  _worst_  bad word ever?" Sirius whispered.

"Yes yes!" she replied, leaning forwards eagerly.

"Okay, the baddest bad word ever is... poop."

Nymphadora nearly fell off the bed laughing. Sirius had to catch her. She giggled and rolled over yelling "poop poop poop poop poop!"

"Shh," Sirius said. "It's a bad word, remember?"

She jumped off of the bed and ran from the room shouting "poop" as she went. Sirius rolled his eyes and decided it was time to get up. He quickly got dressed and made his way downstairs to the living room where Ted was sitting watching the Muggle TV.

"What are you watching? I thought Muggle TVs had people on them?" Sirius asked Ted, who seemed to have ignored him. "Uh, hello? Ted?"

"Sorry," Ted said quickly. "Kind of busy."

It was only then that Sirius noticed that Ted was holding something in his hand. Some sort of remote.

"Ah," Andromeda said, sitting down next to her husband and looking at the TV screen. "Playing Pong?"

"Mmhmm," he said. "Keep losing."

"Pong?" Sirius aked.

"It's a game," Andromeda said. "You should try it – if Ted here ever stops playing. He's obsessed with this game!"

"Looks fun," Sirius said, observing the game. "Can I play after you, Ted?"

"Sure," Ted replied. When he finally lost, he grudgingly handed the controller over to Sirius, who excitedly took over.

Sirius played for hours and hours. The game was addictive. Soon enough, Ted and Nymphadora wanted to join in so they were taking it in turns. Andromeda sat on the sofa watching in disbelief.

"How can you all spend the entire day playing a video game?" she asked.

Nymphadora turned around to face her mother and shouted "poop!".

"Sirius, why have you told Nymphie here to keep saying that?" Andromeda questioned.

"I just told her it was a bad word," Sirius shrugged. "We all know kids like to say words they aren't supposed to say."

"Such a bad influence on her," Andromeda tutted with a smile.

"I'm a bad influence on everyone," Sirius said. "You just have to deal with that."

"BAD IMFLAMENCE!"

"Yep, that too," Sirius said, rolling his eyes at Nymphadora and taking his turn at the game.

* * *

' _Dear Sirius,_

_Sorry about what I said to you back at school. I don't know what got into me on that day. I was an idiot, there I admitted it._

_I should have let you stay at my house – I mean, it's practically your house now too. I'm really sorry._

_Lily forgave me for the things I said, and I hope you can forgive me too. I know what went down between you and Remus, and it was wrong of me to say what I said._

_If you forgive me, I'll tell you the wonderful idea I have for pranking ol' Sniveltron..._

_Trust me, you'll want to hear about it. It's epic._

_Anyway, I hope you can forgive me._

_James.'_


	26. The Order of the Phoenix

After the Christmas holidays, everyone was starting to stress about the upcoming NEWTs. Every teacher thought to scare them by telling them that if they hadn't already started revising every day, then they were going to be in trouble when the exams came along.

Sirius didn't really believe what they were saying but nevertheless decided it was probably time to start doing some studying in his free periods. James had decided to do the same, which had helped his relationship with Lily.

A month of heavy revision and no social lives later, and Sirius and James had decided they weren't cut out for studying.

"It's just not us," James said, snapping his heavy Potions book closed and resting his head on it. "It's more of a Remus thing."

"I don't know how he does it," Sirius said, closing his own book. "He's been revising for years. We couldn't even do it for a month!"

"How about we revise a month before the exams?" James proposed. "Because I think I'll die if we carry on like this every day."

"Deal," Sirius said, throwing his books carelessly into his bags. "Besides, we have Quidditch coming up."

Tomorrow was the Gryffindor versus Hufflepuff match and they needed to win it to catch up with Slytherin.

James and Sirius stood up and started making their way out of the library when Sirius saw something out of the corner of his eyes. He stopped walking and hesitantly turned around to see if what he thought he had seen had been real.

"Sirius, what's wrong?" James asked, turning around.

Sirius closed his eyes and shook his head. "Nothing," he replied, turning away from Remus and Will, who were sitting at the table in the far corner of the library, holding hands and whispering to each other.

James peered over to see what Sirius had been looking at and frowned. "Oh."

"Let's just go, James," Sirius said, pulling his best friend out of the library hastily. When they reached the common room, Sirius dropped down on one of the sofas and let out a deep sigh.

James smiled sympathetically nudged Sirius. "Hey, at least he looks happy now. Right?"

"Yeah," Sirius nodded, staring into the fire. "They deserve each other. Will's a good guy."

James raised his eyebrows. "Did you really just say that?"

Sirius laughed and nodded. "Weird, huh?"

"Hey guys," Peter said, coming to join them on the sofas. "I see you've finally given up on revising."

James snorted. "Did you really think we'd last any longer? One more day of that and I'd probably end up killing myself."

Peter laughed and nodded in agreement. "Uh, guys? I actually wanted to talk to you about something."

"Go on," Sirius said, happy to take his mind off of what he'd seen in the library.

"Well, we'll be leaving Hogwarts soon," Peter said. "And I was wondering if you guys would want for us all to buy a flat together."

Sirius thought about it for a moment. Sharing a flat with James, Remus and Peter. While he couldn't deny it would be fun, he decided it would be pretty awkward living with Remus considering the circumstances.

"I think that would be great," Sirius said. "But I can't share a flat with Remus. You know why."

"And well, Lily and I are going to buy a flat together," James said awkwardly, avoiding eye contact with Peter, who sighed.

"It's fine, guys," he said. "I can't afford a flat by myself, and if I can't get a flat I'll have to stay with Mum and Dad."

"Ew," Sirius said. "I'll move into a flat with you as long as it's just us two and not Remus."

Peter beamed at him. "Yeah, that's cool."

Sirius smiled back and decided that this was probably the best idea. Living alone wasn't something he was ready for. He wondered whether Remus and Will would move in together. His heart ached a little at the thought.

Remus entered the common room seconds later looking very distracted by a piece of parchment in his hand.

"Oi Remus!" James called from the other side of the common room. Remus glanced up and made his way over, sitting down on one of the empty sofas.

"Sorry," he mumbled. "Didn't see you guys. Prefect stuff," he said, holding up the parchment.

"What's on it?" Peter asked.

"Professor Dumbledore wants to see a few people in his office tomorrow at 7," Remus said.

"Who?" James asked. "Why?"

"He wants to see us four," Remus said, glancing only for a brief second at Sirius and then back at the parchment in his hand. "Lily, Mary, Alice, Frank, Dorcas and Marlene."

"Why?"

"It doesn't say why. I think there are more people from other houses that have been asked to come as well," Remus replied. "You don't think we're in trouble, do you?"

"No way," James said. "Why would all of the seventh year Gryffindors be in trouble?"

"Hmm," Remus said distractedly. "I'm going to let the other five know. See you later."

"I wonder what that's about?" James asked.

"Who knows?"

* * *

The next morning was a blur, as everybody was getting ready for the Quidditch match. Sirius couldn't wait to get back onto his broom – it had been far too long. He was also scared. Hufflepuff had a really strong team this year and he was worried that they'd lose on their last year at Hogwarts.

"Are you ready for this?" James asked him as they headed down to breakfast.

"Hell yeah," Sirius said. "We're going to win."

"That's the spirit," James said with a grin. They sat down near Peter and Remus, and helped themselves to breakfast.

"Good luck today," Peter said with a smile.

"Thanks."

Just as they were about to get up, the owls started flying in with the mail. An unfamiliar bird flew towards Sirius and dropped an envelope down in front of him.

Peter and James looked at him expectantly, while Remus continued to pretend that he and Sirius weren't even sitting at the same table.

Sirius opened the letter.

' _Sirius,_

_Wouldn't it be nice if Hufflepuff won for once?_

_You're not playing today, and neither is James. Not unless you both want to be in Azkaban._

_Oh yes, I know he's an animagus too. It would be a shame if you both got locked up._

_Regulus.'_

Sirius sighed and slammed the letter down on the table. "Read it," he said to James, who looked concerned. He watched as James read through the letter.

"How the hell does he know about me?" James asked, looking furious.

"I don't know," Sirius said.

"Well this is fucking brilliant!" James said. "Real amazing."

"What's up?" Peter asked. James handed him the letter, and Remus and Peter scanned it quickly.

"What are we going to do?" Sirius asked.

"I'll stand in for one of you," Peter volunteered quickly. "I've never tried Quidditch before but I might be good."

James let out a frustrated groan. "We're going to lose!"

"Pete, can you stand in for me?" Sirius asked. "You have good eye sight – hopefully that'll help you catch the snitch."

"I'll try," Peter said, looking slightly nervous.

"Remus, you'll stand in for me, right?" James asked, looking desperate.

"I'm sure there's someone else-"

"- _Please,_ Remus? For me?" James said.

Remus sighed and nodded. "Okay, but don't blame me if we lose. I've never played as Keeper in my life."

"You'll be great!" James said, sounding more confident than he looked.

* * *

It was harder to convince Professor McGonagall why James and Sirius couldn't play in the match. They'd come up with the excuse that they were both feeling really ill and that there was no way that they could play. She'd looked unconvinced and very annoyed, but let them off the hook. The only condition was that they'd have to stay in the hospital wing and miss the match.

"I wonder how it's going?" James asked from the bed next to Sirius.

"We're going to lose," Sirius replied. "It's Remus and Peter."

"They might be better than we think," James said hopefully.

"I played Quidditch with Remus once," Sirius said. "He was playing Beater but he was awful. Trust me, we're going to lose."

"Do you think that Regulus is going to send you more letters like that?" James asked.

"I don't know. It's not like we can even do anything about it either. He's blackmailing us."

"If we ever found him, we could obliviate him," James said.

" _If_  we ever find him," Sirius said, looking annoyed. "We'll never find him."

"But if we do find him, obliviating him is a good plan, right?

"Definitely," Sirius replied.

* * *

When James and Sirius were finally allowed out of the hospital wing that night, they ran straight up to the common room to hear the news about the match.

When they walked in, they didn't even need to ask. Everybody was cheering, and Peter was being thrown in the air by a group of fifth years. He had a bottle of Firewhiskey in his hand and was screaming "we did it!".

James grinned and ran over to congratulate Peter. "Well done, mate! I can't thank you enough."

Sirius walked towards Remus, who was by the window playing a game of exploding snap with Frank Longbottom.

"Congrats," Sirius said quietly to Remus, who looked up at him.

"Oh," Remus said. "Uh, thanks."

"Thanks for helping us out today," Sirius said. "It means a lot."

"It wasn't for you," Remus replied, turning back to his game. "I was protecting James."

Sirius nodded. "Well... see you later."

Remus ignored him, and Sirius walking back over to where James was. "We have to see Dumbles soon," he said.

"Oh yeah," James said.

* * *

When the ten Gryffindors who had been called to see Professor Dumbledore arrived at the headmaster's office, they were joined by five seventh year Hufflepuffs and five seventh year Ravenclaws.

Everybody seemed to be as confused as they were.

"I guess we aren't in trouble, then," Joanna Knight from Ravenclaw whispered to her friend. "Not if the head boy and girl are here too."

Sirius spotted Will, who grabbed Remus's hand and smiled.

"Do you know what's going on?" Frank asked James, Sirius and Peter who all shrugged.

"Ah, you're all here," Professor Dumbledore said from behind them. They all turned around to see the headmaster smiling down at them with that twinkle in his eyes. "Let us all proceed upstairs to my office, then."

Two-by-two, they all made their ways up into Dumbledore's office and gathered around to hear what the headmaster had to say.

"You're probably all wondering why I've called you here tonight," he said. There were a few murmurs around the room. "Well, I wanted to inform you of something you may be interested in after you finish Hogwarts."

Sirius and James exchanged excited glances and then looked back at Professor Dumbledore.

"I must warn you though, that what I am about to tell you is very top secret, so before I speak to you about it, I will need you all to promise that what I say to you tonight will remain only amongst the people in this room."

Everybody in the room looked at each other, so as to confirm who was in there with them.

"Alright," Professor Dumbledore said. "As you know, Lord Voldemort has been recruiting people to become what they like to call themselves 'Death Eaters'. People are starting to fear that there's going to be a war on our hands."

"What does that have to do with us?" asked a girl in Hufflepuff – Shannon Bowler.

"I have asked you all here tonight for a similar reason. I'd like to recruit."

A confused murmur travelled around the room.

"The Order of the Phoenix is a secret society. We are working to bring Lord Voldemort down, but to do that we'll need more members. I've brought you all here as I believe that you twenty would be perfect for the job. Of course, you may turn this opportunity down but you must swear not to speak of it to anybody."

Sirius glanced at James, who was wearing an excited smile. Sirius understood the smile as he was wearing the exact same one. They were definitely going to join.

"So where do we sign if we want to join?" Marlene asked eagerly, before anybody else spoke.

Professor Dumbledore smiled. "I can't ask you to join today. I can ask that you all take a month or so to think about it, and then you may let me know. Thank you for coming to see me, and I will arrange for another meeting a month from now to see if we have any volunteers. Good night."

They all filed out of Dumbledore's office and gathered together in the corridor, speaking in loud whispers.

"No  _way_  I'm joining!" Tina Baker said angrily. "And neither are you, Kelly," she said to her sister. "It's a death trap!"

"It's Dumbledore we're talking about here," Lily said to them quickly. "Is he really going to let us get hurt?"

"Everyone is prone to making mistakes. This could be Dumbledore's biggest mistake," Michael Applebee from Ravenclaw said, folding his arms.

"Oh come on, Mike," Will said. "It'll be fun. I'll join if you join."

"Well I'm not joining," Mary McDonald said, looking frightened. "I don't want to be anywhere near any Death Eaters."

"What kind of Gryffindor are  _you_?" Frank said, looking at her in astonishment.

"A Gyffindor that wants to be a Healer, not a hero," Mary snapped back, looking annoyed.

"We really shouldn't be talking about this here," Remus whispered loudly. "Dumbledore said it was top secret."

"Remus is right," James said.

"Why is Lupin even  _here_?" asked Kelly Baker. "He's a werewolf. Surely  _he's_  not one to trust."

Remus took a step back, looking hurt. "Leave him alone," Sirius said quietly, glaring at the Hufflepuff. "He has every right to be here."

"Well," said Tina Baker. "If he's joining, then we won't be."

The two sisters stalked off down the corridor, leaving the rest of them all huddled together.

"I never liked them much anyway," said Xenophilius Lovegood. "They once told me I was mad."

Sirius looked away, in hope that he wouldn't start laughing. Of course Xenophilius Lovegood was mad – he spent hours a day cleansing the corridors of 'Nargles'.

"We should probably get going back to our dormitories," Lily said finally. "People will start to get suspicious if we all-"

"-Do you think it's a good idea?" Shannon from Hufflepuff asked Peter.

"I think it's a great idea," Peter replied, turning pink. Girls didn't usually talk to him. Shannon smiled and nodded.

"Me too."

Everyone watched them for a moment before James broke the silence. "Well, Lily's right. We should all go back now."

As the Ravenclaws started to leave, Will planted a kiss on Remus's head and whispered something to him, which made Remus smile. The Hufflepuffs left, with Shannon waving shyly at Peter, who waved back with a dopey grin on his face.

Finally, the Gryffindors decided to leave. When they reached their dormitory, Peter sighed happily.

"I'm going to ask her out tomorrow," he said.

"Who?" Remus asked. "Shannon Bowler?"

"Yes."

"I think she likes you," Sirius said.

"She definitely likes you," Lily said with a smile. "Go for it."

Peter grinned and nodded. "What about you, Sirius? I think you should ask somebody out. You've been single for a while now."

Sirius sighed and shook his head. "I'd rather be single for a while," he said.

And it was true. Although it hurt to watch Remus with Will, he decided he'd rather be single waiting for the one he loved rather than in a relationship with someone he didn't love. He'd wait forever for Remus, but somehow he thought that even forever wouldn't be enough.


	27. Attack

"So what do you reckon you want to do when you're older?" James asked, as they flicked through the 'Wizarding Careers Handbook' that they had been given this morning at breakfast.

"I don't need any dumb book to choose what I want to do. I want to be an Auror, obviously."

"Good," James grinned. "Because I didn't want to do it without my best mate."

Sirius grinned back and turned to Peter. "What about you?"

"I... don't think I'm too sure yet," Peter said. "Can I see the book?"

"Don't you want to be an Auror?" James asked, looking shocked. "I thought we'd all do it together!"

"I'm not as brave as you guys," Peter said, looking uncomfortable.

"Yes you are!" Remus called from across the common room where he was sitting with Lily.

Peter blushed and shook his head. "No I'm not. I don't know. Maybe I'll work in Honeydukes or something – you know how much I love that shop."

"You're so much better than that, Wormy," Sirius said. "Besides, you'll be paying half the rent in our flat so you'll need a good job."

"Mm," Peter said, leaning back in his chair. "I'll think on it."

"Good!" James said, grinning. "I can't wait to leave now. We're so close to finishing, and then there's The Order of the Phoenix and you know when we leave at some point I'll be proposing to Lily and-"

"-Woah, James," Sirius said, laughing. "Not so fast."

"Says he who proposed to Remus in sixth year," James said, rolling his eyes.

"James has a point," Peter said.

"Oh, whatever."

"Anyway, Dumbles should be calling us all back tomorrow to put our names down for the Order," James said.

"We're all joining, right?" Sirius asked, looking at Peter and James.

"Of course," Peter said. "And Remus is, too."

"Remus is what?" Remus asked, joining them. "Talking about me, are we?"

"He was just saying that you're joining the Order, too."

"Oh," Remus said. "Yup. It's not like I really have any other career plans considering my condition, which was so nicely pointed out to me last year," he glared at Sirius for a moment and then looked away.

Sirius decided not to say anything, and waited for one of the others to talk.

"So," James said, trying to break the awkward silence. "We should probably get going to Potions."

They all stood up together and slowly made their way out of the common room.

"Please tell me you've done the homework," James said to Sirius, who looked at him in amusement.

"When do I  _ever_  do the homework?" he asked. "Besides, you're Head Boy! You should be doing your own homework."

James elbowed him in the arm and rolled his eyes. "No thanks. Never going to happen."

When they reached the classroom, they filed in slowly and took their seats around their usual table. All except for Peter, who raised his hand. His expression changed suddenly and he looked very unwell.

"What is it, Mr Pettigrew?"

"May I please be excused? I'm not feeling very well."

"Of course," Professor Slughorn said. "Feel better soon."

"Stupid git," Sirius said. "That's usually my excuse when I haven't done my homework."

"Looks like Wormy's been learning," James said, looking proud.

"Quiet, class!" Professor Slughorn called. "As you know, the NEWTs are coming up very soon, and you'll be very pleased to know that we have finished the syllabus early. This does not, however, mean that you are not to attend lessons. This means that we shall be revising everything we've learnt over the past two years. I hope you all have your textbooks with you today."

Sirius pulled his book out, and moved it closer to James, who had lost his textbook back in sixth year, when they'd been throwing it about carelessly too close to the Giant Squid.

"We'll be looking back over the Draught of Living Death today. If you remember, that was the first Potion we covered in sixth year."

The class all groaned, and opened their books to the first page of their textbook where the instructions were printed for brewing the Draught of Living Death.

* * *

"Mr Potter and Mr Black," Professor Slughorn called as they were about to leave the class after the end of the lesson. "I do not recall you two handing in your homework."

"Here we go," Sirius whispered, as they turned back around and took their seats.

"You shall spend your detention helping Mr Lupin here clean up the mess he made when his cauldron exploded."

"Joy!" James said, sending an annoyed look at Remus, who grinned sheepishly.

"I'm sorry," Remus said. "You know I'm awful at Potions."

"And now we have to clean up your mess," James said.

"Its not my fault you didn't do your homework!" Remus replied. "I'm disappointed in you, James. Head Boy!  _Him_ , I can understand-" Remus said, looking at Sirius pointedly. "-He's always a disappointment, but you?"

"I'm not a disappointme-" Sirius started, but James nudged him in the ribs.

"Remus, you need to stop that," James said.

"Stop what?"

"Insulting him," James said.

"You speak about me as if I'm not sitting right here," Sirius said to James.

"Shut up, you," James replied, turning back to Remus. "It's not fair, Remus. Just go back to ignoring him, but don't keep insulting him. He's said plenty of times how sorry he is, and if you can't forgive him then just leave it alone. You're only making things worse between you."

"Whatever," Remus said, standing up and looking annoyed. "Professor Slughorn, we're finished."

"Very well. You may all proceed up to the Great Hall for dinner. And make sure you actually do your homework this time Black, Potter."

James and Sirius nodded, and they all left the classroom in silence and made their way back out of the dungeons. As they neared the stairs leading up to the main school, they could hear somebody screaming above them, which made all three of them stop in their tracks.

"What the hell was that?" James said, looking up at the ceiling.

They heard a loud crash and then there was more than one scream; everybody in the Great Hall seemed to be screaming and running around. They hurried up the stairs to see what was going on and Sirius had to duck immediately as a hex flew straight towards his chest as they reached the top of the stairs.

The Great Hall was like a warzone. There were around twenty masked wizards in black shooting curses and hexes towards the hundreds of Hogwarts students who were running around, trying to make their ways back to the safety of their dormitories. The first years all looked terrified. Sirius could see a group of first year Ravenclaws hiding behind the four huge hourglasses that currently held hundreds of gems of different colours. There was a group of first year Gryffindors all huddled together under one of the tables in the Great Hall. Sirius had never seen anything like it before.

"Death Eaters?" he said, hiding with James and Remus behind the door leading into their Transfiguration classroom.

"What else?" Remus said.

They peered around the door. "We need to get upstairs."

"How did they even get in?" James asked, looking frightened. "We're damned lucky we're in Gryffindor because if they can get in here, they at least don't know the password to our common room."

"Well, we can't let the Slytherins go back to their common rooms!" Remus said.

"They wouldn't hurt one of their own," Sirius said.

"You don't know that!" Remus replied. "James, you're Head Boy. You need to do something."

"What am I supposed to do? Take them all into  _our_  common room? Even  _Snivellus_? I don't think so!"

"Why don't you take them to the Room of Requirement? Surely they wouldn't know about that."

"Good idea," James said. "If you see any Slytherins, make sure to send them up."

"Er, that's not such a good idea," Sirius said. "Regulus could be here with the Death Eaters, and he knows about the Room."

"Great," James said, sighing. "Where else can we take them?"

"Just take them to the owlery or something," Sirius said. "I doubt the Death Eaters will think to look in there."

"Right," James said. "If you see Lily, or any other prefects, please let them know."

James took one quick look and then ran straight into the middle of all of the fighting. Sirius couldn't even bring himself to watch. His heart was pounding hard in his chest and everything seemed to be going slow motion. He thought, when he watched what was going on, that surely this couldn't really be happening. How could Dumbledore have let Death Eaters into Hogwarts?

"Come on," Remus said, tugging at his sleeve and bringing him back from his thoughts. "We need to get back!"

Sirius nodded quickly. They glanced around the corner and ran out of their hiding place when it seemed nobody was looking their way.

Professor McGonagall and Professor Slughorn had appeared and were trying to protect the students while fighting off the Death Eaters. They heard a loud  _smash_  and some petrified screams. Sirius turned quickly to see the four hourglasses had been smashed and the gems were spilling out onto the floor like a tidal wave. The Ravenclaws who had been behind the hourglasses had managed to run to safety behind the two teachers.

"Quick," Remus hissed. Sirius followed him around the side of the action, hoping desperately that they wouldn't be seen.

They successfully managed to get to a tapestry that led straight up to the corridor that their common room was on. It was only just around the corner. They'd be safe...

"SIRIUS!" Remus yelled, and Sirius was being thrown hard onto the floor by Remus. He saw a flash of green light right where he had been standing, and then looked towards where it had come from. He recognised her immediately, even though he had not seen her in years – his oldest cousin, Bellatrix.

She wasn't like the other Death Eaters; apparently she didn't need a mask. She had a manic smile on her face as she let out a cruel laugh. "Hello, little baby cousin. How lovely to see you again."

Before anything else could be said, her lips curled into a malicious smile and her eyes were glistening as she went to send another killing curse towards them. " _Avada Kedavra!"_

Sirius seemed to be in shock. He couldn't move. It was like he was completely frozen in fear. He was going to die, and there was nothing he could do about it.

He felt Remus grab him roughly by the arm and drag him around the corner, and he was vaguely aware of Remus saying the password to the Fat Lady. He was pulled inside the common room and thrown down onto the sofa.

He sat there for a moment breathing heavily and staring at the ceiling as other Gryffindor students surrounded him, all looking worried.

"He's okay," he heard Remus say. "He's fine, don't worry. Just let him have some space."

Was he really okay? He felt numb, and he was sure he was shaking.  _Bloody hell_ , his own cousin had tried to kill him! Of course he wasn't okay! They had never got along in the first place, but to send a killing curse at him? He shuddered again at the memory.

He felt himself being lifted and carried upstairs to their dormitory, where he was away from all of the worried students in the common room.

"Sirius, are you alright?"

Sirius tried to speak a couple of times, but no sound came out of his mouth. He tried again, and broke into a coughing fit. He saw Remus run towards the bathroom, and return with a cup full of water. He held it to Sirius's mouth and Sirius drank thankfully – he hadn't realised how thirsty he had been.

"Th-thanks," Sirius managed to mumble.

Remus put a hand to Sirius's forehead and stared down at him, looking a mixture of relieved and worried.

"You... you s-saved my life," Sirius said. "Why?"

Remus rolled his eyes and smiled slightly. "You still mean the world to me, Sirius. If something ever happened to you... I would die with you."

Sirius felt incredibly stupid when he started to grin dopily at Remus. "Really?"

"Yes, you stupid mutt," Remus replied, ruffling his hair. "Now stop grinning like that. It's creepy."

Sirius stopped grinning and leaned back into his pillow. "Thanks, Remus. I mean, for saving me. If you hadn't been there... well... I'd be..."

"Don't worry about it," Remus said with a smile. "You're here now, and that's all that matters. You should get some sleep, though. You look exhausted. I'll just be down in the common room. I need to make sure James and Peter are alright."

"Goodnight," Sirius mumbled into his pillow.

There was a short pause, and then he heard Remus say "goodnight, Sirius," before opening the door and leaving the room.

* * *

Sirius wouldn't have thought he'd manage to sleep for long, but when he awoke, the sky was blue outside, which meant he'd managed to sleep all through the night.

He sat up and opened the curtains on his bed. He could see Remus and Peter sitting on Remus's bed, talking quietly. He wondered where James was.

"Hey," Sirius croaked.

"Sirius!" Peter beamed. "You're not dead!"

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Nope, definitely alive over here, mate."

"You've been asleep for fifteen hours!" Peter said.

"Where's James?" Sirius asked.

"He's okay," Remus said. "He's in the hospital wing. Lily was hurt last night, but she's alright. Just a graze, really. She doesn't know why James is making such a big fuss about it."

"Did anybody... you know... die?"

"I don't think so," Remus said. "There are a few people in the hospital wing, some injuries worse than others, but I think everybody's alright."

Sirius let out a sigh of relief. He felt sick when he thought of everything that had happened last night. The fact that Death Eaters had managed to break into Hogwarts and were hurting innocent students scared him.  _First years_  could have been killed. Children from any of the four houses. Some of those children may have grown up to join the Death Eaters, but they didn't even seem to care.

Nausea swept over him when he thought of the fact that his family advocated this kind of thing. They thought it was  _right_. He had never felt so happy to be free of them than he did right now.

"Dumbledore has postponed the Order meeting," Remus said. "I have a good feeling that more people will want to join after that."

* * *

Remus was right. A few days later, all of the people who had been called to think about joining the Order of the Phoenix were standing in Dumbledore's office once more.

Those who had been on the fence about joining were the first to sign their names up.

Mary McDonald, who had said that she was definitely not joining, had been in the hospital wing for days now after being injured by the Death Eaters. She no longer feared the Death Eaters, but she – like many of the other students who had been injured – wanted revenge. The Order of the Phoenix was a perfect excuse for that.

When they left Dumbledore's office that night, the parchment which read 'Order of the Phoenix Members' at the top, had twenty names underneath.

Sirius knew from then, that the war had really started and that there was no backing out now.


	28. NEWTs

It was finally May, which meant that the NEWTs were fast approaching.  _Everybody_  was in study mode. Even Sirius and James.

The seventh year Slytherins had given up their relentless bullying of the younger students, which came as a shock to everybody. The seventh year Ravenclaws spent almost all of their time in the library, so they were hardly ever seen by anybody. Remus tended to join them most of the time. The seventh year Hufflepuffs spent a lot of time out in the sun studying from their books. The seventh year Gryffindors were just scattered around the school studying wherever and whenever they could.

It wasn't uncommon these days to hear of a student having a mental breakdown because of the stress from the exams. People who had been focusing too much were losing concentration and performing spells wrong in class, resulting in many people having to be sent to the hospital wing from spell damage and exhaustion.

The teachers told them not to worry, that this was all normal for seventh years, but the students still couldn't help worrying.

Sirius was happy, though. After the whole 'Death Eater Fiasco' – well that's what the students called it – Remus had been talking to him again. It was such a relief to have his friend back. Although, when Remus was in study mode, he wasn't the most pleasant friend to be around.

"One more time, Sirius," Remus said frantically, throwing a thick book at Sirius.

"We've been over this five times today!" Sirius said, feeling tired.

" _Please_ ," Remus said.

"Fine. Erm, okay how about the Draught of Living Death? Instruct me on how to brew it correctly."

The look on Remus's face changed as he thought about his answer carefully. "Cut up the Sopophorous bean, pour in 250 fl. Oz. of water and add 5 oz. of African sea salt. Um, set the beaker aside after all of the water's been added and... what was it, again? Oh, make sure that you do not shake or move the beaker! Leave it to rest for five minutes. Pour the water into the cauldron. Oh, Merlin. What was next? Um... okay, give me a second to think about this-"

"-Remus, calm down," Sirius said, closing the Potions book. "You  _do_  know it. Better than anybody, probably. You've recited it five times today already. You probably need to just take a break."

"I  _can't_  calm down! The exams are next week, Sirius! Aren't you at all  _worried_  about them?"

"Of course I am, but you're stressing out too much about them," Sirius said.

"It's better to be stressed out but prepared than laid back and unprepared!" Remus snapped back, snatching the Potions book up and flicking to the page they were on.

Sirius sighed. "I'm going downstairs for a bit," he said.

"I'll be up here if you need me," Remus muttered, scanning the page he was on.

Sirius headed downstairs into the common room, which was filled with older students who were studying like crazy, and younger students who were getting snapped at and shouted at for speaking too loudly and interrupting the older student's studies. Sirius could see James and Peter sitting in the corner of the common room, both leaning over a book.

Sirius headed towards them and took the empty seat next to James. "Hey guys."

"Shh," Peter said. Both James and Peter seemed to be concentrating very hard on what they were reading. Sirius sighed. Couldn't they take a break from studying for at least an hour?

"Dream Potion," James muttered. "Can only be brewed between sunset and sunrise, but not when the moon is too bright in the sky."

"I thought it was when the moon was the brightest?" Peter said, looking worried. "Oh Merlin, I'm going to fail!"

"You won't fail," Sirius said. "Now you know. It's when the moon isn't too bright."

"What is the only spell known to fend off a Lethifold? I looked over this earlier and I've completely forgotten," James said.

"I'm pretty sure it was 'Expecto Patronum'," Sirius said.

"Crap, I thought it was 'stupify'!" Peter shrieked. "Crap, crap, crap!"

"Don't worry Wormtail," James said. "We all have certain things we're not sure about. I bet at least eighty percent of the paper will be easy."

Peter didn't look convinced. "I'm going to fail and then I'm going to wind up working as a janitor at the Hog's Head or something revolting like that."

"No, you won't," Sirius said. "Because we won't let that happen, mate. We're all going to pass."

"But how?"

"Well first, I think you need to take a break from studying. I think I can literally hear your brain frazzling in there," Sirius said.

"He's right, you know," James said. "My brain feels like it's going to shrivel up inside my head."

"No more studying for tonight," Sirius said. "I have some Firewhiskey, and then we'll start studying again first thing in the morning. Sound good?"

"Where's the damned Firewhiskey?!" James said, throwing his book back into his bag.

* * *

Monday morning was the day of their first exam; Charms. All four of them were sitting at breakfast, trying not to think about the impending exam.

"I suggest you four hurry up because the exam starts in ten minutes," Professor McGonagall said as she walked past their table.

Sirius sighed and stood up. "I suppose we should go."

Their NEWT exams were to be held in empty classrooms around the school. Unlike the OWLs, there were less people to each class, so the exams were taking place in smaller rooms. This time, their Charms exam was to be taking place in their second year Transfiguration class.

"Last time I was in this classroom was that time Wormtail transfigured his little toe into a mushroom," James said, smiling fondly at the memory. "Those were the days."

"My little toe is still funny-looking, thanks to that," Peter said.

"I don't care about Wormtail's little toe," Remus said irritably. "It's our NEWTs today. Let me focus."

They all knew better than to argue with Remus just before an exam. There was never a time where he was more irritable.

"Good morning, everyone," came a shrill voice. "I'm one of your five examiners. I shall be calling you in five at a time to complete your practical exams. After that, you shall have an hour's lunch and then you will be sitting your theory in this room. First up are: Michael Applebee, Kelly Baker, Tina Baker, Sirius Black and Amelia Bones."

Sirius gulped and followed the other four people whose names had been called. "Good luck," Remus whispered as he walked past.

When he stepped into the classroom, he was beckoned over to sit in front of a young wizard. The desk that he was sitting at had a teacup on it, with a jug.

"Good morning, Mr Black," the examiner said. "Today, what I'd like you to do is to create water in this jug here-" he gestured towards the jug "- and then levitate the jug so as to pour the water into this teacup here-" he then gestured towards the teacup "- and then I would like you to give the teacup legs, change the colour of the teacup, and then finally clear the water from the teacup."

Sirius nodded, thinking carefully about what needed to be done. He was sure he could remember learning about each of those spells – whether it was in first year or seventh year, or somewhere in between.

"You may begin," the examiner said, picking up his quill and parchment.

Sirius cleared his throat and took his wand out. " _Aguamenti_ ," he said, pointing his wand at the jug. He watched in relief as the jug started filling up with clear water. After the jug was filled, he pointed his wand at it once more and said " _Wingardium Leviosa_ ," and carefully levitated the jug up in the air. He moved the jug closer to the teacup and he nearly dropped his wand when a drop of water accidentally spilt over the side of the jug. Taking a deep breath, he tilted his wand slightly and poured the water into the teacup.

He decided to sit for a moment before carrying on.  _Think, Sirius, think_.

" _Tarantallegra_ ," he said clearly, pointing his wand at the teacup and watching it sprout four small legs. He allowed the teacup to walk around for a moment before saying " _colovaria_ ," which turned the teacup from white to green. He glanced up at the examiner, who was writing a lot down on his piece of parchment. Sirius hoped it was good comments he was writing. Finally, Sirius cast " _scourgify_ " and the water, legs and colour disappeared from the teacup.

"Thank you very much, Mr Black. Good luck on your theory examination," the examiner said, shaking Sirius's hand.

As he left the classroom, he couldn't help smiling. It hadn't been as bad as he'd feared. Actually, it had been quite easy compared to the horrible ideas that had been going through his head. Sirius and the other four students who had just sat their practical exams were escorted out a different door so they could not tell any of the other students what had come up in the exam.

As soon as Sirius was free, he ran upstairs to an empty corridor and pulled a mirror out of his bag.

"Prongs!" he hissed. It took a moment as he watched the mirror, and then he saw his best friend's face appear, and a grin appear on his face.

"Padfoot! How was it? What came up?" James asked. Sirius watched as Peter's head appeared beside James's.

"Aguamenti, Wingardium Leviosa, Tarantallegra, Colovaria and Scourgify," Sirius whispered into the mirror.

"You," James said. "Are the best! Thanks, mate!"

"No problem," Sirius said. "Really, it was easy. Don't worry about it, you'll be fine."

"Why are you talking to a mirror?" Sirius heard someone say from James's side. James looked slightly scared and then his face was gone.

* * *

The rest of the exams went in a similar fashion. Sirius found himself quite happy that none of the exams proved to be too difficult. Peter disagreed with this, of course, but Remus and James also found the exams to be quite simple.

They were sitting down by the lake, watching the rippling water. Sirius smiled and closed his eyes.

"It's great, isn't it?" he said. "Being finished completely with school."

"It's great, but it's also kind of sad," James said. "I mean, we've spent that last seven years of our lives here. I'm definitely going to miss it."

"So many memories," Sirius said, grinning. "Like that one time Remus was going to pull that prank on Slughorn and he got locked in Sluggie's office with no escape."

"Hey, that wasn't funny!" Remus said, narrowing his eyes at Sirius. "How about that time  _you_  fell into the Black Lake and started screaming like a little girl because you thought that the Giant Squid was going to eat you?"

"It was freaking scary," Sirius said. "You'd be scared too!"

"Remember that time we had a party in our dorm and Peter fell through the floor?" James said, laughing slightly. "The guys downstairs must have been proper freaked out."

"The first time we successfully turned into animagi," Sirius said. "That was great."

"How about when Sirius 'came out of the closet'?" James said. "That one was hilarious."

"Oh Merlin, yeah," Remus said. "You literally jumped out of the closet and screamed it at us."

"Well, what can I say? I'm cool like that," Sirius said with a grin.

"And the fact that it took Peter ten minutes to understand why Sirius had jumped out of the closet was even funnier," James said.

They all laughed and Sirius sighed, leaning back against the tree. "Yeah," he said. "Maybe I will miss this."

"We'll still see each other though, when we leave," Remus said. "I mean, we have the Order and whatnot."

They all smiled at each other. They knew this would be an emotional ride for all of them.


	29. Growing Up

It was finally the last day at Hogwarts. It had seemed like they'd been there forever, yet at the same time it had gone so quickly. So many memories in seven years, so much happiness and so much excitement.

As the four of them entered the Great Hall for the end of year party, there was barely a dry eye in the room, and it wasn't only the students. The teachers looked just as sad that they were leaving as they were. Sirius would have never have imagined getting so emotional about leaving, but as he walked through the large doors and into the hall, he felt his something deep within him, that left him feeling extremely sad. He looked over at James, Remus and Peter who all seemed to be mirroring the exact emotions he was feeling.

They sat down in their usual seats at the Gryffindor table for the last time. The Great Hall looked painfully empty as it was only seventh years and the teachers in there. As everyone took their seats, they looked towards the teachers table, awaiting Dumbledore's speech.

The old headmaster stood up, smiling down at all of the seventh years. The twinkling in his eyes reminded Sirius nostalgically of his very first day of Hogwarts when they were all only eleven years old. Oh, how different things had been back then...

He was young, and so innocent. He still lived with his parents. He was still a Black. He shuddered at the memories, and prided himself in that moment that he had actually had the courage to escape from them. He was for sure a true Gryffindor. He remembered the moment the Sorting Hat had put him into Gryffindor and the shock on his own and others faces. He was the very first (and only) Black ever to be in another house other than Slytherin.

He remembered the first time he spoke to James. They had been sitting next to each other, in the very spot they were in right now, and James and Sirius had both gone for the last roast potato. Then they had continued to offer it to each other out of politeness until a young chubby boy by the name of Peter had snatched it from them, resulting in the very beginning of a seven-year friendship between the three of them.

He remembered the first time he spoke to Remus. That was one of the clearest memories in his head. They were getting a tour of the Gryffindor common room from one of the fifth year prefects when Sirius stopped and Remus tripped over landing right in Sirius's arms. At the time it had just been a laugh, and Remus had mumbled an embarrassed "I'm so sorry", while Sirius had just laughed. After a few years, the two had realised how romantic their first meeting was.

Sirius looked over at Remus, and then at James and Peter. He smiled. Despite everything they had been through, they were all still sitting together after seven whole years. If that wasn't a true friendship, what was?

"Good afternoon," Dumbledore said with a warm smile. "I welcome each and every one of you to join the other professors and myself for your final feast at Hogwarts. It has – and I think the other professors can agree – been a wonderful seven years filled with joy, happiness and laughter. We have enjoyed teaching you all and we are all eager to see what you accomplished young witches and wizards will go on to achieve in the next chapter of your life. We hope you will take with you all that you have learned here, and that your friendships with each other will last a lifetime. We want your time at Hogwarts to be a happy memory that you will look back on in fifty years and smile about. Maybe that one detention with Professor Slughorn"- he glanced at Professor Slughorn –"or that Quidditch match that didn't go as planned" – he then glanced at James, who looked slightly embarrassed.

"I wish you all the best for the future and I hope that you will all be safe and careful. Now, you may enjoy this magnificent feast and celebrate your final hours as a Hogwarts student."

* * *

"This place is AWESOME!" Sirius beamed as he and Peter stood in their new empty flat. It wasn't the biggest place in the world but it was perfect for the two of them.

"We just need some furniture now," Peter said, and Sirius could tell he was just dying to drop down on a sofa and sleep. He nodded.

"Yeah," he said. "I thought Lily was taking care of that for us."

"Well, where is she?"

"I'd rather not think about what she and Prongs are doing in their brand new flat all by themselves," Sirius said, scrunching up his nose in disgust.

"Oh, they're having sex," Peter said, nodding.

Sirius rolled his eyes and patted Peter on the back. "I do wonder how you ever made it this far, Wormy."

Peter looked slightly annoyed. "Well I'm here now, so keep your comments about my stupidness to yourself you smart-ass."

Sirius dodged a playful punch in the arm and threw his hands up. "Look, not my fault I'm a smart-ass. Just deal with it."

"God, and just imagine. I have to live with you for... oh no, it could be forever!" Peter looked horrified.

"You've been living with me since we were eleven," Sirius pointed out. "You know I'm not  _that_  bad."

"That's only because we had Moony and Prongs there too to distract you half the time," Peter said, smirking. "You're kind of... annoying, Padfoot."

"Take that back, you rat!"

Peter's body suddenly morphed into a small rat, and Sirius watched as he stood up on two legs, squeaked at him, and ran away. Sirius grinned and transformed into Padfoot, running after Wormtail trying to catch him. It felt good to be able to run free like this, and let go of all human problems.

He chased after his friend and just as he backed him into a corner, Wormtail jumped to the side causing Sirius to crash into the wall and let out a frustrated bark while all he could hear was a manic squeaking from the other side of the room.  _Oh he was going to pay_.

Just as Sirius turned to get his pay-back, the front door opened and Sirius's plans changed. He ran towards James and jumped up to lick his cheek.

"Ew, you disgusting creature!" James yelled, wiping his cheek.

"What's going on? Where are they?" Lily asked, looking warily at Sirius, who was sitting down doing the 'Puppy-dog eyes'.

James sighed and gave Sirius an annoyed look, closing the door. "Maybe you should sit down," he said to Lily.

She laughed. "There's no furniture to sit on."

James looked at Sirius again and nodded. Sirius changed back into a human again, causing Lily to nearly jump out of her skin in shock. Her hand came up to her mouth and she just stared at Sirius.

"Hey Lily," he said sheepishly.

"You're a... no... you can't be...  _what_?!"

Peter must have decided it was his turn, as the rat scurried across the room and suddenly transformed into a human, making Lily squeal in shock.

"Not  _you_  too!" she said, pointing at him.

"Guilty," Peter said, smiling slightly.

"Lily, just listen-" James started, but he was interrupted.

"This is  _illegal_! How could you –  _why_  would you?" she said, sounding a mixture of angry and curious.

"We only did it for Remus!" Peter said. "We wouldn't have risked something like this for any other reason."

"I don't understand."

"Remus tears himself apart at the Full Moon," Sirius said. "He needed a distraction."

"Fair enough, but that's not worth putting yourselves in danger! I mean Peter, you're only a rat! He could  _kill_  you!"

"Werewolves don't attack animals remember, Lil?" James said. "We took that into account when we decided to do this."

She turned to James, eyes wide. " _WE_?! Don't tell me you're in on this too!"

James flushed and coughed. "Well, yes. Remus is my best friend too."

Lily sighed and shook her head. "You're all crazy I tell you," she said. "Just be careful, please."

"We always are," Sirius said.

"I don't care, be more careful," Lily said, looking at James worriedly. "I can't believe you never told me!"

"I-"

"It doesn't matter!" Lily said, clapping her hands together. "Now you two, let's talk about decorating this flat of yours."

Sirius really didn't care what she did to their flat, as long as it had all the necessary items to live in it happily. He knew Peter felt the same way, but Lily's eyes were bright with excitement.

"I always wanted to be an interior designer when I was young," she explained. "You know, before I found out I was a witch."

"Inferior  _what_?" James said, glancing at Sirius who shrugged to indicate he didn't quite understand either.

" _Interior_  designer," Peter said, rolling his eyes. "It's somebody who designs insides of houses, like with furniture and stuff."

"How boring," Sirius said, receiving a glare from Lily.

"Anyway, I think you should go for a wooden floor in the living room and the hallway, but I want tiles in the bathroom and kitchen, and maybe some nice carpeting in your rooms. Then we have to look at colours! We need the walls and floors to complement each other so, I don't know, how about a red colour for the walls in the living room with a dark wood floor, just to remind you both of your Gryffindor days-"

She went on and on, and Peter and Sirius just nodded and went along with everything Lily said. Sirius had to admit he stopped listening after a minute or so, and as he glanced at Peter he noticed his friend was busy building a card house on the floor, clearly not listening.

* * *

When Lily was finally gone, and all of the furnishing had been done, Sirius dropped exhaustedly down onto their new sofa. Peter was already sitting in the armchair reading a comic.

"Quit reading," Sirius said. "I'm bored."

"Find something to do, then!" Peter said, not taking his eyes off his comic.

"No."

Silence. Clearly Peter wasn't going to speak.

"I'm  _bored_."

"Yeah, so you told me."

"You sound like Remus!" Sirius said, folding his arms childishly.

"Mmhm," Peter replied.

"What time is dinner?" Sirius asked.

"Whenever you feel like making it."

"I CAN'T COOK!"

More silence.

" _WORMTAIL_!" Sirius whined, desperately wishing he was back at Hogwarts where the food just appeared on the table.

"What?" Peter sighed, finally looking at Sirius.

"We should get a house elf!" Sirius said excitedly. "Yeah, then neither of us has to cook!"

"We're not getting a house elf, Sirius!" Peter said. "I know I'm lazy as hell but we're  _not_  getting a house elf."

"I can just steal one of my family's house elves."

" _No_ , Sirius. We're not some stuck-up pureblood family. We're just two guys who need to learn to live independently. No house elves needed."

"Would you stop sounding like Remus?" Sirius sulked. "I wonder what Remus is doing."

"I wouldn't like to think of what Remus is doing with Will in their new flat when they're all alone," Peter said, mimicking what Sirius had said earlier.

"Oh shut up, you smart-ass!" Sirius said, rolling his eyes.

"So  _I'm_ the smart-ass now?"

"Oh yes you are, oh wise one," Sirius said. "You're so smart and cool and you have always been such an idol to me."

"What are you talking about?" Peter asked.

"Yes, you're such an amazing person, Wormy. Honestly."

"Well, thank you Sirius!"

"So maybe you could possibly go and make us – or me – dinner?" Sirius said, smiling very pleasantly at his friend. He watched as Peter smiled back and picked up his comic once more.

"No."

"BUT-"

This was rewarded with a middle finger from Peter.


	30. Catching Up (November 1978)

**4 MONTHS LATER:**

"Welcome to your official first meeting of the Order of the Phoenix," Dumbledore said, standing at the end of a very long wooden table in a room that was full of photographs and pieces of parchment that had been scribbled all over by people who had had a lot to write and not enough time to write it.

This room was one of several in a small building that Sirius had been cryptically given the address to via owl. It was hidden in a mass of overgrown trees, and had one of those same enchantments that Hogwarts had that warded off any Muggles who happened to wander close by. This building was called by all Order members, 'Headquarters'.

Dumbledore was speaking to twenty people at this long table. Around the table were twelve others. Sirius recognised some of these people; Professor McGonagall and Hagrid.

"Today all we're going to do is introduce ourselves to each other. We have twenty new members today-" Dumbledore smiled down at the members sitting at the table. "We must get to know you. I know a lot of you know each other already but all I need is your names, and something about you. Let's start here," he said, looking at James who happened to be right next to him.

"Er, I'm James. Potter. Er, James Potter. I was Gryffindor Quidditch Captain," he said, looking slightly overwhelmed by the number of eyes on him.

"Hi, I'm Lily Evans and I'm a muggle-born witch," Lily said, smiling.

"I'm Alice Longbottom and I just recently got married."

"I'm Frank Longbottom and I'm her husband," Frank said clutching to his new wife's hand.

"I'm Amos Diggory and I want to work in the Ministry one day"

"I'm Tina Baker and I have a twin sister."

"I'm Kelly Baker and I'm her twin."

"I'm Joanna Knight and I love reading Muggle books."

"I'm Chris Jones and I'm a Half-blood."

"I'm Shannon Bowler, and I like long strolls on the beach."

"I'm Peter Pettigrew and I'm her boyfriend who likes taking long strolls on the beach." They both giggled. Sirius fought back the urge to snort at their corniness. "Your turn," Peter whispered to him.

"Oh! I'm Sirius Black and I am pretty awesome if I do say so myself." He saw Marlene roll her eyes from across the table – she was obviously still bitter from that time Sirius dated her.

"I'm Remus Lupin and I like chocolate."

"I'm Will Parker and I spend most of my time reading."

"I'm Michael Applebee and I like to read, too."

"I'm Aaron Thompson and I also like to read."

"You can tell who the Ravenclaws are," Sirius muttered to Peter, who nodded with a smile.

"I'm Xenophilius Lovegood and I like to spend my days searching for proof of the existence of the Crumple-Horned Snorkack."

This time Sirius really did snort, and was shot a look of disapproval from Dumbledore.

"Hi, I'm Mary McDonald and I would like to be a Healer one day!"

"I'm Marlene McKinnon and I hate guys who don't find me sexy," Marlene glared at Sirius, who smirked at her.

"I'm Dorcas Meadowes and I like to dance."

Dumbledore smiled. "Lovely. Now let us introduce our current members. I am Albus Dumbledore and I enjoy eating a Muggle sweet known as Sherbet Lemons."

"I'm Dedalus Diggle and I've been a member since the Order's inception."

"I'm Fabian Prewett and I was Head Boy at Hogwarts in my time."

"I'm Gideon Prewett and I'm his brother, so I can make fun of the fact that he was Head Boy." They two smiled at each other.

"I'm Minerva McGonagall and I am the Transfiguration teacher at Hogwarts as you all know."

"I'm Edgar Bones and I am the king of Wizard Chess."

"I'm Emmeline Vance and I am slowly working my way up to usurping Mr Bones here." She gave him a cheeky grin.

"I'm Alastor Moody and I lost a leg during a battle with the Death Eaters, so be warned – the Order is in no way  _safe_  and every second you are here is a risk."

Every single one of the twenty new members looked slightly scared at this.

"No need to scare them, Alastor! I'm Arthur Weasley and I am in love with all things Muggle!"

"I'm Molly Weasley, his wife, and mother of five. That screaming in the next room – that will most probably be Fred and George. Albus, I'll have to check on them."

"No problem Molly," Dumbledore replied."

"I'm Rubeus Hagrid, but you all know ter call me jus Hagrid. I love magical creatures."

"I'm Mundungus Fletcher and wouldn't really wonner be here if it weren't for Dumbledore."

"I'm Kingsley Shacklebolt and I'm an Auror."

James and Sirius exchanged excited looks at the mention of 'Auror'.

"Now of course we have other members, but they do not spend as much time here at Headquarters, so you will probably bump into them from time to time, but not as often as you'll see the people here," Dumbledore said. "I hate to plunge straight into work, but the truth is that Lord Voldemort has followers out there right now, and we need to sort that out."

"Mission time," James mouthed to Sirius, who grinned.

"I here have your missions," Dumbledore said, holding up a bunch of folders. Each folder had an Order member's name on the front. As he handed them out, excitement bubbled up inside Sirius.

"New members will be given a partner or a group to complete the mission with, plus you will be with an older member so you know what you are doing. You'll find everything inside the folders. Please report back to me when you have finished. Be safe," Dumbledore gave them one last smile and walked through a door to his left.

Sirius eagerly opened up his folder. It read:

'Order Member's Name: Sirius Orion Black

Mission: Ministry Observation

Mentor: Arthur Weasley

Partner/s: Shannon Bowler, Amos Diggory, Remus Lupin'

Sirius's heart started beating a little faster as he realised he'd be with Remus. He turned to Remus who was sitting next to him. "Hey partner!"

"Oh god, of course I'd get stuck with you," Remus rolled his eyes jokingly.

"Hello!" came a voice from behind them. The voice belonged to cheerful red-haired Arthur Weasley who would be their mentor. Sirius and Remus stood up and followed him to the next room, followed by Amos and Shannon.

"As you know, I'm Arthur and I'll be helping you for this first mission," Arthur said, looking at a few sheets of parchment in his hands. "Firstly, are any of you Muggle-born?"

"I am," Shannon said.

"Oooh! I'll have to speak to you later on about-"

"-Arthur Weasley!" said Molly – his wife- as she entered the room with her group. "You'd better not be badgering them with Muggle-related questions."

Arthur's face reddened. "Of course not, Molly dear," he said. "Anyway, you four will be doing Ministry Observation today."

"What does that mean?" Sirius asked eagerly.

"Oh don't look too excited – er, Sirius, is it?"

"Yes."

"Why, what do we have to do?" Amos asked. "I've never been to the Ministry!"

"Oh, well it's quite a place," Arthur said. "It wears off after a while if you're in there every day like I am, but it's quite a sight at first. Right, Ministry Observation is – I'm sorry to say – one of the most boring missions you could be given."

Sirius's face fell instantly. Remus noticed and smiled. "I bet you were hoping you'd be fighting Death Eaters," he whispered.

"Yeah, obviously!" Sirius whispered back.

"Here's what we will be doing-" Arthur started.

* * *

Ministry Observation was indeed very boring. They were required to stand in the Atrium of the Ministry all day long and observe and listen to any conversation they could hear. The aim was to find out information, and to maybe pick up clues to any under-cover Death Eaters working at the Ministry. Sirius and Remus had been appointed to the left side of the Atrium whilst Shannon and Amos were on the right side. Arthur was just patrolling around, and as he worked there, disappearing now and then to get on with his usual work.

"This is the biggest let-down since we found out that Wormtail's 'extra toe' was actually just a wart on his foot," Sirius muttered, leaning against the wall.

"You didn't think that it would be  _fun_ , did you?" Remus asked.

"Well, yes," Sirius replied.

"You're hopeless," Remus said with a smile. "How have you been, Sirius?"

"Good, I guess. It's hard work living with Wormy."

"Why's that?" Remus asked.

"He doesn't cook for me!" Sirius whined. "I don't know how to cook for myself so I end up apparating to Andromeda's every night for dinner. I know she's getting annoyed though, so then I'll be stuck when she stops letting me stay for dinner."

Remus laughed and shook his head. "You need to learn to cook if you're going to live by yourself."

"I'm not by myself though! I have Wormtail! His food always smells so good, but he never shares."

"Well, you know Wormtail. Sharing food isn't his thing," Remus replied.

"How are you?" Sirius asked. "How're things with  _Him_?"

Remus raised his eyebrows. "If you are referring to my boyfriend, then please call him by his name. Things with Will are good, thanks."

"Just good?"

"They're wonderful, Sirius," Remus said.

"Details?" Sirius asked.

"No," Remus replied. "I don't feel comfortable talking about my love life with you. No offence."

"Harsh," Sirius said. "I thought we were friends."

"We  _are_  friends, but you can understand why I don't want to talk about it with you."

"Fine," Sirius groaned. "Have you heard anything interesting?"

"Nothing," Remus said. "Nobody's going to speak about anything Death-Eater related out here anyway, they'd do it some place private."

"I swear if we get this mission again I'll scream," Sirius said, feeling frustrated. He spotted Arthur Weasley heading towards them and straightened up.

"Have you heard anything at all?" Arthur asked.

"No, sorry," Remus said.

"That's what I expected. I'm afraid we'll have to call it quits for today."

"Did the other two hear anything?" Sirius asked.

"No, they didn't. Let me just finish up my work and then we'll get going back to Headquarters."

This was news to Sirius's ears. This had been the longest day of his life, and he was starving.

"Hey Rem," Sirius said. "I'm starving! Mind if I pop over for dinner tonight?"

"I'll ask Will."

"But it's your flat too," Sirius said.

"But you're my ex," Remus said. "I'll ask Will at Headquarters."

* * *

Dumbledore didn't look too disappointed when they informed him that they'd found out nothing – Sirius suspected that he knew they wouldn't find anything, and only sent them there for experience.

When they returned to the main room with Dumbledore, it was clear that they were the last ones back. Everybody was sitting around the table playing card games and eating snacks. Now  _this_  was something Sirius could get used to.

He dropped down next to James and Lily.

"Hey," James said. "What did you have to do?"

"Stand in the Ministry all day long and listen to people's conversations," Sirius said. "I think the highlight of my day was hearing these two old guys talking about how they like to turn their wives on."

"Oh dear," Lily said, laughing slightly. "Pumpkin juice?" she handed Sirius a glass, which he took gladly.

"I got paired, Sirius,  _paired_  – just us two – with Marlene," James said, looking fed up. "She's unbearable."

"She isn't that bad," Lily said.

"She  _is_!" Sirius said, agreeing with his best friend. "As her ex, I know these things. Was it awful?"

"She's always just fishing for compliments!" James said. "And she kept mentioning how much she hates you, Sirius."

"What a bitch!"

"Calm down, Sirius," Lily said, rolling her eyes.

"We had to sit in Dumbledore's office at Hogwarts all day," James said, yawning. "Stamping letters for him while he did his Order work. We were like substitute Head Teachers for the day, except all we had to do was  _stay put_  and  _do as we're told_."

"Sounds like great fun," Sirius said sarcastically. "Who was your mentor?"

"Oh, wait for it," James said. "McGonagall of course."

"Well, I had quite a good day," Lily said. "I got to keep watch and guard the Headquarters."

"Sounds just as boring as our days," Sirius said. "I bet they're giving us the boring jobs because were  _so young_."

"I'd rather do the boring jobs than lose a leg!" Lily said, looking at Alastor Moody.

"Hey Sirius."

Sirius turned around to see Will behind him.

"You're welcome to come over for dinner, if you'd like. We're leaving by floo right now, would you like to come?"

"Yes," Sirius said, standing up and waving goodbye to James and Lily.

* * *

"Nice house," Sirius said, walking around.

"Thanks," Remus said.

"Smells like chocolate in here," Sirius said, smiling fondly at Remus. "And filled with books. Just as I imagined."

"I'm just making Spaghetti Bolognese," Will shouted from the kitchen. "Is that alright, Sirius?"

"Yeah, thanks!" Sirius replied. "He cooks?"

"We both do," Remus said. "We take turns. Tonight's his night to cook and my turn to wash the dishes."

Sirius nodded, trying not to think of what the arrangement would be like if he and Remus were still a couple. Remus would probably cook  _and_  wash up while Sirius slept in between.

"Sit down, Sirius," Remus said. "Do you want some Butterbeer?"

"Go on," Sirius said. As Remus stepped into the kitchen to get some drinks, Sirius decided to look around the living room. He was disgusted to see that there was photograph after photograph of the happy couple. It made Sirius sick. That should be  _him_  in those photographs holding Remus and kissing Remus. That should be  _him_  in that kitchen cooking while Remus made drinks for Will, who should be standing looking at photos and feeling sick.

Unfortunately, he knew it was all his own fault that things hadn't gone as planned.

"So," Remus said, returning with the Butterbeer and gesturing for Sirius to sit with him on the sofa. "Have you got anyone special in your life?"

Sirius snorted. "Unless you count my baby cousin, then no."

"Oh, how is little Nymphie?"

"She's great," Sirius said with a smile. "She's lovely, really lovely. And getting so big! She always asks about you."

Remus looked a little guilty when he spoke. "I wish I could go and see her."

"You should come and visit next time."

"I don't know, Sirius."

"Just for her," Sirius said quickly. "She really misses you. Always going on about when her husband is coming home."

"Oh wonderful," Remus said, laughing slightly. "Sirius, Wormtail says you're kind of – I don't know – lonely."

"No I'm not," Sirius lied.

"He says when he's with Shannon, you get all depressed," Remus said. "You should start dating."

"Who am I supposed to date?" Sirius asked, looking annoyed. "Know any gay guys other than yourself and your perfect boyfriend?"

"I hear Dumbledore's single and gay," Remus replied, with a smirk.

"Oh yeah, let me just go and chat up old Dumbles," Sirius said, rolling his eyes. "I'm sirius though, there's nobody."

"You'll find someone, I promise," Remus said.

"Dinner's ready!" Will called from the kitchen. Remus and Sirius stood up and headed into the kitchen and took their seats at the table.

"Thanks, Will," Sirius said.

"It's no problem," he replied. "So how are you? Have anyone special in your life?"

Remus looked at Will and shook his head.

"As a matter of fact, your boyfriend Mr Cupid here, just advised me that Dumbledore is single  _and_  gay. I think I'll go for that."

Will almost spat his drink out. "Well," he said. "Good luck with that and remember to bring a hearing aid and dentures when you court him."

Sirius couldn't help laughing despite his hatred for Will. "So what did you have to do today with the Order?" Sirius asked him.

"Oh, just some boring ordering and filing of information that's been collected. Got stuck with Molly Weasley and her kids. Let me tell you, I think they forgot to put 'babysitter' on my mission title this morning."

"What happened?" Remus asked.

"She has five kids, right. The oldest is eight years old. Little git. Kept poking the two year old with glasses and making him cry. Then there was the six year old who wouldn't shut up about dragons, and was telling me  _everything_  he's ever heard about them. He was kind of cute, I admit. Then there are the two babies. They cried literally all day long so Molly was constantly taking care of them leaving me and Frank to look after the other three the whole day, so we could hardly get on with any work."

"I hate kids," Sirius said. "Well kids like that, anyway. The ones that just whinge and cry all the time."

"I bet you were like that, too," Remus said.

"Ask my mother!" Sirius said. "Actually, you know, you might be right. I was a little git when I was a kid too. I used to spend my whole childhood finding ways to piss my mother off. She deserved it anyway."

"So you don't plan on having any kids then?" Will asked.

"Not unless I'm with Remus," Sirius said before he could stop himself. The silence that followed was extremely awkward.

Remus coughed. "So,  _Sirius_! I hear James wants to speak to us tomorrow."

"Yeah, he mentioned," Sirius said. "Me, you and Wormtail."

"I wonder what it's about," Remus said, sounding curious.

"Probably wants some help with a stag-related illness," Sirius muttered, receiving a kick in his leg from Remus.  _Oh crap_ , Sirius thought.  _Will doesn't know_. "Well, you know... because he's such a stag, you know."

He glanced at Remus, who had his head in his hands.

"Never heard that one before," Will said, laughing slightly. "I've heard people call each other pigs or cows but never stags."

"Yeah, it's a Marauder thing," Sirius replied.

"Are you finished?" Will asked, looking at Sirius's empty plate.

"Yes," Sirius replied. "What's for dessert?"

"Do you like cream cakes?" Will asked.

"Only if the cream is all over Remus's body just for me to lick off," Sirius replied.

"Oh boy," Remus said. This would be a long evening.

* * *

"Remus Lupin," James said. "Sirius Black, and Peter Pettigrew."

"Yes?" they answered in unison.

"I have arranged to meet you all here today as I have something of utter importance-"

"-Cut the crap, Prongs," Sirius said. "Stop sounding like Dumbledore and spit it out."

"LILY AND I ARE GETTING MARRIED!" James yelled, jumping around like an excited school girl. "I ASKED HER AND SHE SAID YES AND OH MERLIN! I'M MARRYING  _LILY_!"

"What? No way!"

"James that's amazing!"

"Congratulations!"

"Thank you," James said, looking happier than they'd ever seen him. "And Sirius, I was hoping you'd be my Best Man. No offence Moony, Wormtail."

"None taken," Remus said with a smile.

"I'd be honoured!" Sirius said, clapping James on the back. "Really, I'm so happy for you. That's amazing news."

James grinned and started whistling wedding music. Sirius just couldn't help staring at Remus and just wishing more than ever that they'd get married too.

One could dream.


	31. The Wedding (April 1979)

**5 MONTHS LATER:**

"Wormtail!" Sirius yelled from the living room of their flat. "Get your fat arse in here this instance!"

Seconds later Sirius heard loud footsteps coming from the direction of Peter's room and then his friend appeared wearing a dressing gown and a furious expression.

"What do you want?" he demanded.

"What were you  _doing_  in there?" Sirius asked curiously.

Peter's face turned a very bright red.

"Wait wait wait! Were you and Shannon just – oh Merlin!" Sirius burst out laughing, and he felt terrible for it. He couldn't help finding the thought of Peter having sex with anyone insanely hilarious.

"It's not funny!" Peter said. "This is a big thing for me and you just ruined it!"

"I'm sorry," Sirius said, clutching onto his sides for support as he laughed harder than he'd done in a while. "You two carry on, I'll head over to Remus's instead."

Peter glared at Sirius and stormed back into the bedroom.

Sirius decided to apparate to Remus's before he could hear anything he didn't want to hear. He knocked on the door twice and was greeted by a rather confused Remus.

"Sirius! What are you doing here?"

"I need your help with my Best Man speech," Sirius said.

"The wedding's tomorrow, you idiot!" Remus said, looking shocked. "Oh, come in then. Will, we have company!" he added in a yell.

Sirius followed Remus into their flat and nodded to Will.

"Stupid idiot left his Best Man speech to last minute," Remus explained, rolling his eyes.

"You should have been at mine," Sirius said, unable to help himself. "Wormtail. Oh Merlin!"

"What happened?" Will asked.

"Wormtail got laid!" Sirius said, bursting into laughter again. He saw Remus sniggering, and felt himself laugh even more.

"That's so cruel!" Will said, staring at Remus and Sirius disapprovingly. "Poor guy. His two best friends are laughing at him for something they should be congratulating him on."

"I'm sorry," Remus said, wiping his tears. "It's just, it's Peter. The thought..."

"It's just awful, right!" Sirius said.

"Yes, it is awful!" Will said. "I can't believe you're laughing about it. Now, come on Sirius. Let's get on with this speech of yours so you can go back and apologise to him."

"Oh yeah," Sirius laughed even more. "I'll just walk in and apologise as he squishes her underneath him."

Remus snorted, and fell back in his chair laughing.

"What have you got so far, Sirius?" Will asked, ignoring them.

"Okay," Sirius said after he'd recovered from his laughing fit. "Shall I stand or what?"

"Yes," Remus said. "Stand and say what you have so far."

Sirius stood up and cleared his throat. "Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, cats and dogs, this guy here is my best mate and he's married! Hurray!" Then Sirius sat back down.

He watched as Will and Remus exchanged glances.

"Well what else do people say at these things?!"

"You need to make it longer, for a start-" Remus said.

"-And take out the 'Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, cats and dogs' part," Will added.

"And take out the 'Hurray' part, too," Remus said quickly.

Sirius stood up and cleared his throat. "This is my best mate and he's married!" Then he sat back down.

"I'll go and make the tea," Will said to Remus. "I can tell this will take a while."

Sirius grinned sheepishly.

* * *

It was finally the big day. James had apparated in and out of Sirius and Peter's flat around ten times already and it was only 9am. There was a  _pop_  and James appeared in front of the sofa where they were sitting.

"How's my hair?"

"The same as it was last time," Sirius said.

"You don't think she'll get cold feet do you?" James asked, looking panicked.

"She's not wearing any shoes?" Peter asked, looking confused.

"Oh, I love you Wormtail," Sirius said. "She won't, mate. She loves you just as much as you love her. Trust me, it'll be fine. Stop worrying."

James sighed. "In an hour I'll be a married man!" he said, looking overwhelmed by his own words. "Lily Potter. Wow."

"You can finally tell her about all those kids you want," Sirius said with a grin. "What were their names again? James Junior, Lily Junior-"

"- Ha Ha Snivellus You Suck, Sirius Is Stupid, Actual Proof I Had Sex With Lily Evans and Harry," James said almost automatically.

"What's with the random 'Harry'?" Peter asked.

"Lily always wanted to have a kid called Harry," James said. "It's a bit too main-stream if you ask me. I prefer my more unique names."

Sirius sniggered and stood up to pat his best friend on the back. "It'll be fine, mate. I promise."

James smiled. "Shall we apparate over there?"

"Sure!" Sirius said. "Come on Wormy!"

Peter stood up and the three of them apparated.

They appeared down by the lake where the wedding was set to take place. Sirius looked around in awe. The grass around them had been transfigured into hundreds of flowers, leaving in between them just a grass-path that Lily and her father would walk down.

There were hundreds of little white chairs around the altar for the wedding guests and an arch above the altar covered in flowers that James and Lily would stand under as they say their vows.

The river that surrounded them was trickling in the background making a peaceful sound, and there was a huge marquee nearby for the party afterwards.

"Want us to help seat the guests?" Sirius asked.

James nodded, looking more nervous than ever. "Yes. Please."

Remus came running over to them. "James! You look like you're going to throw up!"

"I'm fine," James said, taking a seat. "Just can't believe I'm marrying Lily."

"I can imagine," Sirius said. "Imagine marrying the person you've loved since first year."

He glanced at Remus, who was looking back at them. Remus smiled sadly and turned his attention back to James. "Honestly, it'll be fine James. Gather up that Gryffindor courage of yours and make this the best day of your life."

* * *

It was time. Everybody was seated apart from James, Sirius and Mary McDonald – she was Lily's Maid of Honour. Sirius stood near James and smiled at him as the music started. Everyone's heads turned as Lily appeared.

She looked beautiful, nobody could deny it. She wore a very traditional wedding dress, with a long train behind it. Her long red hair was up in a bun with shorter locks of hair just hanging down by her face. Accompanying her was her father, who Sirius had never met before. He was a Muggle of course, and had dark hair. The two wouldn't even look related if it wasn't for the bright green eyes.

Sirius smiled as Lily walked down the aisle with her father, and then as her father handed her over to James, Sirius tried to be a man and not cry.

"We are gathered here today to witness the marriage of Mr James Potter and Miss Lily Evans."

At this Sirius started to cry. He couldn't help it – that was his best friend.

"James Potter, will you have this woman to be your wedded wife, to love her, to comfort her, honour and keep her, and forsaking all others, keep you only unto her, for so long as you both shall live?

"I do," James said shakily.

"Lily Evans, will you have this man to be your wedded husband, to love him, to comfort him, honour and keep him, and forsaking all others, keep you only unto him, so long as you both shall live?

"I do," Lily said with a smile.

"Take hands and repeat after me: I, James Potter, take you, Lily Evans, to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, to love and to cherish, from this day forward."

James repeated this, staring into Lily's eyes as he did so.

"I, Lily Evans, take you, James Potter, to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, to love and to cherish, from this day forward."

Lily repeated the vow, with tears in her eyes.

"Do you have a ring for the bride? Please place the ring on the bride's finger."

Sirius held onto the ring. He handed it to James, who took it and placed it onto Lily's finger. "With this ring, I thee wed."

Mary handed Lily James's ring, and she placed it on his finger. "With this ring, I thee wed."

"Let these rings be given and received as a token of your affection, sincerity and fidelity to one another. I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

James pulled Lily in to kiss her, and there was crying and clapping all around.

* * *

Sirius knew it was almost time to make his best man speech. They were sitting at the front table in the marquee, and he knew this was time for the toasts.

Sirius stood up and tapped his spoon on his glass, only a little too hard. It smashed, causing everyone's attention to turn to him.

"Well that didn't go so well," Sirius said. "Oh well, I'd like to make a toast to Lily and James. However, I know James doesn't really like toast, so we'll just call it an omelette instead. But it has to be a plain omelette because I know he hates them unless they're plain. So it's basically a fried egg. I know this man inside out. I know him better than I know myself."

James was smiling at him.

"I met James on my first day of Hogwarts; we fought over the last roast potato. From that moment on we were best friends. When we went to sleep that first night he kept going on and on about 'Evans' with the red hair and how pretty she was. Sadly, for me, I've had to hear this over and over and over for eight years although over the years 'pretty' turned into some slightly more naughty words."

There were laughs all around. Lily had gone slightly pink.

"I never thought Lily would love him back, though I knew how madly in love with her he was. He just wouldn't give up. He loves her more than anybody could possibly imagine. I'm sure a lot of you can remember how much Lily used to avoid James. It seemed impossible for them to ever have a friendly conversation never mind get married, but somehow he worked his way into her heart, and I'll tell you how. James Potter is an amazing person. He's the kind of man you look up to and aspire to be like. He's the kind of person you can trust with anything. If James cares about you, he will _never_  let anything happen to you. He's the bravest man that I know.

"Lily is an exceptional person. Despite a tempter to match that awesome red hair of hers – not saying her temper is awesome, more like, scary – she is a very kind, caring woman who is fiercely loyal to those she loves. James deserves Lily, and Lily deserves James. They were meant to be, and I wish them the best for the future. The two of them and the six kids that James plans to have. I love this man, he's my best friend, my brother from another mother – thank god, my mother was awful! Lily, welcome to the Marauders family. We love you."

Sirius couldn't believe the claps he got from his speech. He had just made it up on the spot. He'd decided last minute to just let it flow from his mouth, and he was glad to see that people had liked it. Remus was clapping harder than anyone, giving Sirius a big thumbs up.

* * *

It was 10pm and everyone was just a little drunk. Frank and Alice were dancing on the tables, and James's parents had been caught by several people snogging under the wine table.

Sirius was currently standing with Bill Weasley, Molly's eldest child. He was nine years old.

"I'll get married one day!" he said.

"I'm sure you will," Sirius said. "If the chick digs annoying gingers who constantly have their fingers up their noses."

"That's not very nice, I'm telling mummy," Bill said, running away.

"Ooh looks like you pissed off the kid," James said, handing Sirius another glass of firewhiskey.

"Yeah he deserved it, little brat," Sirius said, swaying slightly.

"Thank you, man," James said, pulling Sirius in for a hug. "Thank you."

"It's alright, mate."

They pulled apart and James cleared his throat. "Now where's that beautiful bride of mine?"

"SIRIUS BLACK!" came a loud screech from Molly Weasley. Sirius ducked under a table to escape her wrath. As he pulled the tablecloth down to cover himself, he banged heads with someone under the table.

"Sirius! What are you doing here?" Remus whispered. Sirius laughed.

"What are  _you_  doing sitting under a table, Remus?"

"Playing hide and seek with the kids," Remus said. "That Charlie is  _good_. He's found me three times already."

"Well it's easy to find you if you're under a table. That's like the first place a kid would look."

"Oh shhh Sirius," Remus said, swaying slightly.

"Are you  _drunk_?!"

"Shhh," Remus said, putting a finger up to his mouth. "What're you doing under here?"

"Well I'm hiding from-"

He was silenced as Remus's mouth was suddenly on his and Remus's arms were wrapped around his neck holding him close. Sirius kissed back, throwing his arms around Remus's waist and kissing him like he's never kissed anybody before. It was heated, and passionate, and rushed, and just amazing. Every second, Sirius felt his stomach do flips. Every time Remus's fingers touched his skin, he felt his heart rate pick up dramatically.

"I thought boys couldn't kiss boys! FOUND YOU REMUS!"

Sirius and Remus pulled apart, and Remus grabbed seven-year old Charlie by the front of his shirt and dragged him under the table.

"Charlie, you must  _not_  tell anybody about this."

"Tell anybody about what?"

"Me and Sirius."

"YOU WERE KISSING!"

" _SHHHHH_!" Remus said in panic. "You are not allowed to tell anybody!"

"Why?" Charlie asked, looking curious.

"Because... because..." Remus looked at Sirius for help.

"People will think you're crazy and you will get sent to a place for crazy people," Sirius said. "And you will never get to go to Hogwarts."

Charlie started to cry and ran away.

"I'm sorry Sirius, I shouldn't have-"

"Yes, you should have."

Sirius kissed him once more, but this time just a peck on the lips.

"You can't tell anybody, Sirius, please."

"I promise I won't."

Remus kissed him again and smiled. "I love you."

"I love you too," Sirius replied. "Always have and always will."


	32. Back To Normality (April 1979)

Sirius had to be carried to his bed by Peter after the wedding. He was unbelievably drunk by the end of the night. He was sure he'd never been this drunk before in his life. He watched the roof as he was being carried into his room. It was spinning round and round and round.

 _Oh Merlin_ , he thought. Before anything could be done he was throwing up all over Peter.

"You're  _disgusting_!"

"Th'nks," Sirius slurred as Peter threw him onto his bed. He grinned up at the ceiling. He had kissed Remus tonight. It hadn't even been a dream this time. He grinned even more.

"Stop grinning you stupid mutt!" Peter said angrily. "Once I go and wash all of your puke off of me, I'll get you a potion. You're  _so_  pissed."

Sirius just kept grinning up at the ceiling.  _What a wonderful night_. He thought of how perfect Remus looked when they kissed. His hair was all ruffled up and his cheeks were flushed. He smelt so good, Sirius remembered.  _So, so good. So Remus-y._

Finally Peter returned with a potion to cure Sirius's drunkenness. "Drink up before you puke again," he said, almost throwing the potion at Sirius to keep as much distance as possible. Sirius poured it down his throat and grinned again. Remus had  _kissed_  him.

"Thanks, Wormy," he said to Peter, who rolled his eyes.

"Goodnight Sirius," he said.

"Night!" Sirius replied, pulling the covers up. He looked at the time. 1:39am.  _Time to sleep_ , he thought. There was an Order meeting in the morning. He closed his eyes and he was asleep almost instantly.

_Sirius was standing in 12 Grimmauld Place by himself. He shuddered. He absolutely hated this place. The mere look of it brought back so many awful memories. He walked down the corridor and into the kitchen. Sirius really hoped nobody was home. If he was caught in this house..._

_Kreacher appeared by the door. Oh, how wonderful. Sirius's favourite house elf._

" _Get out of here, Kreacher," Sirius ordered. Kreacher nodded, looking particularly annoyed._

" _Yes, Master Sirius." He disappeared._

 _Sirius thought it was odd that Kreacher would take an order from him – after all he_ had _been disowned. Sirius walked through to the living room and nearly screamed when he saw his reflection in the mirror._

 _He was_ old _! Okay, not too old but still..._ old. _He looked like absolute hell._

" _Please let this be a dream," he said to his reflection. "Please!"_

_He rubbed his eyes._

Sirius woke up with a start.  _Phew_ , he thought.  _Just a dream._

"Sirius."

Sirius hadn't even realised anybody was in his room. He looked at the time. 4:02am. "What do you want, Wormy? Couldn't get enough of my puke, huh?"

He grinned and turned around to see Remus, instead of Peter standing next to his bed. He hadn't been expecting this. Remus looked exhausted. He had big bags under his eyes, and he looked as though he'd been crying.

"Remus, what's wrong?" Sirius asked, sitting up.

"Can I join you?" Remus asked, looking down at Sirius's bed. Sirius didn't really want to get his hopes up, but nodded quickly, pulling the covers back to let Remus lie down in bed with him.

"What happened, Rem?"

Remus smiled slightly and shook his head. "I told Will what happened tonight."

"Oh," Sirius said. He wasn't sure whether to comfort Remus or snog him. He really wanted to snog him...

"He says I'm an idiot," Remus said. "And he's right. Why would I want to be with you?"

"Er – because I'm dashing?" Sirius tried, flashing white teeth in a cheesy grin. He saw Remus's mouth twitch into a half smile.

"I hate the fact that I love you, Sirius," Remus said. "I really do. You're not a good boyfriend, no offence."

"I can't argue with that," Sirius admitted. "But I've been single for two years now. I've changed, I promise."

"See, I don't even know whether or not to trust your promises," Remus replied.

"I understand that," Sirius said. He was wondering whether Remus was here to snog him or insult him. He stared at Remus's lips... oh they looked so kissable...

"Sirius, if you cheat on me  _ever_  again I swear to god I will  _never_  talk you to for the rest of my life. This third chance is already pushing it too far, but I just can't stay away from you."

"Third chance?" Sirius asked, eyes lighting up.

"Yes," Remus sighed. "I  _do_  love you. You know that. I want you to know that Will and I are still going to be friends though."

Sirius rolled his eyes.  _Wonderful_ , he thought. "So does that make you my boyfriend?" he asked hopefully.

"Yeah, it does," Remus said, with a smile. "God, I'm so stupid. Please don't hurt me, Sirius."

"I won't hurt you," Sirius said quickly. "Oh man, this is the best! YES!"

Remus laughed and kissed Sirius. "I missed you."

"I missed you, too!" Sirius said, pulling Remus in to hold onto him tightly. He wondered whether it would be pushing it slightly to try anything more right now, but he decided to try anyway. "So, Remus. How about a bit of sex to get to know each other again?"

He saw Remus's face redden and a smile appear. "No subtlety."

"No idea what that means," Sirius said with a grin.

"Yes, why not," Remus said. Sirius could hardly believe his ears.

"Really?" Sirius asked excitedly, sitting up.

"Mmmhmm," Remus replied, touching Sirius's chest. "Show me how much you love me."

"Oh, I will," Sirius promised, leaning down to kiss Remus. This was the best night ever.

* * *

5:30am.

"You look like hell," Sirius said as they lay in bed afterwards. "Maybe you shouldn't go to the Order meeting today. Did you sleep at all last night?"

"No," Remus said. "I really should go in, though. I have to collect all my things from Will's today. You don't mind if I live with you?"

"My bed's big enough for the both of us," Sirius said, kissing Remus on the forehead.

"That was amazing, Sirius," Remus said, smiling and staring into Sirius's eyes.

"I know," Sirius replied. "I'm so happy. I can't even explain to you how happy I am."

"Me too," Remus whispered. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too," Sirius said. "You should sleep. I'll wake you at 7 o'clock."

"Okay, g'night," Remus said. Sirius touched a hand to Remus's shoulder as he got out of bed.

"Goodnight, my love."

As he shut the bedroom door and entered the living room, he let himself fall to the floor. He couldn't believe what had just happened.

"Please don't be a dream," he said to himself. "Please."

He rubbed his eyes, and this time he was glad to find that it hadn't been a dream. This was real. Remus was really his again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote a seperate sister-fic called 'The Break Up' from Remus's POV, with the break up between him and Will. I loved my OC too much not to show the scene.


	33. Darkness (November 1979)

**7 MONTHS LATER:**

Sirius and Remus's relationship was better than ever now, their third time around. Sirius hadn't hurt Remus once, which was something he was proud of. He knew how idiotic he could be when it came to Remus, but he really didn't want to screw it up this time. Remus seemed to be extremely happy. He was so care-free and cheerful all of the time. It was something Sirius had missed when they'd been apart.

He still couldn't help feeling slightly jealous when Will and Remus were sent off for Order missions together, but he knew that he had nothing to worry about. Remus loved  _him_  and only him. Will had given up on his facade of being nice to Sirius. He had obviously only tried to be nice for Remus's sake, but now he was letting his true feelings show. Sirius didn't care much, most of what Will said was right anyway.

Dumbledore handed him his Order folder and he opened it up.

'Order Member's Name: Sirius Orion Black

Mission: Suspected Death Eater attack in Lavenham, Suffolk. Guard watch duty.

Partner/s: Marlene McKinnon, James Potter, Emmeline Vance, Joanna Knight.'

"Finally!" Sirius said to James who was next to him. "Not only do we get a cool mission, but we get to do it together."

James smiled, but he looked as though his heart wasn't in it. "Yeah," he said.

"Hello? Prongs? We got a  _cool_  mission! What's up with you?"

"Nothing, sounds great," James said.

"You disgust me, Sirius," came a female voice from behind them. Marlene. She looked awful. "My whole family were murdered by Voldemort. I'm the  _only_  one left. This isn't  _cool._ It's serious stuff. People are  _dying_. Merlin, have some respect. That could be your family."

Sirius wanted to point out that he'd be over the moon if Voldemort killed his whole family but he knew that would be heartless. "I'm sorry, Marlene. I didn't know."

"Well," she said. "You know now."

Emmeline Vance appeared next to James's shoulder. "We should get going. We're not sure what time this attack is supposed to happen. Where's Joanna?"

"I'm here," said Joanna as she approached them. "What's the plan?"

"We're going to split up around the village," Emmeline said. "I'll appoint each of you a part of the village and you need to look out for any suspicious behaviour."

"What happens if we see something?" Marlene asked.

"Do what you can to prevent anybody from getting hurt," Emmeline replied. "If you are in danger, I want you to shoot up red sparks with your wand, or if you can't, just scream. It's a small village and I'm sure one of us will hear you. Everyone understand?"

They all nodded. "Let's get going."

* * *

Sirius was disappointed yet again. Nothing seemed to be happening in this village. He could see James from where he was stationed. He waved him over. James shook his head.

Sirius wondered why James was being so serious all of a sudden. It was so unlike him. Sirius headed over to where James was and nudged him.

"What's up with you?"

"You shouldn't be here, Sirius!" James said. "What if something happens where you're supposed to be watching?"

"Oh, nothing's happening over there, trust me."

"Whatever," James said. "It's on you if someone's killed."

"What's up, James?" Sirius asked. "I know you, and there's something up."

James sighed and leaned back against a wall. "Lily wants me to refuse dangerous missions."

"What? Why? She knows you're a Marauder. That's your thing!"

"Yeah, she's gonna be pissed when she realises I came here today," James said. "I know she wants me to be safe, but that's selfish. I'm out here to make a difference. I want to stop people from getting hurt. I think the safety of many is more important than just my own safety."

"Fair point," Sirius said. "When did  _you_  grow up?"

James rolled his eyes. "Sirius?"

"Yeah?"

"Lily's... pregnant. I feel bad for being here as much as I want to be here. I feel selfish towards the baby. What if I  _do_  get hurt?"

"Congrats, mate!" Sirius said, grinning. "You're going to be a dad! But listen, you won't get hurt."

"You don't know that."

"You think I'm going to let my best mate get hurt?" Sirius asked. "Trust me. I have your back."

"Thanks," James said with a smile. "I was hoping you'd like to be my kid's godfather."

"YES!" Sirius yelled. "I would  _love_  a kid!"

"Sirius, he or she will not be your kid," James said, laughing slightly. Sirius's face fell.

"Oh," he said. "Oh well. I'm still technically a  _father_."

"If you say so," James said with a smile. "Now get back to your station, you git. Before Em kills us for talking."

"Yes, Sir!" Sirius said, whistling as he headed back to his street. As he suspected, nothing had happened in his absence. He walked around the corner to his second street. He could no longer see James. Nothing seemed to be happening here either.

The houses in this village were very quaint. Sirius could see himself and Remus living in a village like this at some point in the future. He smiled at the thought.

He headed down the next street until he was close enough to Marlene's station. He couldn't see her – she must be on one of the other streets she was patrolling. Sirius leaned back against the wall and sighed. His legs were aching. He'd been there all day long and it was already dark. He was going to kill the person who picked up this fake intel of Death Eater attacks on this boring little village. He hoped the person was Will. That would give him a nice reason to kill him.

He sniggered at the thought.

_BANG!_

Sirius jumped. What on earth was that? Maybe he was wrong after all. The loud bang was followed by screams coming from Marlene's part of the village. Sirius ran across the street and round the corner. Nothing was to be seen. He hurried around the next corner, and the next. His mouth fell open. There was chaos.

Six or seven Death Eaters dressed in black were killing Muggles left, right and center. Sirius was too shocked to react until a flash of green light just missed him. He jumped to the side.  _I could have just died_ , Sirius thought, feeling panicked.

He pulled out his wand and started throwing hexes at the Death Eaters. He saw one crumple to the floor and then remembered that he was supposed to send up red sparks. He did so, and ran for cover behind a fence.

As he peered over the fence, he could see a Death Eater standing feet from him. He recognised him immediately. Lucius Malfoy.

Sirius ducked back down. When he peered back over, Lucius Malfoy had disappeared. He realised all of the Death Eaters had disappeared. The only people left were Muggles and Order members. Sirius ran over to the injured bodies.

"Joanna, James," Emmeline said. "Take these Muggles to St. Mungo's. They aren't dead."

Sirius's eyes were fixed on one body lying amongst the pile of Muggles. His heart dropped.  _No, this can't be_.

"We'll take her back to where her family were buried. I'd imagine she'd have wanted that," Emmeline whispered to Sirius, who couldn't take his eyes off of Marlene's lifeless body.

Sure, she'd been a pain in the ass, but Sirius couldn't stop the tears. He'd known her since he was eleven. She'd always been just  _there_. He dropped down next to her, and reached out for her hand.

"I'm sorry," he said through his tears. "I'm sorry, Marlene."

"Sirius, we need to go," Emmeline said.

Sirius looked down at Marlene once more and closed his eyes. "I'm sorry," he repeated, and let go of her hand.

* * *

"Marlene McKinnon was a talented young witch," McGonagall said. "I remember thinking that the very first time I had her in my class."

"She was my best friend," Dorcas sobbed. "She-she's g-gone!"

"She was my first and only girlfriend," Sirius said quietly, looking down. If only he had gone towards where Marlene was patrolling earlier, he could have prevented this. He felt Remus squeeze his hand.

"Marlene used to help me do my Potions homework every single week because it was the only subject I couldn't understand," Michael said. "She was so much sweeter than people believed. I never got to tell her how much I loved her." He broke down in Dorcas's arms.

"She never thought I was mad," Xenophilius said. "She was one of the only people who never believed I was mad."

"I know we're all very sad about this devastating news," Dumbledore said, peering across the table at the Order members. "But we must go on. We must fight, for Marlene McKinnon, and for everybody else who has lost their lives to Lord Voldemort and the Death Eaters."

Sirius closed his eyes. This was no longer just a bit of fun. Like Marlene had told him, this was serious. He knew he would take more care from now on. He had been inches from death today, and if he wasn't more careful he could be the next Marlene.

He wondered what people would say about him if he was to die. He pushed the thought aside. He wouldn't let that happen.


	34. Babysitting (December 1979)

**1 MONTH LATER:**

"Lily, this is the stupidest idea ever," Sirius said, as he and Remus sat at a table with James and Lily.

"No, I really don't think it is!" Lily said, placing a hand on her stomach. "I won't have my baby in your hands if I don't know you're responsible babysitters."

"Lily, you know  _I'd_  be responsible," Remus said. "It's just Sirius here-"

"No, actually. Remus, no offence but I've never seen you hold a child in your life," Lily said apologetically. Remus looked quite offended.

"Nobody's ever not trusted me with a child," Remus replied, looking annoyed.

"This isn't just any child," Lily said, smiling. "This is-"

"-Ha Ha Snivellus You Suck," James finished proudly. Lily shot him a death glare.

"No," she said. "This is  _my_  baby. I want to be  _sure_  I'll be leaving him or her in safe hands if I need you two as babysitters."

Sirius and Remus both groaned.

"So I've asked Molly, and she's already said yes. You'll be babysitting little Fred and George today," Lily said.

"Why  _Molly's_  kids?" Sirius complained. "They're little devils, I tell you."

"Actually, they're lovely kids," Lily said. "I'm sure you weren't so lovely yourself as a child, Sirius."

Sirius huffed and folded his arms. "It's only one day," James said sympathetically. "I'm sure it'll be fine."

"You know you two are already starting to sound like parents," Remus said. "But me and Sirius aren't your kids, so stop being all motherly and fatherly."

Lily beamed. "Am I really starting to sound like a parent?"

"Unfortunately," Sirius replied bitterly.

"Alice and Frank already said they'd let me babysit for them and they don't even know me as well as you two do," Remus whined, glaring at James and Lily.

"Well I should have a word with them. Our babies will be the best of friends, you know," Lily said, looking over-excited. "Alice and I share the same due-date!"

"We know," Sirius and Remus said in unison. Hanging out with James and Lily was becoming tiresome. All they ever talked about was the baby, and it was only the first month.

"And Molly only has a few months left till her little one's here," Lily said, smiling.

"If you ask me, she had one too many when Bill was born," Sirius snorted.

"Sirius! That's  _so_  rude!" Lily yelled. "She wants a girl. Poor woman keeps popping out boys."

"I hope we have a boy," James said.

"I hope we do, too," Lily replied. "Little Harry."

"Or... you know... Ha Ha Snivellus You Suck," James put in casually. Lily coughed.

"So you two had better get going to Molly's. She should be expecting you around now," she said, in a voice far too pleasant for Sirius at this time in the morning.

Sirius and Remus stood up. "Well, see you later," Remus said.

"Good luck," James replied.

* * *

"Wait wait wait," Sirius said. "Lily never said anything about looking after the other three, too!"

"Sirius, dear," Molly said. "I really have to get on with things today. I'll only be gone two hours. I'm sure you can manage a few children."

"We'll be fine, Molly," Remus said. "Thank you."

She smiled. "Send an owl if anything happens," she said. "I'll see you soon, boys." With that she headed out the door, leaving Sirius and Remus alone with the five Weasley children.

"Hello! Can you read me a book?" Charlie asked Sirius, handing him a book titled 'Land of the Dragons'. Sirius took the book and handed it to Remus.

"That's your job, babe," he muttered. Remus rolled his eyes.

"Come on then, Charlie. Let's read," he took Charlie into the next room. "Sirius!" Remus called. "Make sure you keep an eye on all of the others."

Sirius sat down at the kitchen table opposite Bill, who was drawing a picture. Next to him was Percy, who had fallen asleep over the table, and Fred and George were sitting in identical high-chairs shouting unintelligible words.

"I'm going to Hogwarts soon!" Bill said, looking excited. Sirius snorted.

"No you're not," he said. "You have like, two more years to go."

"That's not long! I'm going to be in Gryffindor like my mum and dad!"

"Good for you," Sirius said.

"BA BABA BA GA!"

"Yeah that too," Sirius muttered to one of the twins, who had just thrown his teddy bear on the floor. "Why is your brother wearing a hat that says 'Im dum'?"

Bill looked at Percy and giggled. "Because he's dumb. He thinks he's going to be the Minister of Magic one day."

"BABA GEE DA!"

"Bit of advice," Sirius said. "Dumb has a 'b' on the end."

"And there's an apostrophe in 'I'm'," Remus said, entering the room. Bill picked up his quill and made some changes.

"Thanks!" he said, jumping up and running upstairs. Remus came and sat down next to Sirius.

"How's it going?" he asked.

"Boring," Sirius replied.

"Come on!" Remus said. "You have to get into it! Play a game with them!"

"What game?"

"I don't know. Wake Percy up. We should probably make some lunch."

"PERCY WEASLEY. WAKE UP!" Sirius shouted, causing the twins to burst into tears. Remus threw him a frustrated look.

"Well done, Sirius," he said, walking towards the twins and lifting them up, one in each arm. "It's okay, it's alright. Fred, George. Which one's which?" he asked Sirius, looking confused.

"How do I know?" Sirius asked.

"I no sleeping, I just rest my eyes," Percy said. Remus smiled at him.

"I'm sure you were. Would you like something to eat?"

"Yes please!"

"BILL! GET DOWNSTAIRS FOR SOME LUNCH!" Sirius screamed, making Fred and George cry again. "AND CHARLIE! GET YOUR ASS IN HERE!"

" _Sirius_!" Remus hissed. "You don't talk to kids like that!"

* * *

Half an hour later, Remus and Sirius were sitting with all five kids around the kitchen table. Remus had just made sandwiches for them. Sirius felt just a bit more relaxed now that they were all being quiet.

He felt Remus's hand touch his leg under the table and looked his boyfriend. They smiled at each other. Sirius wondered if he and Remus would ever have any kids. Remus was good at this parenting thing.

Out of nowhere, Percy let out a loud high-pitched scream. Remus jumped. "What's wrong!"

"HE HURT ME!" he yelled, pointing at one of the twins. They were both giggling in their high-chairs.

"What did he do to you?" Remus asked.

"He poke me with spoon!" Percy said sulkily.

"That's very naughty Fred, er, or George. Um, one of you. Do not poke your brother with a spoon!" Remus said. The twins giggled again.

"GA!"

"Yes, good boy," Remus said. Sirius snorted. "What?" Remus asked.

"I can imagine those two growing up and being like me and James," Sirius said.

"You know, strangely I can too," Remus said, laughing slightly.

"I sawed a dragon yesterday!" Charlie said. "It flewed across the sky."

"Oh, really?"

"You always lie," Bill said. "I'm telling mummy."

"I'm not lying!"

"Are too!"

"AM  _NOT_ , YOU STUPID ELEPHANT!"

Sirius nearly fell off his chair laughing. What kind of insult was that?

"Hey!" Remus said. "That's enough! Stop being mean and say sorry."

Bill and Charlie both had their arms folded and were facing away from each other.

"Apologise, both of you!"

"I'm sorry," Charlie said. "NOT!"

Bill turned around and pushed him off of the chair. "I'm sorry you're so stupid!"

"Oh boy," Remus said, leaning back in his chair. "This is harder than I thought."

"FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!" Percy was yelling as he watched Charlie and Bill push and shove each other. Sirius stood up and pulled them apart. He knelt down next to them.

"Look, there's no point in fighting," Sirius said. "It won't prove that Charlie's lying or not lying. I know he's annoying you, Bill, but just ignore him."

"He's a dumb elephant!" Charlie yelled.

"I'm sure he is," Sirius said. "I'm sure he thinks you're a dumb little brother, too."

Bill nodded hastily. "He's gonna be a Hufflepuff!" Charlie tried to kick Bill but kicked Sirius instead.

"That's  _enough_!" Sirius said. "Jeez, go to your rooms, both of you!"

They both walked off grumpily. Remus was looking at Sirius as though he was trying not to laugh. "Nice work," Remus said. "Are you sure you haven't done this before?"

"I'm used to my mother saying the same thing to me and Regulus when we were kids," Sirius said. "Except we had better insults than 'dumb elephant'."

Remus laughed and shook his head. "Do you miss that?" he asked. "I mean, having a brother? Before things got... messed up."

"We used to argue about the stupidest things," Sirius said, laughing at the memories. "I remember once he told me he saw mum and dad doing weird things in their bed and making weird noises. I told him they were having sex and we got into an argument because he refused to believe it and just kept running around the house all day shouting 'LA LA LA LA LA LA'."

Remus laughed. "So things were normal once between you?"

"Yeah," Sirius said. "I mean, as normal as things could be in that house. It wasn't a great environment for any kids to grow up. Especially not rebels like me," Sirius grinned.

"PERCY UGLY!" one of the twins screeched, making the other one giggle.

"Shut up you ridiclus babies," Percy said. "I much much better than you ever be!"

"You tell 'em," Sirius said. "I always have a soft spot for the older sibling," he said to Remus. "I know the feeling."

Fred and George started throwing their food at Percy. "That's not nice!" Remus said. "You need to be nicer to Percy, you two."

"Because I the best," Percy said, looking proud. "I be Minster of Magic one day in long time!"

The front door opened, and Molly walked in. "Oh, you've fed them!" she said happily. "How have they been?"

"They've been-"

"-A handful," Remus said. "Bill and Charlie got into a fight so we sent them to their rooms."

"Oh no, I'll talk to them in a bit," Molly said. "How have the little ones been?"

"They keep picking on Percy," Sirius said.

"I don't know why they keep doing that!" Molly said, shaking her head. "He's a delight, that boy. I don't know why they all insist on picking on him. Must be a middle child thing."

"Yeah," Remus said. "Probably."

"Thank you for looking after them," Molly said. "I'll make sure to let Lily know how things went. Here's your pay for the babysitting." She handed them a few sickles, and smiled. "Would you like to stay for tea?"

"No thanks Molly. We really should be going," Remus said. Sirius nodded quickly. He didn't want to stay there any longer than he had to.

"Okay, well have a lovely evening. I shall see you tomorrow at Headquarters," Molly said, picking up one of the twins.

Sirius and Remus headed out the front door and apparated back to their flat. When they walked through the door they both collapsed onto the sofa either side of Peter, who was stuffing his face with chocolate frogs.

"How was the babysitting?" he asked around a mouthful of chocolate.

"Horrible," Sirius moaned.

"It wasn't  _too_  bad," Remus said. "With Lily and James's kid it'll be different. We won't be looking after five of them."

"Not until they have the next four," Sirius said. "James  _does_  plan on having six kids remember."

"Sometimes things don't always go as planned," Remus said. "Six kids is a little too much, I think."

"One kid is enough," Peter said. "I wouldn't even want one."

"Good because I doubt anyone would want one with-" Sirius stopped as Remus shot him a 'don't-you-dare-say-that!' glare.

There was a tapping on the window, and Sirius spotted his owl. He stood up to open the window and pick up the letter attached to the owl's foot.

' _Dear Sirius,_

_I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry. I wish I could take back everything, but that's not possible so all I have is an apology. You don't have to forgive me for anything, but I just needed you to know how sorry I am._

_Love,_

_Regulus.'_


	35. Harry Potter (July 1980)

**8 MONTHS LATER:**

"Are you sure Alice wants you out doing missions?" Sirius asked Frank, who he'd been paired with for a guard duty mission. "I mean, she only just had the baby last night."

"She's looking after him," Frank said. "She'll be fine by herself for a while."

"What did you call him?" Sirius asked.

"He's called Neville," Frank said, smiling. "Want to see a photograph?"

"Sure!" Sirius said. Frank pulled out a photograph of a chubby little baby crying his eyes out in Alice's arms. "He's cute."

"Yeah, he is," Frank said, looking proud. "Alice is over at Molly's with Neville. She thought that he and Ron could play together. I told her I think they're probably a bit too young to play exactly. I mean Neville's not even a day old."

"I guess it would be nice if they knew each other," Sirius said. "They'll be in the same year at Hogwarts, won't they?"

"EVERYONE!" James yelled, creating silence in the room. "EVERYONE, IT'S LILY! SHE'S HAVING THE BABY! MERLIN, WHAT DO I DO?! SOMEONE HELP!"

Sirius ran towards his best friend, who had a panicked look in his eyes. He was standing over Lily, who was sitting on the floor clutching her very pregnant tummy and wincing.

"Get me to a damned hospital, then!" Lily shouted.

"YES!" James said. "Is it safe to apparate?"

"We apparated this morning you fool!" Lily yelled, just get me there,  _now._ This baby is coming RIGHT NOW!"

"Crap," Sirius said.

"Where's Wormtail?" Remus asked, who had just joined them. "I thought he wanted to be here."

"He's on an overnight for the Order," Sirius said. "We have to go."

* * *

The wait outside the hospital room was an agonising wait. Remus and Sirius had been sitting there for hours.

"I thought she said the baby was coming 'right now' hours ago?" Sirius said, rolling his eyes.

"She's never had a baby before," Remus said. "How was she to know?"

James's head popped out of the door. "IT'S HAPPENING!" he yelled, and disappeared again. Sirius and Remus exchanged glances.

"If this is another false alarm-"

"FALSE ALARM!" James yelled from inside the room.

"This is getting ridiculous!" Sirius said. Remus laughed and held his hand.

"You're so impatient, you know that."

"I know," Sirius said with a smile. Remus rested his head on Sirius's shoulder.

"When do you think this war will be over?" he sighed. Sirius shook his head.

"I suppose when Voldemort's dead," Sirius said. "Which could be never."

"I'm so scared of losing you," Remus said. "I can't even imagine – that would kill me."

"You won't lose me," Sirius said. "I won't let that happen."

"You can't be sure. Anything can happen in war," Remus said.

"Trust me."

"IT'S HAPPENING!" James yelled.

They knew better than to take him seriously. Sirius leaned over and kissed Remus on the forehead. "I love you," he said. "You will never lose me."

"FALSE ALARM!" James shouted.

"We've been together for a long time now," Remus said, smiling. "You know, I've been thinking a lot about marriage."

"Me too," Sirius said with a grin.

"IT'S HAPPENING!"

"Do you think we should get married?" Remus asked. Sirius kissed him again, this time on the lips.

"Definitely, Remus. Definitely."

"GUYS!" James came running out of the room, looking crazy. "I'M A FATHER!"

Remus and Sirius jumped up. "She had the baby?" Remus asked.

"YOU'RE A DAD!" Sirius yelled, clapping James on the back.

"Congratulations, James!"

"It's a boy," James said, grinning from ear to ear. "I have a boy!"

"Can we see him?" Remus asked eagerly.

"Yes, come on!" James replied, heading back into the room. When they entered, Lily was lying in the bed looking very tired and exhausted but over the moon.

Sirius smiled like crazy when he saw the baby in Lily's arms.

"He has your eyes, Lily," Remus said.

"And your pathetic excuse for hair," Sirius said to James. "Oh, look at him. My little godson!"

"Harry Potter," Lily croaked from the bed, looking at her son with so much love Sirius was only just managing to hold in the tears.

"Do you want to hold him?" James asked Sirius, who nodded. James took Harry from Lily and carefully handed him over to Sirius.

Sirius cradled the tiny baby in his arms and grinned down at him. "He looks so much like you, James," he said. Harry reached up to touch Sirius's face and made a funny noise. "Does he have a middle name?" he asked Lily.

"Harry James Potter," Lily said. "After his wonderful father."

James beamed. Sirius handed Harry over to Remus. "How does it feel to be a dad?" he asked James.

"I don't know, yet," James said, looking overwhelmed. "That's my baby. He's my son! Man, it's like, I can't even describe it. Do you think I'll make a good dad?"

"Of course you will," Sirius said, rolling his eyes. "Best dad ever. I mean it."

Remus handed Harry back to Lily. "Sirius, we should get going back. We have things we need to do."

"Yeah," Sirius said. "Congratulations, both of you. He's amazing."

"Thanks," Lily said.

"I'll see you later," James said, waving them goodbye.

* * *

An hour later, Sirius and Frank Longbottom were standing together in a quiet alleyway waiting for a supposed Death Eater attack. There had been a lot of false trails lately, so it was rather unlikely that anything would happen. That's why Dumbledore only assigned the two of them to this mission unlike the others where they'd have four or five Order members.

There was a loud  _crack_  and hushed voices from nearby. Frank and Sirius peered around the corner to see four Death Eaters huddled in a circle underneath a tree.

"What should we do?" Sirius whispered.

"I don't know. I guess we just have to attack," Frank said. The Death Eaters had their hoods up, but Sirius recognised one of them almost immediately. This Death Eater wasn't wearing a mask. This Death Eater was staring right at him.

Without conferring with Frank at all, Sirius charged out and aimed his want at Severus Snape. He sent a few hexes towards the four Death Eaters. A small fat Death Eater ran away, causing Sirius to laugh.

"Cowards," he said, keeping his wand pointed at Snape. "Hey, Snivellus."

The other two Death Eaters were back on their feet and ready to attack Sirius, but Snape held his hand out. "Leave this one to me," he said.

Snape sent a jinx at Sirius that send him flying back into a wall. He hastily got to his feet and attacked Snape back. He couldn't stand that man.

"Sirius, stop," Frank said. "Come on, let's just go. We know he's a Death Eater now. We can tell Dumbledore."

Sirius ignored him and continued duelling with Snape. Neither was ready to give up. The hatred they had for each other was far more than just a school-boy feud.

"Is that the best you can do, huh?!"

"I see you're still as childish as you were back at Hogwarts, Black," Snape drawled.

The fight continued. Frank and the other Death Eaters just stood around watching.

"I always knew you'd join Voldemort," Sirius spat.

"I always knew you'd side with Dumbledore," Snape retorted. "Think you're so  _great_  after getting away from your family. Think you're so  _perfect_  after escaping Slytherin. You're nothing, Black. You're nothing special."

Both of them were sporting bruises and cuts, and their robes were stained with blood. Finally, when Frank could no longer take it, he pushed Sirius to the side out of the way of one of Snape's hexes.

"We're going, Sirius."

He grabbed Sirius's arm and apparated back to Headquarters before Sirius could do anything else.

"I had him, you should have just let me!" Sirius yelled. He stopped when he realised everybody in the Order had gone silent when they arrived, and many of them were staring at Sirius in shock. He probably looked like he'd gotten in the middle of an attack. Well, he reminded himself, he kind of had.

Remus rushed over quicker than Sirius thought possible. "WHAT HAPPENED?"

"We ran into Snape," Frank said. "You can imagine Sirius's reaction."

"Oh, Sirius," Remus said. "You're so stupid!"

"I wasn't gonna let Snivellus get away without causing some damage!"

"Yes," Remus said. "And he obviously thought the same about you. Look at you! What happened to me never losing you! You could have died!"

"I'm sorry," Sirius said, feeling slightly guilty. He hadn't been thinking of Remus.

"Sorry's not good enough!" Remus said. "God, stop being so reckless for Merlin's sake!"

Sirius grabbed Remus and pulled him close. "I'm sorry, babe. I'll try to be less reckless, but you know it's something I just can't help."

"I  _don't_ want to lose you."

"I know," Sirius said, sighing. "I'll be more careful."

"Good," Remus said, kissing Sirius softly. "I think you should see a Healer."

"You're probably right."


	36. The Killing Curse (November 1980)

**4 MONTHS LATER:**

"I have some devastating news," Dumbledore said quietly, as the members of the Order all sat around the long wooden table. "Alice and Frank Longbottom are no longer with us."

Lily let out a sob from beside Sirius, and he bit his lip to stop from crying out. How many more friends would they have to lose before the end of this war? And what about baby Neville?

"When I say they are no longer with us, that's not entirely true," Dumbledore said. "They are at St Mungo's Hospital, where I fear they will remain for the rest of their lives. Alice and Frank lost their minds after rigorous torture from Death Eaters for information on the Order. I'm afraid they will most probably never get their right minds back again."

Sirius could hardly imagine it. Losing his mind, all of his memories and dreams.

"Their son, Neville has moved in with his grandmother and is in safe hands. I hope you will all be safe in these dark times. Lily, James – may I speak with you for a moment?"

Sirius felt worry bubble up in his chest. What could Dumbledore want with Lily and James? He saw his worry mirrored in Remus's eyes. When Dumbledore finished speaking to them, they returned over to Sirius.

They both had a look on their faces that indicated great fear. Sirius swallowed. "What happened?"

"Dumbledore says we need to go into hiding," James said, sounding lost. "Voldemort is after Harry."

"What?!" Sirius shouted. "What would he want with an innocent baby?"

"I don't know," Lily sobbed. "But we're going to have to. We'd like to make you our secret keeper, Sirius."

"You would?"

"Yes," James said. "You're my best friend."

James pulled Sirius in for a hug and whispered an address in his ear. "You must not tell anybody, Sirius. Not even Remus."

"I won't," Sirius promised.

"Dumbledore wants us to leave immediately. You and Dumbledore are the only two people we'll be able to see," James said. "I need to say goodbye to Peter and Remus before we go."

"Okay," Sirius said quietly. "Be safe, James, Lily. Keep my godson safe."

"We will," Lily said with a smile. "Thank you, Sirius. We really appreciate you doing this for us."

"What am I here for?" Sirius said. "Come here." He pulled Lily in for a hug. "You'll be fine, I know you will."

Sirius felt like crying. Everything that was going on with Voldemort had seemed like a threat, but not one that would directly affect the Marauders. Now, he was after James's son, and Sirius wasn't sure how to handle that. He couldn't lose James or Lily or Harry. He just couldn't.

Sirius watched as James and Lily hugged Remus and Peter. He watched as Lily said goodbye to her friends, and to some of the older Order members. And then they were gone. Just like that.

Remus walked towards Sirius and gave him a sad smile. "I can't believe what's happened."

"I know," Sirius said.

"They said they made you the secret keeper," Remus said. "Be careful."

"I will," Sirius said. "There's no way I'd ever tell anybody. That's my best mate and his family."

"Have you seen your folder?" Remus asked. "We're on guard duty together today."

" _Finally_ ," Sirius said. "I never get to be with you. It'll be nice to not have to worry about what you're doing for once."

"I know," Remus smiled. "I feel the same way. We're with Edgar, Amos and Will."

"How convenient," Sirius said. "The one mission we get together, and Will's with us."

"Be nice, Sirius," Remus said.

Edgar approached them with Will and Amos. "This is a guaranteed attack," he said. "I want you all to be extremely careful. Only attack when you need to, make sure you keep yourself shielded. We're here to save as many Muggles as we possibly can, okay?"

They all nodded.

* * *

When they arrived at their destination, it was dark and pouring with rain. Sirius, Remus, Will and Amos looked to Edgar for their next order.

"We'll split up."

"Please let me stay with Remus," Sirius said quickly. Edgar nodded. "Remus and Sirius, Amos and Will, and I'll be by myself. Sirius and Remus stay here. You two follow me."

And the other three were gone. The rain was making Sirius's hair stick to the side of his face. He grabbed hold of Remus's hand and they stood behind a building facing the town square.

"I'm worried," Remus said. "About James and Lily."

"Me too," Sirius said. "But nobody will be able to find them."

"I'm worried about that, too. Everybody knows you're the secret keeper, Sirius."

"I'll be fine, Rem," Sirius said, although he couldn't help thinking the same thing. Even Death Eaters would suspect automatically that he'd be the secret keeper. He came to the realisation he was a target.

The rain was getting heavier and heavier and it was getting more difficult to see clearly. Remus was shivering next to him, so Sirius threw and arm around him.

"I wish I could take you home," Sirius said. "Just want to jump into bed with you."

"Oh, really?" Remus said, smiling up at him.

"Yes," Sirius said. "Just tuck you under the covers and slowly start removing your clothes-"

"- _Sirius_! We're on watch!" Remus replied, blushing madly.

"I know that's what you've been thinking about, Rem," Sirius said, leaning down and kissing Remus on the forehead.

"No, it's not!"

"I know that you get horny when we're out in the rain."

" _SIRIUS_!" Remus hissed. "Stop it!"

"Is someone getting embarrassed?" Sirius teased. He pulled Remus in by the waist and started kissing him, as though they weren't on watch, as though they couldn't die any moment, as though Sirius wasn't a target, as though there was no war going on.

A flash of light at the corner of Sirius's eyes is what caused them to pull away from each other. They backed into the shadows and peered out at the square. There were more Death Eaters there than they'd anticipated. Sirius swallowed, trying not to let himself become overwhelmed with fear. He grabbed Remus's hand and pulled him further back.

"I love you," Sirius said.

"Why are you saying that?" Remus asked, looking frantic.

"Just in case."

"Well, I'm not losing you," Remus said. "Save your 'I love yous' for when we get home tonight."

Sirius sighed and nodded. They stepped forward towards the square again, and Sirius could see Elphias and Will and Amos sneaking around the back of the Death Eaters with a Muggle family.

"SPLIT UP!" one of the Death Eaters yelled. In less than a second, the Death Eaters were spreading out in all different directions, three of them heading straight to where Sirius and Remus were hiding.

"There he is!" someone yelled. One of the three that were heading their way crumpled to the ground as someone hit him with a spell.

Sirius ducked under a jinx that was shot his way. The two Death Eaters were approaching Remus and Sirius. They stopped a few feet away, and Sirius had to squint to see their faces. The taller one was someone Sirius did not recognise. He looked nasty – yellow teeth and a face covered in warts.

"Where are the Potters hiding?" he asked in a gruff voice.

"I'm sorry, who?" Sirius said, trying not to let his fear show in his voice. The taller Death Eater shoved the smaller one closer.

"Your turn."

The Death Eater was staring at the ground. He peered up at Sirius under his hood. Sirius gasped and nearly fell to the floor when he saw who it was. Remus managed to catch him.

"R-Regulus?" Sirius spluttered.

Regulus looked more frightened than ever. His hair was falling over his face and he looked extremely tired. Sirius couldn't help staring at those lips and just wishing he could kiss them once more. _Damn, if he wasn't a Death Eater I'd even call him sexy right now_ , Sirius thought. Pushing the thought from his mind, he just continued to stare at Regulus open-mouthed. Regulus finally spoke. "Sirius, I-"

"-You're really one of them," Sirius said, wishing he didn't have to say that.

"Sirius, just tell me where they are and they won't hurt you," Regulus said. "Please.".

"I'm not going to let Voldemort kill my best friends and their baby!" Sirius said. "What kind of person do you think I am!"

"They'll kill you, Sirius," Regulus hissed, leaning forwards so that their faces were only inches apart. Sirius was well aware of those inches, and also well aware of Remus standing next to him pointing his wand at the taller Death Eater behind them.

"Then so be it," Sirius said. "You keep saying 'they' like you aren't one of them."

Regulus closed his eyes and shook his head. "This is your last chance to tell me, Sirius."

"No."

Regulus stepped back, looking defeated. He turned around and walked back to the other Death Eater, and muttered something to him.

"Kill him," the Death Eater said.

Regulus staggered back, as if he was wounded. "What?"

"Kill him. Prove yourself."

"I c-can't kill him, he's m-my brother!" Regulus cried.

"A BLOOD-TRAITOR!" The Death Eater yelled, shooting a hex at Sirius. Remus pulled him to the side and shot back at the Death Eater.

"Come on, Sirius," Remus whispered urgently, grabbing Sirius's sleeve, but Sirius wouldn't budge. He couldn't lose Regulus again. He had to make sure he was safe at least. He could see the Death Eater whispering something to Regulus and he watched Regulus's frightened face.

"Will!" Sirius heard Remus shout. He registered Will approaching from behind them but still had his eyes fixed on Regulus.

Sirius could hear Will gasping and breathing heavy. "We lost Edgar!"

At this, Sirius turned his head. "What?"

"He was just behind me, and I turned and he was on the floor," Will said, looking terrified. "I'm getting Amos and we need to go!"

Remus and Sirius nodded. Will began to run up the alley where the Death Eater and Regulus were. It was dark so if you didn't know they were there, it would be difficult to see.

"Will, don't go that way-" Remus yelled, but it was too late. The entire alley lit up in green light and all Sirius could see was Will's body fall lifeless to the ground. His mouth opened in shock as he stared into the frightened eyes of Regulus, who stood with his wand pointed at Will.

A scream tore from Remus's throat as he plunged forwards and fell over Will's dead body, sobbing and shaking.

"Let's go!" the Death Eater yelled, grabbing Regulus by the sleeve. Sirius watched Regulus's face as he was pulled away. He seemed to be in shock. His arm was still stretched out from when he'd sent the killing curse towards Will. And then he was gone, and it was just Sirius and Remus in the alley.

Remus's sobs were echoing off the walls of the buildings either side of them. Sirius wanted to comfort him but he wasn't sure what to say.

"I'm  _SORRY_ ," he heard Remus scream, hugging Will's body. "I loved you! I l-loved y-y-you, Will."

Sirius looked down. He couldn't find it in himself to feel jealous.

"I sh-should have been there for y-y-you more, I loved y-you."

Amos appeared beside Sirius, with Edgar's body levitating in mid-air beside him. "What happened?"

_My brother just killed my boyfriend's ex-boyfriend._

"A Death Eater killed Will," Sirius whispered. "This is my fault. They were after me."

"It's nobody's fault," Amos said. "Help me get the bodies back to Headquarters, will you?"

"Remus," Sirius called out. There was no reply. Sirius stepped towards Remus and knelt down next to him. "We need to take Will's body back."

Remus didn't seem to be listening. He was just cradling Will's body in his arms and staring at the wall in some sort of trance.

Sirius touched Remus's arm lightly. "Rem."

Remus's head turned to the side and he was staring into Sirius's eyes suddenly. "He's gone," Remus said quietly. "Gone."

"I know," Sirius replied, looking down. "Let's take his body back, come on."

Remus nodded. "I can carry him." He stood up, with Will in his arms and headed back with Sirius to where Amos was standing.

The three of them apparated back to Headquarters in silence. When they arrived, Remus dropped to the floor and cried.

Sirius took a look around he saw that they weren't the only group with casualties. He closed his eyes. When would this war be  _over_.


	37. Final Goodbyes (December 1980)

**1 MONTH LATER:**

The month following Will's death wasn't just hard for Remus, but it was hard for Sirius too. He couldn't bear seeing Remus so upset all of the time. He felt as though Remus was pulling away. If he wasn't lying in the bedroom staring at the ceiling, he was out doing extra missions for the Order. Sirius barely ever got to talk to him anymore, never mind kiss him.

Peter had tried talking to him, but he couldn't get a word out of him either. After a lot of consideration, Sirius decided he wanted to propose to Remus. Life was short, and he didn't know how much time they'd have left. Also, he hoped that a wedding proposal would get Remus talking again.

He had picked out the ring a few days ago and planned to propose tonight – depending on whether or not he was home. Sirius never knew if Remus would be home these days. All he ever did was Order missions. It was getting out of hand, but every time Sirius tried to speak to him about it, Remus would reply "I'm doing this to create a better world for your godson to grow up in, Sirius!"

Sirius hated the fact that sometimes he'd wake up in the morning and not know if he'd ever see Remus again.

"You alright, Sirius?" Peter asked.

"Yeah," Sirius replied, taking a swig of Butterbeer from the bottle Peter handed him. "Wondering when Remus will get back."

"He'll be back soon, I think," Peter said. "He's been gone all night."

"I don't just mean that," Sirius said. "I mean when he'll be back to normal."

Peter sighed. "I know. I think it's one of those things that'll take time."

"I can't deal with this much longer, Wormtail," Sirius said. "James and Lily in hiding, and Remus not talking to me. People dying every day."

"It's horrible," Peter said.

"I wonder which one of us will die first?" Sirius said. "I think it'll be Remus, the way he's just going on death missions every minute of every day."

"Don't say that! None of us will die."

"Everyone dies, Wormy."

"Well none of us will die in this war," Peter said. "You won't let anything happen to Remus, and you're strong. James is safe. If anyone's going to die it'll be me."

"You won't," Sirius said. "You're a tough one. I never noticed till recently."

Peter smiled. "Thanks, Padfoot. Seen much of James lately?"

"I've been to visit once. They're doing good. Harry's growing up fast," Sirius smiled. "I just wish it didn't have to be like this, you know."

"Nothing we can do about it except helping with the Order," Peter said sadly. "It'll be over soon, I hope."

"Me too," Sirius agreed. "Want to go and run around in the forest for a while as Padfoot and Wormtail? Take our minds off of things?"

Peter sighed. "I'm sorry, I can't. I have things to do for the Order today."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Why does Dumbedore  _never_  trust me with private missions?"

Peter smiled. "Because you're you."

"Git!"

"Dog!"

"Elephant!" Sirius yelled. Peter looked slightly confused. "Get lost, then Wormy. I'll spend my day lying on the sofa drowning in Butterbeer."

"See you later, Sirius. I hope Remus comes home soon."

"Same," Sirius murmured. "Bye."

Peter stood up and walked out the door, closing it behind him.

Silence. Sirius was used to this now. He seemed to always be alone in this place. He thought about visiting James, but he also thought that would be slightly risky – twice in one month.

He finally settled on having a nap. Sirius closed his eyes. **  
**

* * *

_BANG BANG BANG_

Sirius woke up suddenly to the sound of someone banging on the door. Fright bubbled up inside him. Who could that be?

_BANG BANG BANG_

"Sirius?!" someone yelled from outside the door. Sirius jumped to his feet with his wand in his hand. Whoever it was, he was ready for them.

He slowly made his way to the front door.

_BANG BANG BANG_

"Sirius, open up!"

Sirius put his hand on the door handle and wrenched the door open.

It was Regulus.

Sirius stared at Regulus in shock. He had never seen his brother look so bad. He looked as though he hadn't washed in weeks, his eyes were tired-looking and he had a very frantic look in them. His hair was longer than usual, and his clothes looked shabby and torn.

"H-how did you know where I live?" Sirius asked, trying to ignore the look in Regulus's eyes. It was unnerving. Regulus didn't wait for an invitation – he shoved past Sirius and headed straight into the living room.

"Is Lupin here?" he asked, peering around the house cautiously.

"No...  _why_?"

Regulus sighed heavily and dropped onto the sofa, putting his head in his hands. "I didn't mean to do it."

"Do what?" Sirius asked, feeling confused.

Regulus looked up at him through tear-stained eyes. "I didn't mean to kill him."

Sirius finally caught on. "Oh," he said, sitting down next to him. He couldn't think of anything else to say. It's not like he could excuse him for what he had done.

"I'm a bad person," Regulus whispered. "I... would  _never_  kill someone. I just wouldn't. He told me he'd kill me if I didn't prove myself. I'm such a  _coward_. I've turned into a bad person and I don't even know who I am."

"You're not a bad person," Sirius said quietly, putting a hand on his shoulder comfortingly. "You just... made a mistake."

"A mistake is something small," Regulus said, looking at his hands. "I k-killed someone."

"There's nothing you can do about it now," Sirius said. He was starting to feel thankful that Remus wasn't here. He wondered what he'd do to the person who killed Will.

Regulus sighed and stood up. "Yes, there is. I... can't explain."

Sirius had no idea what he was talking about. "Reg, what's going on? What are you doing?"

Regulus smiled at him as the tears fell down his cheeks. "I still love you, you know?" he said. "I always have."

Sirius blinked. "You do?"

"More than anything," Regulus said, kneeling down in front of him and taking his hand. "You're the only person I've ever loved."

Sirius smiled sadly. "You'll find someone. I promise. Someone much better than me."

"There's nobody better than you. I wish... I just... made s-so many mistakes and I hate myself."

"You can turn your life around, Reg," Sirius said.

"I'm a Death Eater."

"So quit," Sirius said.

"Sirius, it isn't that easy. Once you're in, you're in," Regulus said hurriedly, the frantic look back in his eyes.

"We'll figure something ou-"

"-No we won't," Regulus said, pacing. Sirius stood up and put a hand on his shoulder gently.

"I want to help you."

"I don't need your help!" Regulus almost screamed. "I don't."

"Then why did you come here?" Sirius asked.

"To say goodbye," Regulus said quickly, looking straight into Sirius' eyes.

"Goodbye?" Sirius repeated, feeling his heart drop. "But... why are you saying goodbye?"

Regulus shook his head and blinked a tear out of his eyes. "I can't explain."

" _Please_ ," Sirius said desperately.

Regulus lunged forwards and pushed him up against the wall, kissing him roughly on the mouth. Sirius tried to resist. He knew he should, but he couldn't.

Regulus' tongue was in his mouth, and his hands were pinning Sirius' to the wall above his head. Sirius finally gave in and kissed back, letting himself indulge in this one thing that he had always loved, no matter how hard he tried to push it from his mind.

And then it clicked. This was it. The moment he'd seen such a long time ago in the Room of Requirement. The moment he'd been anxiously awaiting. It was so different to how he'd imagined it, but it was finally happening.

Sirius needed to breathe, but Regulus wasn't having it. He kept kissing him so urgently, it seemed they would both run out of breath completely.

When Sirius could take it no more, he pulled his hands free and pulled away from Regulus, who smiled and walked towards the door.

"Sirius, you asked how I knew where you lived?"

Sirius was bewildered. They had just had the most mind-blowing kiss ever and Regulus was talking as if nothing had even happened. Sirius nodded.

"You should know, you have a spy amongst your midst. They let slip where you lived when I asked. I'd be careful if I were you, Sirius."

"Who? What – you're not leaving! Where are you going?" Sirius said quickly, rushing towards him.

Regulus opened the door and turned towards Sirius. "I have to go," he said softly, brushing a strand of Sirius' hair out of his face and kissing him on the forehead. "I wouldn't tell Lupin about the kiss. You won't see me again, anyway. I'm sorry, Sirius. I love you. Goodbye."

Without another word, Regulus disapparated, leaving Sirius standing in the doorway feeling completely empty inside.


	38. Suspicions (January 1981)

**1 MONTH LATER:**

Regulus's departure had left a thought deeply ingrained in Sirius's head. There was a spy. Someone who was betraying the Order. Someone amongst them who was really a Death Eater. At first, Sirius tried to go through every Order member excluding the Marauders, Dumbledore, McGonagall and Lily.

He very much doubted it would be Molly or Arthur. They didn't have an evil bone in their bodies. Amos, Shannon and Michael seemed loyal enough though Sirius didn't know them too well. Xenophilius Lovegood was too loved up with some crazy witch to be a spy, and Dorcas and Mary were harmless.

That left the older Order members. Dedalus Diggle was slightly loopy but it probably wasn't him, and Emmeline was one of Sirius's favourite Order members. He knew she wasn't capable of that. Half the cells in Azkaban are filled because of Moody, so it couldn't be him, and Kingsley was definitely out of the equation. Then, there was Hagrid. Definitely not.

Which left Sirius with one conclusion. Mundungus Fletcher.

He was so sure of this that he kept his eye on Mundungus at every Order meeting, and was even ready to tell Dumbledore when he realised something that Regulus had said to him – the spy had known where Sirius lived. Mundungus Fletcher had no idea where Sirius lived.

That left Sirius stumped. After a while he decided he should include the Marauders and Lily in this. He thought of James and Lily. They couldn't be the spies – Voldemort was after them, it made no sense. Peter was far too kind, and far too stupid to be a spy for Voldemort.

That left Remus.

It just  _had_  to be Remus, Sirius thought, and the more he thought about it, the more it started to make sense.

Remus was barely ever around anymore. He was never clear when explaining what he was doing for the Order on his overnight missions. He was always shifty when Sirius brought up the subject.

The night Will died, Regulus could have killed Remus instead. He had more of a reason to kill Remus given their past, but he barely even acknowledged him. The other Death Eater never bothered to attack him either. Like they were on his side.

Perhaps Remus only kissed him at James and Lily's wedding to get close to him again. Maybe even back then Voldemort knew that he'd be going after James and Lily's child, and that Sirius would be the secret keeper. Maybe Remus only got close to Sirius so that he would tell him where James and Lily were hiding.

The worst thought that popped into his head was that Remus is a werewolf. Everybody knows that Voldemort has dark creatures on his side. Sirius knew that Remus was conscious of the fact there were no jobs for werewolves – maybe Remus was getting paid for this?

Everytime these suspicions worked their way into Sirius's head, he couldn't shake them off. At other times he felt awful for even thinking Remus could possibly be a spy, but there were far too many clues.

"Hey Sirius," Remus said as he walked through the front door, breaking Sirius out of his thoughts. Sirius forced a smile.

"Hello," he said. "How was your mission?"

Remus sat down next to him on the sofa and kissed him on the cheek. "Tiring. I missed you."

"Tiring how?" Sirius asked.

"Just had a lot to do," Remus said, looking exhausted. "Sirius, I want you."

"I'm sorry?"

"I  _want_  you," Remus whispered in Sirius's ear, sending a shiver down his spine. "In bed. Now."

Sirius didn't need telling twice – even if he  _was_ sleeping with the enemy.

* * *

"Where are you going?" Remus asked as Sirius started to get dressed. He couldn't tell Remus where he was really going.

"Dumbledore asked to see me," Sirius lied. "I'll be back in a few hours."

"We never get any time together anymore," Remus sighed.

 _Because you're a traitor and spend all your time working for Voldemort_ , Sirius thought bitterly. "I'd call what we just did 'spending time together', Remus," Sirius said, grinning.

Remus smiled and turned pink. "Yeah, I suppose. I love you."

"I love you," Sirius said. "See you later." He stepped out of the room and closed his eyes. It was time to do what he'd been planning on doing for a few days now. He apparated to James and Lily's house to tell them his suspicions.

* * *

"You're nuts!" James said, looking at Lily for confirmation.

"Remus can't  _possibly_ be a spy!" Lily said, shaking her head. "Remus is one of the kindest people I know!"

"It all adds up!" Sirius said. "Just  _trust_  me! You're not safe if Remus is the spy. He could easily slip Veritaserum into my drink in the morning and just ask me where you live! You need to change your Secret Keeper!"

"Sirius, you know where we live now anyway. Even if we changed Secret Keeper he could still do that."

"That's where you're wrong, Lily," Sirius said. "Those who know where you live but are not the Secret Keeper can't speak of the secret. That means, yes I could visit you and I'd know where you live but my mouth is magically shut. Until the Secret Keeper died, I can't tell anybody – Veritaserum or not."

"Sirius, that's wonderful and all," James said. "But we trust you. Who else-"

"-Wormtail!" Sirius said. "It's perfect! Who would suspect Wormtail as being the Secret Keeper? No offence on him, but he's useless. You'd be perfectly safe!"

"Yes, but then couldn't Remus – _if_  Remus is the spy – just slip Veritaserum into Peter's morning pumpkin juice too?" Lily pointed out. "I mean, he lives with you too."

"He wouldn't need to," Sirius said. "Remus knows  _I'm_ the Secret Keeper. There is absolutely no reason to spike Wormy's juice if we don't let anybody know you've changed Secret Keeper."

He could see James and Lily were definitely considering it. "Let me talk to Lily in the kitchen," James said, leading his wife away.

Sirius sighed. Harry was rolling around on the floor giggling. Sirius smiled and picked him up. "Hey there, Harry. Is someone growing up too fast? Is he?" he poked Harry and the baby giggled. "You and your mummy and daddy will be safe, you know? We'll get through this war and you'll finally get to see the outdoors. It's nice out there, you know. You can finally meet Ron, and maybe we can invite Neville over for a play date. That would be nice, wouldn't it?"

Harry made a funny sound and Sirius put him back on the floor. As James and Lily entered the room, Sirius sat back down on the sofa.

"Well?" he asked.

"We think we're perfectly fine how it is right now," Lily said. "Look, I know you think you know what you're talking about-"

"You're making a  _huge_  mistake, Lily!" Sirius said. "James, please! I'm serious about this."

"If you can find some evidence that Remus is this spy, then we're all up for it," James said. Sirius groaned.

"Fine," he said. He'd have to do some digging around. He knew in his gut that he was right about this.

* * *

"What did Dumbledore want with you today?" Remus asked when Sirius returned from the Potter's house.

"Oh, he wanted to know my relationship with Andromeda. You know I'm not on good terms with my family. Wanted to know we were on good terms."

"Oh, why?"

"Because she's sort of part of the Order now. Not a proper member, but she's helping out," Sirius said. This was true of course, but Dumbledore had told him two days ago and not today. Remus joined Sirius on the sofa and took his hand.

"So," Remus said. "Remember when we were talking about getting married?"

Sirius smiled. "I remember."

"Do you still want to? I mean, it doesn't have to be a big wedding. Just something to say we're completely in love and want to spend the rest of our lives together," Remus said, leaning his head on Sirius's shoulder. "Because I really want that, Sirius."

"So do I," Sirius said, although he was conflicted. Remus was a spy, but he couldn't help loving him. "Maybe I'm waiting for the right time to propose to you Remus, ever think about that?"

Remus grinned. "I can't wait," he said, looking up at Sirius with excitement in his eyes. "I really can't wait to call you my husband."

"Mmm neither can I babe," Sirius said, grabbing Remus and straddling him on the sofa. He leaned down and caught Remus in a kiss. Remus reached up around Sirius's neck and pulled him closer.

"Get a room!" yelled Peter, who had just walked in. Sirius pulled away and stood up.

"I think we will, won't we Rem?"

Remus blushed and stood up, following Sirius to their bedroom. As they shut the door behind them, they stood there for a moment waiting.

"SILENCING CHARMS! THESE WALLS AREN'T SOUND PROOF YOU KNOW!"

Sirius glanced at Remus and sniggered. This was the Remus he loved. He didn't want to think about all that other stuff right now. He loved Remus. And that was enough for the moment.


	39. Halloween (October 1981)

**9 MONTHS LATER:**

The time had finally come. Sirius had absolute proof that Remus was in fact a spy. Sirius hated the fact that it was true. He really hated it. He loved Remus, but he couldn't deny the truth.

Sirius unfolded the letter again:

' _Remus,_

 _Thank you for the save the other night. If those Order members had seen us they'd have killed us right there and then. I know they're fine with_ you _being a werewolf but I'm not so sure about the rest of us._

_The Boss gave me your payment to send over to you as it would be less risky that way, and less of a chance of certain people figuring out you're with us and that we're with you. Your money is on its way.'_

Sirius felt sick. He had been desperately trying to find  _something_  to prove Remus's betrayal but up until now he hadn't found anything. Now he could finally get James and Lily to change their Secret Keeper to Peter. Now they were finally safe. Harry was safe.

He folded the letter back up and put it in his pocket. Tip-toeing out of to room so as not to wake Remus, Sirius made his way into the living room. With a quick glance back at his bedroom door, he apparated to James and Lily's house.

* * *

"Can we get you anything to drink?" Lily asked as she opened the door for Sirius.

"No thanks," Sirius said. "This is important – what on  _earth_  is Harry wearing?!"

"It's a pumpkin costume!" Lily said. "We wanted him to enjoy Halloween, even if he  _is_  stuck inside this house. I made it myself."

"Lovely," Sirius said, waving at Harry, who was crawling around in his pumpkin costume.

"Sirius!" James exclaimed when he saw his best friend. "Long time no see!"

"I know!" Sirius said. "Look how big Harry is!"

"I can't believe he's over a year old," James said, smiling down at Harry. "He's grown so fast."

"James, Lily," Sirius said. "I have evidence."

James and Lily looked at one another and then at Sirius. "Evidence?"

"That Remus is the spy," Sirius said, sighing. "I didn't want to believe it, but I have to now."

"What's the evidence?" James asked. Sirius pulled the letter out of his pocket and handed it over to James and Lily.

"I managed to snatch this letter before it got to Remus," Sirius said. He watched James and Lily's expressions as the read the letter.

"I just can't believe it," Lily said, looking shocked. "Remus was always so, so..."

"Amazing," Sirius said. "I love him."

"Even after  _this_?" James asked. "I've always been there for Remus. How could he do this to us?"

"I honestly don't know, and I'm not about to ask him," Sirius said. "That can't end well."

Lily sighed. "Does Peter know about this switch?"

"I haven't told him, no. Would you like me to tell him, and bring him here?"

"Yes please," James said. "Once he's here we'll make him the Secret Keeper. Thank you, Sirius. You may have just saved our lives."

Sirius smiled. "Can't have my best mate and his family getting killed."

* * *

When Sirius returned home, he managed to apparate into Peter's room without Remus noticing. Peter was about to scream, but Sirius threw his hand to his mouth to silence him.

Sirius apparated them both to the Shrieking Shack. He wasn't quite sure why he chose here, but he knew it was somewhere they wouldn't be overheard.

"What are you  _doing_?" Peter said. "Why are we in the Shrieking Shack?"

"I need to talk to you without being overheard," Sirius said.

"What's wrong?" Peter asked, going slightly pale.

"James and Lily want to make you their Secret Keeper," Sirius said. From Peter's expression, he obviously was not expecting this. "You can't let  _anybody_  know, though. Everyone must believe I'm still the Secret Keeper."

"Okay," Peter said. "Why?"

Sirius closed his eyes. "Remus... he's a... a spy," he said. "He's working with Voldemort."

Peter looked confused but nodded. "It'll be safer if I'm Secret Keeper," he said. "I understand."

"Remus can't know that we know he's a spy," Sirius said quickly. "It'll ruin the whole thing."

"So when are we doing this?" Peter asked.

"Right now, if you're up for it," Sirius said hopefully. "James and Lily told me to take you there so they can do it."

"Yeah," Peter said. "Let's go."

Sirius took hold of Peter's arm and apparated to James and Lily's house. "Just go inside. They'll sort everything out." Sirius smiled. "Thank you, Wormy."

"It's no problem," he replied, smiling back and opening the door to the Potter's house.

* * *

Sirius was sitting with Remus, as Remus read one of his Muggle books. Sirius rolled his eyes. "How can you  _read_  those?"

Remus looked up and smiled. "They're interesting, Sirius. You should try reading them."

Sirius scrunched up his nose. "No thanks. I think I'm allergic to books."

"You're hopeless," Remus said fondly, shaking his head. "I love you."

Sirius couldn't bring himself to say it back. "Same," he said quietly. Remus looked confused but didn't say anything.

"Where's Wormtail?" Remus asked. "I haven't seen him today."

"I'm not sure," Sirius lied. "I haven't seen him either. I was visiting James and Lily today."

"How are they?" Remus asked, putting his book down. "How's Harry?"

"They're fine. Harry was wearing a pumpkin costume," Sirius said, laughing. "For Halloween. He's lovely."

"I wish I could see him," Remus said longingly. "It's been so long. Next time you're there can you get a photograph for me, please?"

 _So you can show Voldemort?_ Sirius thought.

"Sure," Sirius said. "Actually, I might head over there right now and get a photo of him in his pumpkin costume."

"Aww," Remus said, sounding annoyed. "I wanted to spend Halloween with you."

"I'll be back, babe," Sirius said, planting a kiss on Remus's forehead. All Sirius really wanted was to make sure the deal was done, and that Peter really was the new Secret Keeper. "See you in a bit."

"Bye, Sirius. Love you."

"Yeah, bye," Sirius replied, apparating away.

When he arrived outside James and Lily's house, his heart dropped. He stared in complete shock at the remains of his best friend's house. "No, no, no!" he yelled, running inside.

He fell to the floor as he saw James lying lifeless on the floor by the front door. A scream tore from his mouth as he stared at his best friend.

James, who had been there from the very start.

James, who had let him move in when he ran away from home.

James, who had been his best friend through everything that had happened.

James, who made him the Best Man at his wedding.

The tears were falling freely from his eyes as he just thought back. All of the memories, everything.

James was gone. He would never speak to his best friend again.

Wiping his eyes, he stood up. "Lily," he croaked. "What happened."

When he reached Harry's room he saw Lily lying on the floor lifeless, just like her husband. Sirius clutched his chest where he could feel his heart ripping apart. This couldn't be happening. James and Lily couldn't be dead. They just couldn't.

Harry's cries broke him out of his thoughts. He rushed over and picked his godson up. "It's okay," Sirius said, his voice breaking. It wasn't alright. Not at all. James and Lily were dead.

Dead.

Sirius couldn't stop himself from crying once more. He fell to the floor with Harry in his arms, sobbing uncontrollably.

Sirius wasn't sure how long he was lying there before he heard footsteps. He couldn't find it in himself to stand up.

"Sirius! What're ya doing here?" Hagrid asked.

Sirius sat up quickly, wiping his eyes. "They're dead!" he said.

"I know," Hagrid replied, handing Sirius a handkerchief. "I've come ter collect Harry."

"I'm his godfather," Sirius said.

"Dumbledore says he's ter go ter live with Lily's sister," Hagrid said. "I'm sorry."

Sirius looked down at Harry and pulled him closer. "You be good," he whispered to his godson. "Always remember your mum and dad, Harry. They were e-exceptional p-p-people."

He couldn't take it anymore, he broke down once more. He felt Hagrid's huge hand on his back.

"It'll be alright," Hagrid said.

Sirius nodded, though he didn't believe that.

"I'll need ter get to Harry's aunt's house," Hagrid said.

"Take my motorbike," Sirius said. "It's at Headquarters, round the back."

"Thanks, Sirius. I'll get it back ter ya tomorrow."

Sirius handed his godson over and watched as Hagrid retreated, leaving Sirius alone. He headed back downstairs to where James was and closed his eyes.

"James, this is all my fault," Sirius said. "It's my fault you're g-gone."

Then the realisation hit him. It really  _had_  been his fault. He'd been completely wrong about Remus being the spy. It must have been Peter. How else would Voldemort have found James and Lily's house the very day they changed Secret Keeper?

 _That dirty traitorous bastard_! Sirius thought furiously.  _I gave James and Lily to Voldemort_.

With this he sobbed even more, grabbing James's hand and squeezing it hard. "I love you, man. You were the best friend a guy could ever ask for. I'm so sorry. I was wr-wrong. I'm sorry."

* * *

Sirius wanted to kill Peter. He wanted to rip him to pieces. He wanted him dead.

He spent the hours following finding James and Lily dead focusing hard on finding Peter. He tried town after town, village after village, city after city.

It was a relief when at last he spotted Peter standing on a Muggle street corner. He couldn't believe his luck.

Furiously, he stormed towards the man who he had once called a best friend. He stormed towards the person he believed he could trust over the love of his life. The person who was responsible for James and Lily's deaths.

" _YOU!"_ he roared, pointing his wand at Peter, who looked frightened.

"How could  _you_?!" Peter cried, his voice echoing around the scene. Sirius was aware of members of the Magical Law Enforcement nearby.

"I'm sorry, what?!" Sirius said.

"How could you betray James and Lily? They trusted you! And you were working with Voldemort this whole time! You traitor!" Peter yelled.

Sirius couldn't believe what he was hearing. Peter was trying to pin this on  _him_!

He raised his wand in anger; he was ready to kill Peter. Before he could do anything, there was a huge explosion near where Peter was standing.

He was gone.

Was he dead? Sirius didn't know, but he hoped so.

"Sirius Black, you are sentenced to lifetime imprisonment without trial in Azkaban for the murder of one wizard and twelve Muggles, for giving information of the Potters' whereabouts which lead to their deaths, and for being in the service of Lord Voldemort."

The voice was ringing in his ears.

Lifetime.

Azkaban.

 _Lifetime_.

This was it, he realised. A weird laugh emitted from his mouth. This wasn't funny. It was just hopeless. Peter was gone. Nobody else had known that they had changed Secret Keeper. Everyone would believe Sirius was responsible for James and Lily's deaths. He laughed even more. Everyone would believe that he was one of Voldemort's followers. Everyone would believe him a murderer.

Nobody knew the truth.

_Lifetime._

Sirius laughed again. This is what he'd seen at that hotel years ago with Remus. When he'd got a glimpse of his future, he'd seen himself in an Azkaban cell. This was it.

He laughed and laughed until he was crying.

Remus.

Remus would never know. He would always believe Sirius was a traitor. Remus had been innocent this whole time.

He hadn't even said "I love you" the last time they were together. Sirius closed his eyes. Remus wouldn't know how much Sirius loved him.

_Lifetime imprisonment in Azkaban._

Sirius's life had just been choice after choice. Remus, Regulus. He had always thought he'd end up with one of them in the end.

This was not how he planned. What did it matter anymore that Sirius cheated on Remus? What did it matter anymore that Sirius kept making mistake after mistake after mistake?

His life was always going to come to this.

He would die in Azkaban.

He would die alone.

He would die hated.

He would die without any reason left to live.

Sirius laughed again. What a life he'd had.


	40. Epilogue (June 1996)

**15 YEARS LATER:**

Remus sat on  _his_  bed, head in hands. He just wasn't sure what he was feeling. This wasn't heartbreak – this was much  _much_  worse. This was like a huge mixture of emotions just clinging together and growing inside him ready to consume him.

Heartbreak was in there amongst the others. Grief, and anger were mixed in too. Sadness and hopelessness. Emptiness and loneliness. Shock and numbness. Confusion and relief.

The entire room smelt of  _him_. The bed was still unmade. The pillow still had a dent from where he'd been sleeping. There was an open book on the bedside table – Hogwarts: A History. Remus smiled. He had finally started reading it, like Remus had told him to do a million times.

But he would never get to finish it.

It hit Remus like a bucket of ice cold water being thrown all over him. Sirius would never get to finish anything. He would never know the ending.

So many things Sirius would never get to do.

Remus closed his eyes, feeling the tears fall down his face. So many memories. So much that Remus could never share with anyone the way he could share things with Sirius.

He remembered October of 1981. That time where Sirius had just disappeared without saying "I love you" back. Remus had been more hurt by that than he had let Sirius believe. They'd always said they loved each other, but for some reason on that night Sirius must not have felt he could say it. He remembered hearing the news and feeling his whole world tear in two.

That feeling when he believed Sirius had betrayed James and Lily and had killed Peter. That feeling was something that even now Remus couldn't even bear to think about.

The years following that were some of the worst years for Remus. He'd lost all three of his best friend – two dead, and one in Azkaban. Practically everybody Remus knew was dead. He had nobody. He had lost the love of his life, but the worst part was that Sirius was still there, living, breathing, but Remus had still lost him.

Remus forced himself to get over Sirius. He was a murderer. He had been working with Voldemort. How had Remus missed it? It took ten years to get over Sirius, and to go a day without thinking about him.

When Remus heard the news of Sirius's escape from Azkaban he was not phased at all. It was as though Remus hadn't even known Sirius. He was just another Azkaban prisoner.

When Remus found that Sirius was in fact innocent after all this time, it was difficult for him to let Sirius back into his life. He'd spent twelve years believing Sirius was a traitor. He'd spent twelve years forcing himself to get over Sirius, and now Sirius was here. He was innocent.

It wasn't until recently that Remus started opening up to Sirius again. That he started to trust him again. He had even let Sirius kiss him last week. Things were finally getting back to normal. They were finally starting the life that they had always planned to have.

And then Sirius was gone.

Sucked into the veil and lost forever.

Remus ran a shaking hand through his hair and leaned back so he was lying on Sirius's bed staring up at the ceiling.

He wondered if Sirius was watching him.

He wondered if Sirius would hear him if he spoke.

"Sirius," Remus said softly. "Why did you leave me?"

He wiped the tears away from his eyes and looked back up at the ceiling. "I can't cope, Sirius. You're gone and I'm here all by myself."

He sat up and sighed. "You're never coming back," he whispered.

There was a knock on the door. "Remus?"

Remus stood up and headed to the door. He opened it and smiled. "Hey Dora," he said.

"Are you alright?" she asked, peering into Sirius's room. "You've been in here for days."

"I need some time," Remus said. "Sirius was-" his voice broke. "Everything," he said. "Everything to me."

"I know," Tonks said with a sad smile. "You told me everything. I'm here for you, Remus."

Remus nodded and pulled her into his arms. He had never had feelings for a woman before, but with Tonks there was something. He wasn't sure what it was yet, but it was something that he hadn't felt with anyone since Sirius went into Azkaban.

And the relief was there. Relief that this time Sirius really was gone. Maybe Remus  _could_  move on with his life without all the possibilities of Sirius coming back.

He didn't want to let go of Sirius after everything, but as he stared back at the empty bed he knew it would remain empty.

Remus looked up at the ceiling again. He wondered if Sirius was with Regulus up there. He found he didn't care. That was death, and Remus was still here.

Remus was still alive.

He needed to move on.

He would move on.

Sirius would have wanted that.

So with one last look at Sirius's room, his unmade bed and his dented pillow, Remus took Tonks's hand and led her outside, closing the door behind him.

Closing the door to Sirius's heart.

Forever.

**~THE END~**


End file.
